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  • 2FatToRun
    2FatToRun Posts: 810 Member
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    As I kiddie I got smacked or spanked 3 times. Once for swearing, once for exploding a party popper in my sisters eye and once for telling lies... Notice how none of them were the same, it's because I learnt my lesson. I agree doing it to children at the age when they can understand the difference between right and wrong (for me that was 7 upwards). Unfortunately a few rely on it as a regular parenting technique and that's not great...


    TY for living in reality. The "abused" seem to think that disciplining your children is a black and white subject. I have never hit my children out of anger and every time I have popped them I warn them to watch it and ask them if they want me to pop them. If they decide to push me and test me and mouth off or do the action I warned them not to do they are consciously accepting the consequence of my hand across their little smart mouth or butt. But like I stated in an earlier post I can count the times my parents had to do that with me and the times I have done it with my 2 who are now 12 and 15 on both hands. I cant remmeber the last time I had to pop either one of them because now it is more about taking their stuff :laugh: They clearly know right from wrong (unlike when they were little) so I dont have to use poppin a hand or butt for them to see their actions/behavior are totally unacceptable.
  • 2FatToRun
    2FatToRun Posts: 810 Member
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    I really don't see any good excuse for striking a child. What extraordinary thing does it teach them that couldn't be taught using non-violent means?

    (And I say this as a parent who has spanked each of my children at some point. I regret what I did because it didn't solve anything - and actually created more problems, like them distrusting me and using violence on other kids when something didn't go their way. Modeling good behavior, calmly discussing problems, and really listening to them was much more worthwhile for shaping them to become responsible and caring adults.)

    My kids have never hit other kids out of anger because I taught them you only strike others in self defense. Anger for not getting your way is not acceptable behavior and they know if they do it they have to deal with me. They do not want to deal with me. I am the keeper and their life as they know it depends on my verdicts and sentencing. My daughter has only been in one fight and it was about a year ago when a group of girls cornered her when she walking to her friends house because one of the girls exboyfriend was now talking to my daughter. They all (3 girls same age 14) attacked her for her making a comment back to rebutt theirs calling her a slut. From what I hear she did pretty damn good for 3 against 1 and I praised her for sticking up for herself. Those 3 girls are on probation now. My daughter is sending in for information on Auburn University. My daughter knows to NEVER hit someone in anger and never has.

    Makes me wonder if any of those 3 girls ever had a spanking because their parents are an epic fail. Especially if that one girl is 14 worrying about a little boy she isnt even talking to. He got what he wanted and moved on. I will take my daughter over that kid any day. Kids reflect their parents. I would have loved to go and kick the parents face in but why? what good would it do? It wouldnt change anything. Would it make me feel better? Hell yes Is it worth going to jail? Hell no ..............consequences of actions.
  • roxyraw3
    roxyraw3 Posts: 5
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    I was spanked when I was naughty and I turned out just fine. I am emotionally healthy. I do not have any children. I totally disagree that spanking is child abuse - once I passed a certain age my mum started slapping my hands. To be honest, it probably didn't hurt but at that age the suspense is awful having to hold out your hands... I remember! lol

    I am working as a waitress while I study so I see an awful lot of children with their families and to be 100% honest, most children I see are not well behaved, thoughtless and rude. The parents say "ok your not having any dessert after the way you've behaved" and the child kicks up such a fuss about that the parents give sugar to save embarrassment and to get some peace. My mum would never have stood for it and I was well brought up enough to not have embarrassed her like it.

    There needs to be more discipline and natural respect. My boyfriend says his father rarely hit him as he was growing but he feared breaking the rules as he respected his father and also did not want to disappoint him... Anyhow, after that essay, my point is something needs to change!!
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    Growing up, my father's favorite discipline phrase with me was, "if you don't stop I'm going to beat your butt until you can't sit for a week!" 1/4 of the time, it was an empty threat, 3/4 of the time, I couldn't sit without pain for at least a day, sometimes up to three from being bent over my father's knee and repeatedly hit - out of anger - with a leather belt. Preschool we were punished with a wooden cutting board.

    I was afraid of my father growing up. The belt hung in our dining room, so we would see it constantly. I pushed my boundaries, and eventually rebelled. For the most part I'm fine now. I had a lot of anger issues growing up (I attribute them to seeing so much anger from my father), but since I moved away and only return home twice a year, I don't have them anymore.

    Some say my situation was abuse, others say it was spanking. All I know is that I've never hit anyone, I will refuse to spank my children when I have them, and it took a very, very long time for me to accept being smacked on the @ss out of love :laugh:
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
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    I have no qualms with spanking, I just didn't find it very effective with my kids. If they misbehaved, we stopped doing what we were doing. Period. It only took a few times of leaving a birthday party before the cake and presents, or leaving a full cart at the store to go home, or not being able to stay at a restaurant or park, to teach that we meant business.
    I tried spanking a few times, and it just made me feel like a bully. Also, we are raising girls to be women, and at some point, didn't want them to see themselves as "strike-able".
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
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    Just some levity on the topic....

    After my daughter had graduated college we were discussing this topic. She started laughing and told us that when she was little she used to think that the Bible verse telling parents "Spare the rod and spoil the child." actually was telling parents they were SUPPOSED TO spare the rod and they were SUPPOSED TO spoil the child. :laugh:
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    Disagree and agree. I dhave spanked my kids in very extreme cases, but by and large I think it is only mildly effective. I think being engaged with your kids and helping them understand the choices they make is much better than physical repramandation. That's to say, I see too many parents who let their anger get the best of them and resort to hitting a kid way too quicly.

    Most kids that end up like the ones in the picture are from disfunctional or broken families.
  • MissyBenj
    MissyBenj Posts: 186 Member
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    The only time I ever spank my children is when I'm at the end of my rope, their time outs aren't working and their attitudes are through the roof. It never hurts, but it's enough to bring them back to reality. I do not believe that spanking children will save them from being rotten adults. It requires a lot of patience, love, and teaching. You have lead by example, teach them how to be respectable human beings and stop trying to be their best friend.
  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
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    Honestly I think that form of discipline can lead to children being more aggressive as adults and can have a real effect on their relationships with their parents.

    My dad gave the best forms of punishment that made us really want to follow the rules more often than not. Essays on the Bible and Mathmatics, he also was amazing on giving the guilt trips that made you do what he wanted you to without ever really asking. Amazing man.

    Something that I use with my daughter is earnings and losses, at 4 years old she is learning the value of time, items and actions. Each bad action has a value and items or time spent without privileges like TV and her MobiGO. She has responded incredibly to it, I never really have to raise my voice at her either which is another positive that has come of it. I can sit her down and weigh the values of what she will lose by not doing the right thing and what she can gain by doing the right thing.

    So I certainly think that all forms of punishment have their pro's and con's I am not a person that thinks spanking is the best tactic, I think it should be a last resort.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    this again? ughhhh
  • m76b
    m76b Posts: 1,498 Member
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    I think child abuse makes adolescent delinquency more likely not less

    We are talking about spanking, not child abuse. There is a difference there.

    Spanking IS a form of child abuse in my opinion.

    This
  • CheriLMT
    CheriLMT Posts: 220 Member
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    I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them
    I totally agree with this...teach not to hit someone by hitting them...never gonna work
  • terrappyn
    terrappyn Posts: 324 Member
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    I know someone now that makes their 16 year old and 5 year old kneel in a corner on uncooked rice for ten minutes. That's just mean.

    When I was a kid my dad would do this (minus the rice, we had hardwoods) when my sister and I were fighting. Except we had to kneel face to face touching noses! His explanation we are sister and we will like each other! (says the man who has 5 siblings who don't talk to each other) Good lord was this torture. We still don't like each other so I know dont know how well it worked.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
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    iF you thinking spanking is a form of child abuse...I hope none of you EVER go to a third world country. Where I was born, not only the parents would hit you, but the teachers and the police LOL
  • kenzietate
    kenzietate Posts: 399 Member
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    I truly think it depends on the child. My mom only spanked me and my siblings when it was something life threatening like running in the street or the like. I know for a fact that my mom only had to spank me once when I was old enough to remember and I was so embarrassed (didn't hurt at all really) that I never did anything when I was threatened with that. My three siblings however had no problems with it at all. For my brother, putting him in time out where he could see mom but not get up worked the best. For my next sister sending her to her room and not allowing her to talk, for my youngest sister, send her to her room and don't let her read. It all depends on the child and the way it is handled. My mom never spanked to inflict pain, she spanked to get our attention and it never hurt. I personally was just a child prone to embarrassment so it worked on me. Spanking is a FAR cry from child abuse! Child abuse is a serious thing and crying child abuse over a spanking diminishes the view of true abuse!
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    I don't disagree with spanking, it's just not effective for my kids. I think the important thing is actually disciplining your children. It doesn't really matter what form it comes in as long as it is swift, meaningful and consistent they will learn what is and what is not acceptable in your house and in society.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    I don't disagree with spanking, it's just not effective for my kids. I think the important thing is actually disciplining your children. It doesn't really matter what form it comes in as long as it is swift, meaningful and consistent they will learn what is and what is not acceptable in your house and in society.

    I like this response. Spanking is not for every parent or every child, but it does work in a lot of cases.


    Thanks to whoever brought this back from the dead, lol I liked this thread.
  • nickyfm
    nickyfm Posts: 1,214 Member
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    Da *kitten*?

    My parents never laid a hand on me and we had minimal rules in my house. We could stay home from school whenever we wanted, and could basically do whatever.

    And you know what? My brother is a successful Account Manager in a massive Advertising agency in NYC, and I am completing my Masters and also am moving to NYC. And we are both good, genuine, honest people.

    We were RARELY punished, letalone hit. I owe it to my parents giving us the freedom they did. It was because of this that we had no desire to rebel, because there was nothing to rebel against! Sometime too strict a parent can cause children to turn out like that.

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