How to dump a guy without being mean?

n2thenight24
n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
in Chit-Chat
But still making him understand it's really truly over. I tried the "it's not you, it's me" it didn't go so well. Help a sister out.
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Replies

  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    "I am sorry, but we are just moving in two different directions. You want X and I want Y. It isnt fair for either of us to have to ignore what we want to appease the other, that will only lead to resentment in the future. There is nothing wrong with either of us, we just need to accept that it isnt going to work and move on from there. I think you are a wonderful guy amd I wish you alk the happiness in the world."
  • Flickenstein
    Flickenstein Posts: 88
    just tell him you are banging flickenstein now and he will understand
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Text message.
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    Text, email, IM, twitter, Instagram, FB.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    Text message.

    Did that. FB message as well. Also set my status to "Single" annnnd unfriended him. Can it get any more clear in this day and age?
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    if you have done it nicely....and he's not getting it....then you just may have to get mean...

    it's hard......but some men need that....

    they really do.
  • dezcast
    dezcast Posts: 429 Member
    Your more into petting the cat....he may ask to watch tho
  • OneEyeUp
    OneEyeUp Posts: 373 Member
    Cold Turkey. Doing it nicely makes us guys think that there might be something left. If you do it cold turkey, and blunt, i'll get the picture and never call again. Try it. It sounds mean, but its actually the only way that works.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    "I'm breaking up with you"......
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Just tell him the truth. You don't see it going anywhere, you're just not happy in the relationship anymore etc.
    That’s what I did. I told my ex that while he was a great guy, he wasn’t the right person for me. It got to the point where our whole relationship was a series of compromises from both of us, and it wasn’t worth it. So I told him exactly that, no hard feelings.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    But still making him understand it's really truly over. I tried the "it's not you, it's me" it didn't go so well. Help a sister out.

    Ok, To avoid getting a strike I am going to be very general about my response....If you need more detail PM me and I can help.


    Invite a friend who is a girl over and "hang out" with all three of you.....

    Then tell him that it's not him it's you and you have decided you like girls instead

    He might be disappointed but he will be so happy about "hanging out" with you and your friend he will get over it.
  • VryIrishGirl76
    VryIrishGirl76 Posts: 1,167 Member
    I feel your pain, am in the same situation at the moment.....I'm leaning towards no contact at the moment.
    It's just too painful....especially when they want you back....
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Move
  • JonathonMars
    JonathonMars Posts: 358 Member
    Send Taylor Swift to his house to do it for you.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
    Get a restraining order. "Turns out it really is you, not me."
  • nygrl4evr
    nygrl4evr Posts: 196 Member
    Cut off all contact with him. Seriously, do not try to be his friend right now. He is thinking you two still have a chance. My daughter had to do that because the guy kept asking to get back together. He couldn't understand the "just friends thing". It sounds mean but may be the only way.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Text message.

    Did that. FB message as well. Also set my status to "Single" annnnd unfriended him. Can it get any more clear in this day and age?

    Two words: restraining order.

    In all seriousness, cutting off contact completely may be your best bet.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    "Hey, you don't seem to be getting the message and I don't want to be mean but your behavior is stressing me out and making me unhappy. Our relationship is over and I don't want to pursue a friendship".

    Then stop responding to him, block him if you have to.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    Tell him you are never, ever, ever getting back together. Like ever.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    This. You said you defriended him on facebook but is he still calling? Are you still talking to him? If you even answer a text from him, he still thinks there's a chance. You need to ignore him completely. Is he showing up on your door step? That's stalker and needs policee involvement.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    If you broke up with him in a text, you can't really be all that concerned about his feelings. You told him it's over. Move on.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.

    Controlling and possessive... not a good combination. I have a feeling that had you stayed, the relationship could have become abusive (those signs are right there in his behavior). Really, don't worry about being nice at this point, just worry about being safe. Cut off contact and don't open the door to him being your friend.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    If you broke up with him in a text, you can't really be all that concerned about his feelings. You told him it's over. Move on.

    It wasn't JUST a text. Geez, I'm not 15. I just meant I told him in every way possible.
  • Scarlett_Belle
    Scarlett_Belle Posts: 145 Member
    Tell him to listen to the radio and that you dedicated a song to him. And then have them play Taylor Swift's we're never ever ever getting back together.
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
    Just call him and be perfectly honest with him. Tell him the reason you want to break up. He's going to be hurt at first, but he'll respect your honesty and will get over it quicker.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.
    And you are worried about being mean? Tell him to stop contacting you, and that you are not interested in being friends. Also, let him know that his constant texting is making you very uncomfortable
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.

    'Actually, after the way you're behaving, I've changed my mind about the being friends part. Now **** off out of my life and never contact me again.'
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    "Oh, bless your heart" and a head pat before you walk away.

    Tell him you know the perfect girl for him then hand him a business card for an escort service.

    Next time he calls, say "who?"

    Or,

    Just stop responding to his texts and/or calls.

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