"Married" but not "MARRIED"
Replies
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what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.0 -
My GF and I are living together and share a bank account, but we're not married.
1, we both had bad marriages before and we're not anxious to throw ourselves back in that meat grinder.
2, her daughter accepts me and we get along fine, but she had a father for 14 years before he shot himself. She's NOT ready for her mom to marry someone else.
3, Neither of us needs a piece of paper to tell us that we're committed to each other.
Nuff said.0 -
It's a bunch of bologni... all the reasons people list why they do not get married. Truth is, one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person. There could be someone better for me". It is less complicated to walk away from someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or selfish be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed only within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing. We have all these broken up relationships in recent 70 or so years, when people starting to practice cohabitation. Does not look like it is working, is it?0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.0 -
Religious and personal beliefs drive it mostly. Governmental tax benefits didn't come until more recent years, if that was your angle.
this. been living together as married for over 20 years, co-own everything, but no real reason to get married, we're both atheists, and we don't have children, besides, the tax benefits are far greater by staying single.
^ Exactly the same with my relationship except it's been just over 10 years. Looking at a $10k/year tax penalty makes it ideal to stay single at the moment. Plus, we are atheists with no children (or plans to). We are officially engaged in real life (for over 5 years now) and on Facebook status so I have a piece of jewelry to wear and a title with significance over "boyfriend". I do jokingly refer to him as "my hubby" quite a bit.
(Just to clarify, the tax penalty I'm referring to is not an earned income credit. Paying taxes on our combined income would be $10k more per year over what we pay as two singles.)0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
That's your opinion. I respectfully disagree.0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.
I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.0 -
what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.
Ok. I can understand the perspective thing but why? I never really thought about why someone would or wouldn't get married let alone why they would say they're married if they're not. I know plenty of people who are in committed relationships, not married yet say they are because it's just easier.It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
Um, right. I don't really think so. My husband and I weren't going to get married. We were committed to each other but just didn't really want to get married. We had joint accounts. We bought things together so even not married if things didn't work out it still would could have been as ugly as a divorce because of the shared assets. Not being married doesn't make the relationship any less complicated.0 -
Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.0
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I wanted to throw a huge party and wear a pretty dress. That's why I got married.0
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Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.
Prenup.0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.
I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.
*points finger* FORNICATOR!!!0 -
Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.
Prenup.
Yup yup!!0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.
I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.
ahh gotcha. i just get my hackles up when someone equates what we have to something less than what it is. i'll sin away, thank you very much.:laugh:0 -
I don't care if you're married or not. Just don't give me advice and let Gays have the right to be married!0
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It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
My partner funds my IRA. That is serious long term commitment.0 -
what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.
Ok. I can understand the perspective thing but why? I never really thought about why someone would or wouldn't get married let alone why they would say they're married if they're not. I know plenty of people who are in committed relationships, not married yet say they are because it's just easier.It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
Um, right. I don't really think so. My husband and I weren't going to get married. We were committed to each other but just didn't really want to get married. We had joint accounts. We bought things together so even not married if things didn't work out it still would could have been as ugly as a divorce because of the shared assets. Not being married doesn't make the relationship any less complicated.
she's asking why because she knows a couple and is curious. i don't believe her motives or curiousity are at all trivial or intrusive. perhaps she's using this platform to gain that perspective because she would be uncomfortable asking the people she knows. perhaps she's trying to get third party perspective so she doesn't portray any judgemental negativity towards them. this forum does indeed give a broad arena of thought.0 -
It's a bunch of bologni... all the reasons people list why they do not get married. Truth is, one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person. There could be someone better for me". It is less complicated to walk away from someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or selfish be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed only within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing. We have all these broken up relationships in recent 70 or so years, when people starting to practice cohabitation. Does not look like it is working, is it?
My cohabitation relationship has lasted longer than any marriage that either of us know of. Happily I might add.
And there are lots of ways for us cohabitated folks to be legally bound to each other. Additionally, it's actually MORE difficult to separate from someone with whom you have significant joint assets but no marriage or other "prenup" document. There are no laws/guidelines for that so it's a very messy free-for-all. Married folk have laws to govern their divorces. So I could argue that I am MORE committed to my non-husband because there is nothing to protect me in the event that out relationship ends. I've laid it all on the line (as has he).0 -
I'm married and in our faith through God and Cival. I'm married to love, respect and cherish my husband and to set an example to my children that all things through God will sustain them. I really believe this.0
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I was married for 8 years and that was enough.
Followed by a ten year relationship which produced a child.Never married him because I didn't want to and the first marriage taught me I don't want to mix finances with anyone ever again.0 -
It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.
so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.
I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.
*points finger* FORNICATOR!!!
With as much regularity as possible. I shall sin to my hearts content-I will have plenty of friends down where the sinners go. I'll just be taking an express trip apparently.0 -
What an incredibly simple-minded opinion.It's a bunch of bologni... all the reasons people list why they do not get married. Truth is, one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person. There could be someone better for me". It is less complicated to walk away from someone who you are not legally bound to.
I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or selfish be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed only within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing. We have all these broken up relationships in recent 70 or so years, when people starting to practice cohabitation. Does not look like it is working, is it?
As for the original topic and to the OP: I don't care what other people are doing with their lives, as long as they're not hurting anyone else. I have many gay couples as friends on Facebook, they can't exactly get married "for realsies" just to please people like you, now can they?0 -
Me and my boyfriend will have been dating for 5 years in April. We have a 5 week old son together. Were not married or even engaged because of a few reasons :
1. Age- granted we're "old enough" to be parents,but at 20 and 22 we don't feel old enough to be married.
2. My mom has been divorced twice,my dad has...well quite the track record,his mom has been divorced twice,AND his Dad has been divorced twice. In our families marriage seems to be the beginning of the end. Makes us question if we even want to take the plunge.
3. Wedding and engagement rings are expensive,we would rather have fun with our money!
But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.0 -
what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.
yes, i was also wondering this. it never hurts to ask a question.
frankly, i don't know the answer to the OP's question. i have been married for 28 years to the same man, and i wouldn't have it any other way. i guess maybe it's because i chose a good man, and he chose a good woman. our kids are grown now, and we are having the time of our lives.0 -
When I asked my pastor one time 'when does God view a couple as married'? His response..."when the couple decides they want to be". He said nothing of needing a piece of paper from the state in order to be 'married'. Those couples who are in committed relationships aren't any less committed to each other because they lack a piece of paper. It's the commitment to each other that matters, not the paper...0
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Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.
Prenup.
Can't risk a court not upholding it.0 -
I was 20 pregnant and he was a 22 year old Marine set to deploy. He and my mom supported me and our unborn child as i finished school while pregnant. We did not get married just to get married, yet some people really tried to "force" us because of the benefits he had... (if he died, my daughter would virtually see none of that insurance money because he was not my husband therefore he was not on the BC bc of being in Iraq at the time...)
He came home, we loved each other...we got married. Yet...we got married a little sooner than we wanted because due to his rank and years in service he could not live with just a girlfriend...I had to be his wife....best decision I made.
That was over 4 years ago....<30 -
Me and my boyfriend will have been dating for 5 years in April. We have a 5 week old son together. Were not married or even engaged because of a few reasons :
1. Age- granted we're "old enough" to be parents,but at 20 and 22 we don't feel old enough to be married.
2. My mom has been divorced twice,my dad has...well quite the track record,his mom has been divorced twice,AND his Dad has been divorced twice. In our families marriage seems to be the beginning of the end. Makes us question if we even want to take the plunge.
3. Wedding and engagement rings are expensive,we would rather have fun with our money!
But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.
You need to check on the laws in your area. In the US, only five states have common law marriages and in at least one of those states, filing taxes as married means that you are legally married. That is, while you can do anything as long as you don't get caught, picking and choosing from the buffet of marriage benefits can result in a fraud charge. For example, if you claim married for the tax benefits, but single when you file for unemployment.
ETA: I see you aren't in the US, so perhaps there aren't as many misconceptions about common law marriage there!0 -
When I asked my pastor one time 'when does God view a couple as married'? His response..."when the couple decides they want to be". He said nothing of needing a piece of paper from the state in order to be 'married'. Those couples who are in committed relationships aren't any less committed to each other because they lack a piece of paper. It's the commitment to each other that matters, not the paper...
I like how your pastor thinks0 -
But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.
the feds recognize no such thing, your state, maybe. otherwise same sex couples could file as married as they also qualify as "married" under the common law rules.
never mind, didn't look where you were from.0
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