I want to cry and scream and..

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  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    your bf is an abusive jerk.
    ''but he's only an abusive jerk when james is here!''
    yeah... he's an abusine jerk.

    you need some self esteem.

    if it were me, i'd call the cops and say this man is refusing to leave my home.
    i doubt they would try that bull again!
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    While you're locked in your room for the night, perhaps do something constructive like pack all your stuff and call a friend or three to help you bring it all out in one load.

    And set the bar higher for the next guy.
  • freebird777
    freebird777 Posts: 63
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    Honey, you are sounding just like me about 5 years ago when I was dating an @ss****. I was CONSTANTLY making excuses for his behavior in hopes that he would change bc I didn't want to be alone. But what I've learned is that 1) being alone is not a bad thing...it actually helps you grow into a more confident person...and 2) being alone is WAY better than wasting time on someone who doesn't deserve you. I know it's hard to realize in the moment, but you deserve such a better relationship than this. And he's not going to magically change some day. This is just my advice based on experience.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    It's Saturday now and I hope you're still not locked in your room. Sorry if this has been answered already. I just saw your post and haven't read through the replies. Is there anywhere else you can go? This will never get better as long as he has a problem like that. As a matter of fact, it will get worse when he moves on to "bigger and better" drugs, especially if he keeps hanging out with the same set of friends. And it will get worse if you two get married. He will probably feel that he can treat you however he wants since you married him, knowing that you "put up" with his previous behavior and didn't do anything about it in the past.

    Why did I write the above? Because my daughter has been going through something similar, except she's married with a child. And their child is caught right in the middle of this drama, too. It breaks my heart. This has been going on for at least 10 years and has gotten worse over the past year. My advice? Get out while you can and move on to someone who will treat you better. And stop putting up with this kind of stuff from men if you aren't happy! You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. For Pete's sake, set your standards higher. You deserve it!
  • jen81uk
    jen81uk Posts: 177 Member
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    I haven't read all the posts, but how old are you? I ask as this sounds like me with my ex, but he was alcohol with the boys. We got together young he was 19 but as time progressed I wanted him to grow up and put me and a family first. Short story, he never did, 9 and a half years and three breaks ups later I finally walked for good. He too was totally different without them, just don't put your life on hold. I blamed his'single' friends for years, even though I got on with them because i 'loved' him but the bottom line is, it's not their fault, it's who he is, so I'll tell you what someone said to me leave him or shut up and put up.

    I have a new partner now and I am so much happier! He puts me first and I get on with his friends, includes me in almost everything because he wants to, he showers me with love. We are on the same page and never argue, one year on.

    But you need to open your eyes for yourself, it took me far too long to realise that it's not normal to cry everyweek and get stress induced migraines. Being a prisoner in your own home?? Think about it, I was miserable, not all the time, are you?? xx
  • jen81uk
    jen81uk Posts: 177 Member
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    FYI i used to get a monthly migraine that I blamed on lady time and weirdly I haven't had one for 20 months (since we split). Best thing I ever did xx

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