My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
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Get rid of him honey, you are a beautiful woman. Don't ever let anyone discourage you and your goals.
Life's too short. Only you are accountable for your life. You're too young to settle for his cruel words.0 -
You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.
lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.
He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!
Very true. I think statements are often taken the wrong way on the Internet. And mine was never meant that she should be responsible for his anger or for controlling it.
But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.
Just because we are not responsible for how someone feels and or reacts does not mean we should not try to help them get past it, especially if we love them and they are someone with a big influence on our own lives.0 -
I'm sorry your husband treated you that way. That's grade school bullying and there's zero reason it should happen in an adult relationship. If he's not mature enough to treat you with respect and consideration, don't let him stay around you. Anyone who says crap like this is emotionally insecure and/or abusive and no one deserves to be on the receiving end of their viciousness. If he keeps negging you like this, ask him why he's so insecure that he feels he needs to insult you so you'll stop believing you're a wonderful person. If my partner treated me like this, I wouldn't let him touch me either! But it wouldn't be out of embarrassment - it'd be because he betrayed my trust, attacked me, and didn't DESERVE the privilege of touching me.
Fasting for more than 16 hours is very hard on the body - don't do that! It's not a good way to lose weight, it crashes your metabolism. Be well!0 -
Sweetie he might be able to get any girl but with that attitude of his no self respecting female would keep him. (exception being you of course since you're married to him) He should love you regardless of how big or how little you are. He should have married you for the woman you are not for the size of your clothes. Hold your head up high! You're beautiful as you are!
Ah he isn't worth starving yourself over. That isn't healthy either.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.0 -
This is my biggest problem with couples and the way they fight these days...call each other names, so hurtful and once you call each other names and put them down...it can never be taken back. Once the genie is out of the bottle...
Men should never call women names or insult their wives or girlfriends especially about things that you know the other person is sensitive about or is dealing with...never good and Karma always comes around to bite you in the butt. Think before you want to scream at the other person...walk away and cool down...remember that person is your wife/girlfriend...mother to your children. Do you want your kids to know you called their mom those things? I understand arguments and everyone has them...but try to be a gentleman and have some respect and you can still get your point across or make your feelings known without calling each other name and being so disrespectful...have some dignity and some grace and show that other person respect always...even when you are mad at them and even when you know you are right...this goes for women too. Women can be just as nasty and mean during arguments but all one can do is control their own actions...if it gets too intense then just walk away.
To the OP I am sorry your husband let the genie out of the bottle...it can be put back but it is not easy and wounds can run deep...best of luck to you and forgive my long rant.0 -
kick him in the balls!0
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But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.
And absolutely none of that justifies him in taking his anger out on his spouse. None of that justifies bullying. If a man can't control his temper, he has no business calling himself an adult.
We expect better self-control out of 5-year-olds. Men don't get a pass because they can pee standing up.0 -
You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.
lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.
He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!
Very true. I think statements are often taken the wrong way on the Internet. And mine was never meant that she should be responsible for his anger or for controlling it.
But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.
Just because we are not responsible for how someone feels and or reacts does not mean we should not try to help them get past it, especially if we love them and they are someone with a big influence on our own lives.
I think this is very sound advice! cause we can all be jerks when were going threw horrible situations, like a bad boss, or dieting lol
and being able to say "honey you don't mean that your just made cause you din't get that promotion but thats o.k. honey I know you decerved it and you will get one soon, ect
then he will then prob realise oh Im taking this out on you0 -
Tell him he could get stomped by Obie.
It's over, nobody listens to techno.0 -
hugs, name calling is never ok.0
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I completely agree. I am a Domestic Violence advocate. Emotional abuse escalates over time and often into physical abuse. Please call 180088ABUSE if this continues. This isn't a weight issue. This goes bigger.0
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My attitude: Call me fat & i will dig the skinny ***** out. Just don't call me ugly cause I just might cut my veins....not!0
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friend request sent. sometimes everyone says things they didn't mean, but some of the time, it is what we need to hear to shed some light and get the motivation.0
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its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better
This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.
your just supposing I mean making it up by buying things, I am talking about him saying he was sorry and talking about how he didn't mean that. in my case my husband and I can both be verbilly abusive to each other lol, but we have thick skin, also for the record I don't cry I get pissed and yell so pleas don't imagine me this frall poor little girl, cause I am far from that
and as far as phisically abusive PLEAS if he ever hit me (which he would never ever do) we would both beat the **** out of each other lol, I am not some weak little girl! nah ah!
:noway: Talk about a toxic relationship...
not really we love each other very much and the only people I have seen that seem perfect our usally the worst, just because we say hurtful things on occasion doesn't mean we have a toxic relationship it just means we can both be inmature, or perhaps were both toxic people lol either way we love each other very much and we have tons of fun with one another miss judgy judgerson0 -
So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).
It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!
Married for 4 months and going to counseling? RUN, do not walk, RUN from the child you are married to. If he talks to you that way, it's only a matter of time before he starts to talk to your kids that way, if he doesn't already.0 -
I would say, get healthy for you, while respecting your body and focusing on health and fitness goals rather than appearance.
Then DUMP HIS *kitten*. Men who say things like this to women are not worth the time.0 -
Pray and take action...for yourself, not anyone else's approval. If he loves you, he will join you in eating properly, going on walks or getting in activity to improve your health. Thank you for sharing and i wish you the best on your journey. For women, it seems to be a never ending battle losing weight. Perhaps you have a friend that will step up with you, i find companionship helps when I want to walk on my lunch hour or climb the stairs, i take someone with me, if they are encouraged to do so. If not, i go on my own, but having encouragement is motivating.0
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allowing him into your self conscience to leave damage is a NO NO - you are beautiful and a few pounds doesn't give him the right to be verbally abusive. Share with him how much that hurt you and then do something about it - let dinner be late cause that treadmill is more important !!!!! Put yourself first till you get back to where YOU'RE happy with you!!!!! Sent you a friend request. I think I am married to your husband only 20 years older!!! LOL0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
THIS!!!!!0 -
I dare my husband to say that to me. He would have two black eyes and a broken nose! But my husband would never say a bad thing about me. He is perfect and loves me unconditionally. Your husband must've forgotten the vows he took when you were married. If I were you I would remind him and then punch his a@@...lol0
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Hmmm - i'm of the opinion that you should never say anything personal in anger - that is hurtful and you can't take it back. You didn't mention if you called him names too that maybe affected him in the same way? Was he lashing out in retaliation?
Regardless, he referred to your weight because he knew it would hurt you and maybe you've done the same to him. You were arguing, he was angry.
However, it is done now. You've put on weight and maybe its his way of letting you know its unacceptable to him for you to put on so much weight. It could've stemmed from concern over your weight gain - not only from an aesthetic point of view, but because its not good for your health. Also, we all love to be proud of our partners - maybe he wants to feel proud of you again?
Remember, he is 28, its very much about appearances at that age.......
You've got a few choices here - if I were you, I'd take his comments on board and lose some weight but for the right reasons - because of your health, because you agree - you've put on a bit too much and maybe, you feel better in yourself with the figure you had when you guys first met. (which, clearly you are doing as you are on MFP in the first place)
Then with regards to his behaviour - when you're feeling stronger, you're going to have to talk about it. Maybe you could both agree not to say such hurtful things or maybe, next time an argument arises - just back down, let it go - don't continue with the argument. A one sided argument fizzles out pretty quickly.
Long term - time will tell. If he wants to flee to be with a slimmer woman, then that tells you something about him.
But honestly, i'm sure it was just an argument
x 0 -
Tell him he could get stomped by Obie.
It's over, nobody listens to techno.
Great, thanks for getting that in my head for the afternoon.....
And OP, A serious conversation with him about how hurtful the statement was is the only way you'll ever feel better about this, otherwise, you'll hold that grudge forever.
also, your 'before' picture is in a swimsuit! You look great, so chin up, and don't let the person you love the most destroy your self esteem.0 -
I have read all the posts here and was trying to decide if I should respond or not and finally I decided to. You have recieved some good and some bad advice here. Take what you can from it.
I have one huge issue with some of the posts, the ones where people have said that men know how to say really hurtful stuff etc. Well being a man I can tell you that men do not have a monopoly on being mean. I have met many women out there that are just as nasty as any man can be. So I hope that people can remember this next time they post something.
As for advice from me.......
I am 42 years old and I have been married to the same beautiful woman for over 16 years. We have both changed in appearance since we first met, that happens when you get older and sometimes happens when your stressed etc. I can tell you this - I have never called my wife any hurtful names, ever. I will say that in the heat of an arguement I have heard something that was not said, my own insecurities helped me out with that. Now I am not suggesting that the OP heard something not said but I will suggest that we were not present for the whole arguement so I cannot bash her husband like some others here have done. I will say that name calling is unacceptable in a relationship. Making your partner feel less than they are is unacceptable, controlling your partner is also unnacceptable and the list goes on and on.
I married my best friend, I know it sounds corny but its true. We were friends before we were husband and wife and I think this is the key to a great marriage. So the best advice I can give you is that you need to ask yourself, "are we friends first?"0 -
Did he talk to you this way before you married him? I find it hard to believe he was Prince Charming and turned into a *kitten* overnight. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
And count me in the group of people who are shocked that spouses laugh and joke about being "verbally abusive" to each other and that it's okay because they're "strong." Whatever. People who get pleasure out of hurling insults at their loved ones are far from being paragons of strength.0 -
Good for you! This shows strength to try but still saying you don't deserve that, let's face it, no one does. I'm glad you recognize this!
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It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!
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Men seem to be born with the knowledge on how to say things that really hurt.
HOLY *kitten*! Generalize much?!? Women say hurtful things too.0 -
do not allow him to talk to you like that, especially in earshot of your children. You must demand respect regardless of your weight. If the kids see you allow disrespect, they will either start disrespecting you or allow others to disrepect them. Starving yourself will make you weak and who will take care of your children? This marriage is new, are these actions new also or have he been doing this in the past? Maybe some re-evaluating is necessary? Will this verbal abuse turn into physical abuse? you have to love yourself before you can allow others to love you. He sounds like he doesn't deserve your love.0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
this.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I came here to say this. In my entire life, when in a conflict, I have *never* (and I seriously mean never) called someone an ugly name or used a below the belt jab about something like weight or appearance. It is completely immature. What, is this fifth grade?! Anyone who gives excuses like, "I have a temper," or "I lost control" is giving just that. An excuse. There is no such thing as "an anger problem." Take your average hot-head who says they've got one. Offer them a million dollars to hold their temper for six months. I bet they can do it. See, adults have this thing we like to call "Self-control." Unless your husband is ten years old, there *is* no acceptable explanation for name-calling. It's emotionally weak and shows lack of communication skills. Limits should be set.
Don't fast and diet for him.
A certain weight doesn't make you more or less valuable, and he should know that.
I can relate how it feels when someone you love comes out of left field and slings words that make you ask yourself, "Am I insane? This isn't how loving adults talk to each other!" Let yourself calm down, and then rational thought will return. This is a problem worth dealing with...but don't jump into a diet for the wrong reason. Dieting for others isn't the way. Okay, rant over. Hang in there.0
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