What do YOU think?

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  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    Well, I happen to disagree, but please, do share that because I'd love to hear why you feel that way. :smile: And whoever said in before it gets locked...everyone is being quite pleasant. There is no reason this thread should be locked.
  • Missklara
    Missklara Posts: 283 Member
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    I'm not a parent but i do believe some things are hard to explain when child is very young. I was spanked few times when i was little but it did not affect me in a negative way. Spanking (it's not child abuse in my opinion if you don't hurt the child, just a little spank) may be only way with little child (that just learned to walk) to explain that he cannot do some things. I think it depends on the age. I'm against spanking a ten year old for example.
    I remember my dad spanked me when i purposly torned his expensive dictionary :p
  • richied26
    richied26 Posts: 948 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them
  • mrswine
    mrswine Posts: 263 Member
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    I am a teacher and spend all day with kids where hitting is not an option. It can be done and works more effectively than spanking ( as seen is kids who don't listen to parents who spank them, but do listen to me who doesn't) but it takes a lot of mental energy and self control! Much easier to hit than to be emotionally healthy unfortunately.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

    I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?
  • Missklara
    Missklara Posts: 283 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

    I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

    agree. Ofc maybe we have different definitions of "spanking".
    I'm against sticks, leather belts and other 'popular' tools, also i'm against slaping in the face, hitting hard, pulling hair etc.
    When i say that i agree with spanking, i mean that i agree with a little spank on the butt when child is very little and can not understand it other way
  • richied26
    richied26 Posts: 948 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

    I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

    yes I understand that its difficult to explain things to a very small child but I cant really imagine what a very small child could do that would merit being spanked. I would worry that being disciplined violently without being capable of understanding what youve done wrong would be at best pointless and at worst damaging
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Children need boundaries and discipline, they need to know that you will carry through with whatever punishment you have chosen. I don't think a smack does any harm, I am talking about a smack on the bottom not a beating, but it should be a last resort.

    There are many many ways of enforcing discipline that don't involve smacking. The problem is you have to be able to carry them through. Once a child realises that when you put him on the naughty step for five minutes you will give up after two if he keeps screaming and running off then you have lost.

    The most effective punishment for my son when he was small was my saying "I can't be your friend at the moment as you have been naughty" he really hated it when I said that and was truly sorry for whatever it was that he had done.

    As he got older I found I could reason with him and explain why what he had done was wrong, I was very lucky he was and still is a very nice kid/man and empathises with other people really well.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I am a teacher and spend all day with kids where hitting is not an option. It can be done and works more effectively than spanking ( as seen is kids who don't listen to parents who spank them, but do listen to me who doesn't) but it takes a lot of mental energy and self control! Much easier to hit than to be emotionally healthy unfortunately.

    I agree. Spanking is just lazy parenting. At best, it is ineffective in the long run, at worst, it can leave emotional scars for life. I grew up under the belt of a Baptist preacher, and we were some of the worst kids. The jails are filled with kids who were spanked by their parents and grandparents.
    Effective discipline takes time, patience, consistency, and love. It is not hitting your kid when you get mad. I'm not talking about spatting a young child on the hand to prevent them from touching a hot stove. I'm talking about a child that is old enough to understand limits, and right from wrong. Physical punishment may make them be afraid of their parent, but it doesn't teach respect. Kids will just get better at not getting caught. Then once the threat of physical punishment is gone, what is their moral compass?
    Angry, violent parents make angry, violent kids. Or kids who accept violence in a spouse.
  • mrswine
    mrswine Posts: 263 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

    I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

    I disagree. Very young children do understand right from wrong at a young age. If you continuously tell them in an authoritative manner 1 what they are doing wrong 2 why it is wrong and 3 what they should do instead and then PRAISE THEM for appropriate behavior they learn it. I worked in infant rooms where this works. You just have to know how to effectively teach them. I teach a parenting class at my school and I have seen families that spank completely change their discipline style after just a little training!
  • VeganSurfer
    VeganSurfer Posts: 383 Member
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    If I did something wrong as a child, my mum would smack my *kitten* or the back of my legs...I wouldn't do it again. I hate the lack of discipline in the UK, it's political correctness gone mad!
  • LibbyCaramia
    LibbyCaramia Posts: 69 Member
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    I was smacked on the bum as a child and I feel like I've grown into a well-adjusted adult. I think it gave me a healthy respect for my parents and I rarely acted up. Not out of fear, but just because I knew if I did the wrong thing there would be consequences. And it wasn't always a smack. That was the last resort as far as I remember.

    It's funny, I was actually having this conversation with a couple of friends the other day.
    One of those friends who wasn't smacked as a kid is now 21 and treats her mother horribly. She just has no respect for her - calls her stupid and insults her, and gets her to do everything for her. It's really awful to watch, because I know if I ever even thought of treating my mum like that (not that I would) she would be so shocked and upset. I wasn't brought up that way at all.
    And yet the other girl, who is 19 - she was also disciplined by smacking as a child and is one of the most resourceful, hard-working people I've ever met. She loves her parents dearly and would never do anything to hurt them.

    So, how much of this is down to how they were disciplined as a child - I don't know. But I don't think it turns people bad. Abuse does that.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    I will clarify, I mean spanking as a pop on the tush or hand, not using things like a wooden spoon or a belt or a stick...if you are going to spank your kids for a legitimate reason (imo touching a hot stove, playing with something sharp/dangerous, etc. when they are too young to understand) you don't need something to help you do it. A hand will do just fine.


    My parents spanked me with hands and I never got more than one pat, but my grandmother spanked me with a 'switch' (a thin stick from the yard) or a wooden spoon with a hole through it, or a belt. But, she grew up with abusive parents and then an abusive husband. I turned out fine, by the way, never got scarred for getting a pat on the bum!
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    Libby, I don't think I could be friends with someone who treated their mom that way!
  • sPaRkLiNgLYFE
    sPaRkLiNgLYFE Posts: 609
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

    I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

    yes I understand that its difficult to explain things to a very small child but I cant really imagine what a very small child could do that would merit being spanked. I would worry that being disciplined violently without being capable of understanding what youve done wrong would be at best pointless and at worst damaging
    sometimes small children do things that is potentially dangerous, and a few swats on the bottom helps them remember not to do it again.
  • LibbyCaramia
    LibbyCaramia Posts: 69 Member
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    I know - I'm starting to feel the same way..! We work together and her general attitude is wearing me out.
  • richied26
    richied26 Posts: 948 Member
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    I will clarify, I mean spanking as a pop on the tush or hand, not using things like a wooden spoon or a belt or a stick...if you are going to spank your kids for a legitimate reason (imo touching a hot stove, playing with something sharp/dangerous, etc. when they are too young to understand) you don't need something to help you do it. A hand will do just fine.


    My parents spanked me with hands and I never got more than one pat, but my grandmother spanked me with a 'switch' (a thin stick from the yard) or a wooden spoon with a hole through it, or a belt. But, she grew up with abusive parents and then an abusive husband. I turned out fine, by the way, never got scarred for getting a pat on the bum!

    well I see what you mean... but the original post equated spanking with preventing delinquency...I dont really see how patting a small child on the behind because it goes to near a hot stove has anything to do with the picture your friend posted on facebook...anyway its midnight in UK so I'm off to bed...thx for a thought provoking thread and have a nice day/night whatever it is where you are lol
  • bmiller211
    bmiller211 Posts: 222 Member
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    when I was a newer father I would spank my son. I truly thought it was the right thing to do to control his terrible twos!! I was trying to get him to bed one night and he was pissing me off something awful. I spanked him so hard it left a handprint on his butt through his diaper!! Right then and there I realized I was being wrong in my thinking. I never hit him or my daughter again. I think they turned out wonderful. I also think hitting is a cope-out in that you don't have to try as hard as a parent if you can hit them and control them! I think hard work and time spent with a child is what makes them a good person...corporal punishment isn't the answer. I am a very conservative person and believe a lot of the old ways are the right ways...this however isn't (in my opinion) the right way!
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
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    Some way the child needs to learn that they are not above the law, and their actions are not appropriate. I got spanked, but with that spanking I had to make it up to my "victems". Did spanking help ? I think making up for my actions did a lot more, and learning that I'm responsible for what I did. I don't think the spanking made me be empathetic for my "victems", just that I got my Dad mad at me and I ended up fearing my Dad, until I got older and started to laugh at him when he threatened a spanking.

    Still a hard call. What I don't like is that victems remain victems until compensated even then wounds do not heal, a spanking is temporary and can sometimes be forgetten, (unless it becomes more like beatings), along with the pain felt by the "victems"

    P/S one more edit - back then when you got spanked whether it was relatives or teachers(yes teachers) you couldn't garner any sympathy, and you were told you got what you deserved. Am I am any worse off for that experience ?? I certainly didn't like having to fear my Dad !!
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
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    I think it's a load of crap. My mother beat the crap out of us everyday. In fact, we were afraid to so much as sneeze sometimes. All the kids in my family were spanked at the very least and spanked regularly. I can't tell you how much jail time has been served collectively. How many drugs, how much alcohol, how much rude and delinquent behavior has gone on. I have relatives who have continued this behavior into their adult lives. I think there is a right way to spank a child. There MUST be love in the home. Without that the children are doomed to a life of failure. There should be parents who will lead by example, and do all they can to actually raise their kids. Kids need to talk to their parents, and if they feel like they can't then there's another layer adding to potential problems. Spanking does not equal well behaved people.

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