What do YOU think?
Replies
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From my professional opinion (police officer of 8 years) I would wholeheartedly agree with the meme. The common denominator of gang members and other such delinquents is a lack of parenting, lack of discipline, and lack of anyone that gives a damn enough to teach right from wrong. Obviously there are outliers with everything, but the majority of people I arrest between ages 16-22 are those who parents didn't discipline their children. It does go a lot deeper than that in many ways, but this is definitely a huge part of it. Spanking is not child abuse.0
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Punishment is one thing, the other is righting the wrong. Righting the wrong or at least having empathy for those wronged is the missing element. Spankings, time outs, sitting in the corner only , taking away toys games etc, only say Mom and Dad are upset and you got caught. Children and adults need to learn and need to be repsonsible for what they did. Eg. You hit your sister, so you have to clean her room, you stole vegetables from a garden, you repay by doing chores for the garden's owner. The victim continues to be a victim and suffers a loss while a time out does not help the victim to recover from their loss.0
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My freshman psych class says the best way to teach children/teens how to avoid peer pressure is to show them exactly what to say or do. So if you don't want your son to hang out with those "wannabe" gangster kids you'd have to tell him to say "No, I can't gang bang later today, I have karate" or something along those lines
haha, gang bang0 -
I think child abuse makes adolescent delinquency more likely not less
Were you never spanked as a child?0 -
I was beaten as a child and i turned out fine0
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Spanking teaches children to get what they want through violence. It breeds violence. You have no right to assault another person's body no matter if they are your child or not. This infuriates me. My childhood and then my adult life was severely messed up because of this kind of abuse and I have had to struggle with violent tendencies my whole life.0
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I was beaten as a child (some call it behavorial adjustment) and I still turned out to be a bad apple in my earlier days. It has to do with parenting + environment (circle of friends) and that damn hip hop music !!
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Parents who assault their children lack parenting skills in a very serious way.0
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....now that you mention it, i am kinda violent....0
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....now that you mention it, i am kinda violent....
no you're not0 -
I think if youve done your job right in the first place there would be no need to go to the extreme of spanking a child.
Youre teaching a child that they cant hit, its not nice, theyll get in trouble...unless youre an adult hitting a child. Then its OK. Why?
Totally disagree. There are other, better forms of punishment too get the point across!
I taught my kids that they are to never start a fight and if in school they should tell the teacher, 2nd time tell the counselor/Principal and the 3rd time bust there *kitten*. I told my kids they do not go to to bully or get bullied. A mix of punishments can be used but I have never spanked out of anger.0 -
....now that you mention it, i am kinda violent....
no you're not
youre right, thanks, me0 -
No, there is not. Not at all. YouI think child abuse makes adolescent delinquency more likely not less
We are talking about spanking, not child abuse. There is a difference there.
"spank" and adult and that is an assault charge. You spank a kid and you are parenting.0 -
No, there is not. Not at all. YouI think child abuse makes adolescent delinquency more likely not less
We are talking about spanking, not child abuse. There is a difference there.
"spank" and adult and that is an assault charge. You spank a kid and you are parenting.
some adults like to be spanked tho?0 -
Spanking IS a form of child abuse in my opinion.
I agree.0 -
Can we debate homeschooling, breastfeeding and diapers when this one gets locked? Pllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee????????????????
lol. This still hasn't gotten locked after quite a few hours and people saying it will. This renders your post is quite pointless
Wow. I breast fed two babies until they were a little over a year, I used cloth diapers, and I homeschool. I am sure there is some fun to be had here.
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As I kiddie I got smacked or spanked 3 times. Once for swearing, once for exploding a party popper in my sisters eye and once for telling lies... Notice how none of them were the same, it's because I learnt my lesson. I agree doing it to children at the age when they can understand the difference between right and wrong (for me that was 7 upwards). Unfortunately a few rely on it as a regular parenting technique and that's not great...0
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I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them
Do you have children?0 -
Spanking teaches children that violence is an appropriate response to anger. I never spanked any of my children.
As the adult it is your responsibility to find appropriate forms of discipline for the child without using violence. Bad behavior on the part of the child doesn't justify the same for you. The child doesn't know any better, but you do.
One of the greatest things you can teach your child is how to handle their emotions. If you teach them violence as a response to anger, they will respond with fear. A child should never fear their parent, nor should fear play a role influencing good behavior. Furthermore, losing your temper demonstrates to them that you have no control over your own emotions.
You will find that children will respond much better to discipline when an attentive and compassionate parent teaches them to be mindful of their feelings, and how to communicate them effectively. Not by fear as a tool for correcting them. Thats the easy way of dealing with it and has no positive affect on the child.
This is why society is all F'd up lol That may work for you and yours but I def wont allow that pansy crap for my kids. My kids are going to be tough and able to fight if someone swings on them. Just because you spank your kids doesnt mean you do it in anger. If I hit my kids everytime they made me angry or annoyed me they would be black and blue. Good luck to you and your kids though hope they are stable and strong when they become adults. Oh BTW spanking doesnt teach a child violence not explaining why they were spanked does.
No, society is all F'd up because children are being raised by parents who are emotionally unavailable to them. And I'm sorry, but I don't see how spanking translates into toughness or the ability to defend oneself.
Your approach is to be tough on them first and love them second, and all that does is teach the child to use fear as the basis for interacting with the world.
In the wise words of Master Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
There is only one absolute in the universe and that is love. Teach your children to approach the world from the basis of love not fear.
Interesting comment..I was spanked and grounded and had things taken from me and i respect my parents for doing it. My parents did it out of love and I had a healthy fear of my parents and their authority over me. The other interesting thing is of all my friends I have the healthiest relationship with my parents and we are now more like best friends rather than authority figures. People talk about my father with nothing but good words and they tell me I am a chip off the ol' block. In my past I was married and had three step kids that were spanked by me and they have all thanked me and still keep in touch after many years. The same with the girl's 2 boys I dated after my divorce and now I am in a postion of having 5 step kids and have gotten hugs while they are still crying because they got in trouble at bed time.
Without the fear of war..there is no peace. the reason people bully is because people think it is a bad thing to have fights. there is conflict in our world and it has many faces. You will be better served it you understand conflict and how to manage yourself thru it.0 -
Definition of violence:
Behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.
Strength of emotion or an unpleasant or destructive natural force.
Synonyms
force - vehemence - outrage - severity - fury
Spanking to 'get even' is violence. Spanking done to train or correct is not done in anger, or retaliation. It reinforces boundaries, teaches obedience, order, respect. A child should be trained before the issue of needing a spanking arises. If spanking is a regular event, it usually means the child has not been trained properly.0 -
thats funny0 -
I haven't read all of the replies, but I will share my experience. I was one of five children in my family. We were spanked as children, when the situation warranted that type of discipline. It was never overdone, just enough to sting and get the point across. All five of us have grown up to be well adjusted, contributing members of society, and we still love and respect our parents very much.
On the flip-side of that, my husband's parents also spanked their 6 children. I think they had a heavier hand with the 3 older children, and all three of them have psychological and emotional issues and I consider them to be leeches on society. I think by the time they got around to the younger 3 they had lightened up, so my husband and his two younger siblings had it a bit easier, but were still spanked. The younger 3 are completely well adjusted, functioning members of society.
Now that I'm a parent to a one year old, I still haven't come to terms with the idea of spanking my daughter some day, despite my experience. I hope that when the time comes she responds to time outs and groundings and we never have to resort to spanking her, but I also know that if that is the last resort to get her attention, it won't ruin her whole life either. In the end, all that matters is that we show we love her and that she understands whatever form of discipline we have to use was chosen to make her a better person in the end.0 -
If you feel spanking helps, then spank away. I just don't like the picture, it seems to imply that if you DON'T spank, your child will end up a delinquent gang banger. I personally chose to not spank my daughter, and while she is not perfect, she is a wonderful, respectful teenager.....around me that is! lol0
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From my professional opinion (police officer of 8 years) I would wholeheartedly agree with the meme. The common denominator of gang members and other such delinquents is a lack of parenting, lack of discipline, and lack of anyone that gives a damn enough to teach right from wrong. Obviously there are outliers with everything, but the majority of people I arrest between ages 16-22 are those who parents didn't discipline their children. It does go a lot deeper than that in many ways, but this is definitely a huge part of it. Spanking is not child abuse.
This0 -
Definition of violence:
Behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.
Strength of emotion or an unpleasant or destructive natural force.
Synonyms
force - vehemence - outrage - severity - fury
Spanking to 'get even' is violence. Spanking done to train or correct is not done in anger, or retaliation. It reinforces boundaries, teaches obedience, order, respect. A child should be trained before the issue of needing a spanking arises. If spanking is a regular event, it usually means the child has not been trained properly.
This, except maybe the last sentence. Some kids test and test and test. For whatever reason they are wired to continually check and see if the limit/rule still exists. As had been said several times, each child has a unique temperament and personality. Some kids burst into tears at a stern look, others won't even bat an eye...0 -
I know someone now that makes their 16 year old and 5 year old kneel in a corner on uncooked rice for ten minutes. That's just mean.
Lol mean? Maybe... But until you're the parent of a smart-mouthed teenager...
And the five year old? What's the excuse for that? If you can't think of a better way to deal with your smart mouthed kids, then you need to learn better parenting imo.0 -
This thread really picked up over night! Haha. I appreciate all the responses everyone and I'm glad that for the most part everyone is keeping it civil, but please continue to do so. I like this thread and I don't want it locked because of a few smart arses :P0
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I really don't see any good excuse for striking a child. What extraordinary thing does it teach them that couldn't be taught using non-violent means?
(And I say this as a parent who has spanked each of my children at some point. I regret what I did because it didn't solve anything - and actually created more problems, like them distrusting me and using violence on other kids when something didn't go their way. Modeling good behavior, calmly discussing problems, and really listening to them was much more worthwhile for shaping them to become responsible and caring adults.)0 -
Punishment is one thing, the other is righting the wrong. Righting the wrong or at least having empathy for those wronged is the missing element. Spankings, time outs, sitting in the corner only , taking away toys games etc, only say Mom and Dad are upset and you got caught. Children and adults need to learn and need to be repsonsible for what they did. Eg. You hit your sister, so you have to clean her room, you stole vegetables from a garden, you repay by doing chores for the garden's owner. The victim continues to be a victim and suffers a loss while a time out does not help the victim to recover from their loss.
I agree that recompense, when appropriate, is an important part of the discipline process.
I don't think I've seen it mentioned yet, but what you do with your child after you discipline them is the most important part.
After a consequence, the child needs to be lovingly embraced by the parent.
The offense and reasoning for the discipline needs to be discussed.
"Do you know why you were on time out?"
If discipline is administered correctly, the child will ALWAYS know and be able to clearly explain. (They know, kids aren't dumb.)
"Why was that wrong?"
"What will you do differently next time?"
Then give them a big hug (depending on the child and their age) and tell them you love them.
Appropriate discipline resolves the issue for both the parent and the child.
Abuse, as I said, is irrational, unpredictable and causes fear and insecurity not resolution.0
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