Hubby threw out all my "healthy food".. WTH

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  • V79F
    V79F Posts: 12 Member
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    Oh my... really, your husband needs to tone it down a notch, but you do too. Buying "healthy food" which isn't satisfying for him and his dietary needs is not fair. Neither is throwing out your food.

    Eathing healthy does not mean you need to just buy diet food. It also means cooking from scratch instead of just buying cans or pre-made. It doesn't mean not using salt, it means significantly limiting it, but offering salt on the table for those that do need more. It means portion control, a smaller portion for the one trying to lose weight, and a larger portionfor the one who's active and tall.

    I'm trying to lose weight myself, my husband has a crazy fast metabolism and will end up severely underfed if I would only let him eat lean foods. So when I make baked potatoes, he gets one twice the size of mine, and while all I use for dressing is a very small pat of butter, he gets butter and cheese and sour cream or whatever he wants. He gets the bigger pieces of meat and I take larger amounts of fresh vegetables (NOTHING comes froma can or jar). If you buy good quality fresh food you really don't need all that much salt or seasonings or sauces to get nice flavor. Get him some nice, full-fat condiments. buy good quality bread and have him add those to your otherwise lean meal. Or buy half a chicken and you eat the breast without skin and he gets the wings and thights and all that yummy-but-oh-so-fatty stuff.

    There really are a LOT of ways in which you can combine a low and high caloric need in a household. The only question is if YOU can stop eating the less healthy options your husband needs. You're the one trying to lose weight, he obviously doesn't need to, so making sure you don't consume too much is 100% your responsibility.

    and RE the people who said "I cook, everyone eats what I cook, I'm not a waitress". If yoú don't have a job outside the home and your spouse does and your children go to school, it's insanely lazy and selfish if you don't take your families dietary needs into consideration.
  • Lauran845
    Lauran845 Posts: 71 Member
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    I am not in the same situation, however, close enough that I empathize with you. My husband wants to eat what he wants to eat. So we eat separate meals in my house. I think it is easier because it is just us, I don't know what would happen if we had other mouths to feed. When I go grocery shopping I single portion meats out. For example, this morning I took out fish for me for dinner and a ribeye steak for him. While my fish broils his steak cooks and he can have whatever sides he wants. I love broccoli, so I will make enough for both of us and I dish myself a smaller portion of what he is having, like mac & cheese. I buy skim milk, but I also buy him the cereal he likes. So I guess my point is, let your spat blow over, go grocery shopping together and make meals you can both enjoy or swap out the main dish so both of you can have what you want, i.e. fish and steak. Also, on days I know I am going to chow down on pasta for dinner I make sure I get my exercise in so I don't go over my calories for the day and I watch my portions.

    Good luck to you!
  • jearehart32
    jearehart32 Posts: 2
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    It sounds like to me your husband is having an issue with you losing weight....He may be getting insecure with your confidence boosting? Your husband should be your number one supporter no matter what! I know how you feel my husband is thin and active to. If it was me I would clear one cabinet out and say this cabinet is all yours, here is the debit card now go buy the food you want. I would also inform him that if he doesn't like the things I choose to cook for dinner than he can cook for himself! The reality is that in the end of this journey when all your weight is lost you will have so much anger towards him for not being by your side during this journey, that it may not end well. Make sure he is aware that his actions in choosing to not be supportive could end very badly:( Another thing you may want to put a bug in his ear that "YOU WILL" have men crawling all over you at the end of your new begining!!!
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    I don't understand why anyone would think this is acceptable behavior,
    And I don't think anyone has said that it is?
  • heypurdy
    heypurdy Posts: 196 Member
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    Throw him out
  • scarywordlikediet
    scarywordlikediet Posts: 91 Member
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    Reading this reminded me of when I was married. Every time I would workout or try to eat healthy, my ex husband would say the only reason I was doing it was to find another man. Had nothing to do with the fact that I was getting FATTER AND FATTER. No, that couldn't be it. It had to be another man.
  • aakokopelli7
    aakokopelli7 Posts: 196 Member
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    Why doesn't he just buy the types of food he wanted? My Bo does. Also, I don't know you or your personality but why are you taking that kind of *kitten* from a man? To me, that is extremely selfish behavior on his part and he clearly needs professional help. Be prepared for this whole weight loss journey you are on to end well for your body but no so much your relationship. Happens a lot.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Ok, 1. your husband sounds like a controlling abusive a$$hat, and I'm sure you wil defend his abusive ways, people do that for some reason when they think they love somebody. 2. you shouldn't force him to eat what you are, he is a grown up, he should be able to eat what he wants. 3. go out with his debit card buy your stuff, and tell him if he wants something different, he can go out and buy it this time, and then the next time you go shopping you can just get the stuff you both want.

    So why do you have to make him dinner everynight anyways? You sound more like his maid than his wife. Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    I don't understand why anyone would think this is acceptable behavior,
    And I don't think anyone has said that it is?

    Nope. Jerky behavior on his part and very pushy of her health food choices on her part.
  • alanlmarshall
    alanlmarshall Posts: 587 Member
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    I hope you won't consider ending your marriage on the advice of some strangers on the internet. Do you have children? When they ask you why they don't have a father at home "He threw my food away" is not going to be a very satisfying answer.
  • hopetobethin312
    hopetobethin312 Posts: 5 Member
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    Let HIM go shopping! Then when he comes home, THROW out his food!!!!! There has to be something more than just being an jerk. It sounds like to me, he is afraid of you getting thin and leaving him. Unless he is just the control type of guy.
  • fightininggirl
    fightininggirl Posts: 792 Member
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    this!
    Let him do his own grocery shopping. Give him his own cabinet and fridge space. Tell him to cook his own meals. And while your at it, tell him to do his own cleaning too. You do what makes you feel good and if cant support you then throw him out with the junk food!
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
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    I know you're just venting, but yes, I'm about to judge...

    1- You're husband sounds like an immature *kitten* in this instance. If he's frustrated fine, but to order you to the grocery store? And to try to sabotage your health plans by pestering you about the nachos? That is not being supportive or even base line respectful at all.

    2- You are trying to change your eating habits, not his. So if you have only bought stuff for the house and are forcing him to change his habits, don't. Whoever buys the groceries should buy two sets of groceries, what you want and what he wants. But don't feel obligated to cook his stuff if you know it's going to trigger bad eating habits in you.

    3-Clearly you two need to sit down and discuss clear expectations of shopping, real support, etc.

    Honestly I find his behavior disturbing and slightly abusive in a controlling way.

    And not going to lie, if my guy did that, he'd find his debit card cut in half on the table when he got home. Then we'd be talking more about how we treat each other in our relationship than our eating habits.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
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    I hope you won't consider ending your marriage on the advice of some strangers on the internet. Do you have children? When they ask you why they don't have a father at home "He threw my food away" is not going to be a very satisfying answer.

    It's not a divorce offense, but it is a counseling offense and/or serious talk offense. Her post, keeping in mind we are only getting her side of it, had relationship red flags all over it.
  • AliceKlaar
    AliceKlaar Posts: 275 Member
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    Let HIM go shopping! Then when he comes home, THROW out his food!!!!! There has to be something more than just being an jerk. It sounds like to me, he is afraid of you getting thin and leaving him. Unless he is just the control type of guy.

    According to one of her other posts, he works 13-15 hours a day - I'm not sure when he's supposed to fit in the shopping as well.
  • loribenfield
    loribenfield Posts: 120 Member
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    I agree. He would be going. Does not sound like he is going to give you the support you need to succeed.
  • amandaward709
    amandaward709 Posts: 9
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    In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.


    I disagree. He has his own debit card? Well he can go buy the crap he wants to eat himself. From now on, cook your own meals... let him fend for himself and see how he likes it!!

    *** On a side note, I hadn't read all of the other posts. If he's working, and you are not, then you need to include his wishes as well since part of your 'job' in the relationship seems to be grocery shopping.
  • prophetessmom
    prophetessmom Posts: 37 Member
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    Oh dear.

    Trying to lose weight is already hard enough and it's even harder when the person that you're in a relationship with, doesn't need to lose weight. If you want to be with this person, you will have to conquer the biggest task in weight loss... willpower. I understand where you're coming from about wanting healthy food in your body and working out but, that doesn't mean that he has to have healthy food in his body. The house that you live in is both of yours- You both need to feel welcome and satisfied in your home. He needs to feel like there is food for him to eat and you need to feel the same way. Can I suggest making your own cupboard and giving him his own? You could have your healthy food in that cupboard and he can have his crap (lol) in his cupoboard. You can also have your own space in the fridge. I am not trying to come off as being rude but, I know how it feels to be in a house with someone who has different ideas than you do and it doesn't feel very good. The two of you CAN work this out if you can learn how to talk to each other without these strange outbursts. He sounds like he has been bottling up his emotions for quite sometime now, (I see that you have lost 80 pounds) and it sounds like he just exploded for no reason at all. You didn't and don't deserve what he did or what he said so, don't get me wrong when I am sticking up for his eating habits. You should have a conversation with him explaining WHY you want to lose weight and WHAT kind of support you need from him. He should want you to be happy even if that means losing weight. I guess you could take it as a compliment that he loves you the way that you are. It isn't fair for you to have to walk on eggshells everyday and not be able to talk to him about things that you're passionate about.... you need to get that point accross to him. Is there any way to have a nice conversation without fighting and without using foul words on each other's emotions? That should happen soon so that you can continue on your weight loss adventure.

    Good luck to you. Add me as a friend if you'd like.
    I agree with this. I think he's feeling threatened by your loss. Was eating out (buffalo wings and stuff like that) a big part of your relationship up until recently? He may feel that you changing is going to change the relationship. He's being childish about it, but maybe talking with him about where your relationship is and where it's going would help. if someone has never had a weight problem, it can be really hard to watch someone else who struggles.

    I also agree that you should have his/her food. If he really wants buffalo wings, let him eat them, and you have a healthier alternative, but maybe share something else with him. You need to take care of yourself, but you also don't want to just wash your hands of the relationship, it sounds like. I think a good conversation is in order, and maybe some reassurance. My guess, he's feeling threatened. 80 pounds is a lot. That's awesome for you!!!
    Good luck!
  • NovemberJune
    NovemberJune Posts: 2,525 Member
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    I cannot imagine throwing away FOOD! :\
  • Julettashane
    Julettashane Posts: 723 Member
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    I wouldn't buy food, he's on his own for the rest of the week.

    this right here!!! agreed

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