Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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Replies

  • MissKitty9
    MissKitty9 Posts: 224 Member
    He sounds like a douche. No one should make you feel bad about your weight, ever, especially not the person who's supposed to love you. It's one thing to encourage healthy habits, but he should NOT be comparing you to other women, or calling you "fat" or being ashamed of you while you guys are out. Find someone who appreciates you.
  • cleback
    cleback Posts: 261 Member
    I'm sorry. That situation really sucks. I wouldn't stay with him though. You say everything is great until his family starts talking about your weight? What if they start talking about your parenting choices? Or how much you go out? Ho you dress? Where you work? Just leaves me uneasy. He doesn't sound like the stable partner you need if he lets everyone else's opinion affect his relationship.

    You need someone who will want to be with you through thick and thin (Pun intended). That's not to say they can't support you in this journey, but yeah... It's not good what he's doing.
  • toxikon
    toxikon Posts: 2,383 Member
    He sounds like a jerk. You're better off without him.

    Does he expect you to become skinny and stay skinny for the rest of your life, just so he won't be embarrassed to be seen in public with you? That's ridiculous. What happens if you marry him and get pregnant? What if he doesn't agree with your pregnancy weight and leaves you then?

    Honestly, I'd leave him immediately. It sounds like you'd have a scary future with him.
  • gregpack
    gregpack Posts: 426 Member
    If his family has that much influence your relationship you'll likely never be truly happy. Time to move on.
  • ZyheeMoongazer
    ZyheeMoongazer Posts: 343 Member
    Forget him. You deserve better. You are more than a trophy on a guys arm. Also sounds like his family is a bunch of pricks as well.
  • bluecrayonz
    bluecrayonz Posts: 459 Member
    He seems like a good guy but the people around us do get to us, especially family. I think u need to have a long talk with him and explain that u do want to lose weight and it is something youre struggling with but at the same time u want to lose weight for yourself and not feel pressured to do so by him or his family and that it hurts u that suddenly ur relationship is dependant on your weight. Give him a chance to explain himself and if u see that he's completely adopted his family's attitude then its time to let go....
  • jessmart83
    jessmart83 Posts: 283 Member
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    I have to agree with this, because this is what I would do! That being said, if you want to lose the weight, you need to do it for you, not for anyone else!
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
    Tell him to **** off
  • Ashkea76
    Ashkea76 Posts: 7,162 Member
    Run away from him. If he cannot love you for YOU, in all your glory, then find someone who does. Your health is important, but a relationship shouldn't be based on a dress size or number on the scale. If his family pressured him into not being with you, TRUST me on this one, you will NEVER be good enough for him in their eyes, and they will always be involved in your relationship. RUN while you can. Lose the weight for you, and move on. You are gorgeous as you are and deserve better than that.
  • DeeBrownBaker
    DeeBrownBaker Posts: 145
    ouch!! what a hurtful thing to do or say! especially AFTER being in relationship for so long...and his family helped him realize he couldn't possibly love a large and lovely lady such as yourself? how stupid of him and how stupid of them!

    I say lose for you... and move on... yes you have feelings for this guy... but in my experience, feelings fade/die... and you will be able to be your BEST self WITHOUT him...
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Basically he's attracted to you but at the same time is sort of ashamed he is , I say unless he changes this attitude leave him.
  • binglebandit
    binglebandit Posts: 531 Member
    And what if you got into a car accident or some other type of unfortunate event and were permanently disfigured, would he hate being seen with you in the mall then too? Would he worry that his family doesn't think he should be with someone who is less than "ideal"? I could understand if he was being supportive, or if he was worried about your long term health, but being worried about appearances in public just seems shallow. What happens when you're the old woman in the mall? Or the pregnant woman in the mall? You should probably sit down with him and ask him and yourself these questions. I was 18 when I injured my leg and it was permanently disfigured. These things can happen and you need to know that the 99% that he loves about you will be stronger than the 1% that is worried about outside appearances.
  • dfonte
    dfonte Posts: 263 Member
    From a guys point of view...

    He was honest which is good but..

    Changing because of him will set you up for failure. You need to do that on your own. And just going by what you said here - "He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me." means he cares too much about other people and not you. So my honest opinion is that he changed mentally. You need to separate from him and change yourself physically. Once your happy then if you really still have feelings then revisit the relationship. Negative people are everywhere, don't willingly put yourself around them.
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
    The nice part of me:

    At least you found out he was a dbag before you married him. You can only do this for you -- and what happens down the road if you get pregnant or an illness and end up gaining some of the weight back? He still going to love you?


    The spiteful part of me:

    Let him pay for the boob reduction (I know I would love one!) and then dump him. BWAHAHA! <OK, don't really but its nice to imagine.>
  • curleegirl68
    curleegirl68 Posts: 53 Member
    I would totally dump him if I were you and agree with the others that you should get hot and let him see what he's loss. His loss totally.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    i say break up with him. if he's childish enough to let his family tell him what he should find unattractive and be ashamed of, he's too immature for you.

    i think you should consider losing weight because you will live a longer, healthier life if you lose weight. the fickle attention of this manchild should be a moot point.
  • faithhayes75
    faithhayes75 Posts: 1 Member
    What bothers me is the things he said. If someone who loves us is concerned about our weight and is wanting to help, they can simply say, "I'm worried about your health and want you to feel happy and good about yourself. How can I help you through this journey? Maybe we can do it together. I'll be here for you no matter what." He said, "I want to be with someone who wears bikinis and looks like thin girls that I check out and I'll buy you a breast reduction to look thinner." Do you hear the difference? His approach was selfish, unkind, and unsupportive. You may need to evaluate if this is his overall attitude towards you, how he makes you feel about yourself and if you are willing to continue to be treated this way. You are beautiful and there are plenty of men out there who would love you for you, curves and all! :)
  • sxymilf
    sxymilf Posts: 17
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    ^^ totally this.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
    About how big is this guy??? That's about how much weight you need to lose.
  • running_shoe
    running_shoe Posts: 180 Member
    I couldn't stay with him. Even if I could lose all the weight "he" wanted, I'd spend the rest of my life anxious about my weight and it happening again. Unless you're model thin, he could always use your weight against you again. Sorry, hun. That really smarts.
  • befitandchange
    befitandchange Posts: 2
    You should lose if you want to if it makes you happy and to lead a healthier life style and not because someone is forcing you to. Beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes and i don't think being chubby makes you ugly or not worth dating. i know you've been dating this guy for like a really long time but he doesn't really seem like a nice guy to me.
  • atb0821
    atb0821 Posts: 458 Member
    He sounds awful, sorry. Say you lost tons of weight and got to where he finally "approved." Then what? What about when you start getting gray hair and wrinkles? What about if you get pregnant and get *gasp* stretch marks and stuff?! Will he be sending you to a plastic surgeon and stylist to get you back to looking hot so he can "love" you again? He sounds like the type of guy that ends up cheating on someone and then blaming HER for it. You can do better!
  • cazzer69
    cazzer69 Posts: 162 Member
    Marry him...

    Then dump him and take half his ****.


    Arsehole....

    If you were skinny and put the weight on since he met you...fair do. Still shallow but well, fair do.

    If you have always been large since he met you then he's pathetic.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    He's the weight you need to lose.
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
    Move on. Take care of you. :flowerforyou:
  • magmama23
    magmama23 Posts: 21
    I think I would continue to try and lose the weight for myself and my health...but as for him I would move on. Looking at your picture, you are a beautiful young woman and any man would be lucky to have you.
  • tbullucks06
    tbullucks06 Posts: 128
    He's an A**hole and thank your lucky stars he's gone. How rude of him. Obviously he is not perfect himself if he believes he can judge you.
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    In MY opinion...this depends. If this is really the only thing that has been "off" about your relationship (every other aspect is great, he respects you, shows you he loves you, doesn't cheat, etc..)..I would be happy that he said something instead of going behind your back with someone that he found more attractive. Relationships do have some kind of superficiality-- I mean, attraction (sexual, too) is important in relationships. Since he has a belly, I would ask him to do this journey with you.

    Most importantly though, lose the weight for YOURSELF. If you do this for someone else, you won't be happy about it. You are the most important person in your life.

    Honestly...I agree with this. Do this journey for YOURSELF, let him know it's for YOU, invite him to take the journey with you...
    You're the one that knows the guy, and you're the one that knows if his comments came from a place of love (Wanting to be with you, but wanting you to be healthy) or just wanting that "hot girl" to be seen with.

    You have to be attracted to the person you're with... Best of luck! You ARE beautiful! :flowerforyou:
  • luv86elle
    luv86elle Posts: 68 Member
    Wow, that's really mean.

    The only person that can change you, is yourself!....and if you do, do it for you!

    You deserve better!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Have you talked to him about what his family actually said and why he is letting that affect his opinion of a relationship he has been in for years?

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