Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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Replies

  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
    That is horrible :( sigh this is why I hate being fat people treat us like crap even though we are just human.
    Personally I hated being fat because I knew I was killing myself by staying fat, and I also knew I it was my choice to be fat or healthy. I chose healthy.
  • Skratchie
    Skratchie Posts: 131 Member
    The problem I see here isn't even the fact that he's a jerk ... it's that he was influenced by his family, and started treating you differently as a result. That would be the reason why I dumped him. I mean, he handled the whole thing wrong, and his motivation about wanting you to lose weight is just stupid and insulting. But the fact that his family can influence his decisions so quickly, so completely and so negatively would be a huge red flag to me. Who wants a Momma's boy who can't think for himself??

    The other thing that struck me is that it sounds like he has mentioned your weight before, because you said it wasn't a "big" problem for him. Was it a problem at all? Has he brought it up in the past, before you met his family?

    And I would throat punch any dude that told me he wanted to check me out like he does skinny chicks. I mean, I don't care that my man may look at other girls, because I check out other guys, but to tell me basically that he doesn't find me physically attractive?? Yeah, total throat punch time.
  • _EmmaStrong_
    _EmmaStrong_ Posts: 647 Member
    First of all, you are beautiful!! He is superficial and shallow, indeed! So let's see, he loved you for 2 1/2 years, until his family met you and then he decided you were too overweight and he would be ashamed to be seen with you, and gives you an ultimatum by saying "If you lose the weight, I will marry you!" Seriously it is NOT unconditional love, if you have to pay for it! Which is the only kind of love that will make a marriage work!

    You are the same person, the same exact person,(perfect for him, as he so aptly put it) before and after weight loss! Yes, be grateful that he told you! You do not have to win someone's love, respect or approval, based on how you look! Because, if you do, you simply don't need them in your life!

    SO WHAT DO YOU DO? Move on! Lose the weight for you and YOU alone! You are lucky, he dumped you! You deserve much, much better! Much, good luck to you in your lifestyle change! Loves to you!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    The only thing that matters is what you think. Do you want to be with someone for life who acts like him or talks like him? Do you want someone whose family is like that. If the answer is no, then walk away. Find someone that fits what you want long term. If this doesn't bother you, well then, it sounds like you have some choices to make.
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Dump his sorry *kitten*!
  • taciturnity
    taciturnity Posts: 69 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    This. And I've been there. My ex was always trying to make me lose weight....and he was a big boy! Like WTF? He needed that diet just as badly. I started working out right before I dumped HIM.

    Guess what? I started at 266 lbs., and I'm down to 227 lbs. Even better, I lost 270 lbs. worth of @$$hole.

    I feel skinny already. :drinker:

    That's awesome! Happy for you.

    Also, losing 270 pounds worth of @$$hole gave me a terrible mental image. :wink:
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I had a very similar story i was 220 lbs dating a man who was average. He cheated on me because he said i was too fat for him to find attractive. He dumped me and i was upset. I made some changes lost to 130 and guess what he is now the fat one lol noted i gained a bit when my husband deployed and i thought he would dump me too but my hubby is a great man he supported me and is a great motivator. You can do better i know i did
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
    He doesn't deserve you then. You can do better. Tell him your family doesn't like his face but you didn't ask him to change it.
  • Liatush
    Liatush Posts: 627 Member
    To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a douche. he wants to be able to check you out like he doesn with thin girls? he will pay for a breast reduction so you LOOK thinner? WTFFFF? Drop this loser and then take care of yourself. He will only bring you down.

    This.
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    He checks out other women and is embarrassed to be seen with you in public. It's time for him to be gone.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    I havent read through any replies to your questions

    I cant say for sure if he is superficial or shallow but i think to some degree we all are

    you are correct, things will be ok until the next thing comes up they want you to correct. whatever you do do not change for him in the hopes he will take you back. do you really want to be with someone who will drop you like that?

    as cliche as it sounds you have to do this for you and until you realize that youre going to be stuck in the same vicious loop. I know the women i have asked out and was turned down and have that list in the back of my head. when i get to the goal i have set if those same women all of a sudden show interest nothing will happen because really the only two things that are different are my weight and the size of my hmmm haaaaa.

    do a pro and con chart for yourself on why you want to change and go from there. from my personal exp it has taken me years to balloon up to 297, its been 10 months and im down to 229, its not going to happen over night
  • aimeedavids13
    aimeedavids13 Posts: 12
    The problem is obviously his and not yours. I went through a similar situation. I dated a guy for only 5 months though and weighed 150 lbs when we started dating. Five months and only an additional 5 lbs. later, he said that he didn't want to date me anymore because I got fat. That was on a Thursday the day before he was supposed to take me to my end of season tennis party with all my girlfriends. Crying hysterically I called a guy friend of mine to ask him his opinion. He ended up escorting me to the tennis party the next evening and we've been together ever since. 10 years and a beautiful little girl later, we are still together. Sometimes they do you a favor by showing their true colors. Best of luck to you but please don't settle for someone that makes you feel bad about yourself.
  • cwashkowiak
    cwashkowiak Posts: 44 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    And of course I agree with everyone that says dump him! Look, 2 and a 1/2 years is a lot, but try 10 years down the road when he finds something else that he wants you to change?!?! I was the same height/weight as you when I started myfitnesspal and my husband introduced me to it. He was showing me only because he was doing it. Although, he's thin, he has heart problems and needs to stay at a healthy weight. I know he wanted my support and in the end, myfitnesspal has helped me more then him. Girl, you are beautiful, do this because you want to be healthy. Don't let another day go by feeling like you are not good enough for him. Love yourself in the present and for every pound you lose or gain! Add me if you want!
  • Missyann68
    Missyann68 Posts: 36 Member
    If your boyfriends family can persuade him that much then he has some major issues of his own that he should deal with. I too have in-laws who weren't happy with my weight when I met my husband. (I was a size 12 at the time and had given birth to my 5th child about three weeks before meeting them). My husband was told I had a pretty face but I was overweight. (Apparently he couldn't see it for himself and needed it pointed out for some reason.) Silly man told me what was said and he made up excuses for me when they would say things. He would usually blame it on my Thyroids, which are some of the issues with my weight. It still hurts tremendously when I think about it. People are mean and selfish. My advice to you is to move on to Next!! I hope you decide to lose weight for yourself and not because you are trying to make someone love you. Good Luck!!
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
    He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.

    Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.

    He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)

    He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.

    As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.

    I call B.S. on this one. Sorry to disagree but the words "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health" are never more true. He saw what he was getting into to start with and only after his parents met her he begins to act like this. Yes he has the right to chose what he wants but he does NOT love this lady in the way a man loves his wife should. You NEVER EVER go into a relationship wanting to change someone because that's your issues, not theirs.

    Amen
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    I understand his point of view if he were starting the relationship. I am not attracted to larger women either.

    bet that sentiment gets you lots of love!
    :laugh:
  • jn_33087
    jn_33087 Posts: 2 Member
    He sounds like the type of person who stays in a relationship until someone "better" comes along.

    I was over weight when I met my husband and he loved me for who I am. I lost weight right after we got married because I wanted to. The only thing he ever said was that I could "stand to lose some weight" after I practically had to beat it out of him what he honestly thought.

    Any way, I dropped from 210 to 160 and was happy with how I looked and felt. I didn't have a flat stomach or was super thin, but I felt right and that was enough. My husband was happier and admitted he was more attracted to me not because I was thinner, but because I was happier and it made me more confident..

    I think you should end the relationship, honestly. He sounds callous, cruel, and shallow. I think you should get healthier for you, and then enjoy the after effects of a different appearance, more energy, and confidence.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 650 Member
    Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    If he won't stand by you NOW, what other problems could come up that he won't support you and stand up for you through?
    LET HIM GO...better now than later. What is he going to think of you in 20 years when you get wrinkles and normal aging things? SCARY to me that he changed his tune about his families response. Nobody will ever be good enough for him in his families eyes and the fact that he depends on them to live his life is sad. It is one thing to take their opinions into consideration, but ideally he would defend you to them!

    Best of luck on a smooth separation and best of luck becoming the BEST you that you can be for when the REAL Mr. Right comes along!
  • madu7781
    madu7781 Posts: 3
    What a jerk! Sorry to say that but I think this guy is a total loser and only used his family as an excuse. Or maybe they really persuaded him and in that case he's a wimp. You deserve so much better. Lose weight for yourself and only if you want to-and feel gorgeous in your own body, make effort to look nice regardless if you're dieting or not and soon you will meet someone who will REALLY love you for who you are. You will know the difference immediately. Good luck!!!
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
    If he has to change you to love you he doesn't really love you. He loves someone or something else. As sad as it is you deserve someone who will truly love you and also be supportive of you. Let him find his so called super model type and see how long she stays with him when she can get anybody. Or wait till he gets old and his body goes all to pot and see how many people want him that have the perfect figure with his attitude. Don't lose weight for him. Do it for you. So that you will be in great shape and feel great and find someone who will support you and treat you right. This guy sounds like a selfish *kitten*. Just my opinion.
  • toni_myers0915
    toni_myers0915 Posts: 50 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    ^^^^^^THIS!!!!!^^^^^
  • Snikkee
    Snikkee Posts: 295 Member
    *kitten* HIM! ugh! it is not his job to tell you you are fat! It his his job to tell you are beautiful!!
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    He has issues he needs to take care of himself. No man should treat a woman any differently just because of her weight. You will still be the same person thin or fat. If he wasn't happy with your weight in the end(?) then he wasn't in the beginning, he just never told you up front. Getting healthy should be done for yourself because YOU want it, not for any man. You need someone to support you always, not be jerk. Move on please, you will be a stronger person for it.
  • j4zepedajj
    j4zepedajj Posts: 70
    I think a guy who dumps you because of your weights has issues.
    1. He met you that way and liked you.. so thats no excuse...
    2. He can try to motivate you and you guys can do it together..
    3. He is just shallow and doing you a favor... hes no good
  • srey0701
    srey0701 Posts: 196 Member
    If I were in your shoes, I would leave. You will be so much happier without having someone putting you down like that. He sounds awful to be around. Lose weight for yourself, not for anyone but yourself. He's not good enough for you, it's time to move on!
  • erulasse
    erulasse Posts: 141 Member
    He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children.

    What a load of bull****! If he wanted all of that, she should never have dated a bigger girl in the first place!

    Also, I'll have you know; big girls are better in bed anyway ;)
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.
  • jenniferwren
    jenniferwren Posts: 189
    *kitten*. Something else is up...


    this ^
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Topic: Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

    I think you should get skinny, or strong, or fast, or fit, or whatever you want to be, and then seek out that guy, date him and then let him write a thread called
    Topic: Dumped because I pissed off a "fat" person...what do you think?
  • K_Serz
    K_Serz Posts: 1,299 Member
    You NEVER EVER go into a relationship wanting to change someone because that's your issues, not theirs.

    Amen

    Thats should be the lesson for today. This is very true on just about any aspect you can think of. Ive never seen a success story to the contrary. :flowerforyou:

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