Husband's attitude
MIM49
Posts: 255 Member
Husband wants to meet my daughter and her SO at Pizza Hut for dinner. The pizza he wants (the Crazy cheesy crust pepperoni pizza) is 390 cals/slice. To me--not worth the cals for the amount of food. Frankly, I will still be hungry. So I asked if we could stop at Subway on the way and I would get a chicken salad--150 cals for a filling meal. Pizza Hut will not care if I bring a salad--if they even noticed. I do not mind not eating pizza. He threw a fit. Said I don't need to diet all the time and can eat a pizza--it won't hurt me. No, it won't hurt me--but I will feel more deprived with 1 piece when I would want 2 or 3. I have lost a lot of weight--not as fast as I would like because we do eat out a lot but I try to pick a healthy calorie conscious meal when we do eat out. I still have 75 pounds to go but more important to me I want to lose 4 pounds to get out of the 200's. I absolutely cannot remember the last time I weighed under 200 pounds. This is so important to me. So now he says if I can't eat pizza he is going to cancel and we will just stay home. Laying on the guilt. And now being overall nasty. Also said "why don't you just do an hour exercise and burn some extra calories so you can enjoy pizza." If I am going to do that I want the extra calories burned to go toward the 4 pounds I want off. Pizza is just so not worth it to me. Am I being selfish?
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Replies
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I'm not sure why he sounds so angry about it. Have you considered just getting a side salad from pizza hut and eating it with one slice of pizza. That will help you fill up better, and everyone can enjoy their meal.0
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He sounds unsupportive. He needs an attitude check. He needs to realize that you actually care so much about your health and want to be the best version of you, you wish to be. (and spouses tend to be the immediate beneficiaries of a much sleeker mate *rawr*)
He's got a mental malfunction.
I don't get him.
My lady is getting in shape with me. We support each other. Cook the meals we need, do the exercises that benefit us both. (we switched from one to another, because it was too hard on her knees) When she needs a hand, I am there. When she is a weak, I am strong. And visa-versa. And that's what he should be for you. That's a real spouse, a husband. Tell him I SAID SO.0 -
I'm not sure why he sounds so angry about it. Have you considered just getting a side salad from pizza hut and eating it with one slice of pizza. That will help you fill up better, and everyone can enjoy their meal.
That will work if this Pizza Hut has salads. We live in the boonies and I don't see one listed on their website which is why I just thought to bring one. I will call and check. I wish I understood his attitude, however. If I don't mind NOT eating it, why should he care?0 -
First of all: congratz on the amazing weight loss!! Such a great accomplishment.
I don't know what your history is, what you have been like the past months losing all the weight. Did you lose weight without a single "cheat" meal?
Maybe he is upset that he can no longer enjoy certain foods you used to enjoy together? Maybe he is frustrated that you can't just have a quick, nice lunch with the family without having to pay attention to calories all the time. I would understand that if that is the case. I would go crazy if my SO would constantly be talking/counting calories and we couldn't just go for a quick bite or enjoy some Micky D's or Chinese without me thinking about how many calories I'll be consuming.0 -
I'm not sure why he sounds so angry about it. Have you considered just getting a side salad from pizza hut and eating it with one slice of pizza. That will help you fill up better, and everyone can enjoy their meal.
That will work if this Pizza Hut has salads. We live in the boonies and I don't see one listed on their website which is why I just thought to bring one. I will call and check. I wish I understood his attitude, however. If I don't mind NOT eating it, why should he care?
Is he usually this irrational about your diet, or is this out of character for him? Maybe it's his time of the month?0 -
You are not being selfish! I can't have just one slice of pizza. Heck, if I had one slice, I would end up eating the whole pie at one sitting!
Is your husband feeling threatened by your weight loss? Has he always been this unsupportive of your journey to a healthier you or just recently?0 -
dude needs to chill
Tell him if he can't behave like a grown up, you'll go to dinner with your daughter and her SO without his *kitten*.0 -
Hell no!!!!!!! Your not being selfish.first of all do you mind if I ask what kinda shape is he in?????? I think that you have a right to put in your body what you want and I think he should be damn proud of you that you are trying to make healthier food choices, do not give in to his tantrums.... I repeat..DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS TANTRUMS,,!!!!!!!!!! Stand your ground and if you need to ask your daughter to stop at subway on their way to Pizza Hut and pick up the sandwich of your choice.. Don't let hubby bully you...if he wants to cancel the outing because of this then maybe he should be the one not going and you go out with your dsughter.???????????? let us.know the outcome of this.......alicia0
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Say no.
Say "I don't eat that anymore."
No.
NO.
NO.
For comparison, what if you were a vegan or a vegetarian and the dinner included meat? You would just say "No, I don't eat that."
Do the same thing here.0 -
Personally, I think it's rude and tacky to bring food you have purchased elsewhere into a restaurant. Maybe that's why he's upset. Maybe he thinks it is poor etiquette.0
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Amen....did you read what I told her???0
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just go out and enjoy yourself and get back on track tomorrow, a couple of slices of pizza is not going to kill you and I do believe that pizza hut does have a lighter menu and not all will be on line.0
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No, he's being a d***head.
Unless you care about weight loss, about bodyfat, you're GOING to have that additude, and he obviously doesn't care about controlling calories.
I feel the same way about high powered foods. Bread with fat and fatty protein on top? why don't I just down a can of reddi whip and top it off with some fried carbs, just so I can get EXTRA bloated.
One slice of that stuff equals an entire MEAL for me in calories. I would have to eat 2 or 3 to feel full though.. which is an entire day's worth of calories in one meal.
He should respect you enough to allow you to choose, to support you, *kitten* he should be encouraging you become healthier!!! We all do!
If you don't want it, don't eat it. Isn't that one of the ways we all got here in the first place?0 -
You aren't being selfish at all. And yes he needs to grow up. You aren't asking him to be part of your eating changes, you aren't even really asking for his support.
Do as you wish, and let him know if he continues to throw tantrums dinners out will be at the salad all you can eat from now on.
See if he tries to smuggle pizza in there.0 -
You'd perhaps be a little selfish if you were not going out to eat with him or forcing him to stick to what you prefer to eat.
Your plan sounds totally reasonable and I think you should talk to him as he's supposed to be supportive, not kick up a fuss for no reason.
Could it be that perhaps he thinks you're getting too thin or he's secretly worried you're losing too much? Just an idea...0 -
I don't think that's what he thinks...he doesn't seem that smart to even think like that0
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dude needs to chill
Tell him if he can't behave like a grown up, you'll go to dinner with your daughter and her SO without his *kitten*.
This. He's being a brat. Tell him he can stay home if you eating a salad is so offensive.0 -
My husband used to have a similar attitude when I declined to eat what he was eating. He finally explained that he felt guilty eating foods that he knows that I really like in front of me. Then the guilty feelings ruined his enjoyment of the food too. He knew he shouldn't blame me for ruining his fun, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself.
Now I let him know how excited I am about whatever food I am going to eat so he can eat his meal guilt free.0 -
Your Note being selfish or unreasonable at all! They do usually have salads so may you can get one there? Frankly I'd tell him with thatattitude iI'd rather not go out with you, so we will cancel it then. He can learn from that if he wishes. I'm. Currently. 208lbs and so excited for Onederland too. Sounds like he's getting very insecure which is never pretty.
For the above poster, I don't agree with what you said. I'd love to have a partner that. Took care of themselves. Cannot understand the mentality of someone getting mad about that. Your not stopping him eating the pizza, his issue is clearly you not eating it. For me there's got to be issues on his behalf.
Maybe you need to talk with him and tell him that you'd appreciate him being more supportive, t ll him how much it means to you and also massage his ego a little and tell him how much you love him. If he doesn't respond to that we'll I'd just refuse to go out and eat with him to be honest!
Zara0 -
Maybe he is frustrated that you can't just have a quick, nice lunch with the family without having to pay attention to calories all the time. I would understand that if that is the case. I would go crazy if my SO would constantly be talking/counting calories and we couldn't just go for a quick bite or enjoy some Micky D's or Chinese without me thinking about how many calories I'll be consuming.
^^This was my initial thought--he's annoyed that you can't just go to the pizza place without being concerned with calorie counting, diet, etc.
I think eating a slice of the pizza and having a salad is a good compromise. I don't like to be the weirdo at a social gathering not eating, or bringing food from outside. Sometimes I have to, but if it's possible to NOT do that, I'd much rather just go with the flow. See if you can work something out. Perhaps there's some better choice as far as the pizzas are concerned? I don't know. I'd just try to figure a way to make it work for you and for the husband, so your diet isn't the focus of the evening.0 -
I'd be so annoyed with him I wouldnt order ANYTHING just for spite and make him REALLY mad ha ha0
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Is he overweight too? Is he maybe afraid you might get thin and fit while he doesn't and is afraid you'll start seeing him as a loser? Or is he afraid he might lose you once you become so skinny and attractive and confident that other guys go after you - or you might become "too good" for him?
Whatever his reasons... He's being selfish and unsupportive. Don't let that derail you. Stick to your goals!!0 -
You need to "learn" to eat at these places, you could have had a salad.
The feeling of eating properly when the you want to indulge is a wonderful
feeling.
This journey has to be about you and no one else.
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Um, get your *kitten* together, eat a piece of pizza, and be hungry for the night. You're being a drama queen and your husband is being reasonable. I don't see the dilemma here.0
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It sounds like there's another issue going on here. Maybe talk it out and get to the bottom of it?
From your side of the story, you're not being selfish at all. You have goals, and they are important to you. I really think your husband should respect that honestly. I feel that losing weight is more about changing mentality than it is anything else, and it seems like you have a different mindset than him when it comes to eating out.
When I started cleaning my diet, I started noticing right way that I craved unhealthy food less and less. This doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with my diet, it means that I've started enjoy eating healthy, and making healthy choices has become part of who I am. I'll still enjoy something unhealthy every once in a while, but my standards for quality "cheat meals" have gone up. Like you, I feel they have to be worth it, and they can't be something I feel bad for eating. I also appreciate the people who want to share a meal with me, but are conscious of my goals and habits.
You have a great mindset because you're already making plans to avoid a situation anyone who wants to lose weight wouldn't want to be in, without making it inconvenient for anyone else.0 -
Maybe he is upset that he can no longer enjoy certain foods you used to enjoy together? Maybe he is frustrated that you can't just have a quick, nice lunch with the family without having to pay attention to calories all the time. I would understand that if that is the case. I would go crazy if my SO would constantly be talking/counting calories and we couldn't just go for a quick bite or enjoy some Micky D's or Chinese without me thinking about how many calories I'll be consuming.
Congratulations on your weight loss journey. You've nailed this and will continue to your goal weight.
I think that perhaps the above comment is true. Perhaps your husband just wants to enjoy a family night together without diets and restrictions. Just a fun time for everyone, including yourself.
Sometimes its important to look at the big picture. Would 2-3 slices of high-cal pizza ruin your weight loss week, if you planned some extra fitness into the upcoming week? Could you still lose these 4 important pounds and enjoy a guilt-free evening with family? You've come a long way and learned a lot about control and food. You can balance this evening into your goals.0 -
I'd be so annoyed with him I wouldnt order ANYTHING just for spite and make him REALLY mad ha ha
That would just ruin it for everybody though. pizza hut has more than just pizza, I am sure she can find something. To the OP you could eat before you go and just have a side dish when you get there.0 -
I won't say any thing about selfisnesh.
But the truth is that in a family, a decision must be made with all the members involved, to their benefit.
So when a place to go out is chosen, it must be convenient for all parts.
Your choices should be respected. As well as if your daugther boyfriend was vegetarian or vegan, the 4 of you should choose a place where he could find what to eat. You don't live in the middle of nowhere, there are plenty of classy or casual restaurant to eat.
There are 4 people going out, not only you and your husband. You 4, not only one person, should have picked the best place for everyone.
On another tone, as far as I know, Pizza Hut also has salads. You could just take one without the dressing. In my country for example there is a choice of green salad, one salad with veggies and feta cheese and another one is Caesar salad.0 -
Um, get your *kitten* together, eat a piece of pizza, and be hungry for the night. You're being a drama queen and your husband is being reasonable. I don't see the dilemma here.
This was kind of my thought too...except I decided against posting it myself...and probably would have worded it differently.
And why will you be hungry later if you eat pizza? Isn't hunger primarily a response to inadequate calories? And if the pizza gives you the calories you need, then you won't be hungry, right? (Or even if you are, you won't need to eat because your calorie needs will have been met.)0 -
Husband wants to meet my daughter and her SO at Pizza Hut for dinner. The pizza he wants (the Crazy cheesy crust pepperoni pizza) is 390 cals/slice. To me--not worth the cals for the amount of food. Frankly, I will still be hungry. So I asked if we could stop at Subway on the way and I would get a chicken salad--150 cals for a filling meal. Pizza Hut will not care if I bring a salad--if they even noticed. I do not mind not eating pizza. He threw a fit. Said I don't need to diet all the time and can eat a pizza--it won't hurt me. No, it won't hurt me--but I will feel more deprived with 1 piece when I would want 2 or 3. I have lost a lot of weight--not as fast as I would like because we do eat out a lot but I try to pick a healthy calorie conscious meal when we do eat out. I still have 75 pounds to go but more important to me I want to lose 4 pounds to get out of the 200's. I absolutely cannot remember the last time I weighed under 200 pounds. This is so important to me. So now he says if I can't eat pizza he is going to cancel and we will just stay home. Laying on the guilt. And now being overall nasty. Also said "why don't you just do an hour exercise and burn some extra calories so you can enjoy pizza." If I am going to do that I want the extra calories burned to go toward the 4 pounds I want off. Pizza is just so not worth it to me. Am I being selfish?
One more comment. Your husband is acting like a tyrant. Why would he threaten to cancel dinner if you don't eat pizza? It's really none of his business what you eat. Stick to your guns. You've lost 106 pounds, have a lot to go, and are a food addict trying to get your life back. Call the Pizza Hut and find out if there is anything healthy you can eat -- if not, eat at home, go there, and have an iced tea while everybody else eats.
To make another comparison, I quit smoking years ago, which was a grueling experience because I loved cigarettes. I knew I was an addict and for 6 months wouldn't go around anybody or anyplace where I would smell smoke. You are the addict here, taking your life back. Never forget that. If you feel you can't handle eating pizza, don't be bullied into it.0
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