Husband unhappy with my weight :(
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and the man bashing continues0
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Not really sure why your husband has any input on how much you weigh whatsoever. My husband doesn't. He wants me to be healthy and happy and the number on the scale doesn't matter. We don't have arguments about how much I should weigh. He has no input on my weight loss because it's not for him, it's for me.
Frankly, if he started telling me what I should weigh I'd be rethinking some things.0 -
You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.
And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.
When the Hell did I tell her she can only be healthy if she's lower than 160 lbs? Please quote me, I'd love to see that.0 -
Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?
THIS^^
I think doctor's should take both BMI and BF% into account when they are setting goals for patients.
I am 5'2" tall...I started at 228lbs...I am currently ~195lbs. My goal is currently set for 145lbs. I am fully aware that by BMI standards, that is 10lbs "overweight". However, I am strength training ( lifting heavy), so I am going to have more muscle mass than the average 38yo female. Right now I have the idea that I would like to be a size 6--if I hit that at 160lbs, I may stop!
ETA: for those who are bashing the OP for "seeking attention of men other than her husband"...she never said she was SEEKING the attention. She said that she GETS attention from other men, and she wishes it was from her hubby.
Every woman wants to feel pretty. My hubby DOES tell me I'm pretty...but it still makes me smile when I catch a guy checking out my squat or whatever...0 -
Well, my opinion is that you are too far away from your goal weight to know if any of you will be happy with it. Why don't you wait to freak out until you get there?0
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Sometimes our partners can be a little insensitive and we can be too. I don't think this should be a battle. It just isn't a deal breaker. He wants what HE THINKS is the best for you and you really cannot blame him for loving you and wanting the best. Unfortunately egos always love to jump into the middle of stupid disagreements and blow things way out of proportion. If I were you, tell him that you love him and understand that he just wants the best for you and that you will agree to disagree with him now but promise to readdress it with him when you reach your goal of 160. One of the two has to put down the weapons (our ego) and take the high road and understand where he is coming from. I hate being in a fight with my SO. And sometimes I am the one who has to do the loving thing and find my loving feelings and begin making up. Is it worth the loss of intimacy over a difference in opinion? And that is all it is if you look at it. he's entitled to his opinion and you are entitled to yours and you need to find the common ground if you want things to work out. This is just not worth the loss of intimacy with your man...and again...this is my opinion. You will show him in the end that you are right....but is it worth the fight now? I don't think so.0
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Do what you're comfortable with, not what he is or isn't. It's not his body, not his choice.0
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Good. It is important that you are doing this for yourself and not because your husband wants you to.
Ditto! What he said is correct! Do it for yourself & not for what your husband wants. Hang in there & Good Luck
I totally agree. It is your body and you are doing this for yourself. 0 -
I think often people don't realize how much a person weighs. When I met my ex husband I was 150 lbs and size 9. He always thought I weighed like 125...LOL
My current fiance seen some pics of me a couple years back when I got down to 160 and I was a size 7. He said how great I looked in the pics and that I should get back down to 130 like that...so they often have no idea what we actually weigh!!! I am going to go by how I look and feel in my clothing. I have a tentative goal of 160 again and then I will see what I look like. Funny how was 10 lbs heavier, 25 years older and a size smaller!!! Our bodies change over time.0 -
You should be the weight YOU feel best at.
Please yourself first, because you're the one living in your own body. Please everyone else (including your husband) second.
Remember that happiness comes from being happy with yourself first. Changing yourself just for your husband will not make you happy.0 -
Why decide now when you are nowhere near goal?? Who knows how you will feel. If you have done this before, this time may be different. Your quest may evolve into fitness instead of a certain weight goal. A number on a scale cannot and should not define you. Like others have said, it is what you want that is most important but I say enjoy this journey instead of thinking so far down the line. Who knows, maybe you will become a fitness junkie and will want to focus on body fat numbers instead. No one can predict the future. Just take care of yourself now. And don't ask your hubby's opinion. Do what you need to do for you.0
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Get back down to 150 then worry about it.
No point fretting yet.0 -
You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.
And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.
When the Hell did I tell her she can only be healthy if she's lower than 160 lbs? Please quote me, I'd love to see that.
**Crickets**
.. yeah that's what I thought..0 -
I try to remain a very positive person and find a "reason" for the things that other's say which actually ticks a lot of people off but, I am going to try in this situation as well... hopefully it will give you new light on what your husband could possibly be saying....
Is it possible that he is happy with your weight, as he should be considering he married you at this weight and he wanted to be supportive of your weight loss by giving his perspective on things. Your doctor said 115 and you are saying 160, to me it sounds like he just threw out a number and said "130" since it's in the middle of the two. He might just want you to consider a lower number but, that doesn't mean that he necessarily wants you there.
That being said, I don't know what the situation was or what words were said but, I don't want you to have hurt feelings about something that he possibly didn't mean. You might want to communicate this further with him.
I am so glad that you keep a positive outlook on yourself and on your life that you are able to be so confident. You go girl! You rock.
After reading most of the comments, I have to agree with ^^THIS the most. Communicate with your husband and have him tell him exactly what's on his mind. Sometimes people say things that's heard differently.0 -
It's your body, so it's up to you. If you feel good in the 160s and you're healthy there, that's perfectly fine 0
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i am glad that you're doing this for yourself - that is the ONLY person you have to worry about. No offense but i would say that it's shallow of your husband to say that you need to be a certain weight - does he like make you weigh in front of him? Furthermore, it all depends on how your body is made & what you are comfortable with. i'm also 5'2" & started out @ 212 lbs. so i totally understand where you're starting from. i'm currently at 145 (still considered overweight) but i have received a ton of compliments & when i say that i have 15 more pounds to go, normally get told that i would not look good smaller.
Please feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like :flowerforyou:0 -
Good for you!! This is about you and how you feel about yourself, if your husband really loves you he will accept you the way you are... Never do anything to please anyone if it includes hurting yourself.0
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I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Sorry, I'm with Yoovie. 160 and 5'2 isn't HEALTHY. Can't be. I don't care if you live in the US, Canada, Australia, China or Tonga, that's obese still. I'm not sure why people worry about what they will look like 60 pounds less. Eat right, exercise and lose the weight then analyze when you get there. By the way, I'm 5'11 and 147 and I feel fat at 160. I know weight looks different on different people, but if a doctor is telling me to get to a weight I'd at least try. Excess weight causes a multitude of health problems in the future - Type 2 diabetes is one of them. That isn't something I'd want to play with just because I feel good obese. I'm sorry, I think your husband is more right than you. I'm not being mean or nasty, I'm ok if you are mad at me, I'm just giving my opinion.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
Just cause you are at your ideal weight doesn't mean you are actually healthy. I know a lot of skinny unhealthy people. I also know a some overweight, but healthy people. I run six days a week, eat clean most of the time, and do strength training three days a week, but I am overweight. Doesn't mean I am not healthy, actually my doctor says I have one the healthiest hearts he has ever seen on a EKG.
Sure I want to be 135 not 160, but it doesn't mean I am unhealthy.
ETA: Also, my blood work come back looking great, as well.0 -
Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?
SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.
SAFE TO SAY YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT IN PUTTING ALL YOUR FAITH IN THE BMI CHARTS.
SAFE TO SAY YOU DIDNT READ ANYTHING I SAID OTHER THAN BMI
SAFE TO SAY ONE OF US KNOWS WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. GDAY 0
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