Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    ^^^^/agree
  • ron2e
    ron2e Posts: 606
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    Relationships never work if you have to compromise yourself too much to keep them going. Tell him to take a hike, you deserve better, someone who loves you for you, not your outward appearance. And lose the weight for you, it will give you such a boost and so much confidence good decent men will be tripping over themselves to get close to you.

    People can be real sh*ts sometimes, and you have a right one there by the sound of it.
  • HLind2013
    HLind2013 Posts: 7 Member
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    ummm......NEXT!
  • MrsDanner78
    MrsDanner78 Posts: 107
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    I would try to lose the weight for my health.
    Then I would strut my stuff in short shorts in front of him while holding some other guy's hand. Shallow, sure. But so is he.

    ^^THIS!!

    The same thing happened to me many years ago. I was dating a guy for quite a while whose parents lived half way across the country. Almost a year into our relationship, his parents came for a visit and I met them for the first time. Three days into their visit, my BF dumped me because his dad told him that I was overweight and that there were better fish in the sea. I was devastated and horribly hurt, but in the end, it was so much better that I didn't end up with his permanently. If his parents had so much sway on him when we were dating, then a marriage to him would have been miserable!! You need to be with someone who supports you and sticks up for you as you are, not who takes his family's criticism and dumps it back on you.

    Good luck, hon. If you are going to dedicate yourself to losing weight, it needs to be FOR YOURSELF, or you'll never be able to stick to it!!
  • ColoradoLes
    ColoradoLes Posts: 13
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    DTMFA!!!!!
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Love is a decision/choice, not an emotion. He's obviously made his choice. Why sit around waiting for him to validate you in some way. You deserve someone who chooses to love you regardless of what the scale says.

    And, if my hubby ever told me he wanted to check me out like he checks out "skinny chicks" I might or might not give him one or two black eyes to do that checking out with. Thankfully, my hubby loved me at 130 when we met, 190 while pregnant, 175 postpartum, 170 not postpartum and now at 135 ish. He doesn't need a scale to decide whether or not he has chosen to love me.

    Recognize your worth, and don't settle for anyone who is so easily distracted from seeing your worth!!!
  • jazyfarias1
    jazyfarias1 Posts: 6
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    If your doing it for him, your destine to fail, do it for yourself and dump him, whether you reach your goal or not there is going to be someone out there who will love you for you. If he is that easily influenced by his family, you'll never have a chance.
  • Kany
    Kany Posts: 336
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    He is a superficial and shallow prick. Reading your posts makes me so mad. If you want to lose weight, then do it for yourself and not for him. This guy does not deserve your time of day.
  • climbamnt
    climbamnt Posts: 190 Member
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    Im sorry that you are having to deal with this! That is so sad to have him treat you like that! If you want to lose weight, do it for you - no one else! Move on from him, he isn't worth it and you deserve better!
  • harric88
    harric88 Posts: 82 Member
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    Aaah seriously!!! You look really pretty in your pic sounds like you've had a lucky escape if he / his family are that shallow! THEIR LOSS :) x
  • salgalbp
    salgalbp Posts: 218 Member
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    Besides for ALL OF THE REASONS you wrote about in your original post, his co-dependence on his family is another HUGE RED FLAG!

    For anyone to be that reliant on their family on the opinions of their loved ones body shape, size etc. is extremely unhealthy and something you should not have to deal with.

    It sounds as is he has some growing up to do in being able to hold on to his own opinions, thoughts and ideals and believe me hun, I've been where you are and I know it hurts and it will and you'll have to go through it to get through it but you will and will be that much more appreciative of the person who chooses to love you because of the amazing person you are!!

    Best of luck, it does and will get better and I believe when you look back on this event in time, you will be so thankful he showed you his true colors before any sort of marriage happenes.

    HUGS!
    Sal
  • Angel37615
    Angel37615 Posts: 87 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    THIS^^
    Its the perfect solution.
  • Mustbtiffy
    Mustbtiffy Posts: 1 Member
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    Honey. Lemme tell ya. Fix your weight FOR YOU. Because it's healthier and you will feel hella better. But he's an *kitten*. If you hadn't been with him for so damn long I'd say GIVE HIM THE BOOT. And dont worry about falling off the wagon- start slowly babe. I'll help if you want to add me. <3
  • missymakayla
    missymakayla Posts: 309 Member
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    You should know that true love doesn't require you be a certain weight!!!!!!!!!
  • nerdfighter1997
    nerdfighter1997 Posts: 20
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    Leave him.
    You are amazing and you dont need a man like him.
    Find someone who will help you along your weight loss journey!
    You can do whatever you want. Everyone here will be with you.
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
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    Lose weight, get sexy, then dump him.
  • hgambaro124
    hgambaro124 Posts: 30 Member
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    do you really want to be with someone who after 2 1/2 years turns around and says this??? i would think not....you need to do this for you not anyone else...if i was in your shoes i'd tell him to take a hike!!!
  • BleedsCoffee
    BleedsCoffee Posts: 247 Member
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    My gut reaction is that his priorities are all kinds of skewed and that he sounds like a jerk. However, while his attitude seems to leave a lot to be desired, I cannot condone breaking a relationship off based upon one or two examples of untoward behavior in a forum thread. For you, my big concerns are as follows:

    The fact that he's willing to pay for a breast reduction just to make you *look* smaller indicates that he's not interested in your health or well-being, but rather your physical appearance. He's not concerned with your emotional or physical well-being, but rather how being with you reflects on him... to strangers at the mall, no less. I understand that his family has offered some opinions, but when it comes to choosing a partner (especially for marriage), it needs to be about the relationship between you and that person.

    He doesn't seem to want to offer you any support, but rather to make ultimatums. Ultimatums, no matter how you slice it, are relationship kryptonite.

    Finally, losing weight doesn't make you a better person. It can come with a whole lot of emotional and physical benefits, but it does not make you a better human being. You are, in no way, bad or unworthy for being overweight.

    I would speak to him about some of the more concerning statements that he's made regarding your weight and explain to him why they're not acceptable or supportive. I think it's very important that he both apologize and undergo an attitude readjustment, for both your sake, in the long term. If he sticks to his guns, you may want to reconsider whether or not he's worthy of marrying you.
  • mnmomto4
    mnmomto4 Posts: 97 Member
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    I met my husband right after I lost 80 lbs. I was 5'4 and 135 lbs when we met. Looked amazing for me. Fast forward some time, many dinners out and desserts made. I put some weight back on. I still wasn't huge. About 160 or so when I met his family. His mom tried to convince him to meet a girl she knew. We had been dating for 5 months or so by then. His family is very thin and she made comments to him about my weight. I had just confessed to him my big dark secret of losing 80 lbs before I met him (very hard to confess that as I was afraid he would leave me if i put the weight back on). He stood by my side. Never said a word to me about my weight. He loves me for me. Is it hard with his family not liking my weight? Yes of course it is. They make comments about it all the time. But, my husband would never leave me because I got heavy again. BTW I put all that weight back on after marriage and two children. I have taken a little more than half of it off again. He is wonderful at encouraging it and says how great I look. But, my weight would never make him decide if he would leave me or stay with me.

    I think you will find better. You will find someone who loves you for you. Also, don't lose the weight for him. It won't stick if that is your reason for losing. You have to lose the weight for you. I have to say I am losing my weight for my children though but for selfish reasons. I want to live long and healthy to be around to see my children grow, get married, and see their children, maybe even my great grandkids.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    How would you react to this? I would be hurt for a while and then I would get over it and use it as fuel to make myself better. I would also kick his *kitten* to the curb and never look back.

    What do you think about it? I think its really stupid and he is using his family as a way to put pressure on you and that is not fair.


    Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? No, see above, I would lose weight for me, I would kick his *kitten* to the curb, I would become better, stronger, faster and then I would go out of my way to make him realize exactly how damn dumb he was for being a shallow douche.

    Thats just me I don't take shallow people really seriously. Personally I wouldn't want to be a part of him or his family even if I did lose the weight and was accepted in.

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