An ex attack

PomegranatePriestess · January 2013

Having a friendship with an ex is complicated. Some people can handle it, and others can't. It sounds like this guy was holding onto some anger from your breakup... not sure how long ago you broke up but it is usually good to get some distance first and then, if both people feel they still want to be friends, try it after the cooling off period. Sometimes, you just can't continue on as friends... this is especially true if you broke up because you didn't have enough in common in the way of values, goals, lifestyle, hobbies, etc.

Since you have cut ties with him at this point, and you are looking for ways to get over the way his words made you feel, here's some advice: don't try to forget what he said. Instead, realize why he said it. He knew you well enough to know what you would be hurt by, and he had a motive to want to hurt you (his own pain). Even the most confident people are vulnerable at times, and the people they let closest to them know their weaknesses. You're not alone in these feelings; we've all felt them at one time or another. It's part of human relationships. Think of it like this: now that you've been exposed to this germ, you're going to find ways to fight it off and develop an immunity to it.

In an effort to bounce back after processing what he has said, do two things:
1. Admit that at times, you have not felt confident or sexy, but that right now, you are open to feeling both, and
2. Do everything you can to feel both ASAP, as no one else's input is required but your own!

There is a whole other thread here that someone started about how to get into the "feeling sexy" mood. Look that up and get some ideas from that.

Also, to me, you look like Jennifer Morrison when she went brunette for her role on House. And she is very pretty, and truly sexy.

PlanetVelma · January 2013

Oh my...we had already broken up prior to this message. I had also broken ALL ties with him prior to this message. So BREAK UP doesn't apply in the literal sense. I'm assuming she meant something else. Which is fine, but I can understand why people took it the wrong way, because, obviously, there is no one to break up with at this point.

OP- you don't have to keep defending yourself here. You and some of your friends didn't understand the "just break up" comment and that's fine. You and your friends understand that y'all have broken up, and if y'all aren't familiar with this common phrase on MFP, it may seem like just a harsh reply. That's okay. Trust the person who said it that she meant no harm.

I would have used this section instead of 'motivation' also. That shouldn't matter. I would hope you'd get support regardless of the section you're in when your OP was obviously calling for support.

I'd reply to the sincere comments here and ignore the hijacking crap. :flowerforyou:

I should. It's just that people are completely misunderstanding me. I understand that the girl didn't mean "break up" in the literal way. Thats fine. I'm not offended. But other people who are defending her statement, aren't even defending it right. They are assuming I'm still with him in some way (whether relationship or friendship) when I have said more than once that I have broken ALL ties to him. Also, I wasn't asking for advice on how to handle him...I'm asking on how to handle the emotions it caused me. Again, I'm repeating myself. Communication really sucks here. Everyone misunderstands everything. And I feel like I've repeated myself a gazillion times. lol.

Regarding communication: I think it's important to note that when you are communicating via email, forum posting, text, etc... you lose all the facial cues, body language, etc...so it's REALLY easy to misunderstand what someone is trying to get across.

Quite frankly the 1-2 word answers can be taken a million different ways, it really depends on the readers life experiences.

Regarding your emotions/reaction due to his mean comments, girlie, that's a tough one! It seems once someone has attacked our image/self esteem, it's really hard to bounce back from that. Embrace your emotions, work through them in a healthy manner...work out, journal, cry - get it out of your system and realize those terrible things he said were not true.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such a jerkwad. I'm also sorry that such a simple question for how to deal with those types of emotions had turned into such drama. Yikes!

determined136 · January 2013

Don't give him one more minute of power over you! You are a beautiful woman that deserves respect....if he isn't going to give it to you don't give him the opportunity to hurt you ever again!

Your loss is inspiring and you are stunning!!!!:smooched:

cindiva65 · January 2013

I still remember the words my ex-husband said to me as he was telling me he was leaving me for someone else. He said, "Why do you want to hold on to me, afraid you can't get anyone else?" That was over 10 years ago. I never forgot it. He is married to the woman and miserable and has tried to get me back this whole 10 years. Yeah I still remember it and it hurts if I let it...he's totally forgotten it...probably the same day after he said it in fact.

I still struggle with my weight (lose/gain cycle) but you know what I know I am a good person at any weight. I have a fiance now who treats me great...and Im close to my highest weight ever. Someone who truely respects you and your feelings wouldnt resort to such disparraging remarks. You don't need him in your life under any circumstances. Take the trash out to the curb and leave it there!!!

Great job on your weight loss. Be pround of yourself. :flowerforyou:

breeshabebe · January 2013

I say.... Just break up.. in that, you just wash your hands of that guy. And.. I would suggest reprogramming your mind with positive things. Everyday, write something you like about yourself on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. Remind yourself of these things until they stick.

My advice to the whole hijacking party.... just break up... in that... you just give it up already man. Making my eye twitch and everything.

CherokeeBabe · January 2013

My MAIN motto in life:

NOONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT> ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember YOU choose how you react to the words and actions of others. If you felt sexy and pretty BEFORE he said those thing..then you are the only one who has the power to keep that feeling regardless of what he said in the heat of an argumment.

Always remember, you have the power over your reactions..you cannot blame ANYONE else for how YOU choose to feel...people say things to try and hurt you, yes, but they will only succeed if you alow them to.

Keep your power, keep your sexy, keep your beauty....don't let one argument take it away from you.

Fantastic advice, I couldn't find a single thing to add to this! I wish I'd had this quote to think about a few times before now

desiv2 · January 2013

What everyone else said.

It's not true, he only said that because he wanted to hurt you and he knew what you are insecure about. Rise above it, and like someone else said, have an amazing life and make him jealous as all hell.

BTW: You should feel proud, sexy, confident. I looked at your profile pictures and you've come so far, you look amazing!

CorvusCorax77 · January 2013

judging by your pic in short black skirt and red heels, you got no problem lookin' smokin'....

it hurts because he knows your insecurities and he played that. It's not about him, it's about you and how you feel about yourself. That's my two cents.

You don't need him as a friend- not a single one of my friends would tap an insecurity of mine like that. But you do need to accept that you gotta work on how you think and feel about yourself. best way to do that is stay on this path you are on. focus on you.

cineshome · January 2013

Mean people suck. He was being mean.

An ex attack

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