frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend

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  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
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    You are sounding needy

    A guy that is enthusiastic about a girl gets back to her


    As I said, one text/phone call a day doesnt seem very needy in my experience. Especially when it's casual and not a big "babe i want to talk to you! pick up your phone! stop what youre doing and pay attention to me!"

    But i do agree. if he was interested, he would respond. well he's going to have to prove to me that he wants me. I'm not contacting him. And I'm going to the gym tonight, not going to wait around for him because i have my life to live. As you say, if hes truly into me, he'll have to contact ME.

    *cue self-empowering music*
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Hard to say since I don't know either of you, but it sounds like at the very least he is perfectly content to let you do all the work to maintain the relationship. That isn't fair.

    I think you should stop calling or texting or doing any of the work and get on with your life. He will either contact you, or he won't. If it's the former - good. If it's the latter - good riddance.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    It's only been since October so it can't be that serious. I agree with the "make him come to you" camp.
    At this point, early on it's better to know he's a freaking douche now than in a few years when you are married standing over him with a bullhorn in one hand and a knife in the other.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.

    Yup. This. Let him come to you.

    I'm going to agree that you shouldn't contact him. But I don't think he is going to come to you.

    You're young and strong and other men will find you interesting and be nicer. I'd pick one of them and when he doesn't call you or text you, you will have already moved on and become happier.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Just curious... does he know you are together?
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
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    He's obviously got a side piece.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Just break up.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Just curious... does he know you are together?

    jb-creepy-stalker_zpsf6d8b18d.jpeg
  • petstorekitty
    petstorekitty Posts: 592 Member
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    Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.

    He's just not that into you.

    It's a book and now a movie and there's ten million other books with the same subject.
    I thought it was so silly until I got played and hurt and now I know better.


    I am actually not sorry to say it. I'm sorry someone didn't say it to me when I was in situations like this.

    Let him go. There are so many fish...
  • subconscious_ink
    subconscious_ink Posts: 194 Member
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    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.

    Pretty much this. Any time one of the people in a relationship basically stops talking to the other one, something's wrong.
  • Iron_Duchess
    Iron_Duchess Posts: 429 Member
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    This question is really hard to answer because it has the potential to offend, but here it goes and I will try to be gentle. Deep down you know what is going on. He could be wonderful, sent from above, but when a guy is unresponsive is because his mind is someplace else and usually preoccupied with someone else. I get what you said about him not being the “cheating type”, but (and please don’t crucify me for this) we all have the “potential” to do it. I’m not saying that he is “physically” involve, but maybe emotionally compromised.
    Please, don’t create excuses for his behavior, because someone that loves and cares for another will go out of his or her way to at least return a text. Think about moving on, he is not interested anymore, and probably does not know how to break up with you. Don’t waste your time and your energy with a relationship that is not working. Use the energy to get yourself together, get healthy, increase yourself esteem, and find someone that can and will make you happy. Be courageous.
  • Fedup23
    Fedup23 Posts: 80 Member
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    As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to. :( sorry
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
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    Hes not the cheating type. His ex cheated on him with his best friend and hés the type to be blunt and honest. He shows he cares when we're together. Like when he helped me move, since i dont have a car, he took me grocery shopping and he wouldnt let me pay for my own groceries (he has a steady job whereas I have only had luck with temp jobs and I have more bills to pay than him). He literally stepped in front of me and swiped his credit card. When I was down that my friend who I was getting a ride with to go to a mutual's friend birthday gathering in Fredericksburg, VA (inaccessible via public transit on weekends and 1 hour and 45 minutes from me), he offered to pick me up in Springfield metro station and drive me, even though it was out of the way.


    I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down since Ive been over eating and even tried to purge for the first time in a few months a few days ago. Perhaps I am overreacting. It wouldn't bother me so much though if this is how he normally was.


    Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.

    I'm not saying he is but anyone can be the cheating type... things change, people change. You don't always get the right impression of people. I swore my ex would never cheat and would never lie... well, turns out he was cheating and I found out when he started acting like your boyfriend.. distant, non responsive, etc. I'm not saying he is.. I'm just saying don't put things past people.

    Ask him straight up what's wrong. When you see him next talk to him. If he doesn't want to open up and talk than what's the point of staying? If you two are in a relationship he needs to talk to you and open up as you need to do with him. If you can't communicate than it's not a proper relationship. My husband gets quiet now and again... he gives short responses to texts. He will open up if something if bothering him though.

    I have to agree with those who say he's not into it anymore. Regardless of how busy he is, if he is really into you he will either talk to you or make time for even a quick call to say hello... or a text. If the change is rather sudden, something is going on.

    Don't have any serious conversations via text or on the phone. Speak with him in person. You can't tell tone through text.

    It might be best to re-evalutate your relationship. I'm sorry... it sucks.. but is this what you really want?
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
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    Thank you all. Yeah my gut was telling me that it's over or else he would've put some effort into this but I needed to hear it from others as well before accepting it.
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 627 Member
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    Sounds like the spark is gone. Hard to know since you say he won't respond to you, but if it were me, I'd stop trying to connect with him and move on. If he wants you, he'll come back. But I wouldn't be sitting by the phone waiting for him.

    ^EXACTLY^

    And just because his ex cheated on him, no matter how upset or hurt he was about it, he could still be cheating. I have an ex husband to prove it.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I had a boyfriend like this in college. We had dated briefly in high school and reconnected and he even raced up to see me (3 hour drive) and we had a nice night and great conversations over the phone after Then all of a sudden it was like he didn't have any time for me. I'd come home thinking we'd get together and have a nice date night but he'd have plans or whatever and never followed up. He was kind of aloof when we were dating before so I just chalked it up to his personality for a bit and then I realized that he just wasn't giving me what I needed. So I stopped calling him and he never called me so that was the end of that.

    Hon, you know you're worth more than that. You've had some issues in the past but you obviously don't need this stress, especially if it's bring back your ED. I think you've made a good plan. Go ahead and move on with your life. Call your girlfriends, go out and have some drinks tonight!

    And personally I wouldn't give him a second chance if it were me...not without a really good explanation anyway. That's up to you though and how strongly you feel about him. Just make sure you don't allow him to take advantage again.

    Take care of you!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Have you tried waiting until the sedatives wear off? I know it makes couples portraits a lot harder to get just right, but you might get a little more attention from him if you let him come to first.
  • di1428
    di1428 Posts: 165 Member
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    Forget what's he's doing - what are you doing? That sounds horrible. ...why put up with that? If someone doesn't have time for you, no matter what the reason, ESPECIALLY if they don't explain themselves (preferably before hand, for example, "Hey, I have a really busy couple weeks at work coming up, so I won't be able to talk/hang out as much"), then it's not your job to sit around and wait for them. Move on. I think you need to let him go. But, at the very least, have a very straightforward conversation with him about what's going on. If if can't make time for that conversation, then stop making time for him. It's clear you're not his priority, so why is he yours?

    perfect!!!
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    He's obviously got a side piece.

    Side piece? He's got a main piece.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.

    Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.
    I have to agree with this (except for the "moving too fast and freaking out" part). Something else is going on here. Plain and simple...if he's into you and happy to be with you...he would be calling more. It might be time to cut your losses here. Sorry :ohwell:
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