how to deal with saboteurs?

I am my own worst enemy and saboteur.

Cute post! I can relate to this!

I deal with this all the time with my step grandma 24/7. at the church pot luck she was barking at my not eating sweets making fun of me for eating strawberries. I said sorry I can't afford to eat sweets I learned in a nutrition class eating to many sweets causes strokes so you probably don't want to eat sweets either. that is probably why you started having strokes this year.

and everytime she makes fun of me for my eating I say well eating this way and all the problems you complain about are caused by a poor diet. if you would eat properly you wouldn't have the problems you do now.

The problem is with setting precedents. My father shoes affection by cooking for you, which became quite problematic. I explained many times that the satisfaction of eating something unhealthy is nothing compared to the guilt that follows it. He said I do so much sport, I said I don't wanna do it in vain. And this went on and on.

Eventually, I reached a point where the guilting got too much and I said I come less frequently to visit because I'm anxious about being stuffed with food a week in advance, and the following week I have to starve myself to compensate. Add a few tears and the melodrama worked. (Don't worry, I'm not stressed about it, but I just couldn't prove the point)

Eventually, my family and friends adapted. They would say "look, I'm really in the mood for some junk food today. How about we meet for breakfast tomorrow instead of lunch today?"

But then, come my birthday I slipped up. I ate some of my birthday cake (3 slices worth of it...) which my father took as a sign that I'm ready to trash my diet again. For two months, I'm still trying to erase that precedent I set on my birthday, even though the situation is ridiculous.

So, my advice is this:

Step 1: Muster all your strength and be consistent in denying unhealthy food. I may not slip up in the presence of any of those saboteurs, cos you'll just confirm their expectation of you.

Step 2: Use some time related-excuses: "I will not have processed sugar till next week. I'm sure you caught me on a bad day, but I'll make it up to you later"
"I'm training for a race in may and eating healthy is my primary objective"
"X made a bet that I can't lose weight by this date, and if I give in now I will not reach this goal"
This works because it's easier for the people in your life to accept a delay, rather than a clear refusal. Also, if you can pick some goal they can support you with, it's even better: "I need to prove to myself that I can refrain from snacking and I need your support in this"

Step 3: Cultivate their expectations. In time, you'll have a sort of a new identity, You'll be the person the works out and eats healthy, and people will accept you as you are. You're not only changing yourself, but you are changing how others see you, and that's an important step. When your friends and family expect you to act in a certain way, expect you to avoid unhealthy food, it will much easier to do so.

Step 4: Never compromise your new image, Of course, we all need cheat days, we need refeed days, and little breaks. BUT others don't see all the work you've put into it, don't see your diet in perspective. They see you indulge once and assume you do that all the time.
So, when in public, act in accordance with your image no matter what! If you smoke one cigarette but some coworker sees you, they assume you smoke.
O course, this is very hard, especially when you feel like you should have your moments of indulgence in the company of friends and family. But if you do that, try to explain that this is your reward meal after 2 weeks of discipline.

Step 5: Use step 4 as motivation. Once you know how a slip up can mess up with your friends' support of your effort, use that knowledge to motivate yourself into not slipping up. My nutrition is absolute perfection around my father, because I know one slip up will make him look at me as if i'm not consistent with my goals.

Bury them in the backyard. Done.

I am my own worst enemy and saboteur.

^ lol well duh you're the cookie monster. :laugh:

One that works for me is, "No thanks. I've already had a treat today."

Another idea is, "I don't want to eat this, but if you have any veggies, I'll have some of those." or, "Your food looks great, but I've already eaten. Do you want to go for a walk with me after you're done eating?"

Usually, if you tell the person that you've already accounted for your food for the day, but you are still willing to participate in something with them, like another food, or a workout, or any alternative activity, they handle the news better. If you simply reject their food, they just feel rejected, like your diet is more important than their friendship. Switch the topic onto something else, and when you do talk about whatever else you've done or are going to do, show some enthusiasm for it.

Food is generally used as a gesture to socialize. If you send back another gesture to allow the person to be close to you without actually eating their calorie bomb, they usually accept.

No such thing as a saboteur

^^ this. As some chick around here once said, "This is not WWII and you are not a munitions filled train."

I remember that comment. :laugh: That was so awesome!

This is the best answer I've seen on here. Well said

The problem is with setting precedents. My father shoes affection by cooking for you, which became quite problematic. I explained many times that the satisfaction of eating something unhealthy is nothing compared to the guilt that follows it. He said I do so much sport, I said I don't wanna do it in vain. And this went on and on.

Eventually, I reached a point where the guilting got too much and I said I come less frequently to visit because I'm anxious about being stuffed with food a week in advance, and the following week I have to starve myself to compensate. Add a few tears and the melodrama worked. (Don't worry, I'm not stressed about it, but I just couldn't prove the point)

Eventually, my family and friends adapted. They would say "look, I'm really in the mood for some junk food today. How about we meet for breakfast tomorrow instead of lunch today?"

But then, come my birthday I slipped up. I ate some of my birthday cake (3 slices worth of it...) which my father took as a sign that I'm ready to trash my diet again. For two months, I'm still trying to erase that precedent I set on my birthday, even though the situation is ridiculous.

So, my advice is this:

Step 1: Muster all your strength and be consistent in denying unhealthy food. I may not slip up in the presence of any of those saboteurs, cos you'll just confirm their expectation of you.

Step 2: Use some time related-excuses: "I will not have processed sugar till next week. I'm sure you caught me on a bad day, but I'll make it up to you later"
"I'm training for a race in may and eating healthy is my primary objective"
"X made a bet that I can't lose weight by this date, and if I give in now I will not reach this goal"
This works because it's easier for the people in your life to accept a delay, rather than a clear refusal. Also, if you can pick some goal they can support you with, it's even better: "I need to prove to myself that I can refrain from snacking and I need your support in this"

Step 3: Cultivate their expectations. In time, you'll have a sort of a new identity, You'll be the person the works out and eats healthy, and people will accept you as you are. You're not only changing yourself, but you are changing how others see you, and that's an important step. When your friends and family expect you to act in a certain way, expect you to avoid unhealthy food, it will much easier to do so.

Step 4: Never compromise your new image, Of course, we all need cheat days, we need refeed days, and little breaks. BUT others don't see all the work you've put into it, don't see your diet in perspective. They see you indulge once and assume you do that all the time.
So, when in public, act in accordance with your image no matter what! If you smoke one cigarette but some coworker sees you, they assume you smoke.
O course, this is very hard, especially when you feel like you should have your moments of indulgence in the company of friends and family. But if you do that, try to explain that this is your reward meal after 2 weeks of discipline.

Step 5: Use step 4 as motivation. Once you know how a slip up can mess up with your friends' support of your effort, use that knowledge to motivate yourself into not slipping up. My nutrition is absolute perfection around my father, because I know one slip up will make him look at me as if i'm not consistent with my goals.