9 1/2 months and 100 pounds gone!

I promised myself that I would post my "story" when I lost 100 pounds. As it got close, I stated getting nervous; but, I am going to put myself out there in the hopes that this story will inspire at least one person to push through a rough patch and not give up. So here we go!

I have always been the "fat" one in my family and group of friends. In order to mask my insecurities, I used humor to hide my pain. Everyone always said, "you should be a comedian," when in actuality, they were looking at a very sad person. I feared situations in which I had to meet new people because I had NO self esteem! I always surrounded myself with family and friends who accepted me as I was. That in itself, was a blessing and a curse at the same time!

Last May, I went on vacation with my family. I was so excited to take this trip. I boarded the plane for my first time in First class! I felt like a princess until I went to buckle the safety belt and it didn't fit. In a moment of panic and humiliation, I had to admit to my dad that I needed help. I wanted to disappear because I felt like a true disappointment and embarrassment to him. The same situation occurred on the other three flights as well. My dad showed such compassion and acceptance and played it off as nothing, but in my world, it was sheer humiliation. The same situation occurred when my dad offered me a ride in his new corvette. I held the seatbelt as close to the latch as I could, but there was no way I could get it to latch. I again felt like an embarrassment.

These situations did not stop my cycle of self destruction! I went back to the life I was used to. When times were good, I ate. When times were bad, I ate. When I was bored, I ate. And these meals were more than just snacks...they could have fed 3 or 4 people! I was out of control!

As a second grade teacher, I often have to get my picture taken when my students make their First Communions. Last year, I got ready to go, and I felt like a million dollars, until I saw the picture from one of my parents. I was horrified and again felt totally humiliated at the sight of the woman in that picture, I was HUGE!

As summer vacation began, I continued on my same pattern of behavior. On June 12th, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while I was eating and I was truly disgusted. I didn't like the woman who was looking back at me. I didn't like her on the inside or the outside. I had to do something. I threw away what I was eating, put on a pair of shoes, and did 35 minutes of exercising on my gazelle machine...or what had been my coat rack for years! Then I began to keep an exercise and food journal. I made a vow to myself that I was going to do something about the mess of a woman that I had let myself become. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help or even share that I had made the decision to change my life. On June 15th, I decided to stop having fast food, and to cut down on pop and alcohol.

At the end of June, I finally included my dad in this journey I had begun. I asked him to go walking with me. We walked 4 miles, very slowly at about 20 minute miles. I pulled out of his driveway to go home and I sobbed the entire way home! I was in so much pain! My legs, feet, and back ached, and there was blood all over my feet from the blisters! What had I let myself become? I promised myself that I would not give up...no matter how much pain was involved.

I kept that promise to myself! A few days later, I went walking with a friend and did 5 1/2 miles. I began using an app on my phone to track my miles and I started to set realistic, small, attainable goals. I kept walking, I kept using my journal, and I kept watching my foods.

On July 8th, a friend told me about MFP. I joined that day! I went home to weigh myself but the scale kept giving an error. What a moment for my scale to be broken! Unfortunately that was not the case. The scale was not broken, it just didn’t go that high! I will never forget yet another moment of humiliation as I sat on the edge of the tub and sobbed, 299 pounds! Again I asked, "What have I let myself become?" I dried the tears, accepted the fact that I had an unimaginable task ahead of me, and I kept going.

As the weeks went on, the weight began to come off. I started meeting little goals. At 20 pounds, I bought a new pair of shoes. At 40 pounds I would get a new dress. At 55 pounds, I was going to buy a new piece of jewelry. It was like a fairytale story, right? Wrong! I met my 20 pound goal and I was thrilled! I was getting close to my 40 pound goal and my dad issued a challenge. He offered to buy my dress for me if I met my goal by a certain date. For the fashion diva, this was incentive! Unfortunately, I doubted myself. I was close to my goal, but I wasn't sure I would make it. I didn't want to be embarrassed yet again by failing, so I stopped eating for two days and worked out for hours each day. BIG MISTAKE!!! I hated myself for what I had done to get that dress and I promised myself that I would never pull that stupid stunt again!

I got back on track and continued to see results. I had set backs along the way when I was faced with people who were not supportive of my attempt to save myself. They made me question my ability to meet any more goals, they downplayed my hard work, and wouldn't even let me share my excitement or fears. As much as it hurt me, I had to distance myself from those people. I surrounded myself with friends who pushed me to keep working hard and I relied on my MFP friends to keep me on track.

So now we are in April. How did I get here? I just kept walking and doing aerobics videos! When I started this journey, I was doing 20 minute miles, and today, I am doing 13-14minute miles. I have walked over 1,000 miles to date! At the beginning, I could barely do 15 minutes of aerobics, but today I can go for over an hour! I used to stand up in front of my students with a fake, but very convincing smile that hid my pain and shame; but today, I stand before them stronger, more confident and happier than I have ever been. I can finally be the role model that my students deserve!

Are there still days that I feel discouraged and frustrated? YES! Are there days that I want to give up? YES! Are there days that I let others criticize me? YES! How do I get through these hard times? I cry my eyes out and then turn to my friends and move on. No one can take this accomplishment from me!

On July 8th I faced an unimaginable goal. I stood alone at 299 pounds. Today, I have officially lost 100 pounds and have seen a drop of 16.1 points from my BMI! I am not finished as I still have 9 pounds to hit my first goal. I WILL meet that goal, and then I will continue to strive to lose an additional 30 pounds. I will succeed.

To those of you who think you cannot do this, look at me! If I can do it...anyone can do it! This is not a quick fix. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time. We are on a journey that is filled with hills and potholes, stumbles and falls, and lots of blood sweat and tears. This is the journey of a lifetime. When you feel like you cannot keep going, turn to your MFP friends! Feel free to add me, I will do anything to motivate you to keep going. My MFP friends have seen me at my lowest and picked me up, and they have celebrated with me at my times of success. We are in the battle of our lives, and we will conquer the enemy.

That fake smile that hid my secret shame has been replaced by a genuine smile of the pride of a truly happy woman! Thank you for sharing in my story and my journey. It has been a wild ride!

This is from May 2012 - 299 pounds, size 24 W
[img][/img]


This picture was taken yesterday morning at 100 pounds lost! Size 16!
[img][/img]