How to dump a guy without being mean?

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  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    This. You said you defriended him on facebook but is he still calling? Are you still talking to him? If you even answer a text from him, he still thinks there's a chance. You need to ignore him completely. Is he showing up on your door step? That's stalker and needs policee involvement.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    If you broke up with him in a text, you can't really be all that concerned about his feelings. You told him it's over. Move on.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.

    Controlling and possessive... not a good combination. I have a feeling that had you stayed, the relationship could have become abusive (those signs are right there in his behavior). Really, don't worry about being nice at this point, just worry about being safe. Cut off contact and don't open the door to him being your friend.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    If you broke up with him in a text, you can't really be all that concerned about his feelings. You told him it's over. Move on.

    It wasn't JUST a text. Geez, I'm not 15. I just meant I told him in every way possible.
  • Scarlett_Belle
    Scarlett_Belle Posts: 145 Member
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    Tell him to listen to the radio and that you dedicated a song to him. And then have them play Taylor Swift's we're never ever ever getting back together.
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
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    Just call him and be perfectly honest with him. Tell him the reason you want to break up. He's going to be hurt at first, but he'll respect your honesty and will get over it quicker.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
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    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.
    And you are worried about being mean? Tell him to stop contacting you, and that you are not interested in being friends. Also, let him know that his constant texting is making you very uncomfortable
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.

    'Actually, after the way you're behaving, I've changed my mind about the being friends part. Now **** off out of my life and never contact me again.'
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    "Oh, bless your heart" and a head pat before you walk away.

    Tell him you know the perfect girl for him then hand him a business card for an escort service.

    Next time he calls, say "who?"

    Or,

    Just stop responding to his texts and/or calls.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?


    After all you've done, I'm baffled.

    I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.

    OK, just my two cents. You need to tell him firmly, "I no longer wish to have any communication with you at all. We can not be friends, and our relationship is over. Please stop contacting me. I will not respond to you or write you again after this message. If you do not, I will be forced to seek a restraining order."


    And for the love of god, follow through and DO NOT EVER REPLY OR WRITE HIM AGAIN.

    I said that in shouty caps and stuff, so it's totally valid :)
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    You know you don't actually want to be his friend... so don't tell him that. It's not the 'nice' way to do it. It sounds like he has some issues, so maybe it's time to say, "Actually, it is you, and I don't want to be your friend. Kick rocks, bro."
  • GuybrushThreepw00d
    GuybrushThreepw00d Posts: 784 Member
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    but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place.

    you have to cut him out. no friend-zone.

    you need to explain this clearly to him in person, then physically walk away.
    that'll do it.

    edit: Also, the old "it's not me, it's you" line should work well.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Is he showing up on your door step? That's stalker and needs policee involvement.

    Um yeah, no. Please do not call the police because a guy you just dumped showed up at your door. If he shows up with a gun, or if he refuses to leave and you truly feel you are in danger, have at it. But being annoyed that someone you actually have a personal relationship with won't get the hint that it's over does not constitute being stalked. The police have bigger fish to fry.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    You guys are right. Initially I told him that I would not be contacting him at all, no texts or calls or anything, but I eventually gave in. I shouldn't have. I shall go cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, I will direct him to this thread.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
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    if you have done it nicely....and he's not getting it....then you just may have to get mean...

    it's hard......but some men need that....

    they really do.

    Yes . . . some of us crave it... uncontrollably.
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
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    If he thinks you are being mean, that's his problem. You can't control how someone else reacts to a situation. Just move on and don't concern yourself with the fact that he is making himself miserable.

    Good luck.
  • Guillotined
    Guillotined Posts: 115
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    You guys are right. Initially I told him that I would not be contacting him at all, no texts or calls or anything, but I eventually gave in. I shouldn't have. I shall go cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, I will direct him to this thread.

    Have you tried the "I'm pregnant with triplets, congrats daddy" approach, yet?
  • Trueray
    Trueray Posts: 1,189 Member
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    Just tell him your gay and move on.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    you have to be mean....end of story...he's not taking the hint....

    you have to be mean...

    i had this happen last October/November....and he kept calling and texting and calling and texting....first I responded with thanks but no....

    then I responded with NO....

    then i said I'm not responding anymore....leave me alone.

    and I ignored all texts.....he still texted well into November and December...i finally got the last one in January....

    it's been quiet since....

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