frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend

Reza151
Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a boyfriend. We met in October and have been together ever since. He treats me great, we have fun together, etc...I'm not normally big on valentine's day---I've always believed that every day should be full of love, and i think this day has such a focus on gifts. But I'm down because where we used to talk almost every day, we barely talk at all anymore. We see each other every other weekend or so. On monday i asked if he was busy. and he said no. I said "well I asked because you've been pretty quiet lately. In general"and he just responded with a "sorry". On tuesday we texted a short exchange but then he was unresponsive again. I texted him once yesterday. And tried calling before i went to bed. He used to call me every night just to say good night. NOt anymore though. And this morning I called and left a message saying "Hey just wanted to wish you a happy valentine's day and hope you have an awesome day at work. I wish you'd respond to my texts or phone calls, when you get the chance. We never talk anymore and what kind of relationship is that?'


I have no reason to suspect that he's upset with me and no reason to suspect that he's cheating. I understand that everyone elads a busy life. But you can't take 5 minutes from your day to talk? It would really make my day if he would just text me a simple "hey baby happy valentine's day! Miss you!"

/rant.
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Replies

  • emj095
    emj095 Posts: 8 Member
    Hey girl, I hope you feel better and that you do end up having a wonderful Valentines day. Maybe he is planning a big surprise for you? Check out the book "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson, she is a psychology professor at the University of Ottawa and I have had class with her - the book was our course text. It is incredible and will change the way you look at your relationships. Best of luck with Mr. Unresponsive <3
  • dowesney
    dowesney Posts: 26 Member
    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.
  • Bigpelly8
    Bigpelly8 Posts: 504 Member
    Sounds to me like the classic high school maneuver of ignore you until you confront him and he breaks up with you. Hate to say it, but it's what it sounds like to me.
  • Denise1224
    Denise1224 Posts: 150 Member
    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.

    ^ This... sounds like unfortunately he is breaking it off "gently" ... Sorry I hope you find your Mister Right soon!:smile:
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    I have to agree with other posters. He ignores your calls and texts and can't even respond to his gf on V day?

    Time to move on.
  • rocket_ace
    rocket_ace Posts: 380 Member
    don't usually comment on such issues, but I must say this (as a guy). If you have been going out a long time, he may just have personal stuff he's busy with - I think its healthy for people to be at ease and not have to do face time all the time. Otherwise, he may just not be into the relationship anymore (for any number of reasons, which may have nothing to do with you).
  • RingSize8
    RingSize8 Posts: 175 Member
    Forget what's he's doing - what are you doing? That sounds horrible. ...why put up with that? If someone doesn't have time for you, no matter what the reason, ESPECIALLY if they don't explain themselves (preferably before hand, for example, "Hey, I have a really busy couple weeks at work coming up, so I won't be able to talk/hang out as much"), then it's not your job to sit around and wait for them. Move on. I think you need to let him go. But, at the very least, have a very straightforward conversation with him about what's going on. If if can't make time for that conversation, then stop making time for him. It's clear you're not his priority, so why is he yours?
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    Hes not the cheating type. His ex cheated on him with his best friend and hés the type to be blunt and honest. He shows he cares when we're together. Like when he helped me move, since i dont have a car, he took me grocery shopping and he wouldnt let me pay for my own groceries (he has a steady job whereas I have only had luck with temp jobs and I have more bills to pay than him). He literally stepped in front of me and swiped his credit card. When I was down that my friend who I was getting a ride with to go to a mutual's friend birthday gathering in Fredericksburg, VA (inaccessible via public transit on weekends and 1 hour and 45 minutes from me), he offered to pick me up in Springfield metro station and drive me, even though it was out of the way.


    I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down since Ive been over eating and even tried to purge for the first time in a few months a few days ago. Perhaps I am overreacting. It wouldn't bother me so much though if this is how he normally was.


    Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.
  • Flowers4Julia
    Flowers4Julia Posts: 521 Member
    Oh gosh, my heart goes out to you today. Men are confusing for sure.

    In my years, when this has happens it has been like was said above, his way of detaching. So, whether or not this is what is happening to you, try to believe that all is well and as it should be.

    In the meantime, be wonderful to yourself and whatever it is you'd like, never stop asking for it...it really will come to you. :flowerforyou:
  • Getyourshineon
    Getyourshineon Posts: 114
    Hey, it may be that he is busy, or has other things on his mind. But and it may be due to the fact that I have until now, had major trust issues with the men in my life, for real, true reasons that they have provided., I would be prepared for something else.. .It just really sounds like he may be "talking" to someone else. In this day and age, technology provides so many outlets for creating new friendships and relationships. I would defintely sit him down for an "honest" talk. I hope that all is truly well and he is behaving himself, just having other issues.
  • 3shirts
    3shirts Posts: 294 Member
    I realise you've come here for advice but the simple fact is, we don't know what he is doing/thinking. You are gonna have to just have a chat with him. Make sure you don't unload all your feelings in a big hit cos that is likely to make him a bit defensive just say something "Look, I am a little worried because things have changed and you seem a bit quiet/distant. If there is something up, please just tell me"

    Be prepared that the reply might not be what you want to hear but it might be nothing, work stress, family stuff, anything.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Move on or he will put you in Stage 5 clinger territory and post all the repeated texts to BB.com
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    Move on or he will put you in Stage 5 clinger territory and post all the repeated texts to BB.com

    I dont think one text and/or phone call per day qualifies as clingy. Especially when its a casual "hey how's your day?" I asked him on monday if everything was okay and he said yes and he would let me know. So logically I shouldnt be upset. And in the past if he needed his space, he would tell me (and that only happenned once. no problems since then). It's just hard to think logically when you have lovey dovey stuff all around you today.

    I guess my question was if it's reasonable to be concerned, especially considering how often we used to talk. But there's my answer. Thank you, everyone. :ohwell:
  • akaMrsmojo
    akaMrsmojo Posts: 762 Member
    Who knows what is up. It may be he wants out or it may be he was just so comfortable around you, he was busy and had not had time. Either way, it sucks. Sending positive thoughts that you get a good outcome. My ex-broke up with me before V-D so he did not have to buy me a present. Men can really suck some time. My husband, never messes it up.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    You are sounding needy

    A guy that is enthusiastic about a girl gets back to her
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
    Sounds like the spark is gone. Hard to know since you say he won't respond to you, but if it were me, I'd stop trying to connect with him and move on. If he wants you, he'll come back. But I wouldn't be sitting by the phone waiting for him.
  • BamBam125
    BamBam125 Posts: 229 Member
    Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.

    ^^this, sorry
  • porkchop_13
    porkchop_13 Posts: 122
    Definitely time to move on! I agree with the other posters that he is just not that into you anymore
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.

    Yup. This. Let him come to you.
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    You are sounding needy

    A guy that is enthusiastic about a girl gets back to her


    As I said, one text/phone call a day doesnt seem very needy in my experience. Especially when it's casual and not a big "babe i want to talk to you! pick up your phone! stop what youre doing and pay attention to me!"

    But i do agree. if he was interested, he would respond. well he's going to have to prove to me that he wants me. I'm not contacting him. And I'm going to the gym tonight, not going to wait around for him because i have my life to live. As you say, if hes truly into me, he'll have to contact ME.

    *cue self-empowering music*
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Hard to say since I don't know either of you, but it sounds like at the very least he is perfectly content to let you do all the work to maintain the relationship. That isn't fair.

    I think you should stop calling or texting or doing any of the work and get on with your life. He will either contact you, or he won't. If it's the former - good. If it's the latter - good riddance.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    It's only been since October so it can't be that serious. I agree with the "make him come to you" camp.
    At this point, early on it's better to know he's a freaking douche now than in a few years when you are married standing over him with a bullhorn in one hand and a knife in the other.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.

    Yup. This. Let him come to you.

    I'm going to agree that you shouldn't contact him. But I don't think he is going to come to you.

    You're young and strong and other men will find you interesting and be nicer. I'd pick one of them and when he doesn't call you or text you, you will have already moved on and become happier.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Just curious... does he know you are together?
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
    He's obviously got a side piece.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Just break up.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Just curious... does he know you are together?

    jb-creepy-stalker_zpsf6d8b18d.jpeg
  • petstorekitty
    petstorekitty Posts: 592 Member

    Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.

    He's just not that into you.

    It's a book and now a movie and there's ten million other books with the same subject.
    I thought it was so silly until I got played and hurt and now I know better.


    I am actually not sorry to say it. I'm sorry someone didn't say it to me when I was in situations like this.

    Let him go. There are so many fish...
  • subconscious_ink
    subconscious_ink Posts: 194 Member
    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.

    Pretty much this. Any time one of the people in a relationship basically stops talking to the other one, something's wrong.
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