Spousal Cheaters?
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I could not forgive a cheater. I did once when he slept with someone I didn't know but he didn't stop cheating and then cheated with my cousin. I didn't forgive that one.0
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
One more chance. If he is seriously sorry, he will move mountains to prove it to you. Every situation is different, but if he wants this to work it will be painfully obvious.0 -
To me it makes a difference if it was a one time thing or a full affair.
It's okay to cheat with a dozen women once, but not with the same woman a dozen times? I'm confused here.0 -
I was actually the one who cheated, with my fiancee. It was a mistake, and I was VERY drunk, but I still knew exactly what I was doing and I was convinced I was going to get (rightfully) dumped.
I didn't, which made me understand that relationships are never black and white. Of course, the reason I cheated was because there was already a rift between my ex and I, and we did eventually break up anyway. But the cheating actually had little impact on our relationship long-term. My ex's father cheated on her mother when she was 8 months pregnant. And her mother decided to take the 5 years of happiness they'd had over the 1 night of cheating, and it never happened again. Second chances shouldn't be expected, but nor should they be wasted or undervalued. Someone who forgives a cheater isn't a chump-- they're a saint.0 -
He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.
I don't know though....
How did you find out about this? Did he just admit it out of guilt?0 -
I was actually the one who cheated, with my fiancee. It was a mistake, and I was VERY drunk, but I still knew exactly what I was doing and I was convinced I was going to get (rightfully) dumped.
I didn't, which made me understand that relationships are never black and white. Of course, the reason I cheated was because there was already a rift between my ex and I, and we did eventually break up anyway. But the cheating actually had little impact on our relationship long-term. My ex's father cheated on her mother when she was 8 months pregnant. And her mother decided to take the 5 years of happiness they'd had over the 1 night of cheating, and it never happened again. Second chances shouldn't be expected, but nor should they be wasted or undervalued. Someone who forgives a cheater isn't a chump-- they're a saint.
So beautiful. Thanks for your perspective.
You're 100% right, nothing is ever black or white.0 -
Once a cheater always a cheater.0
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Did it once....he'll do it again with another excuse next time. This time it was alcohol. What will it be next time because you can be sure there will be a next time. Move on.0
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You can forgive him, but I wouldn't recommend marrying him.
Yes, this is right.
Forgiveness and marriage are different things. As an engaged person, you should run, not walk, away. Leave now.
Forgiveness is often good for the soul though and I'd recommend looking into ways in which you can heal from what happened.0 -
He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.
I don't know though....
How did you find out about this? Did he just admit it out of guilt?
I found her underwear in my bedroom.0 -
As much as I adore and love my boyfriend and can't imagine my life without him I would leave him if he cheated on me. Because I know I deserve better and I would eventually find someone who wouldn't dare do that to me.
Of course its different for everyone, some people are so sure of their partner that even if they do cheat they know it won't happen again, or they hope at least. Others don't believe they could find someone to make them happy so they cling onto the cheater so they have someone.
Some may never cheat again, others will continue to do it.
You've just got to weigh up how much of a risk you're willing to take with him. Is he worth it? Do you think you deserved it? could you bet your life that he would never do it again? If you stay with him, could you honestly forgive him? Could you live with him for the rest of your life knowing he cheated that once and he may do it again?0 -
He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.
I don't know though....
How did you find out about this? Did he just admit it out of guilt?
I found her underwear in my bedroom.
I see. I'm thinking that if you had not found evidence of it, it is something they would both still be hiding from you. Ditch him now, and save yourself further heartache.0 -
Omg. NO!
Forgive him but get rid of him, and find someone better!0 -
You can forgive him, but I wouldn't recommend marrying him.
This.0 -
I definitely wouldn't marry him, not in the near future anyways. It would be hard for me to date him anymore either, however, because I would always be thinking about it and it would be hard for me to heal from that kind of betrayal. However, it would also be difficult for me to dump him after such a history together. To sum, I'd say cautiously give him a second chance.0
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You can forgive him, but I wouldn't recommend marrying him.
^^^This^^^
+1000 -
""I don't think so, really. Maybe under EXTREME circumstances that usually never happen...like if you thought your spouse was dead for years, or if you were date rape drugged or something, lol.
/quote]"
Being raped is not being unfaithful. By the longest stretch of the imagination.0 -
Depends on circumstance.
In this one, I would postpone the wedding and try to forgive if you really think the relationship is worth saving and has been good up to this point.
ETA: I am assuming he's nothing shady in the past. I am also assuming he's genuine in being sorry and cutting her off. If you question that or he's been dishonest in the past -- meh.0 -
So, let me get this straight, he was walking with his pants down/fly open, he tripped, fell conveniently in-between the apex of your so-called friend's/bridesmaid legs and just kept on repeatedly falling until both of them felt..."better"?
Uh huh.
I know a great bridge that's looking for an owner.
If the bridesmaid is no longer your friend for the same crime, now. Why is he still your man?
It takes two to tango.
The feeling of uncertainty that he could slip up again. Is it worth it for a lifetime? Because that's a serious character flaw.
Once the trust is gone, there is no more relationship. It's just that simple.
Can you trust him around any other woman?
Well said, man! This ^^^ is a very blunt answer, but he's right! (IMHO)0 -
22. move on. not that age matters. just saying you are young. enjoy life without drama0
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It sounds like he really wants to work things out. Like giving up drinking and setting up counseling. In counseling I think you can explore if you can ever forgive and move on or stay together.
Either way, sorry they did that to you. I hope you find your peace with or without him :]0 -
so he made a big thing about locking out of your lives, but he gets to marry you and move on? that kind of stage drama makes me more suspicious than the actual cheating. they both did the same thing. if anything, his crime was worse. you lose your best mate and he loses nothing, but gets to look like mr strong stance. *barf*He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.
I don't know though....
don't marry him. put the wedding on hold. take a good, long time to figure out what kind of a person he really is. you could take an extra year or two to be certain, or you could wake up in 50 years and realise you wasted your life on this jerk.
marry in haste, repent at leasure!0 -
It's probably over. Work on it if you want to, if it gets you some closure. As a divorcee, I am among those who say get divorced BEFORE you get married. Life is too short for bull**** like that. There are people who don't cheat on you, and they're worth waiting for.0
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I think it is normal for men to cheat (not women) men have sex because an opportunity appears. Women cheat because they feel there is something missing from their relationship so they actively go out and find something to make themselves feel better. Men don't ever feel like this. Just because he cheated doesn't mean he doesn't love you.....ultimately he came home to you.
Men and women are different. As soon as we get over this whole thought process about how bad it is imagine how happy you will feel. Don't worry about what other people think. Just do what makes you happy.0 -
I think this is all a personal decision and in doing so you really have to decide if you can truly forgive him and move on from it or if it will always be in your mind. I have been in your shoes and I have decided to try to forgive, but you will never forget and if you can live with that and not become angered about it or bring it up in future arguements, I think that is the key to making it work, along with a lot of prayer. The fact that it was your best friend/maid of honor, I believe would make it a little more difficult, but remember if you forgive him you should also forgive her (which does mean allow her to be your best friend anymore, but it would mean you would have to forgive them both). Good luck and stay strong. It is not an easy process, but if he truly is the one for you, then make it work. One other piece of advice, find out the reason he cheated and figure out if could have been avoided (bad situation or circumstance) or even just better communication between the two of you. There could be many reasons this happened and sometimes you will find that its just because people are cheaters and truly not in love, but other times it can be something that can be worked on.0
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Move on. It will be hard but it will be easier than a lifetime of resent and worry. Why spend more time with someone of low moral character? Life is hard enough. The people who claim to love you should not make it worse.0
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Oh honey, take it from someone who has had to do A LOT of work on their relationship due to trust issues. I have two kids and frankly wouldn't be able to live on my own without him. I could go back to a small *kitten* town and live with my parents with no oppurtunity for me or my kids or work it out with my husband..........thankfully for now it has worked but it has been very rough and it shows. I look older than I should, I have lost friends, I have hurt family, I have hurt so much. You are only 22? You have it so easy to walk away. WALK AWAY!!!0
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I have been married for 12 years and have never cheated. I find it difficult to understand how someone can. You´re either with somebody or you´re not. But It may not be that simple, I know. My husband kind of cheated on me and I have forgiven him. I really have. But now he knows, that he have a weakness and I will expect him to avoid situations where it could be possible. For instance, we have an agreement that he don´t sit alone with another woman in the apartment. Not even a friend. I trust him, but I´m not stupid. Not that stupid, at least...
As I said in the beginning, you will get a lot of different answers. No one can tell you what to do. That´s your decision!! Do you trust him? Do you still love him? Why didn´t he come to you with his "conflicted feelings"? Didn´t he trust you? Once, while we were married, we were having a very difficult time. I felt inlove with another man. I asked my husband out to eat and told him that I had a problem and needed his help. He listened and together we made a plan, so I could avod the other person. I defriended him from facebook and told him that I would have no contact with him. Nothing ever happened, because we took care of it before it became a problem. We took care of it together. Why didn´t you bf do that?
I hope the best for you. You do what is right for you.0 -
I think it is normal for men to cheat (not women) men have sex because an opportunity appears. Women cheat because they feel there is something missing from their relationship so they actively go out and find something to make themselves feel better. Men don't ever feel like this. Just because he cheated doesn't mean he doesn't love you.....ultimately he came home to you.
Men and women are different. As soon as we get over this whole thought process about how bad it is imagine how happy you will feel. Don't worry about what other people think. Just do what makes you happy.
Um... I agree she should do what she wants to do and now worry what anyone else thinks, I also agree it doesn't mean he doesn't love her. But I know plenty of faithful men and unfaithful women.0 -
I was cheated on. My husband cheated on me a few months before him and I got married... I didn't find out until almost a year later. He had sex with her before we got married. And they sent numerous pictures to each other for a while. I found out and since I'm a very forgiving person.. I forgave him. I haven't forgotten about what he's done.. and I may never forget... But I love him. and I know he loves me. Just because it's broken doesn't mean it can't be fixed. People deserve second chances. Relationships aren't perfect... You have to work on them.0
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