Spousal Cheaters?

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  • Mrs_Bones
    Mrs_Bones Posts: 195 Member
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    You can forgive him, but I wouldn't recommend marrying him.
    Yeah, think twice about that. What does he give as an excuse? Was he drunk? In love? He proposed in december and 3-4 months later he cheats!? What happened in between?

    He was very drunk. And this "friend" of mine was a woman he'd had feelings for before we started dating. Within the last few months this girl would get drunk with us and then ask my fiance why it had never worked out between them. The last time she did that she thought I was asleep and he said, "I would really prefer to not talk about this. I'm with Amber now and I love her." After he cheated a few months later, he admitted that when she started asking those stupid questions, "conflicting feelings" arose. But once it was done he made the choice to work it out with me....I have no idea what to think about all of it.

    The term "very drunk" is throwing me off a bit here. Obviously drunk enough to make a really bad call but sober enough that he could still get it up... Personally, I have a hard time buying the "drunk" excuse because even when I've been totally plastered myself, I still have that little voice in my head that says, "Hold up! Maybe not the best idea..." If he really is sorry and you guys really want to work it out, then that's one thing and do what you feel is right, but being drunk is no excuse.
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    There are times I would forgive cheating, that window is tiny and limited, but yes, under certain circumstances, I would forgive (though maybe never entirely forget), and work on building trust again. But only I can make that judgment of what is ok for me and my relationship, and what is not, and you have to make that decision too....I have been with my man for 13 years, and neither of us have ever cheated, nor desired too, but there was defo a period in our life that I would had forgiven him if he had.

    I think for me the betrayal is much worse coming from the best friend, I would have a harder time forgiving her.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
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    Does he have a lot more money than you?

    If so, forgive an marry. If he never cheats again, super.
    If he does, you divorce him and get half his stuff.

    Win win.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Maybe try counseling?
  • ms_leanne
    ms_leanne Posts: 523
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    Hey matchbox_girl,

    Cheating is one of those things that I couldn't forgive. What happened was because at some point he had some doubt in his mind about you and wanted something else. Now I can imagine that maybe he saw the error of his ways and now loves you but he did at some point not consider you at all and did what his manhood told him to do.

    I could not forgive that and I think at the very least you should call the wedding off. I'm not sure he will totally have stopped drinking and I would hate to think it would happen again on his batchelor party.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
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    Maybe try counseling?

    Yes, the day after it happened he called and set up couples counseling for us. Our second session is tomorrow.
  • kmacgera
    kmacgera Posts: 137 Member
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    When I drink too much I eat "forbidden foods", don't have sex with people, just saying...

    On the other hand, the phone call the de-friending and the counseling is saying a lot. Maybe "afiance" for another year.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    Maybe there's room for forgiveness under some circumstances, but (and this is just my personal opinion) if he cheats within months of proposing and months away from your wedding, I think that's unforgivable. Really, it comes down to what you're willing to accept.
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
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    I think you should ask yourself that question.

    Do YOU want to forgive him?
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
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    Has he asked to be forgiven ?
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....

    I would say...you are young, there are no children involved (are there?) so there's no real point in staying with him.

    He's a man, there's alot of them around, find a new one. :flowerforyou:

    RUN, as fast as you can and start over.

    He's cut her out of his life? LOL!!!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
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    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....
    So she gets cut out of your life, but he doesn't? They are both equally guilty. Maybe him even more so, since he was the one who was engaged.
    Also, he's frisky when he's drunk and ends up sleeping with other people. Did he give up drinking too? It's very likely that there will be other girls around next time he gets drunk.


    Yes, he gave up drinking, too. Happily.
    I see.
    Here's what i think.
    You took him back already, now you are just looking for people to make you feel better about your decision, because you still doubt it was the right one. I understand where you are coming for, I did make the mistake to take a cheater back, again and again. I wasted years, and by the end i was full of resentment. Never again!

    So you're with him now. Okay, but please don't marry him. Make it clear that he needs to regain your trust. If he doesn't cheat on you in the next 5 years, MAYBE consider marrying him. You're only 22, you have time to wait.
  • katellanova
    katellanova Posts: 204 Member
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    To me it makes a difference if it was a one time thing or a full affair.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
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    Has he asked to be forgiven ?

    No, because he knows it's too early to be forgiven, and I refuse to say that I forgive him.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
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    It is always the right thing to forgive. However, forgiveness is not the same thing as acceptance of the behavior...it seems like from what you have said that he is genuinely remorseful, but once trust is broken is can be so very hard to regain. Only time will tell whether he is truly sincere. I would maybe think very seriously about postponing the wedding a little bit...
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    Good God woman, what did he eat?

    My ex-friend/future bridesmaid :)

    Damn
  • KimberlyinMN
    KimberlyinMN Posts: 302 Member
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    He was very drunk. And this "friend" of mine was a woman he'd had feelings for before we started dating. Within the last few months this girl would get drunk with us and then ask my fiance why it had never worked out between them. The last time she did that she thought I was asleep and he said, "I would really prefer to not talk about this. I'm with Amber now and I love her." After he cheated a few months later, he admitted that when she started asking those stupid questions, "conflicting feelings" arose. But once it was done he made the choice to work it out with me....I have no idea what to think about all of it.

    So.. they used to date?
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    Just leave him. He cheated, that will never change. Don't look for justification from here to stay with him.

    He betrayed you! Guys with weak character don't change, they stay weak.
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
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    Hard call...if you do decide to forgive get a pre-nup agreement or something in writing from him about what happens if he commits strike #2. Protect yourself that's all. If he doesn't want such an agreement it's time to move on.
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
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    I raelly don;t think this is the place for something like this.

    MFP is the Facebook for the weight/health conscious.

    I.E. Its the perfect place since a terrible significant other is nothing but dead weight.

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