how to deal with saboteurs?

I turn it around on them, I'll eat your thing when you eat my steamed chard. That worked the last time, and it hasn't come up again.

No such thing as a saboteur

My bf's daughter is kind of a food pusher. She always wants me to eat unhealthy stuff with her and will ask over and over again. Sometimes she gets her feelings hurt if I won't eat chocolate, cookies, carbs, etc with her. I will tell her, I'm sorry, I can't eat cookies on my diet unless I make them special and low carb. Then I will eat bacon or something and she will say, wow, you can have bacon, but not a cookie? And I will say yes, because it is sugar free and (blah, blah, blah...). Although I know she means well and just wants me to go back to being her junk-food-buddy, I just continue to say, no thank you. until she stops asking. Sometimes I will have to turn down the exact same thing (on the same occasion) six or seven times. Literally. But, I just roll with it.

I don't care what kind of stuff they keep in the house, cookies, cinnamon rolls, bread, chips, ice cream, etc. They can eat whatever and I am (most often) not tempted. I don't push healthy or low carb stuff on them and I just try to ignore it otherwise.

No such thing as a saboteur

Truth.

No one makes my choices, but me.

Also, someone offering you cake is not sabotage. That's nice. I always just make my birthday party guests watch me eat my entire cake. It is MY birthday.

I say "no thanks," nothing more. If they press, "no thanks" again. I don't give them a reason to argue.

They aren't responsible for what you eat, you are, so don't let yourself feel guilty about it.

I completely understand and empathize. I have a stomach condition that makes it so I physically can not eat some foods as I can not digest them. TRY to explain that to people without offending them. No, I do not eat at restaurants because I need to know how the food is prepared. No, I do not hate you because I won't go out to eat with you. I try to not revolve my life around what I eat- let's do something else instead.

Your answers are spot on. Sometimes if folks argue with them, it's because they wish they had your willpower. I once did that, argued and it wasn't to sabotage necessarily, but to make me feel better about my choice to have that piece of cake.

No such thing as a saboteur

Truth.

No one makes my choices, but me.

Also, someone offering you cake is not sabotage. That's nice. I always just make my birthday party guests watch me eat my entire cake. It is MY birthday.

^This.

And a quote from my profile that actually comes from someone on MFP that really sums up these types of "situations" and reminds me that I am responsible for ME....

"Stop being weak, only weak people allow themselves to be sabotaged" - MFPer Acg67

Love these!

Just keep repeating your first answers. And look at it this way, if you can say no to them, then you can say no any time you're faced with the sweet trolley and it will be good learning for the future once you've reached your goal weight. Keep being firm, they're probably just jealous because they can't say no.

Or think of more come backs:

sure you can eat this! - No I can't, I'm trying to lose weight.
what do you mean you don't want any? it's delicious! - It looks delicious and as much as I'd love to eat it, I'm trying to lose weight.
just a little won't hurt anything - It would hurt my diet as I'm trying to lose weight.
you don't need to lose weight, you look fine! - I may look fine on the outside but my heart won't love me for it (who needs to know?)
but i made it just for you! - The thought is really appreciated but I'm trying to lose weight.
well, you ate it the last time i made it. - That was before the diet started and it was delicious but now I'm trying to lose weight.
are you mad at me, is that why you won't eat? - No, I'm just trying to lose weight
well, your doctor's not here, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him. - He will know when I next steps on his scales.
oh, pooh, one little cupcake won't kill you. - It won't kill me but it won't help with my weight loss either.

No such thing as a saboteur

^^ this. As some chick around here once said, "This is not WWII and you are not a munitions filled train."

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/02/22/meeting-people-through-fitness/ <~ I read this article earlier and it talks a little about what you're saying.

Basically as a society, a lot of us are just sort of stumbling through life, trying to make things as convenient as possible (whether it's healthy or not), and we don't like to be reminded that maybe that's not the way it should be. When we see others making healthy choices, it makes us uncomfortable because we know we should probably be caring more, too. So instead of realizing and changing ourselves (which may eventually happen), we try to undermine that person and make them more like us to remove the discomfort.

In the end, just do what you do. It can be annoying but your results will speak for themselves, and the people around you may not outwardly acknowledge it but in time they will start to consider their own choices a little more once they see your happiness and success.

Best of luck.

I am my own worst enemy and saboteur.

Cute post! I can relate to this!

I deal with this all the time with my step grandma 24/7. at the church pot luck she was barking at my not eating sweets making fun of me for eating strawberries. I said sorry I can't afford to eat sweets I learned in a nutrition class eating to many sweets causes strokes so you probably don't want to eat sweets either. that is probably why you started having strokes this year.

and everytime she makes fun of me for my eating I say well eating this way and all the problems you complain about are caused by a poor diet. if you would eat properly you wouldn't have the problems you do now.

The problem is with setting precedents. My father shoes affection by cooking for you, which became quite problematic. I explained many times that the satisfaction of eating something unhealthy is nothing compared to the guilt that follows it. He said I do so much sport, I said I don't wanna do it in vain. And this went on and on.

Eventually, I reached a point where the guilting got too much and I said I come less frequently to visit because I'm anxious about being stuffed with food a week in advance, and the following week I have to starve myself to compensate. Add a few tears and the melodrama worked. (Don't worry, I'm not stressed about it, but I just couldn't prove the point)

Eventually, my family and friends adapted. They would say "look, I'm really in the mood for some junk food today. How about we meet for breakfast tomorrow instead of lunch today?"

But then, come my birthday I slipped up. I ate some of my birthday cake (3 slices worth of it...) which my father took as a sign that I'm ready to trash my diet again. For two months, I'm still trying to erase that precedent I set on my birthday, even though the situation is ridiculous.

So, my advice is this:

Step 1: Muster all your strength and be consistent in denying unhealthy food. I may not slip up in the presence of any of those saboteurs, cos you'll just confirm their expectation of you.

Step 2: Use some time related-excuses: "I will not have processed sugar till next week. I'm sure you caught me on a bad day, but I'll make it up to you later"
"I'm training for a race in may and eating healthy is my primary objective"
"X made a bet that I can't lose weight by this date, and if I give in now I will not reach this goal"
This works because it's easier for the people in your life to accept a delay, rather than a clear refusal. Also, if you can pick some goal they can support you with, it's even better: "I need to prove to myself that I can refrain from snacking and I need your support in this"

Step 3: Cultivate their expectations. In time, you'll have a sort of a new identity, You'll be the person the works out and eats healthy, and people will accept you as you are. You're not only changing yourself, but you are changing how others see you, and that's an important step. When your friends and family expect you to act in a certain way, expect you to avoid unhealthy food, it will much easier to do so.

Step 4: Never compromise your new image, Of course, we all need cheat days, we need refeed days, and little breaks. BUT others don't see all the work you've put into it, don't see your diet in perspective. They see you indulge once and assume you do that all the time.
So, when in public, act in accordance with your image no matter what! If you smoke one cigarette but some coworker sees you, they assume you smoke.
O course, this is very hard, especially when you feel like you should have your moments of indulgence in the company of friends and family. But if you do that, try to explain that this is your reward meal after 2 weeks of discipline.

Step 5: Use step 4 as motivation. Once you know how a slip up can mess up with your friends' support of your effort, use that knowledge to motivate yourself into not slipping up. My nutrition is absolute perfection around my father, because I know one slip up will make him look at me as if i'm not consistent with my goals.

Bury them in the backyard. Done.