My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

I completely agree. I am a Domestic Violence advocate. Emotional abuse escalates over time and often into physical abuse. Please call 180088ABUSE if this continues. This isn't a weight issue. This goes bigger.

friend request sent. sometimes everyone says things they didn't mean, but some of the time, it is what we need to hear to shed some light and get the motivation.

So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).

It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!

Married for 4 months and going to counseling? RUN, do not walk, RUN from the child you are married to. If he talks to you that way, it's only a matter of time before he starts to talk to your kids that way, if he doesn't already.

Pray and take action...for yourself, not anyone else's approval. If he loves you, he will join you in eating properly, going on walks or getting in activity to improve your health. Thank you for sharing and i wish you the best on your journey. For women, it seems to be a never ending battle losing weight. Perhaps you have a friend that will step up with you, i find companionship helps when I want to walk on my lunch hour or climb the stairs, i take someone with me, if they are encouraged to do so. If not, i go on my own, but having encouragement is motivating.

28 or 8?

Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

THIS!!!!!

Hmmm - i'm of the opinion that you should never say anything personal in anger - that is hurtful and you can't take it back. You didn't mention if you called him names too that maybe affected him in the same way? Was he lashing out in retaliation?

Regardless, he referred to your weight because he knew it would hurt you and maybe you've done the same to him. You were arguing, he was angry.

However, it is done now. You've put on weight and maybe its his way of letting you know its unacceptable to him for you to put on so much weight. It could've stemmed from concern over your weight gain - not only from an aesthetic point of view, but because its not good for your health. Also, we all love to be proud of our partners - maybe he wants to feel proud of you again?

Remember, he is 28, its very much about appearances at that age.......

You've got a few choices here - if I were you, I'd take his comments on board and lose some weight but for the right reasons - because of your health, because you agree - you've put on a bit too much and maybe, you feel better in yourself with the figure you had when you guys first met. (which, clearly you are doing as you are on MFP in the first place)

Then with regards to his behaviour - when you're feeling stronger, you're going to have to talk about it. Maybe you could both agree not to say such hurtful things or maybe, next time an argument arises - just back down, let it go - don't continue with the argument. A one sided argument fizzles out pretty quickly.

Long term - time will tell. If he wants to flee to be with a slimmer woman, then that tells you something about him.

But honestly, i'm sure it was just an argument x

I have read all the posts here and was trying to decide if I should respond or not and finally I decided to. You have recieved some good and some bad advice here. Take what you can from it.

I have one huge issue with some of the posts, the ones where people have said that men know how to say really hurtful stuff etc. Well being a man I can tell you that men do not have a monopoly on being mean. I have met many women out there that are just as nasty as any man can be. So I hope that people can remember this next time they post something.

As for advice from me.......

I am 42 years old and I have been married to the same beautiful woman for over 16 years. We have both changed in appearance since we first met, that happens when you get older and sometimes happens when your stressed etc. I can tell you this - I have never called my wife any hurtful names, ever. I will say that in the heat of an arguement I have heard something that was not said, my own insecurities helped me out with that. Now I am not suggesting that the OP heard something not said but I will suggest that we were not present for the whole arguement so I cannot bash her husband like some others here have done. I will say that name calling is unacceptable in a relationship. Making your partner feel less than they are is unacceptable, controlling your partner is also unnacceptable and the list goes on and on.

I married my best friend, I know it sounds corny but its true. We were friends before we were husband and wife and I think this is the key to a great marriage. So the best advice I can give you is that you need to ask yourself, "are we friends first?"

Good for you! This shows strength to try but still saying you don't deserve that, let's face it, no one does. I'm glad you recognize this!
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It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!
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do not allow him to talk to you like that, especially in earshot of your children. You must demand respect regardless of your weight. If the kids see you allow disrespect, they will either start disrespecting you or allow others to disrepect them. Starving yourself will make you weak and who will take care of your children? This marriage is new, are these actions new also or have he been doing this in the past? Maybe some re-evaluating is necessary? Will this verbal abuse turn into physical abuse? you have to love yourself before you can allow others to love you. He sounds like he doesn't deserve your love.

28 or 8?

Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

I came here to say this. In my entire life, when in a conflict, I have *never* (and I seriously mean never) called someone an ugly name or used a below the belt jab about something like weight or appearance. It is completely immature. What, is this fifth grade?! Anyone who gives excuses like, "I have a temper," or "I lost control" is giving just that. An excuse. There is no such thing as "an anger problem." Take your average hot-head who says they've got one. Offer them a million dollars to hold their temper for six months. I bet they can do it. See, adults have this thing we like to call "Self-control." Unless your husband is ten years old, there *is* no acceptable explanation for name-calling. It's emotionally weak and shows lack of communication skills. Limits should be set.

Don't fast and diet for him.

A certain weight doesn't make you more or less valuable, and he should know that.

I can relate how it feels when someone you love comes out of left field and slings words that make you ask yourself, "Am I insane? This isn't how loving adults talk to each other!" Let yourself calm down, and then rational thought will return. This is a problem worth dealing with...but don't jump into a diet for the wrong reason. Dieting for others isn't the way. Okay, rant over. Hang in there.