The difference between being mean and having an opinion

Completely agree with that post.

I replied to a thread regarding a woman who had done a fantastic job of losing loads of weight - so much so that she looked like a different woman. I congratulated her and asked her why she had waited until she had encountered health problems to decide to lose weight. It was a genuine question because I think there are so many people out there who are in the same position and I was looking for a genuine response.

Needless to say that all I got was a load of responses about how I'd made a rude/nasty comment and taken away her limelight. There was even one person who said that I clearly had an eating disorder because I was obsessed with remaining the same weight all the time. What I was actually saying was that when I step on the scales and see that I've gained a couple of pounds, I do something about it...rather than piling on 5 stone and waiting for the doctor to tell me I've got Type 2 diabetes!

It's ridiculous. People on MFP appear to be happy to post their stories about losing weight but not prepared to answer genuine questions about their journey. Had the woman have answered me...I may have been able to help a couple of my heavily overweight friends who are also ignoring to do anything about their weight.

Rant over.

I'm guessing this has to do with the fact that you can't hear tone or inflection over the internet, plus the fact that there are some genuinely rude members on mfp, as with anywhere people are. They probably imagined you saying it in a snarky way, so therefore they got pissed off. Usually, if I ask something that even has the *slightest* chance of seeming snarky, I make a note about why I asked it, so people don't misconstrue what I've said.

I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.

It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.

Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.

Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.

The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.

There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.

Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.

Why you gotta be all smart and logical, Brett? You should know by now there is NO room on this site for that kind of thing. :flowerforyou:

The problem with typing is there is no emotion in it and what I may read as rude and uncalled for you may have typed it as sincere and honest with a soft voice and smooozy. Some people really are rude and hateful just because they can hide behind their computer and not have to be face to face with anyone cause they are really whimpy people and scared of face to face confrontations. And some people take everything to heart no matter what you say. Had one lady get all offended because I said for me haveing WLS would have been the easy way out and she truly got upset and was very fiesty over it. I even messaged her and told her to read my post again, I didn't say anything about the surgery being easy just that for ME it would have been the easy way out, still she was pissy about it. I get flack all the time over the way I eat, but it works for me perfectly and I know for me it's right, but it's not right for everyone and I would never ever encourage someone to eat like I do, but people read my posts and say I'm encouraging others to eat like I do and then I get the sweet messages from the mods saying tsk tsk shame on you. I am also the kind of person who can't let something go if you tick me off, I'm going to come back at you hard. Funny enough I've made friends by standing up to them and telling them exactly how I feel. They apologize and I in turn apologize too. Now some others believe that there is only one way to diet and if your not doing it that way your doing it wrong and you can't convince them otherwise. I'm a firm believer in everyone is different no matter if our bodies are supposed to work the same way they don't. Dammit I am a special "snowflake" LOL

I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.

It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.

Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.

Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.

The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.

There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.

Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.

^^^ This^^ Let me start by noting that NONE of them are part of my FL nor have I even asked them to be, but it does not matter, because all I want is their knowledge. I was always told that my rights end when someone else’s rights begin, so when someone gets banned from the forums is a loss for the whole community. Why? It is a loss to the community because we have the right to receive information even if it is from someone we “I don’t like” or “click” with. I have the right to ask questions and receive the correct answer from people that have done it, that have achieved what I am aiming for, that made the mistakes and now are telling me how to get to my goals in a more efficient way. It drives me up the wall when opportunities are taken away from me because someone does not know how to control their emotions. Toddlers are the ones that cry “mommy he’s being mean to me”, not adults. Adults are supposed to have the maturity to filter what’s good from bad and make a decision to accept in their hearts what it’s beneficial to them without crying foul.

The biggest difference I've personally seen on here is that having a differing opinion is great; to be expected. Its when you respond and you're obviously talking down to someone trying to make them feel stupid or insignificant; then you're just being a jack-*kitten*. Some things are lost in context on a forum thread, but when you start a response in all caps and follow it up with alternating exclamations and question marks........ there's nothing constructive there. No miscommunication at all; you're just trying to look better than the other person...............

Educating someone is awesome and its what we need on these forums. Educating someone by making them look dumb and your own self look "superior" just means you have your own issues to deal with and you probably don't need to be dispensing your "valuable advice".................

Other than that, people need to get a thick skin and respect differing views. That small change in perspective has helped me on more than one occasion. IMHO anyways......................

I feel the same way. I don't expect everyone to have the same opinions as me. I don't even mind being proven wrong, as long as you’re not being a total d*ck head about it. There are people on the internet who don't know how to debate like adults and people who don't know how to let it go. I would never resort to writing a personal message though, no matter how rude someone was. That’s just setting yourself up to be bashed some more.

The thing is that the posters sometimes set themselves up for a wave of backlashing. You take a chance good or bad when you make that post and hit the button. You can't complain too much cause you know you will have good remarks, bad remarks and snarky remarks. You read, and move on..simple enough.

Almost everyone I know thinks I'm mean, I think that there are some people in this world who can't handle pointed and direct statements...A lot of it has to do with upbringing and natural disposition (nurture/nature).

I don't know. If almost everyone I knew thought I was mean, I might would think about looking at how I speak to people. There is honest and direct, and then there is blunt and rude. The line between the two can get very thin.

There will always be people that take things the wrong way, but if EVERYONE seems to take things the wrong way, and need to get thicker skin, then perhaps the problem isn't with them.

I LOVE the truly British sentiment!!! LOL!

Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.

what can't?

as much as i support the community guidelines as a whole, application of some of the rules is being done without any understanding of context or common sense.

for example,

1) correcting somebody else's grammar or spelling as a way to be cruel to that person is against the rules and that's fine. however, correcting their grammar or spelling out of innocence (and without malice) is equally likely to earn one a strike or ban around here.

2) many vulgarities and curse words are forbidden here. that's not uncommon on internet forums and it's a reasonable policy. however, using **** in their place or even typing an acronym in their place is also equally likely to earn one a strike or ban around here as using those words. i would give specific examples, but i don't want to get a strike.

for a site with an "over age 18" requirement, this seems pretty picky to me.

it reminds me of the "zero tolerance" policies being used in public schools now. when applied with common sense and context, they are fine. nobody wants a 7-year old bring their dad's hunting rifle to school. however, because of that same "zero tolerance" policy and the bureaucratic way in which it is applied by school administrators, that same 7-year old child is subject to similar disciplinary actions if he merely draws a rifle on a piece of paper (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/21397455/).

if i had a complaint about the community guidelines, i would start with the way in which they can be exploited by those with an agenda to get anyone they disagree with silenced. in my opinion, the moderators need to apply their site rules with an understanding of context and a modicum of common sense. to that end, it would help immensely if the mods became active participants on the forums. for some reason, which i don't understand, they are not. if they were, much of the complaining about "meanness" would be understood to be as baseless as it appears to those of us who do participate, and reports to the mods about "meanness" would result in warnings or strikes or bans much less frequently, so that only those who truly deserve the punishment would receive it. as it is now, i believe all of the power is in the hands of those who complain, because each complaint seems to compel the mods to act, no matter whether the complaint is justified or not (in context).