Relationship dilemma all due to my weight
Replies
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It doesn't sound like you are complaining about him, and that his comments don't really bother you because you are comfortable with yourself. You feel like you are in a great relationship. Say you do get to where he wants you to be physically and you get married. What will happen when you are pregnant with his child? Will he be resentful of you gaining weight back? If you were to have a girl, will she have to grow up with a father who is very critical of her body and have to witness his negativity toward your physical appearance? You obviously love him, but really think about the long term impact of his mentality on yourself or any kids with him, because he is not going to change. You attitude is so positive, why do you want to hear that negative stuff from anyone, let alone someone you are considering to be marriage material?0
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I feel like you could do better than this guy. It seems to me that he is being emotionally abusive. If he doesn't find your body attractive, then why would he want to be with you? I think he is just saying those things to break down your self esteem and "groom" you so that he can be manipulative and controlling. I was with a guy like that once and he would be so sweet and nice one minute and the next minute say something hurtful and it would really mess with my mind and emotions. I started to have symptoms of depression because of it and it only got better when I finally broke up with him after 2 years. I don't think any man should say those things to his woman and especially if you've only been officially together for a few months. From what you say this guy sounds dangerous and I would look for someone else or just be single.
Yep yep yep0 -
He's a dillhole. It would be one thing if he was legitimately concerned about health issues (diabetes, etc) but based on his comments, it's pure vanity. When I broke my leg and put on 10lbs my boyfriend was there with me every step of the way and back to my starting weight again. If he's not attracted to you from the beginning than why is he with you now? That would make me very suspicious that he has ulterior motives. If someone's attraction isn't sincere than why are they with you?
I'd challenge him to a 5K. My guess is that if his smoking is so bad that he's wheezing after a light hike, you'd kick his *kitten* and boost your own self-esteem in the process.
And for reference, my boyfriend is 20lbs heavier than what he considers his "healthy" weight. I'm a fitness junkie and endurance athlete, and he is the exact opposite. He loves chicken wings and has just recently started eating healthier because the bad food was messing with his digestion. And we are both still super-attracted to each other. I love him for who he is and THAT is a huge turn-on for me. I was attracted to him when we first started dating, and I'm attracted to him still. If I hadn't been, I never would have started the relationship because it would not have worked.0 -
Wow! This dude is a *kitten*! Run! Run fast!0
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OMG, run as fast as you can......0
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What a JERK!!! He doesn't really love you.0
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Keep loving you for you, and kick him to the curb. No one should ever treat you like that...especially the person who is supposed to love you the most!0
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My thought is this?
What is he going to say to her when she gets pregnant?
How lovely and supporting is he going to be when she's gaining weight and looking all round and bloat-ish when carrying his spawn.0 -
Totally agree with what most have said. There's nothing harder than leaving a relationship, especially when it's someone who loves you...except maybe spending the rest of your life with someone who becomes more and more controlling. Your weight is none of his business and the fact that he's acting as if it is is a red flag for me.
As I said though, I know leaving relationships can be hard. I tend to stick around thinking I can make it better for wayyyyy too long, so I hope you won't follow my bad example, haha0 -
THIS is very sad. so what hes skinny and ur curvy. my boyfriends skinny and he NEVER EVER comments and ive put more than 14 lbs on lately he still tells me how gorgeous i am. no one should ever tell you anything less especially in a relationship. sorry but u deserve better. dont put up with those comments.0
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Dont take this as an insult...but he does not love you! to be "In Love" you love the person as a whole. You cant decide what to love and what not to love....If you were talking about little bad habits, i can understand. For example, my wife hates the fact that I leave the toilet seat up! etc. Being in love involves intimacy....and if hes having trouble with your body, how can he be intimate with you? Hope everything works out and you find someone that loves you for you or he relieves what he has....all the best0
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I am sorry but the relationship is not good if he can't accept you for who you are. These kinds of comments are not respectful and are down right rude.
The fact that he says these things concerns me. He may be the the type that likes to emotionally beat women around to ensure they "try harder" for him or never leave him.
You deserve to be with someone that loves you, your body and all. And who tells you you are beautiful.0 -
Ew dump him.0
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I would not want this at all -- I would be uncomfortable all the time with him. I don't think you have to live this way.0
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Dont take this as an insult...but he does not love you! to be "In Love" you love the person as a whole. You cant decide what to love and what not to love....If you were talking about little bad habits, i can understand. For example, my wife hates the fact that I leave the toilet seat up! etc. Being in love involves intimacy....and if hes having trouble with your body, how can he be intimate with you? Hope everything works out and you find someone that loves you for you or he relieves what he has....all the best
Very well said.0 -
He's an absolute *kitten*. And Honey - obviously you haven't learned to loved yourself enough if you're willing to throw your life away on someone who is so critical of you. Dump him before he eventually dumps you for a 'thinner' woman. And make sure you tell him you couldn't spend the rest of your life with him because his d*ck is too small.0
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how can you truly love someone if you find them that unattractive? It can't last. Physical connections are very important, without them it would be like dating a BFF or sibling (two people I do love with my whole heart).0
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Hmm, the dude sounds like a control freak/emotional abuser who is not happy with himself secretly, and not happy with you without 'fixing' you, and yet will not 'fix' himself and smoking etc. It sounds like the kind of person who tries to get you to feel like it is worth it to change yourself for some prize he thinks you will go for ('spending the rest of my life with you' etc.) and yet, I bet that if you lost some sort of weight/did some sort of appearance change and became the object of people's interest to a greater degree, he would freak and belittle something else about you to try to keep you under control. I dated a guy like this for one date, and by the time I heard how beautiful I am and how I would be so much more attractive 'if I stopped biting my nails' (never did it in public, just a habit I have had forever and don't mind so much myself), and that he wanted to take me out for coffee, but I had lost my wallet or something which gave me no cash at the moment, and he only wanted to buy me the cheap coffee instead of a medium-sized (all while talking about how his wealth makes him feel isolated), and I figured NO FRIGGING WAY can I put up with this guy's issues. It turned out he had quite a history of stalking, and so it was for the best that we didn't get involved. Good luck to you in understanding what you want, and being kind to yourself.0
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End it.0
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You should tell him ´Ive never dated a real skinny guy as you, you should gain some weight cause I dont feel attracted to your body as I feel attracted to the rest of you´
how rude0 -
My husband met me when I was 130 lbs..7 years and two kids later I am back on here at almost 180. He has never ever made me feel unattractive..I wont get naked in front of him because I HATE the way i look. ..but not him, he still wants to be intimate, he still says im beautiful. we both have gained weight and now do fast walk DVD's together, but this guy you love?
Here's the thing;
LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. yes, im quoting from the bible and that is that. If you lose weight, that is great..but you know what? You will resent every time he DOES touch you,..you will think..seriously? i had to change to make you touch me? You are beautiful and this guy might make a great friend..but this is not marriage material.
Please look hard into your life and realize that no one should settle..it's probably pressure from cruel friends or family he has,..and who wants to be stuck with that????
Maybe he is hung like a hermit crab and so he has to insult you too..lol
MOVE ON.0 -
Just so you know you are beautiful and very attractive!!
He sounds like an abusive *kitten*!! RUN as fast as you can away from him!0 -
Get out of this relationship. I am gonna tell you now he is no good, unless you are willing to live with his shallow *kitten*. He says he is not that shallow, but YES, YES he is.0
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I am really sorry this is happening to you. A man that you are going to spend the rest of your life with should love you whether you are a size 2 or a size 22! I have been between a size 6 and a size 14, and hugely pregnant, and my husband has never, not once, mentioned my weight or said anything negative about me or my body. Even when I say I'm fat and I hate myself, he hugs me and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves my body and he wouldn't change anything about it. THAT is the kind of man you need. If you marry him, are you going to have children? Your body will change then, and it will take a quite a bit to get back to what it was pre pregnancy. Good luck to you, and I hope you and him have a serious conversation about this!0
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I haven't read all the posts, but I'm pretty sure it's 6 pages of DTMFA.
So...DTMFA0 -
If you try and meet his standards, you could end up with an eating disorder. It doesn't sound like he will ever be truely happy. What happens if you were to meet that weight? Would he have a problem with your hair next? Or your smile? I know I shouldn't be too judgy because I don't know either of you, but what he is doing is very hurtful and unhealthy. I gained a lot of weight after my husband and I met (from 130 to 199 - down 32 lbs now) and he never made any hurtful comments to me, just loving ones. He supported me when I wanted to lose weight but never tried to force me. I wouldn't put up with his comments and his comparing of his weight to yours. His negativity is having an opposite effect and you are gaining weight. I'm sorry, but I think if he can't change, he needs to go. If you got married and had children, how would you feel about him talking that way to your kids? Obviously we can't know if he would now, but people like that normally are like that for life. Good luck!0
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First - Picture of Semunc Champay is awesome! I have one of those too.
Second - you aren't clinically obese so he is obviously not supportive. Dump him.0 -
This isn't just one thing. It goes much deeper that just your weight on this one. I know that you say there is this great connection with him but I find that hard to believe. Physical attraction is huge in any relationship. By telling you what he is it's not just him saying something about you makes him uncomfortable. If he had an attraction issue with you then why would he want to start dating you in the first place? The short answer is yes, he is an *kitten*. And no, you aren't overreacting.
I'm not going to say dump him like a lot of people on here are. But you need to look really deep into this. If he has an issue with attraction to you now, how do you expect to grow old with him? If he makes comments like he does what is he going to be thinking when things start to sag and your body may no longer be the fit body you will have when you finally get to your ideal weight?0 -
^^^^^^^I am probably going to be the only female to say this, but I would accept his honesty. It is better that he is honest rather than telling a lie to you! He may could have been more tactful with his approach, but still...he was honest with you. Now, it's up to you to determine what YOU want to do about your current situation.
THIS
The echo chamber is fast to advocate a break up.0 -
He is so not worth it! You need soemone that loves you mind body and soul.0
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