A Woman Needs To Feel Desired
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Ooooh, and "She" by Elvis Costello
She
May be the face I can't forget.
A trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.
She may be the song that summer sings.
May be the chill that autumn brings.
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day.
She
May be the beauty or the beast.
May be the famine or the feast.
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell.
She may be the mirror of my dreams.
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell0 -
I've been married a long time, almost 30 years. There is no one secret to a long lasting relationship, but I do believe there is truth in this poem/writiing. My husband and I are partners. We work hard together to keep the house in good repair, get the bills paid, take care of our son (who's almost out the nest), take care of our friends/family, etc. He's my friend/buddy to go out shopping & eating, vacation with, play with. But what makes it really special is the intimacy we share, emotional and physical. We care about each others feelings, and find each other beautiful physically. Yeah, I have a few grays and wrinkles, and he has less hair & a little paunch. :laugh: But he makes feel like the most cherished, loved, valued and yes, desirable woman in the world.. I think (hope) I do the same for him. When he wants to get frisky, he says in a very sexy voice "Hubba hubba"
I just sent him an e-mail an hour ago with the simple message "I love you, have a great day. Hubba hubba. " Sounds hokey or corny, but I don't care.
Sexist writing? I don't know. But if I didn't think my husband loved me and found me desirable, then I may think "why bother being married?" I totally believe people can be happy & complete without marriage. I have an older sister who has never married and is completely content. I get it. But if I am going to be married, I want the whole deal.
Married. No kids. Above poster is completely right. Whole deal. I think the poem has less to do with sexism and more to do with the fact that sometimes complacency sets in. We forget all of the work put into dating. The flirting, the fun, the playfulness. It's really easy to forget to appreciate your partner - male or female - and I think that's what the sentiment of this is.
When we feel loved and appreciated, regardless of gender (or gender identity) it's easy to be less tweaked that we're the only ones that see that the trash needs to be taken out or that we're almost out of dog food. It's 2013. There's no reason my spouse can't pick up toilet paper at the store or throw in a load of towels. When we, as human beings don't feel loved, appreciated or wanted, the blobs of toothpaste left in the sink, or the hair in the shower drain can become bigger issues than they are and we stop overlooking the seemingly otherwise trivial things.
Covey calls this concept an "emotional bank account" and I think this poem is just a reminder that it's hard for a relationship of any kind (marriage, dating, common law, etc.) to function if one person is constantly overdrawn.0 -
A woman needs to feel desired, yes, and in other, equally shocking news, 2 + 2 = 4. LOL!0
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Here's the lesson to be learned:
If you love someone, TELL THEM. Build them up in day-to-day things. Don't just silently assume they know you appreciate them.0 -
Wow! This is great however I see it from another perspective as well. I have been married for 26 years to a wonderful man, my high school sweetheart, who works hard every day and I think this can apply to men also! They want to feel desired and act better, respond better and are generally happier when they are made to feel so. I'm still working on this but I do think it goes both ways (:0
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Why is this awesome thread being called sexist? If a woman (or a man for that matter) doesn't want to feel desired then that persons flame is gone and that is just sad. Maybe if he/she had felt more desired their flame within them wouldn't have died.
Nice thread OP
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Love this!!!0
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You took the words out of my mouth!!!0
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i disagree with this sexist piece of crap. i have no desire to feel desired. i want certain people to hate me. thank u
Because your 19 years old, I will overlook your surly, nasty attitude. I will also say that clearly this is written for married mothers. You are very welcome sunshine.:)
I don't think its written for married women. Everybody likes to feel desired. Heck, why are we on this site?
Its just that some folks will try to start an argument regarding their own personal agenda (in this case, that persons views about feminism and shoving her ideas to us). You can just ignore these noises0 -
One of the worst things I have done in previous relationships is not convey how much I appreciated and desired my partners. Then men I have been with suffered just as greatly as my ex-gf at my careless treatment of them.
This is a good piece and can be applied universally.0 -
One of the worst things I have done in previous relationships is not convey how much I appreciated and desired my partners. Then men I have been with suffered just as greatly as my ex-gf at my careless treatment of them. This is a good piece and can be applied universally.
I can tell who the kind souls in this thread are, and the angry folks.
Y'all know how who you are:
and :huh: respectively. 0 -
I don't see this as sexist at all. It's presenting one side of a relationship, the woman's. A man needs to feel desired, too. That's how relationships thrive. Without desire on either side, a marriage may survive, but what a sad existence, in my opinion.
I am married to my best friend and soul mate. We've been together for 23 years. I still desire him and he desires me. There is nothing more fun than flirting with him and letting him know that I find him very attractive. Nothing makes me smile bigger than when he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am.
He doesn't define me and I don't define him, instead we complement each other perfectly. And we find each other attractive still after all of these years.0 -
I don't like the implications that a woman needs some sort of approval from a man in order to be happy.
But I do think that a lot of people (not just women) thrive on approval or "desire", I guess, from other people in order to feel good about themselves. At least, I know I do. So yeah, while this might be slightly true, it's presented in a way that is kiiiiiind of sexist.
Approval and desire are not the same thing. Seeking approval from "other people" is not the same as wanting your significant other to desire you. While the post is written about a married woman, it could apply to women in any committed relationship.0 -
One of the worst things I have done in previous relationships is not convey how much I appreciated and desired my partners. Then men I have been with suffered just as greatly as my ex-gf at my careless treatment of them.
This is a good piece and can be applied universally.
^ This. I'll also say that some people seek to be offended and are best ignored.0 -
women AND men appreciate being desired.
It's JUST as important for a man to know you desire him...it is a two way street.
This is true. It feels so good to be wanted. I spent the last 5 years not feeling wanted, and that sucks. Much better now though...0 -
All people want to be desired by the ones they desire. If a partner makes constant remarks seeking to be desired, but then never returns the favor, there's something very wrong.
This happens all the time, and it is sad. A woman asks, "Do you think I'm pretty?" He responds, "Yes. You're beautiful and I love you." Then ten minutes later, the woman makes a "joke" about her fat slob husband not needing to be attractive to the opposite sex.
Or a man comes home late from work and the wife is standing at the door with his favorite cocktail wearing nothing but a pair of shoes, telling him how much she missed him, but he walks past her, never looking up from his iPhone because he's texting with his mistress.
What is wrong with me today????0 -
I don't see this as sexist at all. It's presenting one side of a relationship, the woman's. A man needs to feel desired, too. That's how relationships thrive. Without desire on either side, a marriage may survive, but what a sad existence, in my opinion.
I am married to my best friend and soul mate. We've been together for 23 years. I still desire him and he desires me. There is nothing more fun than flirting with him and letting him know that I find him very attractive. Nothing makes me smile bigger than when he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am.
He doesn't define me and I don't define him, instead we complement each other perfectly. And we find each other attractive still after all of these years.
Beautiful!0 -
I feel this thread is clearly indicative of a matriarchal society where men have to stifle their own self development and worth to devote time to ensure a woman feels desired and therefore repress their own needs for love.
I am outraged and will be writing a strongly worded letter to the Editor of the Daily Mail along these lines.0 -
This reminds me of that song by Joe so thanks!
Tell me what kind of man
Would treat his woman so cold
Treat you like you're nothin'
When you're worth more than gold
Girl, to me you're like a diamond
I love the way you shine
A hundred million dollar treasure
I'll give the world to make you mine
(La, la, la, la, la)
I'll put a string a pearls right in your hand
Make love on a beach of jet black sand
Outside in the rain we can do it all night
Out to tour the places he would not
And some you never knew would get you hot
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch
Baby, I wanna do
All of the things your man won't do
I'll do them for you (Whoa)
Baby, I wanna do (Hey)
All of (All of) the things your man won't do (Every little thing)
I'll do them for you (Yeah)
Bow chicka bow wow....0 -
I'm unmarried, no kids, and am a feminist.
And I enjoyed this poem. I think that yes, parts are sexist, and I think that yes, men also need to feel desired, and I think that this poem is written for straight, married with children couples, excluding everyone else, but... I enjoyed it.
And this part:
"and by listening to what she's saying
and then responding appropriately."
makes it sound pretty simple, but geeze it's hard to "respond appropriately" to me sometimes.0 -
Why is this awesome thread being called sexist? If a woman (or a man for that matter) doesn't want to feel desired then that persons flame is gone and that is just sad. Maybe if he/she had felt more desired their flame within them wouldn't have died.
Nice thread OP
Agree and very nice post OP0 -
I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.
I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.
I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.0 -
I can appreciate this.I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.
I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.
I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.0 -
I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.
I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.
I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.
And suppose this partner's desire wanes over the years, or the partner becomes overly comfortable and begins not show desire as much. Desire is easy to feel and convey in the beginning of a relationship. To keep it up day to day for many decades is not always so easy, especially when the demands of children and advancing careers, aging, etc. are thrown into the mix. Knowing yourself to be desirable does not guarantee that your partner will feel that desire.0 -
LIKE LIKE LIKE0
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Wow... no words.0
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I love this! Now how to get my husband to read it without being too obvious....0
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Men aren't supposed to need this, but in my experience, some version of this applies to men too. Everyone needs to feel essential.0
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Also women like to complain. And shop. Mostly complain though.0
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I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.
I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.
I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.
And suppose this partner's desire wanes over the years, or the partner becomes overly comfortable and begins not show desire as much. Desire is easy to feel and convey in the beginning of a relationship. To keep it up day to day for many decades is not always so easy, especially when the demands of children and advancing careers, aging, etc. are thrown into the mix. Knowing yourself to be desirable does not guarantee that your partner will feel that desire.
Well if course it's no guarantee that my partner will feel that desire. In fact I completely expect our fire for each other to burn at varying strengths at different times/circumstances through the years. That's just life. But whether or not I feel desirable isn't tethered to how my partner feels, so it's constant. And that makes me happy.0
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