Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

StrongerJess
StrongerJess Posts: 185 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
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Replies

  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
    You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
    If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.
  • Grumpy2208
    Grumpy2208 Posts: 63
    Hey

    My heart goes out to you.

    The question is what do you want to do?
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    I'm assuming by the title of the thread that one or the other of you decided to end the relationship?

    Honestly, he should never have gotten into the relationship expecting you to change who you were for him. And you're never going to forget the hurtful words he has said or the way his family has treated you.
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.
  • HeatherOberholtzer
    HeatherOberholtzer Posts: 41
    Pass on him, is that you actual picture (some people use fakes) you are beautiful. If you want to lose weight do it for you and if you do it doesn't hurt to wear the short shorts and walk by him with your new hotter boyfriend!!!
  • Ta2dchic20
    Ta2dchic20 Posts: 376 Member
    *kitten*. Something else is up...
  • KarenJean91
    KarenJean91 Posts: 283 Member
    Dump him. That's awful.
  • GracefulDancer4Christ
    GracefulDancer4Christ Posts: 419 Member
    I am the same height as you and started out at the same weight as you. I would say its good to know now what he was like and that you didn't end up marrying him. you deserve so much better than that. A real man accepts you no matter your shape or size. never lose weight for a man whatever you have to do to keep the man you will have to keep with it or you will lose him. the guy I like is overweigh but he's a beautiful person and I accept him as is.
  • CupcakesAndRazorblades
    CupcakesAndRazorblades Posts: 227 Member
    real love isn't conditional, I didn't believe it until I found it but it exists. I says keep working on yourself, lose the weight and when he comes crawling back slam the door in his face :smokin:
  • 007FatSlayer
    007FatSlayer Posts: 132 Member
    In MY opinion...this depends. If this is really the only thing that has been "off" about your relationship (every other aspect is great, he respects you, shows you he loves you, doesn't cheat, etc..)..I would be happy that he said something instead of going behind your back with someone that he found more attractive. Relationships do have some kind of superficiality-- I mean, attraction (sexual, too) is important in relationships. Since he has a belly, I would ask him to do this journey with you.

    Most importantly though, lose the weight for YOURSELF. If you do this for someone else, you won't be happy about it. You are the most important person in your life.
  • FussyFruitbat
    FussyFruitbat Posts: 110 Member
    That guy is a scumbag. He's not entitled to control your body just because you're dating. Anyone who really loved you would not ask that of you.
  • high5girl
    high5girl Posts: 90 Member
    WOW!! So he has been with you for this long and is just now saying your weight is holding your relationship back? This sounds like some BS if I've ever heard any. As harsh as what he is saying to you is - he could have said it a little better. I think he is incredibly selfish and not thinking of your feelings at all. If I were you I would say cya... move on.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    I think it sounds like you have the opportunity for a lucky escape here tbh,
  • Momster1277
    Momster1277 Posts: 13 Member
    Get rid of him - He lies!
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Oh dear! I guess it would depend on other factors in the relationship. My husband was supposed to quit smoking at various times in our relationship, but he never did. It's far too late (36 years married) to dump him for it, but I feel I would have had every right to do so. Only the couple in question has the right to decide what is or is not a deal breaker.
  • imjenjen00
    imjenjen00 Posts: 75
    I'm so sorry that someone you love hurt you like that.
    Your boyfriend sounds like an immature, superficial jerk who doesn't deserve you. You shouldn't have to lose weight just to make your partner happy with you. Do it for you and only you.
  • SweetTeaAndCutoffs
    SweetTeaAndCutoffs Posts: 59 Member
    To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a douche. he wants to be able to check you out like he doesn with thin girls? he will pay for a breast reduction so you LOOK thinner? WTFFFF? Drop this loser and then take care of yourself. He will only bring you down.
  • NicLiving
    NicLiving Posts: 261 Member
    Move on AND be grateful that he told you now and not five years later after marriage and kids.
    Now as for the dieting; you have to do it for yourself period.
  • determined_erin
    determined_erin Posts: 571 Member
    Wow, that is ridiculous and rude of him. Also, he shouldn't be saying he checks out all of these other girls but not you. That is really hurtful. Changing someone isn't realistic, and he should accept you as you are. I would not deal with someone as disrespectful as him!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I would try to lose the weight for my health.
    Then I would strut my stuff in short shorts in front of him while holding some other guy's hand. Shallow, sure. But so is he.
  • emiliewright
    emiliewright Posts: 148 Member
    My brother just broke up with a beautiful, amazing woman for this same reason. Personally, I think my brother is a shallow, sad man. But he is my brother so I love and support him. However, he knows EXACTLY where I stand.

    Sorry to be blunt but if you are planning on marrying this guy-dont.

    Find someone who loves you for you, not your body.

    Nuff said.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    You deserve better - kick him to the curb, the things he's saying are abuse and he's not worth it.
  • bradthemedic
    bradthemedic Posts: 623 Member
    I understand his point of view if he were starting the relationship. I am not attracted to larger women either.

    That said its obvious he was swayed by his family and decided to take the harsh, brutal route. This guy doesn't deserve you. You don't need to change for anyone but yourself. Someone who dumps a girl like that isn't a man at all.
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
    WOW after 2.5 yrs, just wow I have no words. As you say its not like you drastically changed.
    He obviously has issues,
    Lose the weight for you an no one else!
  • StevenGillit
    StevenGillit Posts: 1 Member
    Hi Jess,

    Not truly knowing the gentleman, I dont want to judge to harshly.

    Here is how I feel.

    I have no room in my life for anyone who is going to base their feelings for me on how I look instead of who I am.

    If people cant see your beauty, through any weight issues, then they may be blinded to other gifts you have to offer too.

    Loose weight for YOUR reasons and no one elses.

    To the right person, you are perfect just the way you are, no matter what anyone else may think.
  • aaronlawrenc
    aaronlawrenc Posts: 666 Member
    marry him
  • Willowana
    Willowana Posts: 493 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    This. And I've been there. My ex was always trying to make me lose weight....and he was a big boy! Like WTF? He needed that diet just as badly. I started working out right before I dumped HIM.

    Guess what? I started at 266 lbs., and I'm down to 227 lbs. Even better, I lost 270 lbs. worth of @$$hole.

    I feel skinny already. :drinker:
  • ShellNeff
    ShellNeff Posts: 7 Member
    Girl, he is not worth your time, your energy and most importantly your love. You don’t have to *DO* anything for someone to love you. The right person will cross a desert just for the chance to sit next to you at lunch.

    As much as it hurts, it's time to let him go & for you to find someone who truly cares for you. Best of luck, Sweetie!
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    Dump him - it'll be something else if you stay with him.

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