Left Handed Compliment. Who's getting them....

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  • autopilot_on
    autopilot_on Posts: 388
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    I have not had any personal experiences with this but I did have to field questions about my dad who lost 60 pounds through diet and exercise. People were always pulling me aside and asking if he was sick, or had cancer, or had an eating disorder. Well I've seen my dad eat, and man he EATS. It's just the good stuff that he eats. I've seen him put away a TON of food (fruits, vegetables, etc). I think overall these back handed compliments come from other people's own insecurity about their body image. They feel like they need to pull you down to justify their own poor eating choices. That's probably a bit judgmental, but there ya go.
  • jonesin_am
    jonesin_am Posts: 404 Member
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    Wow! I guess I am lucky enough to be surrounded by wonderful, supportive people. I have gotten the occasional "don't get too skinny", "you're done losing, right" comments but I'm 5'4" and 188 pounds. Nope, not done losing. Another poster had it right on when they said that these comments mostly come from people that are jealous, not of our body, but of our mindset and the ability to take control of our lives.
  • LauraW1219
    LauraW1219 Posts: 71 Member
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    Kinda. I've lost almost 34 pounds now and I've been working out like crazy. So I basically don't have much weight other then my upper thighs and OHGOsh the stomach. So now instead of people just thinking I'm fat. I keep getting how many months are you. Ugh it makes me feel terrible. Unless someone is in hard labor and you can see the head please stop asking if someone is pregnant.
  • marathon_mama
    marathon_mama Posts: 150 Member
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    As a left hander I am offended by the term... :wink:

    ETA: and I think you meant back handed compliment... :happy:

    lol. I'm sure that's what she meant. That's funny though!
  • kbodnaruk
    kbodnaruk Posts: 67
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    I too have gotten the "You have lost weight, you look great" --- hmmmm....did I NOT look great before?!?! I know they are trying to compliment but still.......
  • ppotoch
    ppotoch Posts: 11 Member
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    Ugh... lately I've been disturbed by people saying things like "you better not lose any more weight!"

    Excuse me, you don't even know how much I weigh. And... just because I'm still eating better and exercising does NOT mean that I'm trying to "lose more weight". Maybe I trying to maintain my weight loss or (gasp!) gain muscle.

    I know people don't mean anything by it, but I still think it's rude. I wouldn't say "you better not gain any more weight" to anyone, would I??

    I get this a lot too. They start by saying something nice like "wow you've lost a lot of weight." and then something like "you better be done, you don't want to be to skinny."

    WTF people. I still weigh 230 pounds, give or take, and I'm hitting the weights to get rid of the left over fat and add on some muscle. I do believe it is straight up jealousy. Not that I look that great, but they wish they had the mind set to do it themselves.

    This is the one that I heard most, too. A "friend" said to me "people our age don't look good if we get too skinny". Seriously??
  • Valera0466
    Valera0466 Posts: 319 Member
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    Bump
  • DoctorsaubeR
    DoctorsaubeR Posts: 29
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    When I lost 40 pounds after a divorce, I'd say about 5 people in my life said they were concerned that I was on drugs. I was like, "Um, no. It's called exercising more and eating less -- and also grieving the divorce makes you lose your appetite a little." Jeesh!
  • DoctorsaubeR
    DoctorsaubeR Posts: 29
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    When I really started to lose weight, at about 45 pounds down, my residents at work started asking me if my cancer had returned and if I was undergoing chemo...

    Nope, cancer is still in remission, I'm just losing weight to get healthy.

    Why? Did your boyfriend threaten to dump you if you didn't get hot?

    Ugh... I just said no and walked away from that one.


    Holy CRAP that's so rude!!! I would've lost my mind with the boyfriend comment...and yay about your cancer being in remission!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    You're pretty... for a girl.

    Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to compliment OP was I? :)
  • CSassWJE
    CSassWJE Posts: 7
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    Wow! I can't believe you all have been experiencing the same reactions that I have received. When I was overweight, people would make comments. Now that I've lost weight, then ask if I've been ill; if I am having difficulty with stress; they tell me that I'm too thin (I'm not. I happen to be at the exact weight my doctor said was ideal for my height and age.); and that I don't look well. At first I was shocked. Now I just let those comments go, because I feel good and I think I look better. And no one makes jokes about me being overweight anymore.

    Its also seems odd to me that the person we would expect to be most understanding and caring about such things, our mothers, often seem to be the most critical.
  • kotersmom
    kotersmom Posts: 96 Member
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    Don't lose too much weight because you will lose your boobs!! WHAT?? I'd rather be fit and healthy than have big boobs! If it gets too bad I can always buy some! :wink:
  • rahlpn
    rahlpn Posts: 551 Member
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    Just today I was telling someone about MFP and how I'd already lost 21 lbs since the beginning of January. They said "you don't look like you've lost anything since the last time I saw you" (before I started MFP) so I showed him a pic of me at my heaviest around the end of Nov 2012 and he says "Oh, I never realized you were that big because you have such a pretty face!"

    Um...thanks? No.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    On a more serious note. I was a fat teenager. Lost 80lbs when I hit adulthood. For years people would come to me or my family and be like: You poor thing. You're so sickly. What do you have?

    One woman went so far as to start telling anyone who would listen that I had a terrible illness. *rolls eyes*
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,871 Member
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    My hairdresser asked me why I was so dressed up. I wasn't dressed up, I had just lost some weight, but apparently she thought I was fat AND a slob. ROFL!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    As a left hander I am offended by the term... :wink:

    ETA: and I think you meant back handed compliment... :happy:

    lol. I'm sure that's what she meant. That's funny though!

    I know... I just wanted to jump on the "I'm offended" bandwagon for a second and see how I liked it... :tongue:

    As far as back handed compliments though... I know I have gotten a few, but I couldn't remember them if I tried... I usually laugh them off and say "thanks" and move on...
  • lnsy613
    lnsy613 Posts: 19
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    My mother-in-law is the QUEEN of backhanded complements/passive agressive! She LOVES to tell me how incredibly fat she was as a 20-something and how she was this whale of a person at a size 12... That's my current size after being a 18-20 for most of my 20's!!! She clips weight loss articles and buys weight watchers magazines for me, tells me my friends are "cute girls but could stand to lose a few" and every single time I drop a few pounds, she tells me I look tired and offers me a glass of wine.
  • monkeymomof3
    monkeymomof3 Posts: 107 Member
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    My face is longish and always "skinnier"...I actually had a friend tell me not to lose any more weight from my face! WTH...i'm BOTTOM heavy....it'll go from where it goes from...EVENTUALLY maybe it will go from my thighs and butt ;) Really though!
  • Timeforme714
    Timeforme714 Posts: 189 Member
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    " Did you and your boyfriend break up? Your face doesn't look as chubby. "

    I would smack the person who said this!
  • Timeforme714
    Timeforme714 Posts: 189 Member
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    My mother-in-law is the QUEEN of backhanded complements/passive agressive! She LOVES to tell me how incredibly fat she was as a 20-something and how she was this whale of a person at a size 12... That's my current size after being a 18-20 for most of my 20's!!! She clips weight loss articles and buys weight watchers magazines for me, tells me my friends are "cute girls but could stand to lose a few" and every single time I drop a few pounds, she tells me I look tired and offers me a glass of wine.

    I am so happy I don't have a MIL!

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