An ex attack
legnarevocrednu
Posts: 467 Member
in Chit-Chat
I just want to start out by saying that although I'm 28, I've never been in a real legitimate, long term relationship. That's the curse of being an unconfident fat girl for most of my life. That being said, I did just get out of a short term relationship (only 2 months). It was nowhere near serious and we decided to be friends. Last night, we got to arguing and we both said some pretty rude things but then he got real nasty. I never once attacked him as a man, but he had no problem attacking me as a woman. He said I wasn't sexy or confident. He said some other really rude and nasty things, but I won't get into that. Before he said that, I actually felt confident AND sexy. I don't have a problem attracting men or getting dates, and my confidence is sooo much higher than it used to be. I'm outgoing and I love talking to people. But what he said got to me. I was up half the night thinking about it and I'm not sure how to handle that kind of attack. I told him early on that I had lost a lot of weight so that when it comes to showing off my body, I still have issues with that. He seemed okay with it, but he brought that up in our argument too. I feel like a part of me took a serious hit. I feel like what he said pushed me back a bit, progress wise. I have done so well, building myself up, not only improving my body, but how I feel about myself. I don't want to feel like this! I guess I would like to know if anyone has been attacked like this before...and if so, how did you handle it and move on from that? I'm afraid his comments will be at the back of my mind for a while now, and I just want to erase them. I mentioned my inexperience with men because I'm wondering if that's part of the reason I'm taking it so hard? Do some women just bounce right back from a verbal attack like that? Anyways, any input would be appreciated. I really just want to move past this and somehow erase it out of my mind. Thanks!
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Replies
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My ex told me I was 'fat and unlovable'
That quote floats around in my head still...3 years later.
I think you get over it, but when someone really hurts your feelings it just kind of stays with you sometimes.0 -
That's why he is your ex. You should keep it in your head to motivate the f@#k out of you. that is all.0
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Doesn't sound like you're friends at all. People and their words only have as much power as you let them.0
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Just break up.0
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Well, I see why you were only with him for 2 months. You need to find someone on the same path as you that's just as understanding. Obviously he wasn't. He's an ex for a reason so that means his opinion doesn't matter. MOVE ON! You need to get confident again and make yourself happy because no one is going to do it for you.0
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My MAIN motto in life:
NOONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT> ~~Eleanor Roosevelt
Remember YOU choose how you react to the words and actions of others. If you felt sexy and pretty BEFORE he said those thing..then you are the only one who has the power to keep that feeling regardless of what he said in the heat of an argumment.
Always remember, you have the power over your reactions..you cannot blame ANYONE else for how YOU choose to feel...people say things to try and hurt you, yes, but they will only succeed if you alow them to.
Keep your power, keep your sexy, keep your beauty....don't let one argument take it away from you.0 -
Just break up.
(again)0 -
I know how you feel. No matter how much you lose or how good you look, when you are attacked on a weak point it hurts. Best cure for this is to call a friend and trash talk the *kitten*. Also, dress up and go out. You will feel good about yourself which is what counts the most.0
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I think personally for me, it would motivate me even more. Try to use it as motivation to work harder and stay more focused with your goals.0
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That's why he is your ex. You should keep it in your head to motivate the f@#k out of you. that is all.
I agree. Turn it into anger and work out with that anger. It'll actually benefit you.0 -
First off- it's always sucky having that type of thing happen. You should be thankful this happened only 2 months into it- and hopefully this was enough for you to see that he definitely is not even a person you should consider a "friend"
I know it's hard- but thinking about it, and letting it get to you is what he wants. Guys like that love to tear down girls that they feel are weak and make them feel like nothing, because that makes them feel better. Just remember how you felt BEFORE he said that- tell yourself that every single day when you think something less of that. You are beautiful, you are confident! For yourself, you need to get away from this guy- and you'll be happy. I'm sorry that you felt comfortable enough to talk to him and he ended up being like that- never a good thing. Remember, not all guys are like that, and not all of them will want to hurt you like that.0 -
He's a dilhole.0
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Ex's are Ex's for a reason. I'm not sure I'd stay "friends" with someone like that. I personally try to only save my time for friends who love, encourage and support, anyone else isn't worth you time...
On a completely different note: HOLY CATS! I looked through your photo's and I see a huge change in all of your pictures. You have legs that in those dresses look like they go on for miles! You're really pretty. Don't let some A-hole get you to believe otherwise.0 -
nobody can hurt you like a close friend.
they know all your secrets and it usually escalates quickly.0 -
His or anyone else's opinion of you doesn't matter. Move on. He's not worth a second thought.0
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Just break up.
We did break up. Was attempting a friendship, but it's obvious that isn't going to work either.0 -
I actually just had something similar happen to me recently. I dated someone for about a month and ended things because of differences that would become a problem in the long run. I was nice about ending things, but the conversation turned ugly and he attacked me as well. I know and you should know as well, that this is not on you! This is about him and his own insecurities. He attacked the very things that he KNEW would get to you and make you feel like less of a woman and person.
So to move forward keep in mind where you have come from and how you feel about yourself. Never let someone else take away your confidence and beauty (inner and outer).
I hope this helps.0 -
do not let him hold power over you. Do not let him steal your confidence that you worked hard to gain. When people are hurt and/or upset, they tend to lash out and grasp for anything to hurt us back. It sucks, but is human nature. Puffy hugs, gorgeous.0
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He knew your insecurities and intentionally wanted to hurt you. Use it as motivation and for the record, I think your body is rocking! Keep up the good work!0
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Hey, men are jerks. And this one sounds like a particularly insecure, spiteful one. (And he probably has a very small p@n!$) You were confident and you felt sexy before... don't let one "sour grapes" twit set you back! You look pretty hot to me!0
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That's why he is your ex. You should keep it in your head to motivate the f@#k out of you. that is all.
Yep, My ex told me I was fat, disgusting and no one would ever want to be with me if I left him. That's what manipulative abusers do anyway. He brainwashed me for a long time before I got the courage to leave.
You are beautiful, consider yourself lucky that is over and didn't turn into a long term relationship!0 -
Funny title...
He's pissed because from the looks of things you've dropped a ton of weight and he's acting like an angry, insecure little boy.
Congratulations. You lost even more weight that was just holding you back.
Want to get back at him? Have an amazing life. There's nothing better.
You're gonna be just fine.0 -
Doesn't sound like you're friends at all. People and their words only have as much power as you let them.
Well Said, you took the words out of my keyboard.,0 -
Thank you so much!Ex's are Ex's for a reason. I'm not sure I'd stay "friends" with someone like that. I personally try to only save my time for friends who love, encourage and support, anyone else isn't worth you time...
On a completely different note: HOLY CATS! I looked through your photo's and I see a huge change in all of your pictures. You have legs that in those dresses look like they go on for miles! You're really pretty. Don't let some A-hole get you to believe otherwise.0 -
Well it sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one. No need to have ANYTHING else to do with him. He blatantly used his knowledge of your personal insecurities to hurt you. Had you still be in a relationship with this fool, I would have called it toxic. Be relieved and moved on. He just said those things to hurt you. You don't have to let him succeed at it.0
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Words hurt, I was told I was fat ugly and unloveable, that I would be better off dead, almost 15 years ago. I still struggle with that, but I didn't let it define me, I know I am better than that. You are beautiful and he is a fcuktard. He knows your weak spot and went for it. You deserve better than that. Cut ties, he obviously can't handle seeing you happy and must tear you down to make himself feel better.0
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I just want to start out by saying that although I'm 28, I've never been in a real legitimate, long term relationship. That's the curse of being an unconfident fat girl for most of my life. That being said, I did just get out of a short term relationship (only 2 months). It was nowhere near serious and we decided to be friends. Last night, we got to arguing and we both said some pretty rude things but then he got real nasty. I never once attacked him as a man, but he had no problem attacking me as a woman. He said I wasn't sexy or confident. He said some other really rude and nasty things, but I won't get into that. Before he said that, I actually felt confident AND sexy. I don't have a problem attracting men or getting dates, and my confidence is sooo much higher than it used to be. I'm outgoing and I love talking to people. But what he said got to me. I was up half the night thinking about it and I'm not sure how to handle that kind of attack. I told him early on that I had lost a lot of weight so that when it comes to showing off my body, I still have issues with that. He seemed okay with it, but he brought that up in our argument too. I feel like a part of me took a serious hit. I feel like what he said pushed me back a bit, progress wise. I have done so well, building myself up, not only improving my body, but how I feel about myself. I don't want to feel like this! I guess I would like to know if anyone has been attacked like this before...and if so, how did you handle it and move on from that? I'm afraid his comments will be at the back of my mind for a while now, and I just want to erase them. I mentioned my inexperience with men because I'm wondering if that's part of the reason I'm taking it so hard? Do some women just bounce right back from a verbal attack like that? Anyways, any input would be appreciated. I really just want to move past this and somehow erase it out of my mind. Thanks!
don't fret over it.
it's like a 3-year old who doesn't get her way screaming that she "hates" her parents.
the 3-year old doesn't really hate her parents. it's just that in that moment she is so angry that she wants to lash out and the only thing she can come up with that she thinks will hurt her parents is to say that she "hates" them.
that's what that guy was doing last night. he's a dirtbag for saying it, but in that moment, odds are that he was just lashing out and trying to hurt you. he fixated on your insecurities because he knew it would hurt you.
some people are just like that. cut them out of your life and say "good riddance".0 -
Look how amazing you look now! Go back and look at progress pictures of yourself. Every time you think of what he said, remind yourself how far you've come and how great you are feeling about that.
I know it's hard not to focus on the negative/abusive things said to us. I've battled this myself. You've got to counter attack those thoughts with positive ones of the amazing person you are.
You're beautiful. You deserve better "friends" than what he is. Don't keep toxic people in your life.0 -
Thank you so much!Ex's are Ex's for a reason. I'm not sure I'd stay "friends" with someone like that. I personally try to only save my time for friends who love, encourage and support, anyone else isn't worth you time...
On a completely different note: HOLY CATS! I looked through your photo's and I see a huge change in all of your pictures. You have legs that in those dresses look like they go on for miles! You're really pretty. Don't let some A-hole get you to believe otherwise.
Just speaking the truth.
I've been in relationships like that... I've also found it handy to cut off ties with any relationship that lasts over a week... (Some people get creepier and *kitten*-holier the longer you know them!) 0 -
They say things to bring you down...it was a fight and men are quicker to the low blows...especially if they don't mean them. Even if he did feel that way about you and your body...you are not living for him...you are living for you and have changed you body and mind for you!! Don't let his stupid comment set you back at all. Look in the mirror and know you are better then that, and only going to get better from here...and then some day he'll see you out and about showing off your amazing body and feel truley like the crappy guy he was that day!!0
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