Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?
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real love isn't conditional, I didn't believe it until I found it but it exists. I says keep working on yourself, lose the weight and when he comes crawling back slam the door in his face :smokin:
THIS!
If he entered the relationship fully knowing that you were a bigger girl and he was supposedly okay with it then, there's no excuse now for him to be wishy washy. You don't dangle a proposal in front of a womans face on the condition that she lose weight.
He's a *kitten*. Run away from him quickly and as far as you can. I have a man in my life that loves me for exactly who I am and wants me to just get HEALTHY. There's a huge difference there.0 -
I understand that this would be hard after 2.5 years..but seriously..I would GTFO. Let's say you lost the weight and things are great for a few months and then he decides he doesn't like your teeth. So you go and get them fixed and things are great for a few weeks and then he decided he doesn't like your ears and so on and so forth. You see where I am going with this.
Being happy with yourself is hard and it's a long road. You don't need someone bringing you down in the process.0 -
I'm assuming by the title of the thread that one or the other of you decided to end the relationship?
Honestly, he should never have gotten into the relationship expecting you to change who you were for him. And you're never going to forget the hurtful words he has said or the way his family has treated you.
+1
Stupid to be with anyone thinking they will change. He never really loved you for you if that is what he's been thinking all along. If he's so hung up on the physical, what's he going to do when you get old, gray, and wrinkly? Be lucky enough to live that long and it's inevitable.0 -
I normally don't jump in and say "dump the jerk" but in this case... Dump the jerk.
I was engaged to a man who wanted me to lose weight. He paid for my gym membership, my groceries, and diet pills. He monitored me closely. And this man knew that I had a history of eating disorders and also I am 5'6'' and when we met I weighed 150 pounds, which is a healthy weight, but he wanted a SKINNY girl.
It took me a long time, but eventually I dumped the jerk. And THANK GOD it was before we got married.0 -
Wow the things he said to you are shocking :brokenheart:
It would be difficult for me to say those things to someone I didn't like very much, let alone someone I supposedly love and may marry one day!
You poor girl. You so don't deserve that. His family sound like total c-u-next tuesdays, remember they will be your in-laws if you marry him and believe me, a good relationship with your husbands family is very important. My Mother in Law is literally my 2nd Mum, I love her as much as my own mother and the same goes for everyone else in my husband's family.
It's very hard to walk away from a relationship when you are in love but I can't see how this can work - you have an awful lot of pressure on you now to lose weight and be what he wants, what if you don't get there?
Seriously, life is WAY too short to waste time on a bad relationship - I wish I had known that earlier in life - walk away now with your head held high, he is not worth a second more of your time.0 -
Dump him and be grateful you found out now before there was a marriage and kids involved. I am speak from experience. My ex is a huge worrier about what other people think. After I had my daughter he used to harp on me for everything I ate even though I was thinner after I lost the pregnancy weight then I was before I got pregnant. He was afraid I would get heavy and that made him worried about what other people would think of him.
I left him but he is my daughter's father. She has had to grow up fighting a battle against him because she is not super skinny like his other two kids. She was always active, I kept her in dance classes several times a week for excercise and she loved it so I didn't have to force her. She had asthma though and the meds made her gain weight regardless. It has been a constant battle on my part to make her feel good about herself because he is always hinting that she needs to lose weight. He makes her feel terrible.
Get out now and don't look back. You will be much happier for it and there is someone out there who will love you know matter what your size.0 -
I think this isn't the type of person to marry or family to marry into.
How terrible that he he didn't stand up for you to people who were reducing your worth as a partner to your appearance.I understand that spouses/partners have a vested interest in each other's health -- him gently explaining those concerns is one thing -- offering surgery, ultimatums and letting his family have any say is another.
I would run for the hills.0 -
This is not the way a person should be treated. I hope that you follow the advice of the others on here and Run. Run fast. Someone who treats you this way doesn't deserve your love. You deserve to be loved the way you are.0
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Just to share my on similar experience - I stayed with the guy who enjoyed my company, but said I was too fat for his taste (and he weighed more than I did!). We stayed together for a couple of years, and I never forgot how cruel his words could be. I never quite trusted that he was being honest with me if he DID say something nice, which was extremely rare. And eventually we split up.
He wanted someone young and thin and "built" - I wanted someone with a heart and soul.0 -
Run.
Run far away.
That is NOT love.
Run.
^^^ THIS.........do not settle! Lose the weight for yourself. When you are happy with yourself you will look back and say what was I thinking staying with him!?! Love yourself! Do it for yourself and no one else!!!0 -
Honestly the fact that he only came to this realization AFTER having "spoken" with his family I would be HIGHLY UPSET. I'm assuming you're trying to lose weight for you, correct? That's who I would lose it for--MYSELF and I would make it clear to him that your weight loss endeavors are for Y.O.U and not for him and his family. THE NERVE! Furthermore I would suggest that he "jump on board" his ownself because after you have completed YOUR TRANSFORMATION, you don't want the people at the mall looking at you because you're with someone who looks like him! Wow...
It would be different if he had came to you prior to having this convo with his family and he wanted you to lose weight for health reasons but the reasons he gave you--HECK NO! ...thats my opinion...0 -
He sounds like a douche. No one should make you feel bad about your weight, ever, especially not the person who's supposed to love you. It's one thing to encourage healthy habits, but he should NOT be comparing you to other women, or calling you "fat" or being ashamed of you while you guys are out. Find someone who appreciates you.
This ^^^.
I am usually one who sees the good in just about everyone, but I saw red when I read your post. And according to your picture, you already are beautiful. :flowerforyou:0 -
My thinking is that you already know what you want to do..
It doesn't matter what anybody else would do, only what you want to do, and what you feel is right.
Dump him, or lose weight - but make sure that you're making the choice that would ultimately make you happy.0 -
Ouch. I'm sorry that you are hurting. I wouldn't want to be with someone who did that.0
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His family sounds toxic and obviously has a big influence on him. I would bail from this sinking ship. If he isn't going to stand up for you after 2 1/2 yrs, he probably never will. If you have kids the body will more than likely get worse before it starts to get better.0
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Count it as a blessing that you found out his true feelings now rather than in the middle of your marriage. I know his words are hurtful and please don't misunderstand me to think this is not a very difficult thing and a tough situation. However, his honesty, although not what you wanted to hear, should be appreciated. You now have a lot of new information to make an informed decision about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with him. I agree with all of the other posts that say lose that weight for yourself, not for him. Trying to please him by obtaining a certain appearance will make you miserable and like you said he or some one in his family will find something else to complain about. The fact that his family had that much influence on him to make him suddenly change his mind about you is concerning as well and that should be considered a major flag when considering marriage/relationships. I think you know this but it's time to move on and heal from this. Too bad for him. He'll miss what he had.0
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2 years ago I was dumped by the woman who I dated for almost 8 years because I had put on close to 200lbs and she didn't find me attractive anymore.
At the time, I was crushed and hated her for everything she was worth.
Up until about a year ago I didn't realize what she did was my wake up call...I am now 75lbs lighter and making myself better everyday because of that day...
Get rid of him, you deserve better than that...0 -
I think it's pretty insensitive. I mean, if he had said something like, I just want you to be healthy because I love you and want you to be okay and feel great about yourself, that would be one thing. But to focus so much on appearance is insensitive. I would move on and lose the weight for yourself.
Sorry that happened to you. :frown:0 -
I can't say what I want to here because I'll get a strike.0
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It isn't what he said, it is that he listened to someone else outside the relationship and said what they wanted him to say. That is a big no-no. I'm not a fan of mommy's boys. No matter the disagreement, his mommy (or daddy or brother or sister) is going to tell him what his opinion should be. That's not good for a relationship.
Just be glad you know before he put you through turning them into in-laws.0 -
Run.
Run far away.
That is NOT love.
Run.
^^^^/agree0 -
Relationships never work if you have to compromise yourself too much to keep them going. Tell him to take a hike, you deserve better, someone who loves you for you, not your outward appearance. And lose the weight for you, it will give you such a boost and so much confidence good decent men will be tripping over themselves to get close to you.
People can be real sh*ts sometimes, and you have a right one there by the sound of it.0 -
ummm......NEXT!0
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I would try to lose the weight for my health.
Then I would strut my stuff in short shorts in front of him while holding some other guy's hand. Shallow, sure. But so is he.
^^THIS!!
The same thing happened to me many years ago. I was dating a guy for quite a while whose parents lived half way across the country. Almost a year into our relationship, his parents came for a visit and I met them for the first time. Three days into their visit, my BF dumped me because his dad told him that I was overweight and that there were better fish in the sea. I was devastated and horribly hurt, but in the end, it was so much better that I didn't end up with his permanently. If his parents had so much sway on him when we were dating, then a marriage to him would have been miserable!! You need to be with someone who supports you and sticks up for you as you are, not who takes his family's criticism and dumps it back on you.
Good luck, hon. If you are going to dedicate yourself to losing weight, it needs to be FOR YOURSELF, or you'll never be able to stick to it!!0 -
DTMFA!!!!!0
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Love is a decision/choice, not an emotion. He's obviously made his choice. Why sit around waiting for him to validate you in some way. You deserve someone who chooses to love you regardless of what the scale says.
And, if my hubby ever told me he wanted to check me out like he checks out "skinny chicks" I might or might not give him one or two black eyes to do that checking out with. Thankfully, my hubby loved me at 130 when we met, 190 while pregnant, 175 postpartum, 170 not postpartum and now at 135 ish. He doesn't need a scale to decide whether or not he has chosen to love me.
Recognize your worth, and don't settle for anyone who is so easily distracted from seeing your worth!!!0 -
If your doing it for him, your destine to fail, do it for yourself and dump him, whether you reach your goal or not there is going to be someone out there who will love you for you. If he is that easily influenced by his family, you'll never have a chance.0
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He is a superficial and shallow prick. Reading your posts makes me so mad. If you want to lose weight, then do it for yourself and not for him. This guy does not deserve your time of day.0
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Im sorry that you are having to deal with this! That is so sad to have him treat you like that! If you want to lose weight, do it for you - no one else! Move on from him, he isn't worth it and you deserve better!0
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Aaah seriously!!! You look really pretty in your pic sounds like you've had a lucky escape if he / his family are that shallow! THEIR LOSS
x 0
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