Couples- separate or combined finances?

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Replies

  • breyn2004
    breyn2004 Posts: 162 Member
    One family, one marriage, one bank account.

    We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

    For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

    ^^This!
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    My feeling on this is that it depends on the "couple". Back before owning my business my wife and I made about the same amount per month. We had a combined checking and each had our own checking. We would both deposit equal amounts in the combined to pay for our budgeted bills and did whatever with the $$ in our own checking. Now I own my business and we have a combined only and the business account.....it works for us and that's all that matters to me.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
    For now it's separate but once we get married I'll want to combine. But budget. In the budget there should be some "whatever" money for each person, but I don't see the need for separate accounts for that. There needs to be complete transparency and both people should know what is going on and agree on how much is going to what.

    The exception would be if, say, one person had a gambling problem they were trying to work through. Or if one person lost the other's trust by being really irresponsible, but then that means you have a lot of problems in your relationship, not just money.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    We do both. We have a joint account that's used to pay the mortgage, property taxes and some other household expenses. For the rest of the shared bills, he gives me his half of what's owed and I submit the payments. This is how we set it up when we first moved in together almost 15 years ago (sans joint account, that didn't happen until we bought the house) and we figure if it aint broke, don't fix it. We're both very independent and it would bug us to have to ask permission (or forgiveness later) for the extra things. Even though technically it's "our" money now that we're married, it's up to us to take care of our own expenses.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    If we only had shared credit cards, we would always know where our presents were coming from, since we keep close tabs on our spending online. He might still be OK, since he gets me electronics, but I think he could guess what I ordered from the boat manufacturer for $200.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    my husband and i are combined. he insists that i be incharge. he always asks if he can make a purchase. i always tell him its ok, as long as its in the budget. we never fight about money.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Each couple is different. My husband and I've been married for over 20 years, and we have NEVER combined our accounts. It keeps arguments about money to a zero. Occasionally there are tiffs, but they are really rare. This works if both people are working. If you only have one working and the other a SAH, the dynamics will definitely be different.

    It's what works for each person.
  • rockymtnlove
    rockymtnlove Posts: 215
    My husband and I have been sharing all finances since we moved in together a few years ago. We just decided that having a joint bank account would make bill paying easier, and now it is the only account we have. Joint check, joint save, joint credit. Honestly I like it because it keeps me from spending more than I should on crap I don't need, and we never fight about money really
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
    If I EVER decide to share my personal space again, it'll be completely clear financial lines drawn. I don't share.
  • Jaulen
    Jaulen Posts: 468 Member
    We have a joint account for household expenses (daycare, utilities, mortgage, groceries). And all bills are auto-paid out of it (and it gets auto-deposited into the account).

    Then we have our own accounts for the rest of our own money. That way If I want to save more I can, if he wants a big screen TV (I'll eye roll) but it's his money, he can spend it how he wants.

    Never had an argument about $. But that's what works for us.

    Note. we're both professionals and earn close to the same amount.

    I'd feel differently if I was under earning him by a large margin and things were still expected to be split 50/50.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    My boyfriend and I keep our bank accounts separate. We split all bills right down the middle (except I pay cable and he picks up electric - if he wants to run the AC 24/7 I'm not picking up that bill!) including groceries. It has worked well for the 5 years we've been together and I definitely don't plan on changing it.

    We literally never argue about money. There's nothing to argue about. No need for a joint account either (we pay all bills manually, been raped too many times by faulty auto-withdraw systems taking out WAY too much), though we do have eachother's complete account information.
  • sds76
    sds76 Posts: 215 Member
    One family, one marriage, one bank account.

    We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

    For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.


    we do it this way too. We have always had a joint acct. I have worked maybe a total of 3 yr in the last 16years of marriage. My husband never refers to the money as his, even though he is the only one that brings money in. I do all the budgeting, he knows about it all, but I figure it and pay the bills, etc. If one of us need or want something then we budget it in and get it. IF we want to gift someone something then we just ask the other to not look at the bank acct till after a specific date, etc. Obviously we know why but don't know what it is. This obviously works well for us, but I think each cpl has to find what works for them. I've seen both happen and have seen good and bad from both sides of the fence.
  • loombeav
    loombeav Posts: 391 Member
    We have a combined account. If I wanted a roommate I wouldn't have gotten married.
    Once all the bills are paid we use the remaining for whatever we need/want. We discuss major purchases (anything more than $100) before buying.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    Right now my bf and I split bills (rent and utilities) by income percentage. I make quite a bit more than he does, so I pay more. We figured out exactly what percentage I should pay and I just write him a check every month. Everything else is our own. So far we kinda take turns on paying for things like eating out and groceries and I try to make sure I pay a little more often than he does.

    When we get married my plan is to have one joint account and each have our own separate accounts. Half of our personal income will go in the joint account for household stuff and savings, the other half we’ll keep for ourselves to do whatever with.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    I doubt I will ever combine finances again. My ex wife decided that what was mine was hers. And because she refused to have a job, that was the end of it. And she actually argued that she had every bit as much right to spend whatever she wanted as I did to do anything else with it 9like pay bills, savings, etc.). I don't plan on going thorugh that again. if she doesn't have her own money, tough. Everyone has their baggage, that is part of mine.
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
    My husband makes more than twice the amount I make ( I am a Home Health Secretary/Insurance Biller and he is a school administrator). We have been together for 10 years and have always had separate accounts. Before we got married and had kids we split everything. Now that we have kids he pays all of the bills and I pay anything with the kids ie medical bills, clothes, food, activities, all health insurance coverage.

    We have talked about combining our accounts but just haven't done it yet. I'm sure he's afraid I'll go crazy and spend all of his money, and I'd hate to think he'd spend my toilet paper money on beer! LOL
  • btwalsh132
    btwalsh132 Posts: 289 Member
    Combined. My individual thinking is that separate is just that - separate. We do all we can to stay together.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    My sis thought she was in love with the man of her dreams at 17 and went ahead and opened a savings account with his name on it. Years after they broke up (cuz she went to college), she came back to that account and found money missing from it. Basically, he didn't change his brakes on his car and damaged his rotors and needed money for the repairs. He said he took the money because he wore out his car from driving her around. To his credit, he only took what he "needed." Lesson learned.

    As for me, my wife and I had cautiously merged our bank accounts after the kids came along. We had a single mortgage for years. And we've always filed taxes as married (you can't file separately after you're married... even if you marry on 12/31, you must file as married for the year). I think we kept the bank accounts separate just because we were lazy and my family was being audited (not me... just my parents).

    I think the answer really depends. I mean, if you own property together, then the car, house repairs, utilities, mortgage, insurance are expenses that you both are going to have to tackle. If you split up, who gets what? Worse, who gets what expenses? I think there's something to be said about keeping things written in contract or notarized agreement. Maybe you can specify a schedule for contributions to a joint account.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    And we've always filed taxes as married (you can't file separately after you're married... even if you marry on 12/31, you must file as married for the year).

    in the US, you have a choice of married, filing jointly or married, filing separately. It affects some deductions differently than others, but my point is that you do have a choice.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Hers, His and Ours is how we do it.

    We both contribute to ours for paying the mortgage, bills, vacations, etc.

    Hers is hers.

    Mine is mine.

    Been that way from day one. Never had a problem.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Right now my bf and I split bills (rent and utilities) by income percentage. I make quite a bit more than he does, so I pay more. We figured out exactly what percentage I should pay and I just write him a check every month. Everything else is our own. So far we kinda take turns on paying for things like eating out and groceries and I try to make sure I pay a little more often than he does.

    When we get married my plan is to have one joint account and each have our own separate accounts. Half of our personal income will go in the joint account for household stuff and savings, the other half we’ll keep for ourselves to do whatever with.

    This exactly.

    Right now he is still in school and only working part time (that's the max his position allows with fed ex) he pays utilities and internet and usually pays anytime we go out. He also gets paid weekly.

    I make twice what he makes and pay the rent, daycare, and groceries. Since I get paid bi-weekly, he usually picks up what we need for groceries in between my checks.

    Works well for now and we will do the single joint account in the future.
  • mnishi
    mnishi Posts: 419 Member
    My boyfriend and I had completely separate accounts for years, because I never want to fight over stupid money issues. When we bought a house together I had this wonderful idea, 50% of our paychecks goes into our separate accounts and the other 50% goes into a joint account in which all of our major housing expenses are paid (ie, mortgage, insurance, electric, gas, major home improvements). It's been a year and a half and this system seems to be working great for us. Things may change if/when we have kids but for now it's perfect for us.

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