Spousal Cheaters?

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  • fluffy925
    fluffy925 Posts: 93 Member
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    Nothing wrong with forgiving a person as its nice when someone forgives us for something , but doesn't mean you should take him back, as you don't deserve to be treated like that!
  • candicecountscalories
    candicecountscalories Posts: 12
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    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....

    This seems a bit staged to me.. I would forgive him and forget him! Run! Head to the hills! :D
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    I'd kind of been following along, thinking maybe you could save this -- but to me, the fact that he apparently had the affair in your bedroom...well, to me that shows that he has no respect for you, that he would do that in YOUR space.

    I'm definitely in the "dump him" group at this point.

    Edited to add: I married the first time at 21. I so very much wish I had waited longer; he was a major manipulator and I was too young and naive to figure it out. A little hurt now may save you the type of major hurt that hit me at 40. You are going to couples counseling, but I think you would benefit from individual counseling as well -- from a different counselor than your couples' one.
  • mhwiggins
    mhwiggins Posts: 27 Member
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    I forgave my ex wife the first time. The next time she took off to Edmonton with my boss and kids!!!
    Forgive...........NO!
  • TC1728
    TC1728 Posts: 264 Member
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    I"m a man and here's what I know about our species:

    Everytime I've ever been told by a man that they hit or cheated on their girlfriend/wife, they always said that they would never do it again. Everytime I've called them a liar to their face. Everytime I've been right.

    You're 22. If he spilt your beer, I would forgive him for that. Not this. He's not mature enough.
  • med2017
    med2017 Posts: 192 Member
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    i never forgave a cheater, a scumbag is a scumbag
  • woolstockboy1
    woolstockboy1 Posts: 50 Member
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    Once a cheater always a cheater.

    My ex cheated on me when we were dating. She told told me about it and said she wouldn't blame me if I wanted to break up. I forgave(but never forgot).
    Fast forward 11 years, 9 of which we were married, and 2 kids later. Guess who cheated on me again? Lesson learned. I hate her and we haven't said a word to each other in almost 2 years. We communicate about the kids thru email and text.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I say NO. Because I did give him another chance, but in his opinion forgiving him, meant treating him as though the whole thing didn't happen. NOT.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
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    Good God woman, what did he eat?

    My ex-friend/future bridesmaid :)

    my opinion...especially with ex-best friend....Hell No.
  • adopt321
    adopt321 Posts: 111
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    I think it is definitely possible to forgive but not forget. You'll have to be the one to let "it" go...
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I think it is normal for men to cheat (not women) men have sex because an opportunity appears. Women cheat because they feel there is something missing from their relationship so they actively go out and find something to make themselves feel better. Men don't ever feel like this. Just because he cheated doesn't mean he doesn't love you.....ultimately he came home to you.

    Men and women are different. As soon as we get over this whole thought process about how bad it is imagine how happy you will feel. Don't worry about what other people think. Just do what makes you happy.
    Someone's got you fooled.

    Oh yeah. How long did it take him to convince you it's normal for him to cheat on you? Coz you're being HAD, honey.

    OP, I'm with the people saying "don't marry him". Postpone, see if you can work past it and then think marriage.

    And also - don't ever think that you have a deadline for forgiveness. What I mean is, don't think that because you say "OK, I'm going to stay and work this out" that means that you have lost your chance to leave him for cheating. It's easy to trap yourself into thinking "But I told him I forgave him, and here I am 6 months on and resenting him, but that's my problem because I stayed". If you stay, and 12, 24, 26 months down the track you realise you can't forgive, you can still leave.
  • countrybarbie24
    countrybarbie24 Posts: 17 Member
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    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....

    He could have made a secret fb account just to talk to her, if he really wanted to still talk to her, I know cause I have had a guy do that to me. It is the worst feeling in the world to know you try and trust him and he throws it away... Hopefully he his being faithful and not talking to her.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,671 Member
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    Once a cheater always a cheater.
    It depends on the person. When I was dating in my 20's, I cheated all the time and was even caught several times. Since I've been married, and have had MANY MANY opportunities (I work a lot with female clients who are single/divorced, etc.), it hasn't even really crossed my mind.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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