All I see is a moster and I dont want that anymore.

You've had it pretty hard in your life, and now you're dealing with depression and having no money...that'd get anyone down. Trust me. I know. You have a lot going for you, though. You're young and pretty. You gotta do what you can with what you have. Find ways to stretch your food budget, and make good choices with the funds you do have. Be positive when you go into your job interviews. Your potential employers are probably not judging you based on your weight. I know this because I'm bigger than you, and I've been on job interviews. I never felt they cared how much I weighed. They just want to know you can do the job.

Anyway, no, never give up. It's not really an option anyway, is it?

my doctor prescribed me exercise because it actually helps to fight depression due to the endorphins. so exercise anyway because it'll make you stronger and happier, not just help with weightloss ^.^
also run. it'll be hard at first but i find running/weightlifting/yoga helps me feel more capable to take on the world. like "bring it on, b**ch!" xD
do everything in your power to be happier, including weightloss, meditation, exercise, positive thinking...maybe even hypnosis before agreeing to try anti-depressants. medication really should be a last resort because of negative effects it can have/dependency, and its certainly not a quick fix.
eat healthy and recognize diet roadblocks keeping you from your goal.
also, be happy with your hot bf and the time you spend together! don't weigh down happy thoughts with "im not good enough" because thats not what relationships are about.

Yeah, I hope it does make me happier and yoga? Whats that like if you don't mind me asking.

Also, I'm going to try and think positive from now on, so don't worry!

Yoga is great for positive thinking because its about relaxing, breathing and the pose. you gain flexibility and strength and its great for the mind/self-image because you're thinking about how your body FEELS in a position instead of how it looks in a position. like i noticed sometimes i tend toward a slumped posture (sorta beaten down from the pressures of life lol) and instinctively tighten/suck in my stomach when in public, or will only sit a certain way because i dont like my thighs etc. but the more i practice yoga the better my posture gets and im not thinking of anything other than the pose and breathing. it just feels good to move myself in a healthy natural way instead of ways i've "learned" to hold myself.
theres tons of articles on the benefits of yoga, as well as youtube videos for the actual techniques. and books at your library too probably.
You might feel weird doing it at first, but the more you get into it the easier/more natural/enjoyable it'll become. maybe start with the Sun Salute sequence? it's beginer level and a great way to start the morning ^_^

oh i forgot to mention running specifically is good for fighting depression because of the "runner's high".

I've seriously been munching, due to my depression and light exercise. I can afford GYM, I have that 30DayShred DVD. But no Yoga Mat or dumbell's. So don't know how I can do it? I have £15 to spent on food for two weeks. Thats the hardest. Been trying to get a job since August 2012 and cant. I think it's due to my weight


You can always lay a blanket or towl down for a mat and fill a couple of water bottles with water or use cans of soup for weights.

I agree that you really need to reverse that negative self-talk. Do you talk to your friends that way and call them monsters? Of course not!

Start a list of all the really great things about yourself. Consider asking your boyfriend to help you with this list; you can tell him you've been depressed and are trying to get over it.

When the negative self-talk starts, read the list.

Also start a list of things in your life that you're really and truly grateful for.

Good luck and don't give up. Small changes add up.

I remember being 19 and a self-loathing hot mess. It's a very self-focused time of life, especially I think for females. I'm going to share a little advice, it might come across a little tough but it's the conversation I really wish I'd had with myself at that age:

1. The world does not revolve around you. Most people you know and especially strangers you meet are just thinking about their own lives. Everyone's struggling with something.

2. Do not hinge 100% of your happiness on the actions of another person. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to them. Few people want that kind of responsibility, and fewer still deserve it.

3. Men are just the frosting. They're a nice addition, but you've got to bake your own cake.

4. Losing weight will not solve everything or probably even anything. If you have low self-esteem then you'll just find something else to hate about yourself and to blame for your problems. You've got to have your own sense of well-being.

5. Try to turn your thoughts outward instead of inward. There's a big world out there, and a lot of people who have it a lot worse than you do. Make yourself useful, volunteer, help others. You'll gain a sense of worthiness by doing something that matters. Constantly having a navel-gazing pity party of one will just result in ongoing misery.

6. You're 19. You're WAY more attractive to men than you think you are. Don't waste the next 10 or 20 years being a miserable self-critic. If you do, you'll look back someday and regret that you didn't enjoy your youth while you had it.

Everybody has already given all the great advice that I could think of to offer, so instead, I just want to cheer you on. You're already awesome (based on my expert internet opinion), so you're just working to be more awesome.

You can do it! I believe in you!