Fat people are invisible somehow.

Options
kajaknowers
kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was just mentioning it to another MFP that I noticed in September that my weight was starting to have an affect on how people behaved around me....and also when I started to feel very self conscious. I found that if I went clubbing, whereas before I would get some attention from the opposite sex, as I got bigger, I was becoming invisible....there was a particular night that we went out for a friends 21st so she had friends from uni come and celebrate....all the girls were very lovely but literally every single guy was avoiding me like the plague but not my skinny friends....I wanted to see if you also felt that being "obese" made you invisible.....and unfortunately proves that your weight does affect the way people perceive you (shallow bas***ds) lol. Looks do count in life it appears to be.

x
«1345

Replies

  • Chenoachem
    Chenoachem Posts: 1,758 Member
    Options
    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.
  • LongMom
    LongMom Posts: 408 Member
    Options
    It's a cruel cruel world :(

    I hope peoples attitudes change in the future. I hope people finally see past how we look.
  • mictur
    mictur Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    When I was younger, way back in the 70s and 80s and went to bars I was invisible. I picked up drinking and smoking to give me something to do because I wasn't dancing. Now I am visible and have stopped that drinking and smoking and losing the weight. Can't give you the advice of how to be visible unless you make a fool of yourself. But just know that it does become better. Try something else instead of the bars. Dance with your girlfriends and tell them how you feel. At least you had friends to go with you I went alone. Imagine just to meet guys. Be assertive and you won't be so invisible.:flowerforyou:
  • simona1972
    simona1972 Posts: 355 Member
    Options
    ABSOLUTELY!

    Im amazed at how an obese person can become invisible. I think we'd be hard to miss!
  • karmasBFF
    karmasBFF Posts: 699 Member
    Options
    I was just mentioning it to another MFP that I noticed in September that my weight was starting to have an affect on how people behaved around me....and also when I started to feel very self conscious. I found that if I went clubbing, whereas before I would get some attention from the opposite sex, as I got bigger, I was becoming invisible....there was a particular night that we went out for a friends 21st so she had friends from uni come and celebrate....all the girls were very lovely but literally every single guy was avoiding me like the plague but not my skinny friends....I wanted to see if you also felt that being "obese" made you invisible.....and unfortunately proves that your weight does affect the way people perceive you (shallow bas***ds) lol. Looks do count in life it appears to be.

    x

    You know, I used to feel this way. I was always conscious about the men that hit on my friends, or came to me to ask about them! So insulting!!!

    But then I started looking at my friends as filters. To keep the shallow ones away. The ones that were only about the arm trophy, the "skinny b!tches". And sometimes, because my friends were sooo used to me NOT being hit on, that when I finally did express interest in someone, they were quick to JUMP on it, as though THEY knew I didn't have a chance. Again, HOW RUDE!

    Then I found my sexy! and the confidence changed the game! I wasnt the girl that was trying too hard, the girl that was "hiding in the corner". I was hott! and the men came a-flocking! I havent lost much but I get sooo much attention now. I actually have options! Unfortuntely, what I do not have, is time to make USE of my options!!! LOL
  • lilmestydaze
    lilmestydaze Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    Yea...I have felt like as the bigger I got...the more different people have behaved around me.
    -I have been getting fewer and fewer dates.
    -Guys would have the nerve to tell me little things I could do to loose weight. HELLO!?!?! Just because I am fat doesn't mean I drink soda all the time or eat damn cheese every meal! i actually probably eat alot less than skinny b*tches (no offense if you are skinny, haha).
    -I went on vacation with 3 of my other co-workers. I was the only one that didn't get hit on..surprise surprise...I was the fattest.

    So those are just a few examples of how I feel your pain. No matter how much we want to deny it....our society bases things on looks. I can't deny that I don't like obese men. I like mine normal size. So I would have to admit being a hypocrite if I said that I expect guys to love me for me and not my size.
  • karmasBFF
    karmasBFF Posts: 699 Member
    Options
    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

    Wow! Get out of my head!! I just responded with just that! Confidence is key and weight is such a small factor in determining the faith you have in YOURSELF!!
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
    Options
    Well, are you attracted to fit or fat? No personality involved, which one catches your eye first? I would guess for most people a fit or thinner person catches their eye first. I could go on but my mouth (or writing) will get me in trouble, must have my filter on today!
  • EmilysMommy
    EmilysMommy Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    I don't think fat people are invisible, actually I think it is the complete opposite! Maybe to your face they won't look at us or even get close enough to us because they think they will get the "fatty infection". But most people stop and stare, or point fingers, or just whisper bad things about you and hope that you don't here them! People are mean and cruel. They do not care that the fat person that they are whispering about does have feelings. I mean seriously what is they point of being so skinny(and apparently in todays society that automatically means that you are beautiful) and then being so ugly on the inside! I would rather be fat forever than to know that the only way to make myself feel good about myself is to talk about somebody else!
  • megamom
    megamom Posts: 920 Member
    Options
    They did this show where women dressed up in a fat suit and went out in public, they dropped papers, nobody stopped to help, went clothes shopping, no salesperson came to assist, went out to eat and were either ignored or sneered at. Then they dressed the same woman up and she was skinny, dropped her papers and had a ton of help etc, the sales people swooned over her. So yes, it is out there and will probably not change. It's our society.
  • fitandhealthy
    fitandhealthy Posts: 82 Member
    Options
    Unfortunately, this is nothing new. :( It's all around us in all forms of media, including the runways where the models are stick thin. Skinny people are perceived as more attractive, clothes hang better on skinny people, etc. The way we look is our first impression until people get to know us. Once people take the time to get to know the person "inside", appearances are usually overlooked at that point. Unfortunately, at the clubs, it's usually all about looks. There is usually so much competition that most guys will give the skinnier girls the attention. But if you make sure to show your personality and confidence, your beauty will shine brighter than the skinnier girls. Personality goes alot further than skinny! :)
  • mhoss101
    mhoss101 Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    I feel the same way.. It used to bother me but it doesn't anymore. I am the biggest girl out of my group of girlfriends and whenever we go out, I am always the last one to get hit on or I don't get hit on at all, which again doesn't bother me, but I do think that people have a stereotype of me when they see my body. I know I am attractive but I definitely see a difference in the way I am treated and the way my friends are treated. But then again, if you aren't judged for your weight, then you are judged for your hair style, clothes, who you hang out with, so really there is no escaping it..
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
    Options
    It's a cruel, cruel world and I've had exactly the same for all of my life. i have never been noticed by guys when I've been out at parties/clubs - my single friends usually ended up getting off with at least one guy in the evening. And it's not just nights out, i generally get ignored by guys, unless is platonic

    Looks do matter - it's the looks that perk their interest enough to come over and talk to you. There are exceptions to every rule and I'm sure there's a bunch of guys out there, that are more interested in personality. But in all honesty, they're usually with someone, or very rare to find.

    I guess for now I'm staying single. Keep up the weigh-loss!!!
    x
  • kajaknowers
    kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
    Options
    I know its a confidence thing....I havent been clubbing after starting my weightloss journey and I know when I was this size I felt sexy but i just wanted to hear your opinions on the matter on how I society behaves around our looks x
  • PattyTheUndefeated
    PattyTheUndefeated Posts: 302 Member
    Options
    I made myself invisible without even thinking about it. I expected to be ignored so I unitentionally became the nonexistent fat chick. I mean, do you really want to be looked at when you're fat? I know I didn't. Did I appreciate any attention I got? Yes. Would I rather hide then have someone look at my fat *kitten* on the dance floor? Yes.

    We get back what we put forth. And I purt forth the 'stay away from me, I'm a cow' vibe. And sadly, cows don't get much attention, unless you're a t-bone steak with a side of mashed. Y'know?

    :-(
  • ractayjon
    ractayjon Posts: 365
    Options
    I am a lot older then you - and when I was younger I didnt have a weight problem so I cant answer directly to your question as far as noticing or not noticing....but I can say that over my "years" and ups and downs with weight and a few other physcal attributes....we do live in a society that favors beauty and right now at the time we are living the media decided and persuades what is acceptable and not acceptable. I dont know that there is anything that one person can do about it. I have 3 daughters and 1 son, they are young, and we have conversations all the time about health, tv/magazines, fashion. We talk about calories and fat and how your body works. I also have a Girl Scout troop of 10 year olds with whom I try to teach postive attitudes toward themselves and towards others. One time we watched American Idol (when they did the makeovers) and analyzed the why's of it all. Getting off track -- my point is that the only way perception is going to change is if we one by one change ourselves and also teach the younger generations the wrongs of what is happening now. As people we need to learn how to accept ourselves from within.
    You are right that people are shallow (remember that movie Shallow Hal from a few years back) -- but as a caring, honest person that has feelings we have to learn (I dont know how) that if someone is going to judge without getting to know you then we dont want them as part of our lives. I know I know easier said then done...but I can give you the wisdom of years that will tell you that at some point you will have someone that loves you for you, for who you are inside...until then fight the good fight!!!!!
  • Steph_135
    Steph_135 Posts: 3,280 Member
    Options
    kaja... Being overweight makes me feel invisible, but I think that's the way I like it. I think I'm afraid to get close to people, which is something I really need to work on. I do, however, still go clubbing and love every minute of dancing with my girls (who don't dance with random guys that I have ever seen!). In fact, the first guy I dated met me at a club. :happy:
  • weidner
    weidner Posts: 127
    Options
    You know, I have to disagree - when I was in my early 20's, I was 5 ft. 7 in. tall and weighed all of 114 pounds; strawberry blond hair, straight teeth, and clear complexion - I would go to bars and men would run the other way; I remember thinking to myself "what the hell is wrong with me". People would say men were intimidated, but I did not buy that at all, I was fun and outgoing and very confident - so I am sorry to say this, I just think guys can be jerks.
  • brunsie
    brunsie Posts: 54
    Options
    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

    I couldn't agree more. I was invisible for a long time. I would not go anywhere, do anything and be alone a lot. I just knew it was because I was so large. But recently I have been seeing therapist for issues and have really begun to open up. I am still a large woman and have a lot to lose still, but I feel better about me. I am more confident about me and in turn, it helps me to get out there and live.
  • Momma2four
    Momma2four Posts: 1,534
    Options
    I can totally relate to this. I remember when men would fall all over themselves trying to open the door for me when I was entering a building. One day I was walking to a door and the man in front of me dropped it in my face.:noway: saw my reflection and realized why:sad: At least my hubby still thinks I am beautiful, even if I don't look like I did when we met.

Categories