Relationship dilemma all due to my weight

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  • codapea
    codapea Posts: 182 Member
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    It doesn't sound like you are complaining about him, and that his comments don't really bother you because you are comfortable with yourself. You feel like you are in a great relationship. Say you do get to where he wants you to be physically and you get married. What will happen when you are pregnant with his child? Will he be resentful of you gaining weight back? If you were to have a girl, will she have to grow up with a father who is very critical of her body and have to witness his negativity toward your physical appearance? You obviously love him, but really think about the long term impact of his mentality on yourself or any kids with him, because he is not going to change. You attitude is so positive, why do you want to hear that negative stuff from anyone, let alone someone you are considering to be marriage material?
  • FitbeTMF
    FitbeTMF Posts: 251
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    I feel like you could do better than this guy. It seems to me that he is being emotionally abusive. If he doesn't find your body attractive, then why would he want to be with you? I think he is just saying those things to break down your self esteem and "groom" you so that he can be manipulative and controlling. I was with a guy like that once and he would be so sweet and nice one minute and the next minute say something hurtful and it would really mess with my mind and emotions. I started to have symptoms of depression because of it and it only got better when I finally broke up with him after 2 years. I don't think any man should say those things to his woman and especially if you've only been officially together for a few months. From what you say this guy sounds dangerous and I would look for someone else or just be single.

    Yep yep yep
  • schicksa
    schicksa Posts: 123 Member
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    He's a dillhole. It would be one thing if he was legitimately concerned about health issues (diabetes, etc) but based on his comments, it's pure vanity. When I broke my leg and put on 10lbs my boyfriend was there with me every step of the way and back to my starting weight again. If he's not attracted to you from the beginning than why is he with you now? That would make me very suspicious that he has ulterior motives. If someone's attraction isn't sincere than why are they with you?

    I'd challenge him to a 5K. My guess is that if his smoking is so bad that he's wheezing after a light hike, you'd kick his *kitten* and boost your own self-esteem in the process.

    And for reference, my boyfriend is 20lbs heavier than what he considers his "healthy" weight. I'm a fitness junkie and endurance athlete, and he is the exact opposite. He loves chicken wings and has just recently started eating healthier because the bad food was messing with his digestion. And we are both still super-attracted to each other. I love him for who he is and THAT is a huge turn-on for me. I was attracted to him when we first started dating, and I'm attracted to him still. If I hadn't been, I never would have started the relationship because it would not have worked.
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    Wow! This dude is a *kitten*! Run! Run fast!
  • dmkirk28
    dmkirk28 Posts: 75 Member
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    OMG, run as fast as you can......
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
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    What a JERK!!! He doesn't really love you.
  • sweetsarahv
    sweetsarahv Posts: 180 Member
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    Keep loving you for you, and kick him to the curb. No one should ever treat you like that...especially the person who is supposed to love you the most!
  • Jaulen
    Jaulen Posts: 468 Member
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    My thought is this?

    What is he going to say to her when she gets pregnant?

    How lovely and supporting is he going to be when she's gaining weight and looking all round and bloat-ish when carrying his spawn.
  • cstexas2012
    cstexas2012 Posts: 53 Member
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    Totally agree with what most have said. There's nothing harder than leaving a relationship, especially when it's someone who loves you...except maybe spending the rest of your life with someone who becomes more and more controlling. Your weight is none of his business and the fact that he's acting as if it is is a red flag for me.

    As I said though, I know leaving relationships can be hard. I tend to stick around thinking I can make it better for wayyyyy too long, so I hope you won't follow my bad example, haha
  • barbie_g1rl
    barbie_g1rl Posts: 43
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    THIS is very sad. so what hes skinny and ur curvy. my boyfriends skinny and he NEVER EVER comments and ive put more than 14 lbs on lately he still tells me how gorgeous i am. no one should ever tell you anything less especially in a relationship. sorry but u deserve better. dont put up with those comments.
  • iamshells
    iamshells Posts: 46 Member
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    Dont take this as an insult...but he does not love you! to be "In Love" you love the person as a whole. You cant decide what to love and what not to love....If you were talking about little bad habits, i can understand. For example, my wife hates the fact that I leave the toilet seat up! etc. Being in love involves intimacy....and if hes having trouble with your body, how can he be intimate with you? Hope everything works out and you find someone that loves you for you or he relieves what he has....all the best
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    I am sorry but the relationship is not good if he can't accept you for who you are. These kinds of comments are not respectful and are down right rude.

    The fact that he says these things concerns me. He may be the the type that likes to emotionally beat women around to ensure they "try harder" for him or never leave him.

    You deserve to be with someone that loves you, your body and all. And who tells you you are beautiful.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Ew dump him.
  • DebraYvonne
    DebraYvonne Posts: 632 Member
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    I would not want this at all -- I would be uncomfortable all the time with him. I don't think you have to live this way.
  • Jaulen
    Jaulen Posts: 468 Member
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    Dont take this as an insult...but he does not love you! to be "In Love" you love the person as a whole. You cant decide what to love and what not to love....If you were talking about little bad habits, i can understand. For example, my wife hates the fact that I leave the toilet seat up! etc. Being in love involves intimacy....and if hes having trouble with your body, how can he be intimate with you? Hope everything works out and you find someone that loves you for you or he relieves what he has....all the best


    Very well said.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    He's an absolute *kitten*. And Honey - obviously you haven't learned to loved yourself enough if you're willing to throw your life away on someone who is so critical of you. Dump him before he eventually dumps you for a 'thinner' woman. And make sure you tell him you couldn't spend the rest of your life with him because his d*ck is too small.
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
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    how can you truly love someone if you find them that unattractive? It can't last. Physical connections are very important, without them it would be like dating a BFF or sibling (two people I do love with my whole heart).
  • alladream
    alladream Posts: 261 Member
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    Hmm, the dude sounds like a control freak/emotional abuser who is not happy with himself secretly, and not happy with you without 'fixing' you, and yet will not 'fix' himself and smoking etc. It sounds like the kind of person who tries to get you to feel like it is worth it to change yourself for some prize he thinks you will go for ('spending the rest of my life with you' etc.) and yet, I bet that if you lost some sort of weight/did some sort of appearance change and became the object of people's interest to a greater degree, he would freak and belittle something else about you to try to keep you under control. I dated a guy like this for one date, and by the time I heard how beautiful I am and how I would be so much more attractive 'if I stopped biting my nails' (never did it in public, just a habit I have had forever and don't mind so much myself), and that he wanted to take me out for coffee, but I had lost my wallet or something which gave me no cash at the moment, and he only wanted to buy me the cheap coffee instead of a medium-sized (all while talking about how his wealth makes him feel isolated), and I figured NO FRIGGING WAY can I put up with this guy's issues. It turned out he had quite a history of stalking, and so it was for the best that we didn't get involved. Good luck to you in understanding what you want, and being kind to yourself.
  • sstephanrodriguez
    sstephanrodriguez Posts: 36 Member
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    End it.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
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    You should tell him ´Ive never dated a real skinny guy as you, you should gain some weight cause I dont feel attracted to your body as I feel attracted to the rest of you´

    how rude

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