Men! What motivated you? I need your help!
Replies
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2 things motivated me
First and foremost is my daughter. She is 16 months old and I'd like to spend a very long life with her.
Second is this... Last year on New Years day my buddy was given patriots tickets from a Mass Lottery Rep. It turns out the seats were in the 400 section at Gilette which is essentially the 3rd/4th tier/balcony/whatever-you-call-it. Getting to our seats felt like it was going to kill me, we missed kick-off and half the 1st quarter as I could bare make my way up. Oh, these weren't stairs, they were ramps. Now I know I had put weight on and I had actually made a New Years resolution to take some weight off, but that was the wakeup call I really needed and instead of having a half hearted resolution that would probably fail I knew that I couldn't stay in that kind of shape or I wouldn't be able to enjoy my time with my Daughter once she could walk or even crawl.
7 months later I ran a 10K that ended in that Stadium, I even got to run out through the giant inflatable patriots helmet and across the 50 yard line. Other times in the year, I would have gotten tackled by security and ejected from the stadium with great prejudice but instead I got to do this
(the photo of my crossing the finish got cropped by the MFP site so this one instead)
and this
oh and this
and of course this
it is of note I started like this
So get your husband going up and down some stairs or playing volleyball or anything else that will show him how out of shape he is (assuming he's out of shape)
Fitness is it's own reward. I am running 5 and 10Ks and I'll be attempting a 1/2 marathon this year. I did the warrior dash which was daunting fun.0 -
Even though I had tried to take pictures with people in front of me, my big fat face pushed me to get serious about weight loss. A friend I respect told me how MFP helped her. Seeing how many calories I was consuming, not thinking I was consuming was the key. Also, my wife did join with me and it was something we did together, though in my case I knew about it for an hour or two longer then her.
I think showing him the posts (and all the potential cleavage shots) and asking him to try for a month of dutiful logging and that you won't bring it up again if he doesn't find it useful could be a good plan of action.0 -
Everybody has a moment that they can trace back to that FINALLY pushed them over the edge to do something about their weight. Unfortunately for you the moment has NEVER come from someone saying "i think you should lose weight". No matter how hard you try you can not provide him with a moment that will trigger him to accept the fact he needs to change. Keep doing what you are doing and eventually he may come around. I've been watching my weight for 13 years (omg that long? i'm 180 pounds and would like to lose 10 more but i'm fine where i am) and it never motivated my x-wife to lose weight - neither did people calling her fat when she was in high school - neither did shopping at plus size stores, not feeling comforable at the beach etc. A close friend of hers lost 60 pounds and became a trainer. She liked the fact that her friend did it and she joined the same program - she is down 28 pounds. Only personal motivation will do that - no external motivation. Good luck - support him with whatever he decides - he'll come around eventually.0
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What motivated me was me... just deciding that I wanted a different life. It wasn't that I was unaware of how unhealthy my day to day was, but the fact is: until HE wants to change, it won't really matter what any of us (or you) tell him.0
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Motivators are different for everyone, and not everyone is really motivated to lose weight or get into shape. If he wants to do it... really wants to make a change... he will.
For me, the biggest motivator was envisioning how I wanted to look and feel. I didn't like being overweight and I didn't like feeling embarrassed to be seen in clothing that wasn't XL or XXL. Now, I look at pictures of myself at my current weight and think "I want to look and feel like that for as long as possible". So, that's what drives me.
Although it is nice to get compliments from women from time to time... heh.0 -
sorry dear, but the more you push him to join (and even though you may not feel like you're pushing or nagging, to him you are cause that's how the average guy thinks) the less he'll want to. he has to make the decision himself.
True. I know he views me as a total nag. Sniffle. Sniffle. It's not my intention but I know that is how he feels.
Then stop nagging. Regardless of whether or not you mean to, if he sees it that way you are probably hurting the chances he makes long term changes, not helping.
I don't feel like I am nagging as I only will bring up MFP when he opens up about being frustrated about his weight. I don't nag him about all that he eats or drinks or going to the gym or the way he looks. But when he complains about how terrible he feels b/c his pants aren't fitting then I usually tell him-- "why don't you check out the Pal. I have had great success using it. I will even log the food for you if you want me to"... The only reason I say anything is because he seems to want to lose weight so bad and can't seem to do it. If he were happy w/ the way he looks/feels I wouldn't even bring it up. I love him unconditionally- not saying that to be weird.... just want him to be happy.
You said "it's not my intention, but I know that's how he feels." If that's the case, then you're nagging. Period. Stop. I know your intentions are good, but if he sees you as nagging then you're likely doing more harm than good.
You sound just like him. Say no more. I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.0 -
I am an obesity researcher for a living, I am an expert on all things obese.....yet I have always been obese, My family motivated me to start, and start over and over again everytime I failed, what has me now is the fact that I let it go too far. To the point now where my health is a serious concern if i don't fix this. I know how depressing it can be expecially if you have failed a few times, but make sure he knows the health concequences, a talk with my doctor about my bloodwork and numbers scared the **** out of me.
I would also suggest an approach that doenst focus on weight as the outcome. The healthy lifestyle should be the outcome. Living active and eating well are the goal not a number on the scale. There are a ton of health benifits to living an active healthy lifestyle regardless of weight. try and motivate him trhough an activity or achievement, (running a 5k or compeating in a sport again or something that he is interested in.
good luck...be patient and remember everyone is ready on their own time0 -
Life motivates me. Life sucked before. Now life is f'ing wonderful. He can check out my story if he likes.
www.borgiesjourney.com0 -
My clothes feeling too tight and how I look in the mirror. I finally said enough is enough. And besides, my wife works hard taking care of herself so I think I should do that in return.0
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I'm tired of everything being sore, all the time.0
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For me motivation has come from movies such as 300, Thor, magic mike (never seen it, but the GF lets me know she has seen it.... all the freaking time!), and such movies with very in shape men. Honestly I see all these movies stars, and I know that they are not all athletes born with awesome muscles and abs, the majority of them are just like the majority of us, normal people. But through discipline and hard work, they are able to overcome their mediocrity and shape themselves into something else. If they can do it, why can't I? Why shouldn't I?
Sure I don't have the most expensive trainer in the world, but I do have 80% of the information that they have thanks to the internet. And those high paid trainers have already motivated me by showing off their clients on the big screen, so I thank them for that!0 -
I realised that I was out of control in lots of ways, not just the eating, and that I wanted to take control of my life.
But it had to be my realisation. If anyone mentioned that I should lose weight before that point I just shut down.0 -
I don't know what will work exactly, for your husband. I'll tell you my story and perhaps there is something there that will make sense.
I met my wife when I was somewhat sedentary and a bit overweight, but nothing horrible. I was like 5'8" and 180 and did cardio 2x a week and was staying at that place. She was 5'6" and 155 and awesome to behold! For a variety of reasons I let the cardio drop and gained 20 lbs. At which point I decided I needed to do something about it. First go round, I started up cardio again and did Weight Watchers. By 8 weeks in the cravings for "forbidden stuff" were so bad, and my weight loss so minimal, that I quit. And gained more weight in the process of quitting, up to 210 lbs. About 6 months later, I tried again. This time I just cut back calories (ye old CICO approach) and added cardio again. And I lost 9 lbs, was so excited at 201 ... but again, cravings for crap I shouldn't eat, and not enjoying the cardio, caused me to fall off the bandwagon.
I ended up all the way up to 218 lbs. On someone who is 5'8 and not trying to create huge, bulky muscles, this is way obese. In Nov, 2011 I had a health screening and was 218, BP was pre hypertensive, chol/HDL ratio of 11.7, cholesterol almost 300, HDL only 22, glucose of 135 ... basically all the metabolic syndrome symptoms. Obese, high risk of heart disease, about to be put on BP meds, borderline type II diabetic. Shocked me. Scared me, too. Everyone in my family dies of heart disease. I'm only 45 and I don't want to have a heart attack when I'm 50. I have a high stress job with killer hours, lots of travel, etc. I was well on my way to a very bad outcome.
But I also knew I couldn't succeed at fixing this with calorie in/calorie out and cardio. I'd tried, no dice. ANd I was pretty sure that if I tried again, and failed, that was going to be the end of ever trying. Probably where your husband is at right now, I would guess.
I did a ton of research to try and find out what was going on with me and how to fix it in a way that would work and I could sustain over a long period of time. I happened to read a blog (not a health blog) where the writer every once in a while mentioned how much reading Gary Taubes books has helped him with staying healthy. I figured, at this point, it couldn't hurt. So, I bought Gary Taubes, "Why We Get Fat" and read it cover to cover.
Meanwhile, my wife, who has a much more standard "cut calories, walk some, don't drink beer" ability to lose weight had started dropping again, wanting to get down to somewhere between 140 and 145. Let me tell you, a 5'6" woman who weighs 145 or less is rocking hot and I figured I couldn't be an overweight exec and have a hot wife, that's just too damn cliche.
Well, Taubes' book was the deal ... it explains very clearly how the body's metabolism works with carbs, fat and proteins, how insulin works, what causes hunger and cravings, and much more. I spent a lot of time reading, talking to people and deciding what the right approach for me would be. Two things were clear to me. The first was that when I follow the CI/CO approach ONLY, without tuning macronutrients to make sense for my body, I would fail. I already had twice. I quit using tobacco cold turkey, just decided one day I was done, never smoked a cigarette or used smokeless tobacco again in my life. I had the willpower to do that. But CICO weight loss, I couldn't do it. That should tell you something about how insanely difficult it can be for some people to do the traditional approach to weight loss.
The problem is not motivation, or will power. It is finding what works for you as an individual. Your husband has to do that. I'm sure he wants to lose the weight and get fit. He doesn't want to be a slug, I promise. He can't figure out how to succeed. As I told someone the other day, not all bodies and metabolisms are the same. It's like a Toyota Camry and a Ford F150. Both are the same ... they have four wheels, a drive train, an internal combustion engine to produce power. Both use gas as fuel. But boy do they need different amounts of fuel to travel the same distance or go the same speed. Traditional CICO, calorie deficit and cardio works for a specific type of metabolism and body. But not all.
Since starting my own weight loss and fitness regimen I have successfully lost and kept off 22 lbs (not done yet) and reduced ALL of my numbers to much lower risk levels. As of Nov, 2012 my glucose is 107, my A1C is 5.6, cholesterol is 228, HDL is 41, chol/HDL ratio is 5.6, BP is 110/70. My doc thinks my diet is crazy but said to keep doing it, since it's working. I went from barely jogging a mile before I had to walk to being able to run 2 miles in about 17 minutes now (which exceeds the Army's minimum standard for physical fitness for my age). I found what works for me. And no crazy, unbeatable hunger and cravings that defeat me either. I am full and happy and content with my food, not "on a diet".
So, my advice? Buy your husband Gary Taubes' book, "Why We Get Fat" ... encourage him to read it cause some dude on MFP says "it's not like all the other ways to lose weight".0 -
I've given this much more thought than I typically would in just popping off a reply. Perhaps it is because I MAY understand your husband's mentality to a degree.
Over the years, I continued to pile on weight to where I probably had 80-90 pounds of extra fat. Surprisingly, although I was "heavy" did somehow convinced myself that I was just "bigger" than the average guy.
My wife and I would periodically say that we would "need to do something" but I didn't know what to do. I'd tried (F)Atkins, Body for Life and others with a limited degree of success.
Then, while browsing the web one day, I saw a coach's P90X video. (This isn't a commercial for P90X.) In particular, I saw a video done by Coach Wayne which made my jaw drop. I thought that if he could do it and look as amazing as he does, there may be hope for me. He also dumbed down the nutrition plan to something that I can do. For what it is worth, he has won the Coach of the Year for two years running. You can check it out at www.teamripped.com.
To be clear, I am not a coach and I do not make any money on any of their products. I just happen to think that they work.
It is critical that the exercise MUST be combined with proper nutrition or the weight doesn't seem to come off.
Tracking it with MFP on a computer and smartphone make it quantifiable and easy.
To me, there are two real benefits of P90X. First, my aging body feels better. I can do things. I don't feel trapped in my body any longer. Not surprisingly, it also has a dramatic impact on my confidence. When I am working out and doing something that is admittedly difficult, I feel so much better about myself. Getting huge arms, chest and back sure don't hurt that either. :-) I'm not bragging, just saying what happens as a result.
The side benefit is losing the blubber. I don't know if seeing my abs will make me happy. I still want to see them though. The reason is that it would be the antithesis of being obese. So, abs equate to NOT being fat.
Well, I have lost 53 pounds doing this and felt and looked much better. I've reverted to laziness and put some of it back on but I'm ready to start again as soon as I can get over this cold/flu.
So, in summary, I think that he needs to believe that anything he does will work.
If needed, private message me with questions. I'd also be willing to chat with your husband electronically or on the phone if it would help.0 -
You sound just like him. Say no more. I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.
As far as "nagging" ... guys don't work like women. If you have talked with us, and we have understood what you have said and we have reached agreement, anything after that is nagging. Regardless of what you think. That's how we see it. And if we know we should do something but can't really manage to do it, for whatever reason ... when you bring it up ... that makes us feel worse in a way that isn't good. Especially when it comes from our wife. We are supposed to love, nurture, provide for and protect you and we can't live up to the standard. So, we get upset about it and then we tend to react towards you since we feel helpless about this other thing.
Hope that helps .... feel free to message, add as a friend, whatever. If I can help, I will. But I promise, it's not motivation. He's already got that. He doesn't think he can succeed. I've been there, done that, got the boy scout merit badge for it.0 -
I found out my wife was pregnant. I quit smoking cold turkey that day and decided that I had more important things to do. I didn't start losing weight until my daughter was up and walking. She's a limitless ball of energy so I had to do something to keep up. I knew if i didn't change my life drastically, I'd be dead before she graduated high school.0
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You sound just like him. Say no more. I won't bring it up again. But what do I do when he brings it up? Since you sound just like him I am really interested in your opinion. Seriously. I know it is hard to tell if someone is being a jerk, I'm not. I really want your advise.
As far as "nagging" ... guys don't work like women. If you have talked with us, and we have understood what you have said and we have reached agreement, anything after that is nagging. Regardless of what you think. That's how we see it. And if we know we should do something but can't really manage to do it, for whatever reason ... when you bring it up ... that makes us feel worse in a way that isn't good. Especially when it comes from our wife. We are supposed to love, nurture, provide for and protect you and we can't live up to the standard. So, we get upset about it and then we tend to react towards you since we feel helpless about this other thing.
Hope that helps
You are spot on! The motivation has to be internal. For me, it was looking in the mirror one day and realizing just how fat I'd become. It wasn't until I was disgusted with my current condition that I kicked myself in the rear to get going.
By the way, your take on nagging is exactly right. and worded so well that I can't believe it. Well said!0 -
Take pictures of him when he isn't aware you are taking them. I saw some of those and it horrified me into getting serious about this.0
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What motivated me? When I was 602 pounds and my daughter climbed up into my lap and asked me if I was going to die because I was fat.0
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To answer your other question - i found this app when i was in weight watchers - the WW app was terrible (and you had to pay for it). Overall at least i found other men in the forum versus WW meetings which tended to be all women.0
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As an earlier poster said it was a visit to the doctor who told me I was borderline this and borderline that and wanting to start me on all these different pills and medications, blah, blah, blah... I hate having to take pills and I was not about to start doing that if I didn't have to. (I have friends that take pills for pills. No way! So I got a family membership to Snap Fitness and have started to change my eating habits. So far so good.
You mentioned that he has been to doctor and that that really depressed him. I have also battled with depression and I can tell you he will need to tackle that first before the other. Get him some St Johns Wort and tell him it will help with his depression. Some studies say it works plus the placebo affect may be enough, because then maybe he will take the doctor's warnings to heart and start exercising and that is the real cure for depression. I mean literally it does wonders. My teenage boy and I work out at the gym 4 days a week, currently, and I very rarely feel any depression anymore. (And never after a workout!)
And finally... Print this topic out and just set it down on the coffee table or by his chair or somewhere he will see it and let him read it maybe one of these stories or all of them together will be enough to get him moving, at least he will be able to see that you really do care and are not trying to nag him.
Good luck!0 -
I don't know what will work exactly, for your husband. I'll tell you my story and perhaps there is something there that will make sense.
I met my wife when I was somewhat sedentary and a bit overweight, but nothing horrible. I was like 5'8" and 180 and did cardio 2x a week and was staying at that place. She was 5'6" and 155 and awesome to behold! For a variety of reasons I let the cardio drop and gained 20 lbs. At which point I decided I needed to do something about it. First go round, I started up cardio again and did Weight Watchers. By 8 weeks in the cravings for "forbidden stuff" were so bad, and my weight loss so minimal, that I quit. And gained more weight in the process of quitting, up to 210 lbs. About 6 months later, I tried again. This time I just cut back calories (ye old CICO approach) and added cardio again. And I lost 9 lbs, was so excited at 201 ... but again, cravings for crap I shouldn't eat, and not enjoying the cardio, caused me to fall off the bandwagon.
I ended up all the way up to 218 lbs. On someone who is 5'8 and not trying to create huge, bulky muscles, this is way obese. In Nov, 2011 I had a health screening and was 218, BP was pre hypertensive, chol/HDL ratio of 11.7, cholesterol almost 300, HDL only 22, glucose of 135 ... basically all the metabolic syndrome symptoms. Obese, high risk of heart disease, about to be put on BP meds, borderline type II diabetic. Shocked me. Scared me, too. Everyone in my family dies of heart disease. I'm only 45 and I don't want to have a heart attack when I'm 50. I have a high stress job with killer hours, lots of travel, etc. I was well on my way to a very bad outcome.
But I also knew I couldn't succeed at fixing this with calorie in/calorie out and cardio. I'd tried, no dice. ANd I was pretty sure that if I tried again, and failed, that was going to be the end of ever trying. Probably where your husband is at right now, I would guess.
I did a ton of research to try and find out what was going on with me and how to fix it in a way that would work and I could sustain over a long period of time. I happened to read a blog (not a health blog) where the writer every once in a while mentioned how much reading Gary Taubes books has helped him with staying healthy. I figured, at this point, it couldn't hurt. So, I bought Gary Taubes, "Why We Get Fat" and read it cover to cover.
Meanwhile, my wife, who has a much more standard "cut calories, walk some, don't drink beer" ability to lose weight had started dropping again, wanting to get down to somewhere between 140 and 145. Let me tell you, a 5'6" woman who weighs 145 or less is rocking hot and I figured I couldn't be an overweight exec and have a hot wife, that's just too damn cliche.
Well, Taubes' book was the deal ... it explains very clearly how the body's metabolism works with carbs, fat and proteins, how insulin works, what causes hunger and cravings, and much more. I spent a lot of time reading, talking to people and deciding what the right approach for me would be. Two things were clear to me. The first was that when I follow the CI/CO approach ONLY, without tuning macronutrients to make sense for my body, I would fail. I already had twice. I quit using tobacco cold turkey, just decided one day I was done, never smoked a cigarette or used smokeless tobacco again in my life. I had the willpower to do that. But CICO weight loss, I couldn't do it. That should tell you something about how insanely difficult it can be for some people to do the traditional approach to weight loss.
The problem is not motivation, or will power. It is finding what works for you as an individual. Your husband has to do that. I'm sure he wants to lose the weight and get fit. He doesn't want to be a slug, I promise. He can't figure out how to succeed. As I told someone the other day, not all bodies and metabolisms are the same. It's like a Toyota Camry and a Ford F150. Both are the same ... they have four wheels, a drive train, an internal combustion engine to produce power. Both use gas as fuel. But boy do they need different amounts of fuel to travel the same distance or go the same speed. Traditional CICO, calorie deficit and cardio works for a specific type of metabolism and body. But not all.
Since starting my own weight loss and fitness regimen I have successfully lost and kept off 22 lbs (not done yet) and reduced ALL of my numbers to much lower risk levels. As of Nov, 2012 my glucose is 107, my A1C is 5.6, cholesterol is 228, HDL is 41, chol/HDL ratio is 5.6, BP is 110/70. My doc thinks my diet is crazy but said to keep doing it, since it's working. I went from barely jogging a mile before I had to walk to being able to run 2 miles in about 17 minutes now (which exceeds the Army's minimum standard for physical fitness for my age). I found what works for me. And no crazy, unbeatable hunger and cravings that defeat me either. I am full and happy and content with my food, not "on a diet".
So, my advice? Buy your husband Gary Taubes' book, "Why We Get Fat" ... encourage him to read it cause some dude on MFP says "it's not like all the other ways to lose weight".
thank you, this is very insightful.. i will look for the book.0 -
Thanks to all of you amazing MFP men. I wasn't really sure what type of response I would get from you guys and have to say my heart is warmed by your outpouring of support. With deepest gratitude. - amylynn0
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For me it was the realization that I could not obtain my desired body composition by working out alone. For years, I resisted the fact that nutrition was 80% of the battle. After a few days of logging, it becomes obvious that it's almost impossible to consistently eat the optimal calories and macronutrient ratios unless you track it.0
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Hi Amy,
I just joined the forums so I might be a bit late with my post. I browsed through other responses and not sure how much light I can shed on it that already hasn't been said.
As others mentioned, having my wife push me, would not work. For me anyway. I can guarantee that. For years I smoked and she didn't. Everytime she said something about it, or even looked at me when I smoked, it rubbed me the wrong way. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. It didn't help me get started on quitting, it just made me mad at her. And the negative ads they ran on TV? Sheesh! They really had a way to p*** me off. I finally quit and one of the handfull of reasons for quitting that I wrote down was that I knew she wanted me to and I knew how much it would make her happy. But it was me that had to make that choice. As much as she wanted it, the choice was never hers. After 30 years of smoking, I made that choice and haven't smoked in 3 years and 8 months.
It's the same when losing weight. I had to get fed up with myself and make the decision. I downloaded the MFP app and got started in my new routines because I couldn't stand to see every picture of myself looking like I was attempting to hide a beach ball under my shirt.
I could say this a hundered times. He has to make the decision. But I know this has been talked about, so I won't beat a dead horse. Plus, as you said, you only offer him help when he grumbles about being overweight.
They say you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. (The second time I mentioned horses. What does that mean?) So if encouraging him doesn't work to get him started on a diet and/or new routines, maybe you can trick him into thinking it was his idea.
Be a role model. Maybe post your results (for self-motivation) in a place where he will see it on a daily basis. Post notes on the fridge. One I've heard was something like, "Eat to Live, don't live to eat." And maybe seeing pictures of himself and his "beer belly" around the house would give him the subtle nudge he needs.
Hope this helps in some way.
-Kevin0 -
Show him Greg Plitt YouTube videos.0
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Thanks to all of you amazing MFP men. I wasn't really sure what type of response I would get from you guys and have to say my heart is warmed by your outpouring of support. With deepest gratitude. - amylynn0
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When I started weight training, I used really light weight dumbbells and I couldn't believe the muscle development and tone I was getting within 4 to 6 weeks (a dozen or so workouts). That initial muscle gain for new weight lifters is really amazing and just about everyone gets it. And the increase in weight that happens early in one's weight training program can be very self-motivating as well. Maybe start there?
And if you go to a gym with a personal trainer, maybe hook him up with at least 4-5 appointments.0 -
thank you, this is very insightful.. i will look for the book.
don't just blindly follow Taubes. you need to independently verify his assertions.
apparently, quite alot of what he's written is deliberately misleading or incorrect.
http://weightology.net/?p=251
http://weightology.net/?p=2650 -
Anyway, how did you get started? What motivated you to join MFP and how have you stuck w/ it. I would love to find away to help my husband see the amazingness this site has to offer. That being said, I know it has to be his decision, just wonder if I have been going about my 'encouragement' the wrong way.
Discovering I had diabetes type II got me started. My moobs (man boobs) shrinking over time has kept me motivated to keep going along with improving everyday to the point that I no longer need medications to control the various issues I had when I did start. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc etc. all cured. No more meds.0
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