My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
Replies
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My husband has called me that, so I call him bird legs. :flowerforyou:0
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Married for only 4 months and he's already treating you like this?!?! I feel for you
Get out. Now. 0 -
No man would talk to his wife like that, and you do not have to put up with verbal abuse in any relationship. Maybe he could get any young girl that he wants, and maybe they would put up with being talked to like that. But if he wants mature and confident woman, he needs to up his game if you ask me.
Assuming you love this guy, give him the chance to apologize and make good. Your first course of action is making it clear that you will not take being spoken to in that manner. You are his partner and equal in life and you deserve to be respected as such. If he doesn't give you the respect you deserve, then I'm sure you are just as capable of finding a decent man as he is of finding a meek little girl to bully.
Regarding weight loss, do it for yourself. Not for him, or for anyone else. If you do it because of some hurtful words, you will resent that you are doing it at all and that will lead to cheating and failure. You'll blame the failure on yourself, and that will further degrade your self-esteem and make you more likely to put up with abuse.
Lose weight to be happy with how you feel, and to be happy with who looks back at you from the mirror. Do it on your own terms, not on his.0 -
This is why I will NEVER be in a relationship again.I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.0 -
Time for a very qucik, almost surgical, discussion about your future together. The only way it will continue past today, is that THAT never happens again.
your job is to never bring it up or refer back to it.
his job is to never ever do that again.
As long as these rules are upheld, move forward. If they are ever broken, it's over.0 -
I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.0 -
I am never surprised by the stupidity of man. I'm sure that cut you to the bone and on some level I am sure he was well aware it would. But don't even think twice. You are a beautiful woman and many men would love to have you on their arm.0
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I stuck with a man FAR too long who was younger and 'hotter' than me. Everntually he got around to criticizing my weight for our lack of intimacy - not his status of unemployment, lack of education, low testosterone, or juvenile behavior. And I took it. Until I couldn't anymore. What a POOR partner for me. Now I'm with a sweet wonderful man who doesn't care what I weigh and treats me like a queen. You deserve better and should demand it. If you're to stay married, counseling NOW!0
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Wait, I just went and looked at your profile. You wrote that you're a single mom. I am confused....
Guys her profile picture shows her in a wedding dress! Besides...husband or significant other it makes no difference -- that's not the issue.0 -
Seriously, I have been with my partner for 10 years and he has never spoken to me like that...sure we argue but we dont degrade eachother while we do it.Married for only 4 months and he's already treating you like this?!?! I feel for you Get out. Now.
Someone mentioned your children...are you setting a good example by tolerating his actions? Would you like someone to call your son or daughter a fat azz? There are always long term repercussions and emotional scarring when children see their parents degrading one another.0 -
Ah I feel for you as I had a similar thing...The reason I ended up on MFP was because my fella told me I'd become fat during an argument. At first I was really hurt and couldn't barely bring myself to eat for days after too. If this is out of character for your partner to say something like this, it could that he's been unhappy with your weight gain for some time but hasn't said anything until the heat of the moment when it's come out in anger.
I was mad and upset at first but I spoke to my partner when we were calm and he confessed that I was no longer the slim girl he was first attracted too. I realised that I was unhealthy and felt that I'd missold him by changing so much from when we first met. Talk to your husband and let him know how hurt you are but take that hurt and use it to give your health a kick in the right direction
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No matter what his age or your age that's unacceptable.
My husband and I have been together for 13 years and never called each other names, married or not.
Wedding rings don't teach people how to respect their spouse and it sounds like to me he doesn't respect you at all.
Wishing you the best, dear, know you're better than this. :flowerforyou:0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I agree with this.0 -
Did he talk to you this way before you married him? I find it hard to believe he was Prince Charming and turned into a *kitten* overnight. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
It happens, my exhusband changed on the wedding night...he went from Prince Charming to an abuser...so yeah, it happens. Why I won't go down the aisle ever again.0 -
OK, I've been married to the same man for 38 and 1/2 years now and he never, even when I was at my heaviest (386 pounds thank you very much) called me names like that. Believe me, in all these years we've had some major fights, but he has never disrespected me like that. So, want some advice from an old married lady? When things calm down, discuss why this is wrong, what needs to change, what kind of an example you want to set for the kids on what a "good" marriage is, and ask him to help devise a plan to make these things happen. If necessary, go to a counselor.
As for your weight, I will also tell you to get a handle on it while it's just 40 pounds. Do not wait, like I did, until you've got a couple of hundred to lose. Take care of yourself and your health for you first, then your kids and husband. And not because he said what he did, because it's the right thing to do for you.
PS - if you want, message me. I'm no expert, but I do have 38+ years behind me.0 -
I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.
Seriously? Do you have a Medical Degree from Google University or what? that is such utter tripe...you do not lose a pound of fat...sheez. how gullable.0 -
My EX-husband used to call me names not even related to being overweight and accusing me of all kinds of things. I then proceeded to gain weight and felt horrible about myself. THis went on for 5 years until i couldn't take it anymore and just left.
Please do not let yourself believe what he's saying. No one deserves to be treated badly, especially by their loved ones. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself to feel better - don't ever do it for someone else (It won't work). Good luck!0 -
Men seem to be born with the knowledge on how to say things that really hurt.
HOLY *kitten*! Generalize much?!? Women say hurtful things too.
Agreed. Why are we always trying to start gender wars?? Ugh.0 -
Ah I feel for you as I had a similar thing...The reason I ended up on MFP was because my fella told me I'd become fat during an argument. At first I was really hurt and couldn't barely bring myself to eat for days after too. If this is out of character for your partner to say something like this, it could that he's been unhappy with your weight gain for some time but hasn't said anything until the heat of the moment when it's come out in anger.
I was mad and upset at first but I spoke to my partner when we were calm and he confessed that I was no longer the slim girl he was first attracted too. I realised that I was unhealthy and felt that I'd missold him by changing so much from when we first met. Talk to your husband and let him know how hurt you are but take that hurt and use it to give your health a kick in the right direction
Telling someone they're fat is a far cry from telling them they're unhealthy. Calling someone fat, especially when said in anger, is intended to hurt the other person to the core. That's childish and shouldn't be respected as a plea for discussion. If your partner can't discuss weight issues with you without being deliberately hurtful, then that person needs to shut up.
Being concerned about health is important, yes - but then going on to say that you "missold" him because your body changed? You don't owe him a skinny body because he married you. No one owns anyone else's body. Period.0 -
I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.
Yes, because everything on youtube is right.
This reminds me of that commercial with that blonde chick who tells the guy that the internet doesn't lie and she's dating a french model...Bonjour :P
ETA a link that I think people should read:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/821828-detoxes-and-cleanses0 -
I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.
Seriously? Do you have a Medical Degree from Google University or what? that is such utter tripe...you do not lose a pound of fat...sheez. how gullable.
haha. Agreed. Unless "fat" is a euphamism for poo, retained water, and farts!0 -
He was wrong, but 50 pounds is nothing to ignore. Have you ever discussed weight gain with him before?0
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Quick question... if you dumped him, how much weight would that mean you lost? Sorry for being glib about what is obvioulsy a painful subject - I was shocked by your post.
Honestly don't know how I would handle that as your husband should be supporting your quest for health and wellness. Not shredding your self-esteem so you don't want to eat. "Detoxing" or starving yourself is NOT the answer - maybe there are more aspects to wellness that could be helpful, like finding a real support system and someone to talk to about your relationship. His youth is not the issue, perhaps his maturity is....
I am so sorry for what you went through - stay the strong, beautiful, talent, capable woman you are.0 -
I'm sorry for the hurt he has caused you. That isn't fair at all.0
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Sounds like he is insecure himself and in turn wants you to feel same way. Thats the way it was in my case. My EX husband wanted me to feel bad and insecure that why it insured that I would never leave him. Well it worked for 22 years then I had enough.
I grew some balls and got out.0 -
I am cleansing/detoxing today is my first day. You will lose a pound of fat a day with the Master Cleanse. It has never failed me and if you get on Youtube you will see countless testimonials and support/advice. You can read the book free online. If you want the link, email me. I can do this with you and support you if you wish. I am an experienced cleanser.I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.
Yes, because everything on youtube is right.
This reminds me of that commercial with that blonde chick who tells the guy that the internet doesn't lie and she's dating a french model...Bonjour :P
ETA a link that I think people should read:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/821828-detoxes-and-cleanses
^This. Now this is good information!0 -
Sounds to me like you need to lose the weight to prove to him that you can always lose weight but he can never take back such hurtful words. I know you said you don't want to husband bash so you can look at it this way....when we are angry we tend to speak the truth before we can stop ourselves, so if you look at it that way, then you know he thinks you need to lose weight. But what do you think? While you can use other's views of you as a catalyst to lose weight, you should realize you won't ever achieve it unless you are doing it for you. I say just use his words as ammunition to become a hotter woman than he deserves.
Oh and starving yourself will do nothing but hurt your weight loss goals, it kills your metabolism! If it is an emotional response then try to steer your emotional response to choosing healthier foods instead of no food at all.
I totally agree with this for you!!!!!0 -
he is a douche magnifico. Call him short **** or something and lose the weight FOR U! not him.......0
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I so agree with this. It is never acceptable to do this. By destroying your self-esteem and confidence, it makes you feel worthless....and isn't that what all abusive and manipulative men want...to make their women feel low and worthless and that you should be grateful that they chose you?? Well, you are neither of those....you are a valuable, strong, confident woman. We are all here for you!!!!!!!
Pam0 -
You are absolutely beautiful just as you are right now and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I wish you a lot of luck in your weight loss journey, but never think that you have to lose weight to be 'pretty' again, because from what I can see that never stopped.0
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