Anyone elses SO less then supportive?

Options
13

Replies

  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Options
    My wife just told me she had an affair that lasted 6 weeks, does that count as unsupportive?

    ^ Wow..THAT sucks...
  • jk051861
    jk051861 Posts: 41 Member
    Options
    My husband wasn't very supportive in the beginning. He would say snide remarks and poke fun at my efforts. I think he was really afraid that I would overdo it and get skinny. Also, he being a big man, I think he was a bit insecure and didn't want me to succeed. I just kept at it, day by day. I lost 23 pounds and work out with a personal trainer twice a week. Now he often tells me how proud he is of me for losing the weight; how much healthier I am.

    On another note, 12 pounds is an awful lot to lose so quickly. Be sure you are eating healthy and not overdoing it with the exercise. Just make it work for you. Maybe the kids could play with you or visit a friend sometimes. Leave your husband to his grumblings.
  • mommiejohnsonof6
    mommiejohnsonof6 Posts: 217 Member
    Options
    I would say keep doing what you are doing and try to deal with your marital problems if it be counseling or something but do not make any half hazard decision from a weight loss forum discussion post .people are saying leave him and all sorts of things but that is not what marriage is about at least try to fix the problems first. yes he could be a better spouse and supporter but we dont know the whole story we dont know if it has always been like this or if he is going through something that he needs help with come on people dont be so fast to give the verdict without knowing the whole matter
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    Options
    If I had a SO, I'm pretty sure they would be supportive.
  • Eskimopie
    Eskimopie Posts: 235 Member
    Options
    I was going to reply that yeah, my boyfriend won't work out with me because he's too tired and that tends to make me not want to either...plus he will buy unhealthy snack food to eat right in front of me which makes it harder!

    But not quite the same as your situation...he's working 12 hours a day to my 8 hours so I suck it up and work out when he's not around.

    In your case it sounds like the problems run much deeper and if he acts like this all the time, at minimum maybe some couples therapy is in order?
  • tlc12078
    tlc12078 Posts: 334 Member
    Options
    My bf is sort of like that. I think guys have that fear if you look good other men are gonna swoop in and carry you away. I really hope I have a great guy swoop in. lol. jk a bit of humor. Have you tried talking to him about it?
  • Mistyblu08
    Mistyblu08 Posts: 580 Member
    Options
    I can't say mine is completely unsupportive... however he does poke fun at me sometimes and tells me I am overly obsessed with tracking my calories.. he makes fun when I am cooking in the kitchen and have my laptop on the counter so i can log each and every ingredient calorie on MFP... I am a tad obsessed with being as accurate as possible with it all, but I dont think its a bad thing. he will also sometimes try to offer me something not very good for me (piece of candy, chips, etc) and when I decline he says stuff like "one piece of candy is not going to make you fat!"... it bothers me... but it not all the time he does it, for the most part he seems supportive.

    * this-although he swears now that he is going to get serious....he also states he isnt going to watch the calories just cut back on serving size.....mmmmm ya don know.....
    your SO ....boy I feel bad for him...NOT....tell him to get up off his lazy a** and help with the kids and household chores....thats his responsibility too not just yours....especially if you are working and he is not but irregardless he can be a parent/spouse....if he thinks its just too much then maybe he would be happier being alone ....good luck
  • DennisCoxYEG
    DennisCoxYEG Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    Nothing is sweeter than watching your tormentor's head explode in anger and frustration at your own success and blessings.

    But is is hardly revenge. It is a prescription for life with an enjoyable side effect. :glasses:
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Options
    Find a new husband.

    Sounds like there are a lot more issues in your relationship than just weight loss.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    Options
    Mine doesn't support it either. My workouts don't impact any part of our day so she can't really nitpick...........but she still does:tongue:
  • BellaLunaFleur
    BellaLunaFleur Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    I keep seeing the divorce word being tossed around. Has anyone even listened to vows " for better or worse" jeez at least suggest therapy or something first. I think he is being lazy by not going to the store himself and sleeping in so late, and he is being an irresponsible parent by sleeping instead of watching his kids but obviously this isn't a new situation she has allowed him to continue this for a while so he is not completely to blame. Also even if she talks to him he wont change overnight it may take some time.

    I suggest talking to him alone without the kids around (in case of a fight and also so there are not any distractions from the conversation) and explain to him that you would like him to make an effort to change (ex: helping more with the kids, shopping) and you will make an effort to not expect a 180 overnight, that you will try to be patient . Good luck I hope everything works out.
  • AbbieZabba
    AbbieZabba Posts: 110
    Options
    just break up.

    Yeah...nothing else to say. Divorce is in your future.

    Seriously people? how is this going to help her? Keep comments like these to yourself!

    My comments are derived from experience. I agree with the first two posters, time to re-think your future.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Options
    My spouse (prematuremango on MFP) is supportive, and is taking this 'journey' with me. The only think that irks her a little is that I'm the obsessive type that tries to learn everything there is to know about a new subject, and I love to try to teach her too. I think if I try to teach her the difference between BMR, RMR and TDEE one more time, she may divorce me, weight loss be damned.
  • TammySchumacher
    TammySchumacher Posts: 12 Member
    Options
    Not going to tell you how I feel about your SO since I don't know your full situation. But if you went from laying around and being at his beck and call every day to up before dawn and changing both his and your diet, and being gone to the gym every day all day... I could understand him not being totally on board. Take into consideration how your lifestyle change affects him... and try to keep the change in his life as minimal as possible without sacrificing your own. I was making two separate suppers in my house when I started, one for my high metabolism-ed hubby and one for my fat @$$... Then I found I could change ground hamburger for ground turkey and he didn't even notice. And he saw where he could help/encourage/stay out of my way so I can get things done for myself and he started coming around. I wouldn't say my hubby was supportive, and in seeing me every day he never "saw" the results, until I posted my 50lb before and after photo... THEN his eyes opened, NOW he gets it, and NOW he understands that this does work, I do want it, and it is worth a touch of discomfort on his end to help ME. Best of luck, make yourself happy first, be conscious of his needs... and try to work together on this...
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    Options
    So sorry you are going through this. I kind of have the same sort of situation. My SO drinks and binges and doesn't have the best temper. And the longer I do this, the more he is mad at me for not failing and not joining him in his bad behavior. We are growing into 2 different people. Probably more accurately I am growing (or shrinking) into my full potential. He wants me to be a drunken drug addict.

    Makes me so sad to think about it.. But, I don't think we will make it together anymore.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    Options
    It's not babysitting if they're your own kids! That's called "parenting." He sounds a LOT like my abusive first husband. Eventually, I had to acknowledge that his controlling and abusive behavior was not going to change, and I divorced him. Now I have a wonderful, supportive husband who gladly shares my parenting responsibilities with me, even though the kids are not technically his. He's on board with the healthy eating and weight loss, too, but wouldn't mind if we just ate junk, either. He's generally a good sport. That's what a marriage should be like. BOTH partners support what is best for the both of them, and make compromises where necessary to make sure everyone's needs are met.
  • MakingAChoice
    MakingAChoice Posts: 481 Member
    Options
    Well, I can say that my SO is only not on board in one way. She likes to buy/eat crap I do not want in the house. She is more than willing to hide it from me though. ;-)

    Your SO on the other hand sounds like a total selfish *kitten*. He should be pulling his own weight watching the kids when he is awake. Oh and sleeping 12 hours a day? WTF is up with that? People only need 8 hours of sleep, period. Hell I do just fine on 6. So tell him we all said it is time for him to grow up or get out! You can find MUCH better than this loser.

    Don't ask his permission to get to the gym. Just tell him you will be back in a couple of hours and leave his *kitten* there to watch the kids. You do not need his permission. I hope this means more coming from a guy. We are not all douches, sadly it seems like yours is and will need to be forced to step up. He will not likely do so on his own. Make him step up and take on some responsibility!
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    Options
    My wife is not totally on board in a "This won't last" way.

    So, I'm planning to make my periodic rewards to be things _she_ really wants. :)

    Why would you make YOUR rewards about her? How will that keep YOU motivated?
    Happy wife = happy husband?

    Yeah, exactly! :) She will provide enough motivation.

    Also, I'm pretty sure she'd be willing to starve me to death for a new freezer or a cruise or something. :D

    But yeah, not like, "If I lose 10# you get a manicure" type deal.
  • keepitcroosh
    keepitcroosh Posts: 301 Member
    Options
    He sounds like my dad. My mom goes for runs and sometimes the gym, and everytime he argues about it. I dont even think he knows why he argues about it. He just does. I believe that he is so used to my mom slaving away doing everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, that he just dislikes this sudden change. Hes now out of his comfort zone and im sure he has bigger responsibility to take care of while your gone. Bottom line though, you need to take care of yourself. My mom still goes for her daily runs and goes to the gym once a week after dinner .. You need to make time for yourself. He may not understand that or like it, but if you really want to be fit and healthy, DO IT!

    There is no greater feeling than being determined, working HARD, being and staying motivated, feeling like youve accomplished something, feeling proud of yourself, and being successful. You can do this!!!
  • Wonderwoman2677
    Wonderwoman2677 Posts: 434 Member
    Options
    What a charmer, I don't get guys who have issues spending time with their kids. It's not baby sitting if they came from your DNA, it's called family time...

    I think I love you!! Don't tell my husband I said that lol

Categories