ladies, a personal question. laides only.

A good friend of mine had a marriage counsellor once tell her the following:

Men often think of having sex to get even closer to their partner.

Women think of having sex after they already feel closer.

What is your relationship like outside of the bedroom? Do you talk? Do you do things equally around the house? Do you take time to be a couple - go out on a date?

With 2 young kids, and both of us working, I find that the sexual part of my relationship is often the last part I think of because I am so much trying to balance everything else....I haven't had much of a libido since our son was born, some weeks it runs higher, some weeks it is non-existent, and my cycle plays a big part in that for sure.

i'm a stay at home mom, and a wannabe cake decorator. he delivers appliances for about 10-12 hours and on his off days, he has a painting and home theater install business. he's usually really tired when he gets home, understandably so, so I make him dinner and that's that. I ask how work was, and if something interesting happened he tells me. not much to report here. trying to potty train our daughter. bout it. we go out to movies, but what's a movie? you sit in the dark for 2 hours then go home. and honestly, with my weight, I don't feel like going out. we don't go to bars cause we don't drink. don't go play pool or bowling, things I used to love cause he's in the early stages of RA (rheumatoid arthritis)

I'm not married so take what I say with a grain of salt. It sounds like you are lacking feelings of intimacy which is leading to being uncomfortable with sex, which is a very intimate act. You can't suddenly let yourself become naked and vulnerable after a day of relative coolness toward one another.

IMO intimacy can be built in a lot of ways. It's not the activity itself, but the way you do that activity. Going to a movie to sit in the dark can be intimate...if you hold hands and canoodle. Or if you want a place to talk and get out of the house, go to a coffee shop and sip some tea (no calories!) and speak softly to one another. Add intimacy to your greetings and goodbyes. Give each other long hugs and more than one kiss. Always say you love each other during these coming and going rituals. Sitting on the couch in silence? Sit close to each other.

Loving each other is a bit like kneading clay. Clay gets hard and dried out if you don't knead it. You have to work it so it'll stay soft. A soft heart is a loving one with room for intimacy.

i think you libido can change drastically depending on your hormone balance as well as your mood. i know that in general, i have a high sex drive- but there are days (few, very few) when the thought of sex is sickening and makes me want to throw up or go take a shower. maybe you should consult a doctor about this? also, you should want to be intimate with your partner...if you aren't feeling it and think of sex as a chore- maybe you need to rethink who/what the partner is doing.

After my 1st pregnancy in Aug 2010 my sex drive left the building for 6 months I was on depo then I think may have had something to do with it after my 2nd in March 2012 it came back fairly quick but I had my tubes tied so that may have helped.Now after losing 17.5 lbs even more so but we never seem to have time with 2 little girls running around and one who hasn't sttn since day one and will be a year old March 9th.So lack of sleep so on makes it difficult.The want is their but my want for sleep is more .

Are you on any medications?

Some anti-depressants have the side effect of a lower libido. I have suffered from that.

i think you libido can change drastically depending on your hormone balance as well as your mood. i know that in general, i have a high sex drive- but there are days (few, very few) when the thought of sex is sickening and makes me want to throw up or go take a shower. maybe you should consult a doctor about this? also, you should want to be intimate with your partner...if you aren't feeling it and think of sex as a chore- maybe you need to rethink who/what the partner is doing.

And on those days, I usually join her in the shower.

:blushing: we were supposed to be a secret!

i'm a creep. i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here?

You don't belong here.

Mine changed when I started working out. It was already pretty high and managed to go up. When I fell off the wagon it dropped to near nothing. Now that I started working out again, it's on the rise.

I'm horny all the time...

24/7 365...

i just am. I have always had a higher sex drive than any of my partners and i have never been in a state where I didn't want to be touched.

so i can't say that I relate.

as I have lost the weight, while my libido hasn't increased (because I don't think you can increase that roof) my stamina and ability to be more adventurous and fun has definitely changed.

If you are having issues with enjoying sex, being touched, etc, you may want to look into therapy or see your doctor.

It can affect your marriage. I'm not judging, I'm just saying from a practical standpoint. Most humans crave physical touch. Not all, but most.

but in terms of libido? no, it hasn't gotten worse. It's still sky high.

everything else has gotten BETTER.

This is me too, my libido increases as my menstrual cycle approaches but my weight loss or gains haven't been an issue for me.

I have been in your exact same situation, for me it was a mixture of postnatal depression and the fact that my (Now-EX) boyfriend was an asshat ..

I had a new baby and he really wasn't helping at all, he would go out and not come home for 3 days then come home drunk and wasted and just sleep for another 2 days and complain if baby cried and woke him. (don't worry, I said EX Bf) He would act like I 'owed' him sex, sounds weird I know but that's how it felt.
The thought of him touching me would make me sick, blurgh.. hate him lol. I was over weight then too but it had nothing to do with the way I was feeling, I would occasionaly tell myself that was the reason so I wouldn't have to deal with the true underlying issues but either way, the weight wasn't actually the problem..

Now I know I have said a few times that it's my 'EX' that I had this prob, but i'm not telling you to leave your partner or anything like that, i'm just trying to say that I understand what your going through and you should look at other aspects of your life and not just your weight to find out what's really wrong, also I recommend finding someone to talk to, not neccessarily and professional or anything but a close friend family member?

all the best and I hope everything works out for you ,feel free to add me