Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

I'm afraid most of the others are right. there are 2 issues here,
1) your weight, which is you decision
2) a disrespectful & unloving relationship, and remaining in it is your decision.

whether you lose the weight or not, you deserve a person who cares for you. the reality is, if you lost the weight, he'd find anothe reason you're not good enough. Get out of the relationship before it deteriorates further. he is on the first step of an abuser. He may go no further, but if he is looking for an excuse to dump you; He will find it, and rather than man up he's trying to make it your fault. . Be the bigger person & tell him if he wants to move on, you want him to do so & you are willing to face that rather than listen to his critisism, it will only get worse

DTMU - it would be one thing if he just wasn't attracted to heavier girls and so it goes, but he's worried about what other people think of his choice of mate, which marks him as being shallow and thus beneath contempt.

Run.

Run far away.

That is NOT love.

Run.

I second that!!!

Dear StrongerJess,
you mention being hurt a few times in this post and sincerely I don't know you at all but I feel hurt for you as well. There are so many reasons why you would want to start thinking seriously about losing some weight and getting healthy. Some of those reasons are improved health, longer life expectancy, better quality of life, more energy etc... Happier boyfriend or husband is not a reason. It might be an outcome! But not a reason Maybe some would say "who cares what he thinks!" I disagree. I think he has the right to feel what he feels and obviously you do care as well. If he is trying to get you to change he is certainly not doing it in a very loving way. Being supportive of your choices by encouraging you to be more active, by being healthier and active himself and by reminding you that no matter what he loves you but that he wants you to be the best you possible are all ways he can be a good boyfriend and partner in life. Life is hard enough as it is without having someone judgemental and negative by your side. I think personally that there are alot of things you need to analyze here and the issue might be a little more complicated than at first sight it might seem. I'm sorry to say that there are no easy answers (there never are are there?) He seems a little weak doesn't he? How come he is so easily influenced by his family? As you mention if you lose the weight will all his future decisions concerning his relationship with you be influenced to such an extent? I hope you find your answers and that you can stay true to yourself. To me this means being a true happy and thats not a superficial looks thing. Good luck and I'd love to hear from you again.

" I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?"

Dump him and be grateful that he told you he and his family are so shallow!!!

I think that HE has some major issue that HE needs to work on. You need to move on and learn to love yourself for who you are now and in the future. You can not change because of someone else and love is not about "when this happens we will be happy" crap. If he really loved you he wouldn't even think of listening to other people's opinion and allowing them to judge you on appearance he would be supportive of you. You are special and someday when you have learnt to love yourself fo who you are someone will come into your life and you will have a mature LOVING relationship.
You go girl!

I fhe dumped you over your physical appearance or anything like that, then he doesn't deserve your time or your love ! We're beautiful, and any change of our body has to come from us, not from anyone pressuring us, cause then it's doomed to failure !

Be grateful you realized what a jerk he is before you married him. Complete your journey to a healthier you for you, and no one else!! When you are emotionally and physically healthier, the right man- and a good man- will flock to you- I can see by your picture you are beautiful. You just have to know inside that you deserve better than this guy and dont let anyone ever tell you what you should weigh!! Good luck with your decision.

If you were perfect for him, the weight wouldn't be what holds him back from saying he'd like to marry you. That's b.s., IMO.

It's fine if he prefers women a certain way...I don't find that shallow or superficial.... HOWEVER, I do not think it's fine to expect someone to change for you or to push pressure on yourself to change for someone else so you can wear short shorts and feel loved by him.. If you are going to lose weight and keep it off, it's going to be when you are doing it for you and only you. If he doesn't love you enough to stand by and support you, then show him the door. I'd be more willing to believe he has your best interest in mind if all his reasons for wanting you to lose weight weren't just about benefiting him..i.e. people looking at HIM...HIM wanting you to look like a certain way because he likes to look at "thin" chicks that look that way... if it was "I want you to be healthy...live longer...be happy"...then THAT I could understand.

Again...just my opinion.

Perfect answer, especially the part I bolded.

It's fine to have a certain type you are attracted to, but the way he worded it is quite shallow.

He is a *kitten* end of story! A real man who loves YOU will accept every part of you! If you haven't already, leave is shallow *kitten*!

I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

Or at least, thats what I would do

First thing I thought too

First I'll start by saying you are a beautiful woman. Your profile pic shows that. Believe it.

Your boyfriend sounds both immature and insecure himself, if he needs you to look a certain way to the public, so he won't be embarrassed. He loves you? I don't believe that. He does not know what real love is then.

Here's my story, so I know what I am talking about. I have been married for almost 24 yrs. When I met my husband, I weighed 135lbs, and at 5'6", that was a size 8. I worked out 5 days a week and felt great. My husband was very very attracted to me, and never failed to tell me every day. Well, after we married, our schedules changed and I love to cook, and began cooking great meals every night, and ate right along with him. I worked out less, because we moved out of state, and I never found a gym in our new area that I loved, so I didn't go very much. The weight started creeping on. Then I got pregnant....gained 65 lbs. And it's been a steady gain over the last 20 yrs since. I can't believe how much weight I've gained. I'm more than twice the weight I was when I met my husband, and you know what? He has never said a word to me about it. He knows I know, he knows I want to lose weight. He knows I beat myself up enough about it. He has never once told me I was fat, looked bad, or was embarrassed by me. He still acts as attracted to me as the day we met. He still wants to be intimate with me all of the time. It is me who refuses, as I'm so embarassed with my body now. He still reaches for my hand when we get out of the car to go inside where we are going. He still looks almost the same as when we met, except he's gone mostly grey now. He's never been overweight, but he too has always had a little belly.

Now, to me, that is real love. That is love that does not or will not tear you down. He supports me whenever I decide to take better care of myself, but he never is the one to push me, or make me feel bad about it. Your boyfriend needs to grow up....and be more confident in who he is. Because if he loves you when you are not out in public, but gets embarrassed when you are, he has his own insecurities. Some men think that if they say something harsh, it might be what you need to get you motivated to lose weight, they really do think they are helping in some way. Clearly, they need to learn that it is not the way to motivate someone.

Tell him you love him, and you want to be the best you can be, but you can't be with him if he feels that way about you now. You need to only surrond yourself with the most supportive people, ones who have faith in you, ones who will pick you up when you fall and ones who really see the real you and accept you. Tell him he needs to go be with "one of those skinny chicks", and you hope he finds that ego boost he's looking for. Now it's time for YOU. You are beautiful, and you deserve a fresh start. Don't stay with a man who ever hurts your core. There will be another man in your future.....and when the time is right for you, you will find him! You can do this! Please feel free to add me as a friend, I'm here if you need support!

LOVE is not condtional. lose weight is one thing- breast reduction? he doesn't want YOU - he wants some television ideal who loves him like you do.
what about HIM!? WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO CHANGE? why does HE get to make the condtions?

I wouldn't have stayed for the whole conversation. He is, by far, not worthy. I wouldn't waste one more day or thought on him- but that's just me.
You deserve someone who loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. trust me when I tell you I am no longer young and IF he doesn't love you whole-heartedly, you will wind up broken hearted eventually. My past tells me that no matter WHAT you do- he's gonna dump you for the first cute girl that winks at him - OR he might not dump you - keep you on the string to feed his ego and cheat behind your back, then accuse YOU of cheating. Either way, he's making you miserable. I see more misery in your future if you stay with this pig. I'd run, not walk.
You won't find the right guy if you're stuck with THIS WRONG GUY. get out there, honey. set yourself free to be the TOTAL PERSON and find true and complete love WITH NO CONDITIONS.

I would let him go. You want someone that is going to love you at your best AND your worst. What if you get pregnant and gain some weight like most women do. Will he leave you then? It's too stressful. You should be doing this for you or it won't work. Another thing is why does he care what his family thinks? I mean, it's one thing that he worries about you healthwise but if that's the case then he should be supportive and do it with you not give you an ultimatum for marriage. Sounds more like an excuse to eventually break up with you. Like someone already said. I'd get smoking hot for myself and then rub it on his face and say 'look what you missed out on' Just saying.

I would think it really depends on your true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I think you need to lose weight for yourself and only yourself. But he was honest and straight with you, which does count for something in my book. If you feel the love is real, then use it for motivation, but still you need to do it for yourself. No more excuses, just do it. IF the love is realy, then he will be on the journey with you...he will be doing it with you and together you will get closer and healthier. Only you can be the judge of where your relationship really is.

but I can tell you that you will need to make a lifestyle change...not just diet. That is why I say it will need to be something you do together.

good luck.