Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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StrongerJess
StrongerJess Posts: 185 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
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Replies

  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
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    You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
    If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.
  • Grumpy2208
    Grumpy2208 Posts: 63
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    Hey

    My heart goes out to you.

    The question is what do you want to do?
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    I'm assuming by the title of the thread that one or the other of you decided to end the relationship?

    Honestly, he should never have gotten into the relationship expecting you to change who you were for him. And you're never going to forget the hurtful words he has said or the way his family has treated you.
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.
  • HeatherOberholtzer
    HeatherOberholtzer Posts: 41
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    Pass on him, is that you actual picture (some people use fakes) you are beautiful. If you want to lose weight do it for you and if you do it doesn't hurt to wear the short shorts and walk by him with your new hotter boyfriend!!!
  • Ta2dchic20
    Ta2dchic20 Posts: 376 Member
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    *kitten*. Something else is up...
  • KarenJean91
    KarenJean91 Posts: 283 Member
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    Dump him. That's awful.
  • GracefulDancer4Christ
    GracefulDancer4Christ Posts: 419 Member
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    I am the same height as you and started out at the same weight as you. I would say its good to know now what he was like and that you didn't end up marrying him. you deserve so much better than that. A real man accepts you no matter your shape or size. never lose weight for a man whatever you have to do to keep the man you will have to keep with it or you will lose him. the guy I like is overweigh but he's a beautiful person and I accept him as is.
  • CupcakesAndRazorblades
    CupcakesAndRazorblades Posts: 227 Member
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    real love isn't conditional, I didn't believe it until I found it but it exists. I says keep working on yourself, lose the weight and when he comes crawling back slam the door in his face :smokin:
  • 007FatSlayer
    007FatSlayer Posts: 132 Member
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    In MY opinion...this depends. If this is really the only thing that has been "off" about your relationship (every other aspect is great, he respects you, shows you he loves you, doesn't cheat, etc..)..I would be happy that he said something instead of going behind your back with someone that he found more attractive. Relationships do have some kind of superficiality-- I mean, attraction (sexual, too) is important in relationships. Since he has a belly, I would ask him to do this journey with you.

    Most importantly though, lose the weight for YOURSELF. If you do this for someone else, you won't be happy about it. You are the most important person in your life.
  • FussyFruitbat
    FussyFruitbat Posts: 110 Member
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    That guy is a scumbag. He's not entitled to control your body just because you're dating. Anyone who really loved you would not ask that of you.
  • high5girl
    high5girl Posts: 90 Member
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    WOW!! So he has been with you for this long and is just now saying your weight is holding your relationship back? This sounds like some BS if I've ever heard any. As harsh as what he is saying to you is - he could have said it a little better. I think he is incredibly selfish and not thinking of your feelings at all. If I were you I would say cya... move on.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    I think it sounds like you have the opportunity for a lucky escape here tbh,
  • Momster1277
    Momster1277 Posts: 13 Member
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    Get rid of him - He lies!
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Oh dear! I guess it would depend on other factors in the relationship. My husband was supposed to quit smoking at various times in our relationship, but he never did. It's far too late (36 years married) to dump him for it, but I feel I would have had every right to do so. Only the couple in question has the right to decide what is or is not a deal breaker.
  • imjenjen00
    imjenjen00 Posts: 75
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    I'm so sorry that someone you love hurt you like that.
    Your boyfriend sounds like an immature, superficial jerk who doesn't deserve you. You shouldn't have to lose weight just to make your partner happy with you. Do it for you and only you.
  • SweetTeaAndCutoffs
    SweetTeaAndCutoffs Posts: 59 Member
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    To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a douche. he wants to be able to check you out like he doesn with thin girls? he will pay for a breast reduction so you LOOK thinner? WTFFFF? Drop this loser and then take care of yourself. He will only bring you down.
  • NicLiving
    NicLiving Posts: 261 Member
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    Move on AND be grateful that he told you now and not five years later after marriage and kids.
    Now as for the dieting; you have to do it for yourself period.
  • determined_erin
    determined_erin Posts: 571 Member
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    Wow, that is ridiculous and rude of him. Also, he shouldn't be saying he checks out all of these other girls but not you. That is really hurtful. Changing someone isn't realistic, and he should accept you as you are. I would not deal with someone as disrespectful as him!

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