Friends with benifits
Replies
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oh BLUSHTHREE TIME RULE!
Heard of it? seen it in action...usually from the girl's side.
No please explain. You're cute btw...
the three time rule is thus:
ONCE is casual, TWICE: you can walk away from , THREE TIMES IT'S A RELATIONSHIP ...and it's too late to run. Clinger is now deployed...0 -
Do you think its wrong to have a friend that you really like and really like to be around, workout with, laugh with, but you have crazy sex? But it has no chance at a relationship as far as bf/gf marriage?
I know from experience... Not gonna work.
She wasn't interested in younger men, because we "had nothing to offer" her, put it all out on the table that it was gonna be a no strings attached thing, just fun, no worries. She then did a 180, told me I was a really great guy, and indeed had a lot to offer her, she fell in love, it got ugly because I had no real emotional connection to her.0 -
I agree with this. one of the benefits of having a FWB is that it's drama-free. This whole, being her crossfit instructor, her being probably 21 and you knowing her parents thing, will not make for a drama-free situation. She might be hot but it's not worth it.@davpul she's actually really,really hot. That's why its a problem. If she was ugly it'd be easy.
I love this answer - and I mean that - its honest.
Man, you're friends with her parents, she's in your class and you're 12 years older. I can't see your profile so its hard to judge age here but I'm guessing she's low 20s? If you have feeling for her that go beyond the fact that she's hot, then go for it. On the other hand, if you're really just looking for a FWB, then I'd suggest backing away, as you're risking the friendship with her parents and, to some extent, your reputation. Sometimes, you just have to be the man and say no.
That being said, i think you'll still do it.0 -
Go for it. You are in your thirties; how good of a friend can you really be with a 21 year old girl.
Hey, hey now ! I'm only 23 and I have friends that are 30ish
I'm married to a 31 year old !! :flowerforyou:0 -
Do I think it is wrong? Absolutely not, but, as others have pointed out, this is dangerous territory. First, you may want to ask yourself, if I like this woman so much, enjoy her company, etc., why isn't she dating material? If you don't have a really good answer to this one (for yourself, not anyone else) then this suggests that this person may be good relationship material for you. Just a thought.
Now on with "friends with benefits" One danger, already mentioned, is that one of you will develop feelings for the other. This is quite common, but despite what people say, it is not always the woman who develops the feelings. This situation is difficult for obvious reasons. A second danger is that you will both develop feelings, and proceed to enter into a relationship (acknowledged or not), but that whatever factor kept this person from being "dating/marriage material" in the first place will ultimately cause problems in the relationship. Again, this is sticky and painful for everyone involved. All of that said, these things can work. Based on my unsystematic, casual observations, I would say that such arrangements are more likely to work if any of the following are true, bonus if more than one of them is true.
(1) You want really different things out of life. Say the guy wants to meet a nice girl of his own religious faith, settle down, and have kids. And the woman involved isn't at all religious, doesn't want to settle down, and no way in heck wants to have kids. If everyone is up front about this, and the two people can look at each other and think, this is fun now, but this is *not* my future, then feelings are more likely to remain in check.
(2) You don't spend too much time together. This person is not a booty call, but they're not your best friend either. The two of you might go to a concert, go clubbing, or hang out once in a while, but you do not see or talk to them every day. Even the sex is occasional. The more contact, the more likely it is that feelings will develop.
(3) You have a limited amount of time together. Say you meet someone on a month long guided vacation tour, but you live a substantial distance apart (e.g. at least days driving, or a plane ride). You like each other, and find each other attractive, but the physical aspect of the relationship has an expiration date, and you both keep that in mind. You might remain in contact as friends after, but nothing more.
None of these are guarantee that no one will develop feelings, and I'm sure that someone out there has had none of these be true, and still had things work out okay (i.e. no one ends up with a broken heart), but I think that on average these factors help.
Edited to add, I really should read more of the responses before writing a lengthy one. Based on what you've said, that is, that you are quite a bit older, her cross-fit instructor, and friends with her parents, I'd say this sounds like a recipe for a very unpleasant ending. Even if neither of you develops feelings, if her parents were to find/figure out, they might not be too thrilled. If your other students, or fellow instructors were to find/figure out it might damage your reputation as an instructor, even if you haven't really done anything wrong. I'd find some other hot girl to have sex with.0 -
I've seen friends with benefits work well....usually for people my age or older who are divorced and have no interest in re-partnering, so they are on *exactly* the same page. At 21...I fell in love with everyone. Seriously. Its gonna end badly.0
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I say be careful. I had a FWB for almost 10 years. I now have a 2 year old and he is the father...and we are not together as a couple.0
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Hey, hey now ! I'm only 23 and I have friends that are 30ish
I'm married to a 31 year old !! :flowerforyou:
I stand corrected. By the way, would you paint my dog?0 -
I say be careful. I had a FWB for almost 10 years. I now have a 2 year old and he is the father...and we are not together as a couple.
FWB now means Friends With a Baby.0 -
Friends with benefits can work out. I had a friend with benefits relationship for a little bit, you just have to make sure you are completely open with said person and make sure you talk about it. I think that is very important. Make sure you both know where each other stands with the relationship. But also friends with benefits can actually lead you to the right person. I had a friend with benefit relationship with a guy and he is now my boyfriend and we have been together for a year now.0
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I say be careful. I had a FWB for almost 10 years. I now have a 2 year old and he is the father...and we are not together as a couple.
FWB now means Friends With a Baby.
haha that made me burst out laughing0 -
It can be difficult unless there is eventually a real reason to break things off, and pain can be a real thing too. I was in a situation like this in high school, actually. The thing is that I was in love with the guy and he knew it, but was only interested in sex. We did hang out together, but sometimes got together for sex. No one else knew about it.It was a source of frustration and fantasy for me. Learning, too. We discovered more of what we liked sexually and such, but it's still weird when I think back now.0
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Someone always develops feelings or the condom breaks (no matter how bad the match is).
Oh wait, she is your 21 year old student and you are friends with her parents....NO0 -
Is it wrong? No. Does it work out? No. Someone ALWAYS develops feelings.
In my experience, this usually happens. If it doesn't, more power to you.
Some things to consider about it-
Assuming you eventually get into a relationship, will you be open and honest with your new partner about the fact that you are FWB with this particular friend? How do you think this would make your partner feel? Will you ask for an open relationship? If so, bring that up as soon as possible with the person so they know you aren't into monogamy, and be sure to accept that such agreements cut both ways. If not, do you think it will be easy remaining friends with this person without the sexual component? Do you think you'd be okay with the fact that your new potential partner might not be comfortable with you spending time alone with this friend?
What methods are you both using to protect yourself from STIs? Is your FWB using them with anyone else they are FWB with? If pregnancy is a possibility, are you also protected against pregnancy? Most experts highly recommend combining a secondary method like the pill, the shot, or mirena with condoms if you are using them and not looking to have kids. If you are not using condoms, make sure everyone in the relationship gets tested after every new partner.
If one of you does start to develop feelings, do you know what you will do then to make sure no one gets hurt? Stop hanging out? stop having sex? Would you both feel free to discuss this?
Have you set boundaries for what constitutes FWB and what constitutes dating? Some FWB move on to dating later, and some people get confused as to where the difference lies, so it would be good to talk about.0 -
I don't much care for the morals, working out, hearts breaking, and what-not. Think about your professional reputation. She's a 21 year old girl who has a fling with her instructor. Do you HONESTLY think she isn't going to tell her friends, and that word isn't going to get back to her parents or someone else that's now going to see you as "that creepy trainer that f****s his paying clientele?" if you're okay with that, then have at it. Really not trying to be as harsh sounding as I do, but just wanted to put that out there.0
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I've always lived on the slippery slope of life when it comes to this. Yes, it can work. But it doesn't always. If both are on the same page it's fine. I've had a few relationships like that, and when one of us found someone else, there was no break up. Just a call saying, I'm with someone now. Easy-peasy. Just can't get all into the emotion of it. It can definitely be done though.0
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Hey, hey now ! I'm only 23 and I have friends that are 30ish
I'm married to a 31 year old !! :flowerforyou:
I stand corrected. By the way, would you paint my dog?
Sure! I'll paint your dog :happy:0 -
I say be careful. I had a FWB for almost 10 years. I now have a 2 year old and he is the father...and we are not together as a couple.
FWB now means Friends With a Baby.
I ****ing love this place!0 -
Do you think its wrong to have a friend that you really like and really like to be around, workout with, laugh with, but you have crazy sex? But it has no chance at a relationship as far as bf/gf marriage?
Dude i understand what ur feeling... I am going through this at this moment.. it was beautiful before the benefits for sure... keep it simple.. it was me not wanting to be in a relationship with him and now when he has somebody special i am dying to be with him... dis incomplete feeling kills u and you cant even say anything coz i dont even have a friend to be by my side when i really need him ...
One of the friend had to go through dis ...0 -
People always catch feelings, make sure it's mutual and for one party to let the other know when the time has come to move on.
If not they will turn crazy on you and call/text you at 4 in the morning the night before your final exam.0 -
Since no one asked for it, here is my advice:
First, this situation will only work out as two people from equal walks of life come together. Being her teacher you are inherently her superior. You have leverage and experience. You are already starting off with a skewed relationship.
Secondly, your comment that if she was ugly it would be easy says that yes, you are ready for a superficial relationship of hit it and quit it. But make sure she is completely ready for that.
Thirdly, when it works, it works very, very well. But when it doesn't, you gotta cut all ties and walk. It doesn't sound like you are ready to do that.
In conclusion, don't.0 -
People always catch feelings, make sure it's mutual and for one party to let the other know when the time has come to move on.
If not they will turn crazy on you and call/text you at 4 in the morning the night before your final exam.
Sounds like someones had experience with this! haa.0 -
Sure! I'll paint your dog :happy:
Perfect!0 -
Normally I would say two consenting adults should be able to do what they want AS LONG as both are on the same page. That was, until you mentioned the trainer/student relationship. Now you are crossing a line and I think you know that or you wouldn't be questioning it. If for no other reason than your professional reputation, I would not pursue this. Talk to her and be honest, if you are really friends, then she will understand.
Try the Starbucks down the street. Plenty of hot 19 year olds there and I hear they make coffee.0 -
No problem as long as you stop short of the bedroom... That can get really complicated... especially if a "third party" develops... and this CAN happen even with "protection"0
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Seriously I'm not making any moral judgments about it....I am in agreement with someone else who said it never works out. One person generally will develop feelings. How many people do you have in your life that you enjoy this kind of friendship with, that you enjoy working out with? People say they can handle it but the truth is rarely can a man and a woman have sex without it getting complicated and emotions getting involved. Most of us are just not wired like that. So to the question is it wrong? Who am I to judge that, but I sincerely say it probably won't work and someone will be on the loosing end of the deal.0
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@davpul she's actually really,really hot. That's why its a problem. If she was ugly it'd be easy.
I edited that section out when you got to the part where she was a youngster that looks up to you as a person of authority. I no longer care what she looks like. I'm a solid "no" vote now.
You two aren't friends. She's your client/student. Back back0 -
double post.0
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Live is boring without risk.Sexually Transmitted Diseases.0 -
Seriously? Do adults have relationships where they just make out in movie theatres and the back of cars? Especially when the purpose of the relationship is NOT to date?No problem as long as you stop short of the bedroom... That can get really complicated... especially if a "third party" develops... and this CAN happen even with "protection"0
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