Friends with benifits

24567

Replies

  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    I think frequency plays into it. If you're sleeping together every day, spending the night at each other's houses, then going out to catch dinner and a movie, it's really hard to distinguish between a hookup and a relationship. If it's a once or twice a month kind of thing, it keeps some distance between you and gives you a chance to see other people if you want.

    If you're not sure you or her can do it without getting emotionally involved, just don't. It gets messy.

    ETA: Based on the following, just don't. That can't end well, the emotional maturity is too different.
    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.
  • banks89202
    banks89202 Posts: 270
    Only if you want a stage 5 clinger on your hands after the slam bam thank you ma'am. :laugh:
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    @vkaylor No disrespect, but do you know from experience? Cause I'm looking for honest advice. Theirs this girl and she wants to but I'm scared it will ruin our friendship. I really like her.

    It could work. one of you will develop feelings (maybe you!), but that's not necessarily the end of the world. And if she wants to have crazy sex with you, but you're like thanks but no thanks, that's probably going to start putting a crimp in the friendship anyway. women tend to take the turning down of their sex kinda personal.

    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.

    the HELL?!?!?!? No. Just NO. This is all wrong
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    Aww! Slippery slopes are SO much fun on the way down but really impossible to get back to the top. I hope it works out but I have never seen it work in real life. Tell me again why u two wont date?

    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.

    FWB usually ends badly in the first place. Mix that with a work relationship and friendship with her parents, and you've got a recipe for disaster unless you're considering dating her.

    If you're sure you don't ever want to date, just let it go and say "no." Move on and find someone that you're not as socially connected with for that kind of relationship.
  • petite_boleyn
    petite_boleyn Posts: 144
    Do you think its wrong to have a friend that you really like and really like to be around, workout with, laugh with, but you have crazy sex? But it has no chance at a relationship as far as bf/gf marriage?

    Since you asked. Yes I think it is wrong. Objectively wrong and immoral. There is a reason why morality exists. It is good for us and good for society. The destruction of traditional values is freedom but is is the freedom to be destructive, not just to oneself but also to the fabric of community.

    So, you would equate something like a friends with benefits relationship to, I don't know, murder? I mean, murder is pretty immoral.

    That escalated quickly.

    I vote no. Speaking from experience, someone always falls in love. Sometimes it was the guy/other girl, other times it was me, the common denominator is that it ended badly and wasn't worth the hassle.
  • intrepidity
    intrepidity Posts: 110
    THREE TIME RULE!
    Heard of it? seen it in action...usually from the girl's side.

    No please explain. You're cute btw...
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Excuse me, but don't ALL relationships carry the inherent risk of someone getting hurt? We would never fall in love, have a baby, make a close friend, if the main concern was the possibility of heart break.
  • jmc0806
    jmc0806 Posts: 1,444 Member
    Only if you want a stage 5 clinger on your hands after the slam bam thank you ma'am. :laugh:

    Haha this
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    I've done it...and it's worked out great...but you have to be very honest and you have to be very honest from the beginning and all during it....

    also...she's your student...that doesn't bode well, she's mentally placed you in a position of authority by virtue of being a teacher, someone who shows her things and she learns from...

    this almost ALWAYS ends badly......plus you seem to know her parents...if you were in a relationship that would be fine...

    but just as FWB, wouldn't that be awkward?

    I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to meet the parents of any person I was FWB with...

    jus some food for thought
  • intrepidity
    intrepidity Posts: 110
    @davpul she's actually really,really hot. That's why its a problem. If she was ugly it'd be easy.
  • kimbofields
    kimbofields Posts: 1 Member
    Hey friend: I will offer you my advice on this subject but I understand you have no reason to take it. I believe you should ask yourself one simple question? What do you want? I ask this because I think you can simply answer your own question. Do you want a friend to laugh with, workout with, spend time together with and sound like in your case possibly have sex with? Do you want to wait for the perfect girl who you can have the utmost respect for and spend your entire lifetime doing all the things that I just mentioned and you are thinking about right now. Best of luck on your decesion. I married the only girl I every dated, took her out for two years, never had sex and it has worked out well for us. We celebrate 25 years of marraige soon. The choice is yours my friend, choose it wisely.
  • mdyorston
    mdyorston Posts: 158
    I've done it...and it's worked out great...but you have to be very honest and you have to be very honest from the beginning and all during it....

    also...she's your student...that doesn't bode well, she's mentally placed you in a position of authority by virtue of being a teacher, someone who shows her things and she learns from...

    this almost ALWAYS ends badly......plus you seem to know her parents...if you were in a relationship that would be fine...

    but just as FWB, wouldn't that be awkward?

    I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to meet the parents of any person I was FWB with...

    jus some food for thought

    ^^ this
  • Steve_Runs
    Steve_Runs Posts: 443 Member
    I've had numerous "friends with benefits". No problem with it ever!
  • libbymcbain
    libbymcbain Posts: 206 Member
    In my personal experience, one person usually ends up with feelings (or started off with feelings and just hid it). It can either the guy or the girl. If this happens and the feelings aren't reciprocated, the friendship is over. Also, if feelings don't develop, the sex gets kind of boring after a while and the friendship kind of drifts off too. Like the sex is just a workout and you need to switch up your workouts- which can lead to some kind of attempt at rotating them with another fwb and that leads to no good in the end.

    And women don't usually take getting turned down well.

    I did have a colleague who ended up marrying her fwb. I didn't know her at the time they got together, so I don't know if it was genuine fwb, or if one or other of them liked the other and was taking a sneaky route to getting the person they wanted.

    If she's a student and you know her parents, and that means you can't date, how is being fwb any less problematic than dating? It could well be more problematic.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    As long as you are both consenting adults I say don't over analyze just enjoy it.
  • vanguardfitness
    vanguardfitness Posts: 720 Member
    Aww! Slippery slopes are SO much fun on the way down but really impossible to get back to the top. I hope it works out but I have never seen it work in real life. Tell me again why u two wont date?

    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.

    just ****ing do it damn it. I bang 19 year olds all the time. I'm banging them not their parents :) Although if the mother is good looking enough dot dot dot
  • Louisianababy93
    Louisianababy93 Posts: 1,709 Member
    Have you not seen the movie

    Friends with benifits?
    Or
    No Strings Attached?


    That's all the awnser you need!
  • banks89202
    banks89202 Posts: 270
    crazy-girl_zps60576b2f.jpg
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    Whatever happened to relationships developing naturally. Why do we have to plan these things out/ set out expectations for what will/won't happen?
  • intrepidity
    intrepidity Posts: 110
    Btw speaking of friends minus the benefits, I have only like 5 friends on here and I appreciate all the honesty. Feel free to add me,and thanks again guys.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    Aww! Slippery slopes are SO much fun on the way down but really impossible to get back to the top. I hope it works out but I have never seen it work in real life. Tell me again why u two wont date?

    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.
    Oh crap I didn't see this. No no no sorry you are in a position of power so no on the relationship. Unless she removes herself from your class then that's fine (and provided she is of legal age of course....). Normally I'd say go for it to anyone but I see this has some complexity I was unaware of (because I didn't read the whole thread).
  • ccpowers
    ccpowers Posts: 203 Member
    Btw speaking of friends minus the benefits, I have only like 5 friends on here and I appreciate all the honesty. Feel free to add me,and thanks again guys.



    lol..it can work, it can turn nasty-ish, same as anything else. Question though, not sure how old you are, so if she is 12 years younger, is she even a consenting adult?? ;)
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    @davpul she's actually really,really hot. That's why its a problem. If she was ugly it'd be easy.

    I love this answer - and I mean that - its honest.

    Man, you're friends with her parents, she's in your class and you're 12 years older. I can't see your profile so its hard to judge age here but I'm guessing she's low 20s? If you have feeling for her that go beyond the fact that she's hot, then go for it. On the other hand, if you're really just looking for a FWB, then I'd suggest backing away, as you're risking the friendship with her parents and, to some extent, your reputation. Sometimes, you just have to be the man and say no.
  • intrepidity
    intrepidity Posts: 110
    Btw speaking of friends minus the benefits, I have only like 5 friends on here and I appreciate all the honesty. Feel free to add me,and thanks again guys.



    lol..it can work, it can turn nasty-ish, same as anything else. Question though, not sure how old you are, so if she is 12 years younger, is she even a consenting adult?? ;)

    I'm 33
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    It can work out fine, if both people are on the same page and equally matched. Generally, someone develops feelings though. It's not always the woman. That's pretty much the natural end of the relationship. You can remain friends after that, but some changes are irreversible, and even if you've stopped sleeping together, the next boyfriend/girlfriend that comes in to the mix will not appreciate your ongoing friendship. I do know this from experience.

    However, the 12 years age difference, relationship with the parents, and teacher/student element all do not bode well for this relationship. I do not see this going smoothly.
  • Jpinpoint
    Jpinpoint Posts: 219 Member
    Do you think its wrong to have a friend that you really like and really like to be around, workout with, laugh with, but you have crazy sex? But it has no chance at a relationship as far as bf/gf marriage?

    I think this is possible.

    But, if you like to be around them, like to workout with them, laugh with them, have crazy sex (I'm assuming it's crazy good sex), but there is no chance at a relationship?

    I'm 100% for open relationships. I dig an emotional connection with one, to love one, but I prefer to leave my options open with regard to sex and with whom.

    I'm 100% for friends with benefits, but as some have said, someone usually always ends up with feelings. And it's not fun hurting someones feelings.
  • hatethegame
    hatethegame Posts: 267 Member
    Sorry... can't have your cake and eat it too. You'll have to decide how much you value the friendship bc it'll NEVER be the same.
  • olsondre
    olsondre Posts: 198 Member
    Go for it. You are in your thirties; how good of a friend can you really be with a 21 year old girl.
  • vanguardfitness
    vanguardfitness Posts: 720 Member
    Aww! Slippery slopes are SO much fun on the way down but really impossible to get back to the top. I hope it works out but I have never seen it work in real life. Tell me again why u two wont date?

    Well for starters she's a student in my crossfit class. I know her parents and she's about 12 yrs younger than me :/ She wants to and she's really hot but I respect her parents and the ethics of student/teacher relationship.
    Oh crap I didn't see this. No no no sorry you are in a position of power so no on the relationship. Unless she removes herself from your class then that's fine (and provided she is of legal age of course....). Normally I'd say go for it to anyone but I see this has some complexity I was unaware of (because I didn't read the whole thread).

    you're such a buzz kill
  • ccpowers
    ccpowers Posts: 203 Member
    Btw speaking of friends minus the benefits, I have only like 5 friends on here and I appreciate all the honesty. Feel free to add me,and thanks again guys.



    lol..it can work, it can turn nasty-ish, same as anything else. Question though, not sure how old you are, so if she is 12 years younger, is she even a consenting adult?? ;)

    I'm 33

    At 33, Im pretty sure you know the answer to this. You aren't all innocent in relationships and casual sex....
This discussion has been closed.

Categories