This may sound evil, but....keeping it real.
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You know what, I like MFP. But funny thing about these message boards :say one thing someone doesn't like and this turns from a supportive community to a judgmental bash session. To everyone who has something negative to say about what I posted OPEN YOUR EYES...WHERE IN MY POST DID I SAY I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE OF MY BODY? I FULLY INTEND TO HAVE CHILDREN DESPITE EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE INCREDIBLE RISK DUE TO MY BRAIN CONDITION (YES I WOULD KNOWINGLY AND COMFORTABLY RISK MY LIFE TO HAVE A CHILD AND YET I MAKE ONE TRUTHFUL CONFESSION AND YOU ALL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME SELFISH AND SAY I SHOULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN). I am simply acknowledging that possibly gaining the weight back sucks. PERIOD POINT BLANK. I was born with an incurable brain condition called Hydrocephalus and have had over 10 brain surgeries in 24 years. My boyfriend's father also had the same condition. If I were to post about being unsure if I should have kids, because there may be a chance that he/she will have the condition and suffer the same way I have...would you condemn me for that? I swear it's like folks sit on here and wait to see something they don't like and can't badger someone about. You folks really need to stop all this judgmental BS, because when it turns on u....and based on the way these message boards are.... at some point it will...u won't like it.
I guess, for me, the reason I'd be scared to have a kid wouldn't be for my body, or even for my life. I'd be terrified that I'd die during child birth, and leave that child without it's mother. As soon as I found out that having another child would kill me, I got my uterus taken out. It wouldn't be fair to my 2 children I already have, nor would it be fair to another baby, or their dad. It would be selfish of me to try to have a baby with that risk. <~~keeping it real.
totally get it0 -
They are worth it!! Worth every pound and every stretch mark.
looking back to some comments, many are just uncalled for and the people making said comments that you shouldn't breed ( I hate that term) get your tubes tied, you should never have kids, blah blah blah, they need a high five to the face with a steel chair.
That quote above, it's true. I was high risk. a history of miscarriages in the family, my high blood pressure, and just regular stress. I had to stop doing my aerobics, but I could walk. I gained 60 pounds, and had stretch marks for the first time ever. but, I did lose the weight. got down to 215 in about 6 months, but then work clashed with the gym, and here I am again.
but, I cant imagine life without my buttercup. << see profile pic. if you're truly scared, go on birth control and do some research with doctors about working out. lots of water aerobics may be available.
Thank you for responding to the post without coming at me with a pitch fork and torch
You know I wasn't born with hydrocephalus but I did end up with it around 3 months old and ended up having shunts inserted. Do you still have on going complications from it? I had 2 kids and worked the entire time on my feet although I did end up with csections. My pregancies were very low key and uncomplicated. There is hope! :}0 -
Better idea if you don't want to have a baby you can always adopt.
There's plenty of orphans (babies/kids) out there that need homes and parents to care for them.
That way you still have a child to take care of minus the child birth/gaining of weight.
Amazing how no one thinks of me but me.
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I look better now than I did before I got pregnant with my son 20 years ago.
With an attitude like yours.... please DO NOT have children. Go get your tubes tied & find a guy who can't have kids. PLEASE.
Why are you such an angry person? The OP was just expressing her fear of gaining all the weight back after pregnancy. Think before you type. That just made you look miserable. That's not a good look.0 -
I'm working really hard to get fit. By the time I get married and start thinking about having kids I will have gotten my goal body. So after all that work, I can't help but think how bad it would suck to have a baby and gain it all back plus some.
This is the OP that you wrote. Am I missing the part about you being worried about your medical condition? Because all I'm seeing is *having kids vs having a goal body*. Don't be upset at people for correctly reading your own words.0 -
It's up to you. Your doctor will tell you basically if you worked out before you got pregnant then you can do it while you're pregnant. Don't allow yourself to gain more weight then that chart in the doctors office tells you a body should gain for a baby, for an average weight woman it was like 15 pounds. Don't gain excess weight and you'll be fine.0
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It's up to you. Your doctor will tell you basically if you worked out before you got pregnant then you can do it while you're pregnant. Don't allow yourself to gain more weight then that chart in the doctors office tells you a body should gain for a baby, for an average weight woman it was like 15 pounds. Don't gain excess weight and you'll be fine.
Avg weight woman is supposed to gain 25-30, not 15. Overweight women are generally encouraged to gain less, more like 15.0 -
... just don't say this to the scores of women out there who would kill to have their body "destroyed" by a healthy happy baby. Just keepin' it real...
for realz0 -
then watch what you eat. While you are eating for two, it doesnt mean literally eat for two adults. Exercise while pregnant, put that vitamin E and other oils to reduce stretch marks. Breast feed it increases your metabolism.0
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Ah, and best tried and true (x3) advice for losing pregnancy weight? Breastfeeding. Seriously, yes. Do it. 500 calories a day!
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I'm working really hard to get fit. By the time I get married and start thinking about having kids I will have gotten my goal body. So after all that work, I can't help but think how bad it would suck to have a baby and gain it all back plus some.
This is the OP that you wrote. Am I missing the part about you being worried about your medical condition? Because all I'm seeing is *having kids vs having a goal body*. Don't be upset at people for correctly reading your own words.
^^^ This...
Really, if you had mentioned your brain condition and danger to your life, the responses would have been a hella lot different.
Instead, all you mentioned is getting in shape, and then gaining it all back because of a baby.... so to get mad at us for NOT responding to something you DIDNT say, seems a tad inappropriate... no?0 -
I will be at my goal weight/body fat% this summer. My husband and I are planning to try for a child around August (so I can give birth before next summer...if it works out). My plan is to get back down to 16% body fat with killer abz afterwards to prove to all the whiners and complainers that it can be done. I hate hearing all the whiney women go on and on about how they will never have a tight stomach after giving birth. It is very possible and I look forward to showing you all about it next year. :drinker:0
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I will be at my goal weight/body fat% this summer. My husband and I are planning to try for a child around August (so I can give birth before next summer...if it works out). My plan is to get back down to 16% body fat with killer abz afterwards to prove to all the whiners and complainers that it can be done. I hate hearing all the whiney women go on and on about how they will never have a tight stomach after giving birth. It is very possible and I look forward to showing you all about it next year. :drinker:
According to my tape measure and fat2fitradio military body fat calculator, I'm at 14.6% BF after 3 kiddos.
You go, girl!0 -
1. Eat well. Both pregnancies I was back to pre-pregnancy weight at 1 week post partum.
2. Breastfeed if you can. It helps shrink your uterus down to its normal size and burns a lot of calories.
3. If body image concern is great enough to dissuade you from wanting kids, DON'T have one. Being a mother is a lifetime full of putting these little people ahead of yourself. You are going to lose sleep, time, energy and yes, your figure. If you're not OK with that, don't do it!! They need you to be willing to be self sacrificing or both you and the child will be miserable.0 -
I'm working really hard to get fit. By the time I get married and start thinking about having kids I will have gotten my goal body. So after all that work, I can't help but think how bad it would suck to have a baby and gain it all back plus some.
I also can't fathom how women allow this to happen. I'm thoroughly grossed out by the thought of conception, carriage, and birth of a child. Then, after all of that sacrifice and pain, you have to be chained to it 24/7 and never truly be independent again. I can't imagine anything worse. But then... I Google before/after pics of women's stomachs and I become truly terrified. I know that a lot of women can "recover" from the damage, but many are not fortunate enough despite their best efforts. If vanity were my only issue, I'd probably be able to overcome it. I have much bigger issues (obviously) than that, though. No kids for me. If you don't want kids either, regardless of your reason(s), there's nothing wrong with that.
Couldn't help but laugh at this.. You should probably google "life" now that's some terrifying *kitten*..0 -
I'm working really hard to get fit. By the time I get married and start thinking about having kids I will have gotten my goal body. So after all that work, I can't help but think how bad it would suck to have a baby and gain it all back plus some.
I also can't fathom how women allow this to happen. I'm thoroughly grossed out by the thought of conception, carriage, and birth of a child. Then, after all of that sacrifice and pain, you have to be chained to it 24/7 and never truly be independent again. I can't imagine anything worse. But then... I Google before/after pics of women's stomachs and I become truly terrified. I know that a lot of women can "recover" from the damage, but many are not fortunate enough despite their best efforts. If vanity were my only issue, I'd probably be able to overcome it. I have much bigger issues (obviously) than that, though. No kids for me. If you don't want kids either, regardless of your reason(s), there's nothing wrong with that.
Couldn't help but laugh at this.. You should probably google "life" now that's some terrifying *kitten*..
I think it's perfectly sane to be terrified of such a huge responsibility... but that's just me I guess, finding the rational in what appears irrational. I'll take a wild guess and say many young women probably feel the same way she does, and that's a good thing - considering how many teenagers are getting pregnant these days, then either deciding to keep the baby or terminate their pregnancy. Self-awareness should be held in higher regard, it's a great talent in this day and age.0 -
I look better now than I did before I got pregnant with my son 20 years ago.
With an attitude like yours.... please DO NOT have children. Go get your tubes tied & find a guy who can't have kids. PLEASE.
It's called honesty and being human, get over yourself. Don't act like you have never had a thought that people would judge you for. And be clear, I never said I don't wanna have kids because of my body. I'm saying it would suck to gain the weight back, but I do want children. If not, I wouldn't even consider doing it despite the fact that due to my incurable brain condition a pregnancy/birth could KILL me. So go sit down, you have no right to judge me and tell me not to have children.
Adopt there are plenty of kids in your neck of the woods that need a home
That's always been the plan if things don't go right
I hear this guy is looking for some takers.
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Interesting how childbearing talk brings out all the crazies of the MFP Boards.
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babies or no babies we all end up less than perfect when we get old and at least i have someone to spend the last of my years with and memories ill never forget =D
plus im at a lower weight now than i was before i got pregnant with my 2 year old ive a better body now apart from stretch marks which some women dont get ( i hate them lol jst kidding)0 -
babies or no babies we all end up less than perfect when we get old and at least i have someone to spend the last of my years with and memories ill never forget =D
This is a very good point.0 -
I had a child 18 years ago--that pregnancy didn't wreck my body at all. I only gained 35 lbs, so most of it was gone before I came home from the hospital. I breast fed and that pretty much took care of the rest. I didn't get ANY stretch marks during pregnancy. Had no issues with a flabby tummy or anything. I was 24 when I had my son, so being young and in great shape already probably helped a lot with all that stuff. I exercised throughout my pregnancy as well.
What really wrecked my body was having PCOS some years later. I gained over 100 pounds, got all sorts of stretch marks, a big tummy, terrible acne, etc.0 -
OP, you didn't say anything wrong. I'm sure you aren't the first woman in the history of the world who regrets that part of having a child, someone she wants so bad, will also take a big toll on her body. Plenty of women don't want children at all, and plenty of women who do want children don't want to go through the bodily changes (not just for vanity reasons) and so adopt. When I see pregnant women, I'm pretty much in awe that they can do that. It looks so tough.
I'm curious, and if you don't want to answer, I totally understand, about why you are considering getting pregnant with all the potential problems? You are so young-to see you say you are willing to risk your life to try to carry a pregnancy makes me a little sad. (If you were already pregnant, I would understand that with no difficulties.) But as someone else said, if you die during pregnancy, and the child survives, you've left not only the child but the father and everyone who loves you. It's obviously your decision to make. You have said you are considering adoption. Some people are made to feel "less than" or "not woman enough" if they adopt. I don't know if that's your reason, just concerned. It's also obviously none of my business, so feel free to ignore me. :flowerforyou:0 -
Get a dog or cat instead.
^ This.0 -
I cannot believe that this thread is still going. And I especially can't believe the amount of venom that is being thrown at the OP. There is not a woman in this thread who can honestly say that this thought never crossed their minds before having children. If the OP wants to be a mother without sacrificing her body, its entirely possible, and I'm really shocked that more people haven't advocated for adoption here. There are children growing up in the system that will never know the love of a mother. Instead of condemning someone for not wanting to go through the difficult process of childbirth for whatever reason, why not offer something more constructive and providing her information on other options.
There are 7 billion people on this planet already and around 200 million children without parents.0 -
I cannot believe that this thread is still going. And I especially can't believe the amount of venom that is being thrown at the OP. There is not a woman in this thread who can honestly say that this thought never crossed their minds before having children. If the OP wants to be a mother without sacrificing her body, its entirely possible, and I'm really shocked that more people haven't advocated for adoption here. There are children growing up in the system that will never know the love of a mother. Instead of condemning someone for not wanting to go through the difficult process of childbirth for whatever reason, why not offer something more constructive and providing her information on other options.
There are 7 billion people on this planet already and around 200 million children without parents.
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well when you find out you're pregnant it changes. it's not about you and your body image anymore, it's about making sure little one is safe and healthy. people go back to their regular size all the time, i'm not worried about it 0
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I cannot believe that this thread is still going. And I especially can't believe the amount of venom that is being thrown at the OP. There is not a woman in this thread who can honestly say that this thought never crossed their minds before having children. If the OP wants to be a mother without sacrificing her body, its entirely possible, and I'm really shocked that more people haven't advocated for adoption here. There are children growing up in the system that will never know the love of a mother. Instead of condemning someone for not wanting to go through the difficult process of childbirth for whatever reason, why not offer something more constructive and providing her information on other options.
There are 7 billion people on this planet already and around 200 million children without parents.
That sounds nice and all, but she isn't getting venom because she doesn't want to have kids. Nobody cares if someone chooses not to have kids. It's that the reason she's worried about having kids reeks of a vain sort of selfishness. A selfishness that may get in the way of raising a child properly, so recommending adoption is not something I'd do at the moment. Granted, she's young and will likely have many changes of mind over the last decade, but until those changes happen, "Don't Have Kids" is solid advice, IMO.0 -
I cannot believe that this thread is still going. And I especially can't believe the amount of venom that is being thrown at the OP. There is not a woman in this thread who can honestly say that this thought never crossed their minds before having children. If the OP wants to be a mother without sacrificing her body, its entirely possible, and I'm really shocked that more people haven't advocated for adoption here. There are children growing up in the system that will never know the love of a mother. Instead of condemning someone for not wanting to go through the difficult process of childbirth for whatever reason, why not offer something more constructive and providing her information on other options.
There are 7 billion people on this planet already and around 200 million children without parents.
That sounds nice and all, but she isn't getting venom because she doesn't want to have kids. Nobody cares if someone chooses not to have kids. It's that the reason she's worried about having kids reeks of a vain sort of selfishness. A selfishness that may get in the way of raising a child properly, so recommending adoption is not something I'd do at the moment. Granted, she's young and will likely have many changes of mind over the last decade, but until those changes happen, "Don't Have Kids" is solid advice, IMO.
It's not your place to judge someone for having a thought that every woman has at some point. Parenthood is a much bigger sacrifice for a woman to make than the man, and she is pondering the intricacies of that sacrifice. I actually applaud her for taking the time to consider these things before starting a family. A lot of people do not "plan" families anymore. If her motivation is vanity, that isn't any reflection at all on the type of parent she could be.
Adoption is a very long process and, yes, she is young. She stated in her OP "when" she gets married, so obviously, she is a long way away from becoming a mother. And who cares if her reasons are vanity, its possible to love yourself and a child. As a matter of fact, more women could use a little practice in managing both.0 -
I'm working really hard to get fit. By the time I get married and start thinking about having kids I will have gotten my goal body. So after all that work, I can't help but think how bad it would suck to have a baby and gain it all back plus some.
I also can't fathom how women allow this to happen. I'm thoroughly grossed out by the thought of conception, carriage, and birth of a child. Then, after all of that sacrifice and pain, you have to be chained to it 24/7 and never truly be independent again. I can't imagine anything worse. But then... I Google before/after pics of women's stomachs and I become truly terrified. I know that a lot of women can "recover" from the damage, but many are not fortunate enough despite their best efforts. If vanity were my only issue, I'd probably be able to overcome it. I have much bigger issues (obviously) than that, though. No kids for me. If you don't want kids either, regardless of your reason(s), there's nothing wrong with that.
You are entitled to your opinion.
But...After two kids.
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