Husband not attracted to me...need support!

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  • crocket104
    crocket104 Posts: 1
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    I am 64 year old man who is well overweight and my wife is also. We are both doing something about it. I want to lose weight but I also want my wife to lose weight because I am selfish..........I love her, I want to grow older with her, see our grand kids graduate from school. I went through what your husband is going through now, I lost 100lbs, I had the world by the tail but after a while It meant nothing, I couldn't share it with anyone. I knew I had made a mistake. I was lucky. I realized in time. I see your picture on your post and I see a lovely woman. I only hope your husband realizes it too, sooner than "to later". Good luck in your weight lose
    and as the younger generation women once said "you go girl".
  • nici120
    nici120 Posts: 2
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    I'm sorry that you have to go through something like that. I will definitely be praying for you to have continued strength and encouragement!
  • Hirgy03
    Hirgy03 Posts: 332 Member
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    A couple things:

    (1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
    (2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
    (3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
    (a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
    (b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.

    So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!
  • sleepygirl38
    sleepygirl38 Posts: 114 Member
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    You sound like you found acceptance that your hubby is a nimwit. Way to focus on yourself. With your confidence you will be just fine. Again focus on yourself and being the best mother you can be.
  • lisaf1983
    lisaf1983 Posts: 15 Member
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    So sad to read your post...you have definitly come to the right place. Please feel free to add me for support. All the best with your weight loss journey. x
  • I_see_skinny_Me
    I_see_skinny_Me Posts: 37
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    A couple things:

    (1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
    (2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
    (3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
    (a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
    (b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.

    So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!
    ^^^^^ That is proof that not all men are a**hats.
  • lisaskaggs1969
    lisaskaggs1969 Posts: 4 Member
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    Add me i will support you in everyway i can......:flowerforyou:
  • Bella_Francesca
    Bella_Francesca Posts: 20 Member
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    Hi Julie, wow it seems like you are such a strong woman! Remember, u went through two pregnancies, a gf diagnosis, fertility treatments, etc....if you can survive that I know you can deal with your husbands negativity. My mother went through the same thing this year whether my father was not attracted to her and wanted to leave her. While she did lose weight to save her marriage, she lost 40 pounds the healthy way. I'm so proud of her for becoming healthy (still not speaking to my father) and I know your girls will be too! Make sure you talk to a nutritionist tho- I'm sure since u have a gluten allergy ur insurance must cover it :) Good luck and feel free to add me!!
  • joanthemom8
    joanthemom8 Posts: 375 Member
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    You can do this! And for yourself! And to prove to yourself that you can acheive anything if you set your mind to it. I do believe (generally speaking) that it is harder for women in a marriage with kids to commit to a fitness lifestyle (i.e. take care of themselves) because we are so busy taking care of everyone else. I'm going to send you a friend request, because we are the same age and moms, etc.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    A couple things:

    (1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
    (2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
    (3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
    (a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
    (b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.

    So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!

    And you, sir, are a diamond in the rough and are absolutely amazing. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. And congratulations on your current engagement - she is a lucky woman.
  • time2getfit5
    time2getfit5 Posts: 3
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel because even though my husband doesnt come right out and say it, I dont think he is attracted to me as he used to be. I had lost 30 pounds awhile back and kept it off for about 4 years and then slowly added it back on and am now trying to get back on track. I just joined about a week ago so I am new to this too. I am having a hard time with the committment again of working out. We can help each other along the way. It seems that everyone on here is very supportive. Good Luck on your journey and dont worry about your husband. I believe he is just having some issues of his own and is taking them out on you. Just be the best you can be for yourself.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Wow I can't believe your hubby said those things to you just because of your weight. As if just because he had lost some weight, he now thinks he's got a license to insult anybody who isn't in shape. Pretty arrogant in my book. We can always lose the weight but an ugly personality is harder to come off. Anyway I commend you for being strong and I'm sorry that you have to go thru this.

    Feel free to add me :flowerforyou:
    A couple things:

    (1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
    Couldn't have said it better
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    A couple things:

    (1) No offense, but your husband sounds like a self-centered, insensitive, incapable of real love butt-nugget
    (2) Definitely don't lose a pound for him, do it all for you. And when you DO get to your goal (which you will), flaunt it in front of him, because by then he'll have hit the booze and turned back into a fat slob to match his character, apparently.
    (3) Real love is truly blind, so no matter what you look like, a man who loves you wouldn't notice the weight (well, he might notice it, but he won't really care as long as its not bringing you down emotionally/mentally)
    (a) My late wife gained a lot of weight while we were married, and then was eaten away by cancer. I am speaking in all honesty when I say that I never really noticed either the weight gain or the weight loss, I always just looked in her eys and smile, THAT is how I saw her. And I can back that up from an experience I had about a week after she died: There were some pictures sitting out that my parents had left at my place. I picked them up and went through them. I remember breaking down, actually fell on the floor uncontrollably sobbing because it was the first time I really saw how thin and eaten away she had gotten from the disease's effects on her. In the years since, I've looked at pics of us, and only recently have noticed that she probably put on 30-40 lbs in the years we were married. I never once noticed that the whole time.
    (b) My current fiancee told me the other day that she'd gained quite a bit of weight since we first met a couple years ago. I guess I knew that she'd put on weight, but it was only because she kept referencing it. I would have guessed about 10, maybe 20 lbs, but it was even more than that. I never noticed, and quite frankly don't care. The only thing about her weight that bothers me at all is that it bothers her so much. I can honestly say that she could be twice her size and it wouldn't matter one bit to me, as long as she was healthy.

    So while nobody wants to divorce, there are times that you just have to take out the garbage. Stay strong sister!
    Hats off to you Sir for being a wonderful man & husband. I agree, your fiancee is one lucky woman.
  • Aturn014
    Aturn014 Posts: 3 Member
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    Looking at the glass half full... It's good that your husband told you how he felt instead of just running out and having an affair. Maybe he is working hard on his weight to look good for you and wants you to do the same? Any chance he will want to help you with your goals? Maybe you can make working out together and preparing healthy meals something that brings you closer together?
  • allimmk
    allimmk Posts: 1
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    I have celiacs disease :) I totally get the weight gain from gluten free. If you need any support I am also here!
  • JSDCrimson
    JSDCrimson Posts: 35 Member
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    So sorry for what you are going through. I have about 100 pounds to lose and have felt I attractive (even though my hubby swears that is not the case). Feel free to add me for additional support!
  • Goddessofdirt
    Goddessofdirt Posts: 5 Member
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    You are worth so much more than a number on a scale. I do think it is good that your husband can tell you that. But is he telling you in a loving and productive way? Does he encourage and motivate you? Is he respectful and supportive?
    You should really evaluate these things. Because while honesty is a good thing, just be sure he is being "honest" out of love, etc. and recognizing your worth as a wife and a human being and the mother to his children.

    Can you work out together? Is he willing to help you in this area?
    Good luck! Andee
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
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    I'm so sorry he hurt you. I've gained weight since the start of my relationship and wouldn't blame my bf for feeling the same way. After all, I don't find my pudge and stretch marks attractive either. However, he could have come off as more caring and less of a knob. He is your partner and needs to support you. He should be more understanding of your health issues and why you are heavy, and you should try to be more understanding of his position. I'm sure what he said didn't come from a place of cruelty and wanting to hurt you, and if it did, feel free to punch him for me, lol, but rather plain, simple honesty.
  • Rhia55
    Rhia55 Posts: 247
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    I was in the exact same boat as you are... I am now divorced. Living with someone so negative and shallow was slowly killing me, and it wasn't worth it.

    I hope your husband wises up and realizes what an idiot he is being.
  • kaefer13
    kaefer13 Posts: 9
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    Feel free to add me, too. Sorry for your problems but keep the goal im mind. With healthy eating habits you can maintain for the rest of your life and some exercise you will be slim and fit, regardless of wether you keep the 200 lb. DEADWEIGHT (husband) around or not. I'm 49 and lost 60 lbs in about 15 month. If I can do it then you can, too.
    Good luck, you have taken the first step in the right direction.

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