My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
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My husband has never called me a fat @ZZ but we have had the uncomfortable talk about my weight going up 100 lbs since we met (I had serious back problems for over a year and got super depressed and ate my feelings). I felt humiliated and ashamed and went through the same feeling of hiding (not wanting to be looked at naked or touched) but that only made things worse. I have since taken off around 40 lbs but I am stalling now since the first of the year. ug. You should know that just because you have put on weight does not mean that he loves you any less (and if he does well f him in the a). I decided to get healthy for me and for our future together.
On a different note. My first husband called me a fat @zz and told me he was embarrassed to be scene with me, but he married me when I was fat so the logic was flawed. I felt so horrible about myself that I went and had a lap-band surgery done (which he screamed at me because I wasn't worth the money). When I woke up from surgery the first thing that I said to my surgeon was "as soon as I can lift anything heavier then a milk jug I am leaving him" I realized that I had done this surgery to make someone love me. He should have loved me and encouraged me and not been that guy that your girlfriends look at like "pig" (or other bad word).
So overall with the two very different experiences I have had, Love yourself and work on the things that you don't like about all aspects of you. If you spend time making yourself happy and healthy then things will fall into place. Don't be afraid to admit that it hurt your feelings and to discuss the changes that you want to make. Your a team in all things.0 -
F0
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I just don't understand why you would post something like this, and then expect people not to bash your husband, or you, for that matter for tolerating that kind of treatment...SMH...0
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Just break up.
Don't give marriage advice if you don't know their situation. Having a "give up" attitude is why 60% of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is not something to take lightly.0 -
Guess what ? You're still the same person he met before you got married. Don't let your relationship become superficial. You can knock the weight off in time!! Your treatment of each other should rise above that!! Don't let it deter you from your goal. As far as fasting, your body may react differently when you go into "starvation" mode. Just try to burn enough calories each day so that you are under your calorie count. And watch your diet. It'll take some time, but you'll be glad you took the time when you reach your goal! Keep your head up.... you're on a mission!
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
I agree with both statements. My husband and I are both overweight but when we're in a heated discussion, weight never comes up, its not fair to use it. And quite frankly despite everything, you did marry for better or worse, sicker or poorer whether those were your vows or not. A marriage is only successful if there is mutual respect, love and support. Good luck. I hope you can work through this. Forgiveness, especially in a case like this, is something hard to do. Hopefully your husband realizes his mistake.0 -
thats bs
not eating will harm u though
slap him in th e face and dont cook for him0 -
Oh, my heart breaks for you. This is so not right. I suggest counseling. Getting angry or upset with your partner happens, but there needs to be boundaries. Name calling or belittling only adds to the fire.Not a good way to argue. So don't excuse his behavior away.
And you aren't secure in his love for you (no wonder!) Again, counseling.0 -
From you picture you are a beautiful lady and NOBODY needs to be treated like that. Best advice, keep on trying, keep on trying, keep on trying...it will work. Best of luck and remember you don't have to take it...0
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Absolutely correct! I agree with this post one hundred percent! There is a book's worth of psychology in what transpired between you and your husband. I can't even begin to write what I want because I am "working"...but counseling is a great place to start. And, while words are hurtful and can't be taken back, and trust can be shattered in the blink of an eye, my mother always told me, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!" I think that means that physically you are okay...be strong and remember that others don't dictate your strength and value as a person!0
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My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.
If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.
Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.
Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is
I am so sorry for your pain. What your husband said is unacceptable but I agree that you need to tell him how badly he hurt you and that you won't tolerate it. If you don't address it now, you're going to do irreparable damage to yourself and your self esteem. I was with my husband for six years and while he never said anything that blatantly mean, his little comments eventually made me feel really badly about myself and in the end, he left me because he said I wasn't confident anymore which made me in attractive. As for not wanting him to see you naked, I don't blame you!! He doesn't DESERVE to! I wish I had some good advice for what to do, but all i can say is that if you decide that losing weight is the answer, then make sure you're doing it because that's what YOU want. If you lose weight for him, he'll just find something else to criticize.0 -
My mom always told me to not get into the habit of calling each other names, even when being playful, because it makes it that much easier to call each other names when you are angry. What he said is unacceptable. I agree with what somebody else said, he should sleep on the couch after that. But I also agree that you should seek counseling. If he won't go, go without him.0
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I have been married to the same guy for 30 years. My word we have had some really big knock down drag out fights. No one who has been married that long has had a walk in the park with a marriage. But I can honestly say my Husband has never not once called me an ugly name. I would not tolerate it. I think I would throw something at his head. (Not telling you to do so) He has the problem NOT YOU! If you put up with that type of emotional and verbal abuse I have to wonder what will be next, a fist? Stop the abuse now before it gets worst.0
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Just break up.
Don't give marriage advice if you don't know their situation. Having a "give up" attitude is why 60% of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is not something to take lightly.
The problem isn't people GIVING UP on marriages too easily. The real problem is that people don't necessarily really KNOW the person that they married. I found out after 3 years of marriage that my husband was a drug addict and had been since before we met. Sometimes people are much better liars and manipulators than you could ever think possible and you just don't know a person as well as you thought you did. Some people are meant to be given up on because they are insecure themselves and are not in a position to have any kind of relationship with any human being, let alone be committed to a spouse. My POV is to give it time and try to fix things, but at a certain point you have to recognize when there's nothing left to save and just quit while your ahead (or at least less far behind than you will be if you stay). Just my .020 -
OK...he is young. He was angry. He said hurtful, unforgivable things. What should you do?
First, EAT. I know you don't feel like it, but your body needs nutrition. Feed it some good healthy fruits and vegetables and whole grains.
Second, use this as incentive to change. Not for him, but for your own self-esteem and piece of mind. And whenever you slip or things get tough and you want to give up, remember why you are on this journey to change.
Third, go for a walk or a run or a swim, or whatever form of activity YOU enjoy. Release those endorphins! Feel better!
Fourth, forgive. Talk to your husband when things have smoothed over. Explain to him how his hurtful words made you feel. Let him know that he better never speak to you like that again, no matter how angry he is. You are his wife, not his doormat.
*HUGS!*0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
I AGREE! You get married because you love some ONE, not some BODY. In the 16 years I was married to my wife (she's deceased) her weight was all over the board from a size 10 to a size 24 and back again. I NEVER saw the weight, just the beautiful person that I comitted to share my life with. You have to decide where your weight is comfortable for YOU but there are some serious under lying issues that will continue until the two of you get some counseling.0 -
This is long, but PLEASE take the time to read it... I think it can help.
You've gotten tons of responses but in cases like these, more words of encouragement NEVER hurt.
I have been in your exact situation, only I had only gained about 20 lbs, and my fiance was very turned off... He didn't even want to kiss me as often, much less have sex.
Here's the thing, though...
Change can't happen for someone else. Comments & realizations cant be catalysts, but they won't keep you motivated, nor will they help you to reach what should be your ultimate goal: self love, acceptance, & healthfulness.
I definitely recommend working on making healthier decisions, not only for yourself, but for your marriage. I know a lot of people will probably want to blast your husband for his comments, and while I agree that he went about things the WRONG way, he was trying (poorly) to express something that was important to him.
It IS okay for that to be important to your significant other, but I think it would be prudent of you to have a calm discussion with him telling him that you understand his concerns, but that you wish he had approached the subject in a more sensitive way. Not saying he has to be some sappy romantic girl version of your perfect mate, just saying he should take care of the words he uses and be mindful that sometimes they can have the opposite effect of what's intended.
Now... for you...
LOVE YOURSELF. Accept that you have made some poor decisions regarding your health & seek to change those habits FOR YOUR BENEFIT. The comments he made have caused you to feel insecure (which is why you don't feel comfortable having sex with him, etc) but the only person in control of your emotions is you. That's a tough pill to swallow, I know from experience, but it is true. Don't let his comments dictate your self worth. You can accept your mistakes (and his) and still love yourself, so go find some kind of distraction or hobby or exercise that makes you feel good about yourself (try zumba, it burns A TON of calories & makes me feel like I've accomplished so much every time I finish a session--even if it's only 25 minutes instead of an hour).
In the meantime. Love your husband. Forgive him whether he asks for it or not (again, this is for YOUR benefit), and focus on all the reasons you chose to marry him in the first place. Focus on those positives & use positive reinforcement for your own insecurities and I promise, making love will become enjoyable and desirable again in no time.
Feel free to message me ANY time for support or advice or even just to vent. I hope this helps.
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My heart goes out to you. I think those that say there is no reason for that is mistaken, there is always a reason. Usually reasons that well balenced people can't think of or understand. That said, I think everyone deserves respect till proven otherwise. It seems this may not have been your first disagreement and probably not the first name calling encounter. 4 Months married... I don't think this bodes well for your future. First, you have to act the person you want to be treated as. Then you will be. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone except yourself. I agree with those that tell you not to starve. I think that is unhealthy and any weight loss follower will agree it is more harmful physically in the end than a few pounds at the first. Follow what they prescribe here on this site and you'll be fine in that regard. As to him, the new husband, looks like your getting some early signs of a marriage that isn't going to be successful without some intervention. I wouldn't go on to much longer with that behavior without showing him the door.0
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The original post was from January. Hopefully this person has either moved on from this guy or the worked it out and he grew up....
She's the one who revived it today out of the blue, picking up where it left off 3 months ago, like nothing's changed. Weird.
Missing the attention perhaps?0 -
Terrible
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Although the argument happened it is no excuse for causing such pain, they can be done in a manner in which insults and name calling are left out. That being said, forgiveness is a powerful thing and it sounds like you can show that kind of grace. My experience with cleansing is that it needs some food, fruits and veggies have tons of vitamins, minerals and fiber and will make you feel better and increase the energy. Go online and look up cleansing and you will find many options. I am sure you will find one that works for you.
Try talking to you husband when heads are cooler and let him know how much his words hurt. He may be feeling as bad as you are for saying such things. Also, you are able to be beautiful no matter what your size, so be sure you are willing and truly wanting to change and that you are not just reacting to his words. Reactionary weight loss may only lead to a yo-yo effect on your weight. Trust me, I KNOW! God Bless and I will pray for you and your husband as you confront these challenges together.0 -
Doesn't matter if he's younger than you or not. He's obviously ugly on the inside to say a filthy thing like that to someone he is supposed to love. That would have been the point where his balls met my knee and my lawyer.0
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My guess is he said it more because he knew it would hurt you, not necessarily that he thinks that.
My husband called me fat once, this was about 1.5 years ago (yes that long ago and I still remember it) and it was in the middle of an argument, and he said it because he was in the wrong (about what we were fighting about) and a jab he could take that he KNEW would hurt me was about my weight.
We've discussed it a few times since it happened and it really had NOTHING to do with my weight, he had to do with him sinking to the lowest form of fighting and just reaching for anything he knew he could throw at me, because he knew it bugged me, not that it bugged him.0 -
You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.0
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Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
+1, really. I don't have to read more I guess, this already says it all.0 -
Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.
You're not serious are you?? She comes on here and vents about something that happen to her and people need to mind their own business? It would be a very empty thread then...
But yeah, I also hope that OP made good decisions for herself.0 -
AmenKick him in the taint. Problem solved.0 -
I would not stayed with anybody who will talk to me like that ; You need to think about what is next because it sounds to me he's not really matured ! I agreed with this comment also .I am sorry that this is happening to you but you should not deal with verbal abuse. I would see a counselor with him and if it does not improve leave. I know thats not what you want in a new relationship but verbal abuse is still abuse. No one should ever make you feel that way. Feel free to message me add me whatever Im good at listening0 -
Did you divorce the preschooler yet?0
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