Hubby threw out all my "healthy food".. WTH
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oh and BTW the only reason he would get mad at you trying to be healthier is his own insecurities and hes afraid you leave if you feel better about you...from someone who has been in a couple abusive relationships... do for you make you better...either he'll change or you'll find a better man. But don't let his insecurities slow your journey...you're doing great and should be proud of yourself for making changes.:flowerforyou:0
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I am spending a bit more on groceries and I get yelled at, but I also dont push what I am doing on my husband, I still make him the stuff he likes, im just giving him smaller portions of what he eats and he is fine with that.He actually said this morning that he was proud of me for going to the gym.. that really was sweet.
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the next thing that would be getting thrown out is him, then I'd slap him with his own shoe and say "I want a better man by the time I get back"
too funny!!
He sounds like he's getting insecure with your progress. I'm not sure how to help -- but his tactics are really bullying you. You can't accept being treated that way. Good luck for a peaceful resolution.0 -
I work in a domestic violence clinic, and I write up restraining order applications all day. This "rampage" is really disturbing to me, and if he is prone to this type of abusive behavior, I'd seriously rethink this relationship. No one deserves to be treated the way you describe him treating you, and it's not something to shrug off because abusive behavior tends to escalate over time.0
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Thank yu, We decided that I would stay home with my son. But I didn't state that here but its in my profile that someone went to then commented. Like I said in the title it was my food, maybe I should have stated more in the initial post but hey what can r you do. My husband is not abusive actually this surprised me because usually he doesn't talk much. I was being inconsiderate aftera long talk he said the reason he brought the food home was show me how he felt. It blown out of control he told me that it wasn't his intention. but I do tell if he eat what I cook he have to reseason it. It's regular table salt amongst other seasonings in my home. We both was being selfish. When I was working I barely cook because I worked 12 hour days so he became use to all the fast food we was eating. This is an adjustment for the both of us.
Ah. Yeah. I know a number of dudes who have trouble expressing their feelings. Like actually saying "I feel ____" is a real challenge for them. I guess that's why he blew up. *shrug*0 -
1. I think it's messed up he's not supportive of you. That's problem #1. I don't care what his issues are, if he feels lonely when you're not eating junk with him or something -- you need to sit down with him and tell him you're making a choice to change yourself for your happiness, and he needs to get over himself.
2. I honestly can't believe he just threw out a bunch of good food. How wasteful.
3. As a married couple, if you've combined your finances and you're in charge of the groceries, then I agree that you should buy a few of the foods he likes, if it will make him so happy. And if you can resist the temptation. (Honestly, I don't see why he's not being more supportive.) That doesn't mean you have to cook a healthy and an un-healthy alternative for every meal.
If he doesn't like your new healthy choices so much, and expects you to work around that; then tell him you don't like his unhealthy choices, and you expect him to work around that. If nothing else, he can prepare his own damn meals.
How insensitive. Not impressed.
Wouldn't both parties need to contribute to the income for it to be considered a combined income. Personally I believe his issues matter just as much as the op's do.0 -
Ok, 1. your husband sounds like a controlling abusive a$$hat, and I'm sure you wil defend his abusive ways, people do that for some reason when they think they love somebody. 2. you shouldn't force him to eat what you are, he is a grown up, he should be able to eat what he wants. 3. go out with his debit card buy your stuff, and tell him if he wants something different, he can go out and buy it this time, and then the next time you go shopping you can just get the stuff you both want.
So why do you have to make him dinner everynight anyways? You sound more like his maid than his wife. Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.
She doesn't work. He does...13-15 hours a day. If my husband worked that many hours a day to support me while I didn't work, he'd be getting anything he darn well wanted for any meal.
Would even try a few fancy sauces to say thank you.
Unless you don't work, and that is the deal you two have, then I think that is ok.
Did you miss this part? Still doesn't mean he can treat her like trash though... but if that is what you are into go for it.
Logic not computing. Not sure how my suggesting saying "thank you" with fancy sauces means anyone's into being treated like trash. Women who are nice to their SOs usually have pretty nice SOs in return.
The OP said her husband isn't being abusive to her, and she isn't to him. They had a disagreement.
OP, really glad you and your husband are figuring this out.0 -
wow its crazy to hear some of the things that people have to say on here but its good that you were able to talk and figure things out.al the best with everything.0
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In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.
^ I agree with this.
It just won't do anything for their marriage for her to say, "Screw you, go to the store for your own garbage food." She still has to live with him. I don't understand how people are so quick to suggest telling their spouse to shove it...
I agree.
why do so many of you feel it is ok to impose your will on others?
It's the same thing as if he bought the nachos, and said "eat them, or I'll throw you out".
Fine, he didn't deal with it in adult manner, but it sounds like he has been suffering and enduring in silence for your benefit for a while without you even noting that he's making a sacrifice.
fine, you do the shopping, but if he's paying for your groceries as well as other things, I do not see why a man with no weight issues has to starve because you are overweight.
Losing weight isn't just about healthy choices, it's about having the willpower to stick to your convictions. Not expecting the rest of the world to CONFORM.
There's no reason he should have to eat "diet" food anymore than you should have to eat his fattening junk.
and I don't see any reason he can't have his own foods along with yours in the fridge. You are acting just as childishly if you refuse to buy food for him because he doesn't want to eat "diet" food.
I'm sure my two cents aren't needed here but I tend to agree with all this....0 -
Pretty much everybody had a good suggestions. I eat differently from my family, I have my healthy foods and they have theirs. So just shop for him and you. I have a pretty good idea he controls the money cause he slapped down his debit card. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation (not screaming and pointing blame). We have to keep in mind there is some other issue going on cause this can't be the first time he cut up like that. Kicking people out is not going to solve the issues. So again shop for him and you. I guess he likes spending money.0
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As a vegetarian living with a carnivore, I get his position. I do the shopping and the cooking, and I don't like messing with meat. However, if my girlfirend wants to cook meat to add to something I made, or in addition to it, I won't be offended. The same with her buying food that is very much not on my diet. I won't eat it, but she is welcome to as long as she doesn't expect me to share in it. It's worked well for us. Compromise is the basis of any relationship. Compromise from both parties, not just one.0
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Call me crazy, but why should only one person enjoy the food that is prepared in a household? We have a family of 4, soon to be 5. There are meals that I really enjoy that other family members would rather not eat, and meals that they would rather eat that drive me crazy. Guess what? We all get input into the meal planning. Some meals aren't going to be my favorite, of have the macros I prefer, but other meals will suit my preferences more and not so much other family members. I don't think it is right for anyone to decide - hey, I am going to radically change how the household eats without any buy in from the rest of the family. You even noted that he doesn't need to lose weight and is healthy. Let the man eat some real food, and once in a while, you should enjoy it too.0
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Wow, that is really disrespectful of him. Kindly tell him that he can cook his own meals and buy his own food. I don't see why you have to baby him.0
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Girl I know what you mean! My hubby is skinny and we've been together for almost 22 years. He always tried to be supportive in his own way but, I guess that when stress began on my side then he would get frustrated and he would discourage me. When I got married with him I weighed 116 lbs and now I got all the way to 227 at my highest weight. Over the years I learned that it is about me and not him. So, with the help of MFP I will reach my goals. Think positive don't let him discourage you. Another thing I learned don't try to feed him what you eat although you have the opportunity to eat whatever you want as long as you count calories. Don't try to buy foods that only you can eat. Remember, maybe with time he will also start realizing that he needs to eat healthier for his good health. But, for now focus on doing separate meals or if you want to eat what he's eating then go ahead but make sure you count calories, little by little you will get there..."Of course it is better if you eat healthier". Take my advice now my husband is very supportive....Prayers going your way!!!!0
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I read this post to my bf last night and told him if he ever did that his **** would be on the lawn! But I do agree with some other posts here, make it so he has his own shelf with whatever he wants (dont even look at the shelf if you have no self control). I try to do somewhat healthy dinners, and if my bf gives it a fair try and still doesnt like it I will heat him up a pizza, or he will just go get something. Or I give him a choice of 2 different dinner ideas, that way if he complains about it, I can say well thats what you wanted for dinner! It is all about compromise on both parts.0
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I agree in having some "real food" in the house for your guy. I have a daughter that goes to school and I have to have snacks, plus my man is 6'1" and weighs 180, he works hard and he shouldnt be punished. I just have to stay motivated and fight the urge. I seem to be doing okay.
But on a side note- I like the idea of smacking him with your shoe...LOL0 -
After seeing the number of selfish, self absorbed women on this thread I have decided to spoil my husband today.0
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This is very sad... A few years ago something like this happened to me with my now EX-husband... I was reading and following Dr. Ian Smith Fat Shred book... My now EX-husband was cool with it at first... Supportive and encouraging and that felt good to see he had my back... Well one day- something just snapped in him and he ripped my book to shreds and through it my face! I was stunned and wanted to rip his *kitten* to shreds... Instead... I got another book from a co worker who had finished her book and he was stunned to see the book back in the house and that I meant business and would not let him control me in that way... He eventually tucked his head between his legs and let it go but that experience was just one of many that revealed to me that he wasn't the man for me and eventually it led to him being my EX-husband...
I do agree with some of the other posts about balance.... You have to figure out balance in this lifestyle. You can't put this lifestyle on anyone else- for example my four year old needs whole milk so I have two types of milk in the house - whole organic for him and almond milk for me. It might seem inconvenient and expensive to buy two different diets but it might benefit you in the long run. Slowly introduce new foods and styles of cooking to your household... Be creative and not afraid to experiment with new food and flavors.
Good luck - keep your head up and stand your ground. No one should act that way - it's disrespectful and never the right way to handle a situation.0 -
In all fairness, you're the one who is trying to change your eating habits and you've kind of forced it on him. I'd suggest making some of the things he wants available in the house. Continue to eat healthy yourself and cook healthy. If he chooses to eat crap, so be it. You can only change you.
Yes, this is the compromise here (the bolded part)...............your going to have to buy some of both. That is what I did until my husband decided he wanted to change also.
You can't force someone to live and eat the same as you do.0 -
After seeing the number of selfish, self absorbed women on this thread I have decided to spoil my husband today.
Yeah, I know..............I wonder if these are TRUE comments or just "I am on the internet so I can say what I want" comments?0 -
ExactlyAfter seeing the number of selfish, self absorbed women on this thread I have decided to spoil my husband today.0 -
I would of handed him his card back, then handed him a pan and a spatula and of told him to enjoy making his own meals from now on.
if my bf ever said that to me, i might smack him. if he wants a certain food, he can go out and buy it. being a stay at home mom is the hardest job and it shoudnt be your responsibility to make sure everything he wants is in the house.0 -
I work in a domestic violence clinic, and I write up restraining order applications all day. This "rampage" is really disturbing to me, and if he is prone to this type of abusive behavior, I'd seriously rethink this relationship. No one deserves to be treated the way you describe him treating you, and it's not something to shrug off because abusive behavior tends to escalate over time.
She never stated that he hit her, pushed her or even demeaned her or called her names.
He was venting his frustration that their household was being ran by how SHE wanted things and never even stopped to consider him (her husband).
That would make any human being go off.
Relationships are give and take and sometimes you have to compromise.........even when you don't want to.0 -
I dont think he should throw you food out that is so wrong! What i would do is still buy his food so he can eat what he wants and at the same time if he offers me some of his food I would just have a bite (self control). Remember to support each other, some times it hard but the golden rule applies. Good luck0
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After seeing the number of selfish, self absorbed women on this thread I have decided to spoil my husband today.
Amen to that!
While I don't agree with what he did, I don't necessarily agree with what you did either. He should enjoy food too- but there's no reason you can't both enjoy the same meals!
Meals can easily be prepared a healthy way and a 'man' way... E.g. I grill porkchops and have mine with mango salsa. Grill his and serve it with a quick gravy. Mash his potatoes. Leave mine as just boiled. Oven bake french fries, don't fry them. There's loads of healthy alternatives to 'normal' meals out there! You don't have to cook two completely different meals for you to both get what you want! Buy both skim and whole milk- just do 1 litre of each at a time, rather than a bigger container.
There's no reason he can't enjoy his junk food while you enjoy your healthy food. If you have yogurt as a snack, why can't he have a bag of chips? He shouldn't have to eat your yogurt, just as you shouldn't have to eat his nachos.0 -
At our house, I buy both. My husband likes to eat healthy, but also likes to eat pasta and the kids like to have snacks for school that I don't eat. I buy stuff for me and I buy stuff for them. I don't make everyone eat broccoli with their grilled chicken and spaghetti sauce instead of pasta. Compromise and buy him stuff that he wants, and buy yourself stuff that you want. What the hell is the big deal here?0
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He sounds insane and I doubt this is the first or last time he has/will freak out.
I can understand not loving all the healthy stuff but then he needs to put his big boy underwear on and go buy some crap of his own. wtf? Demanding you get him what he wants by the time he gets back from work (was "or else" at the end?) sends up a lot of red flags that are a lot more serious than eating habits.
My boyfriend and I both try to eat healthy but I still make "normal food" as much as I can and just have a small portion of it. We also go out to eat about once a week. Moderation in all things.
But seriously, he's insane and if my bf pulled this I'd be packed up and out by the time he got back from work.0 -
Agree0
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Throwing out food? How wasteful!
I don't want to be on a completely separate diet from the rest of the household (husband, adult son, son's GF), so we all eat the same meals, pretty much. It's just that over half my plate will be vegetables or fruit, and over half of everybody else's plate will be pizza or lasagna or whatever else we're having. It's unrealistic to me to expect everybody else to change their eating habits just because I've decided to change mine.0
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