Husband's attitude

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Replies

  • EvilFeevil
    EvilFeevil Posts: 95 Member
    Short answer: No, you're not being selfish.

    Long answer: He doesn't need to throw a hissy fit about it; spouses should be supportive. You're not being selfish but if it were me I would just compromise and find something on the menu that I could eat (before he argued; I'm not sure what my attitude would be after he complained, ha ha!). It takes 3,500 calories to make a pound and even if you go over your daily calories a little one day it won't make you gain.

    I had to go out to eat with my hubby and my stepson to meet his new girlfriend's parents a week ago and didn't know about it until the last minute, plus they picked the place, which was Five Guys (burgers!!). I had no choice but to go and because I didn't know about it ahead of time I couldn't plan my eating throughout the day around that meal so I just said to heck with it, I've never eaten there, I'm going to enjoy the smallest burger they have and go over my calories for one night (and it was a delicious burger!). No big deal.

    I've even read that occasionally going over your calories (no more than once a week) can actually speed up your metabolism but I wouldn't plan my life around any "cheat days", I just wouldn't stress out too much about them. Also, I find if I go over a day or two a little bit as long as my net calories for the week hit the goal number, then I'm still within my plan.

    Good luck and I hope your husband drops his attitude; it can't help you to have someone going against your healthy eating plan. You're probably already craving stuff and having someone be pushy about it is counter-productive.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    His annoyance at your diet is somewhat understandable. However his attempts to force you to do things his way is unacceptable
  • Lovlilyn
    Lovlilyn Posts: 79 Member
    Say no.
    Say "I don't eat that anymore."
    No.
    NO.
    NO.

    For comparison, what if you were a vegan or a vegetarian and the dinner included meat? You would just say "No, I don't eat that."
    Do the same thing here.

    Yeah, but if she were a vegetarian, she could get vegetable pizza - it's not what she's eating (or not eating), but where, etc.

    I don't think you are being selfish. I maybe would have checked out the salad situation first - I thought all Pizza Huts offered salad, some of them a really nice salad bar. I would agree with others that it sounds like something beyond the pizza is going on here, and maybe after everyone has had their fill of pizza, you can address it :-)
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Asking for relationship advice on the interwebs?

    Talk to your husband and work it out. You're both adults and married to each other.
  • katietigar
    katietigar Posts: 9
    Pizza Hut is an opportunity to eat some fat and salt loaded with some fat and salt and more fat and salt with a little sugar probably thrown in. I think a bigger question might be, "In a world of overeating and engineered foods why shouldn't the family all make a choice to meet somewhere healthier? Send a message to each other that family time is healthy. Why not all go to Subway where he can get an Italian Meatball Sub with extra extra cheese if that is what he chooses? And if that is what he chooses then let it be.

    I am of the if I eat one slice I will eat another and the next day I will eat a box of cookies variety, so that option does not exist for me. If it exists for you - great, but if it doesn't it is hard to have a partner question why not just this once. If you were a recovering alcoholic would he want to meet the family at a bar and tell you that you could just have one drink?
  • monizjm
    monizjm Posts: 92 Member
    He sounds like my boyfriend. They MUST be related. Maybe he's like mine...can't handle inconveniences. Yes us being on a diet is a HUGE inconvenience for the unsupportive. Tell him to shove it up his (beep) and you do what is BEST for you. Don't let him hold you back/down. Just saying.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    I can understand both points of view. Like you said, you don't remember the last time you were under two hundred pounds. I can so agree with you on that! I'm in the same situation. He probably just wants you to eat the same thing they're going to and enjoy it. I'm sure he means well by it. Overall, the decision is up to you, and if you want a salad, make him understand that.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    Mine has that sort of additude at times but he can eat anything and not gain an ounce while i cant do that he doesnt get the reasoning behind why these things are a bad idea. I will be done eating for the day then he orders a pizza and beer and gets mad when i dont want either lol
  • DancingDreams1234
    DancingDreams1234 Posts: 165
    NO, YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH. You have lost 100 pounds, 100 flippin pounds! THAT'S DEDICATED MA'AM. You want this, you want to get healthier right? Your husband should be supportive of you, and not freak out if refuse to eat pizza. You know what, I don't know what to say, just no you are not being selfish, and two you don't lget discouraged. Also have a talk with your husband.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    It is pretty tacky to bring in food from another restaurant from another. They can kick you out for doing that. Pizza Hut has some salad options. One meal off your plan won't hurt you. It could even help if you have been really strict for a long time. One meal isn't the end of the world. Is it really worth it to alienate your family over a piece of pizza?
  • aims_86
    aims_86 Posts: 74
    Firstly, very well done on your weight loss! Such an inspiration for everyone else!

    Secondly, I'm sorry everyone here has insulted your husband!!

    Yes he is in the wrong but maybe WE need to chill & remember this is her other half!

    Could you perhaps order your own pizza? Or share one with your daughter? Perhaps have some fruit or veggies before you go? Soup? Or just go yourself to subway now & get your salad to take in? Perhaps go for a walk or workout before you go so you can eat more perhaps?

    Maybe he is feeling a little disgruntled as he finds he needs to readjust his lifestyle and eating habits to fit yours. My boyfriend still gives me mounds of food & he doesn't realise I don't need as much food as him!

    Remember though, if you do eat more than one slice then it's not the end of the world. Don't associate food with negativity & guilt. Go out and have a treat meal, then back to it tomorrow.

    I try to be objective & think about possibilities around situations. I'm having a Chinese takeaway tonight. I can't wait & not gonna feel guilty about it.
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    I can't get past the part about wanting to meet your daughter and her significant other<3. What a nice event!
  • purrmeow
    purrmeow Posts: 10 Member
    You'd perhaps be a little selfish if you were not going out to eat with him or forcing him to stick to what you prefer to eat.

    MTE. It would be one thing if she said, "I can't eat pizza, so no one can!" or just stayed home instead of spending time with the family, but she made a compromise. She'll still be eating with them and spending time together, they'll just be eating different things.
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Sometimes, it's not about the pizza. Perhaps it's about having a fun visit with the family. One day will not derail all of your stellar efforts, I know you can practically taste "onederland", but it WILL happen as you will make sure of it, sometimes the gathering of loved ones can be as important as your fitness goals.
  • Leslietheriot
    Leslietheriot Posts: 303 Member
    This is the kind of thing I fight with my husband over. If I want to stay unhealthy and over weight then I will just keep eating the way I was before I lost the weight. If I want to keep losing weight and be healthy then I will eat healthy things! Like I said before, would you ask a vegetarian to eat meat for just one day??? hell no...so why would you ask me to change my lifestyle of healthy eating for just one day? Keep doing what you are doing honey and don't worry about what anyone else has to say about it. Get that salad and lose those 4 pounds! You have lost over a hundred already, you know what works for you!
  • terriejones
    terriejones Posts: 518 Member
    Yes the pizza is delicious, high in cals and fat, and not that healthy. And one slice doesn't fill you up very much. Why don't you plan to go and eat one slice, very slowly. Before you leave the house, have a nice low calorie "mini meal", that will take the edge off your appetite. And drink lots of water and talk a lot while you're there, it will keep your mouth busy.

    Congratulations on that tremendous weight loss. And try not to be too frustrated, there's always going to be someone trying to mess us up.
  • c2sky
    c2sky Posts: 487 Member
    Most salads at most restaurants are not very heatlhy or filling, so while a pizza hut salad might curb your hunger just a bit, it probably won't give you the nutrition you need. I imagine there are more veggies in subways, and more choices with what to garnish it.

    My concern is why do you need his permission? Just go ahead and eat something before, then enjoy some water and conversation. Do you need to eat when they eat?

    This is what I've done before, and it's not an issue as much.
  • Bubblevixen
    Bubblevixen Posts: 78 Member
    dude needs to chill

    Tell him if he can't behave like a grown up, you'll go to dinner with your daughter and her SO without his *kitten*.

    Totally this!

    Your choice of what you put into your body doesn't affect what he chooses to put into his body. You've done awesomely to get where you are now. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have a partner who isn't totally supportive of your decisions.

    Stick to what YOU want to eat. You shouldn't be pressurized into eating something you'll feel guilty for later.
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
    Sometimes, it's not about the pizza. Perhaps it's about having a fun visit with the family. One day will not derail all of your stellar efforts, I know you can practically taste "onederland", but it WILL happen as you will make sure of it, sometimes the gathering of loved ones can be as important as your fitness goals.

    QFT!

    It sounds to me like frustration on his part. Its not always about our weight loss (in this case its about your family). But when its something that's important to you, you tend to get hyperfocused on it and it consumes you. He's probably reacting to what he perceives is selfishness on your part. Is it actually selfish?? Maybe a little bit. But remember, part of the journey is navigating iffy menus and social situations. One day won't derail your efforts; show some self control, eat a piece of pizza, enjoy your family. If you are really concerned about over eating, eat extra at lunch or before you go.

    I wouldn't bring in food from somewhere else. It's tacky.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    personal pan with lots of veg!
  • jeolds
    jeolds Posts: 104 Member
    I'm not sure why he sounds so angry about it. Have you considered just getting a side salad from pizza hut and eating it with one slice of pizza. That will help you fill up better, and everyone can enjoy their meal.

    That will work if this Pizza Hut has salads. We live in the boonies and I don't see one listed on their website which is why I just thought to bring one. I will call and check. I wish I understood his attitude, however. If I don't mind NOT eating it, why should he care?

    I haven't been to one in the small towns in awhile, but they used to have a salad bar. Is this still an option for dine in?
  • mgore0404
    mgore0404 Posts: 65 Member
    I can understand not wanting to eat there, you have lost so much weight so far. You have obviously put in a lot of effort.

    The only thing I can think of is you have probably been doing this for awhile now and he might be getting a little exhausted and tired of all the restrictions maybe?

    It does sound like he is over reacting just a little bit though saying "he's going to cancel the event" if you don't eat with them, that seems a little childish to me, hopefully he will come around, and maybe you can come to an understanding. Good Luck.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    How about some of the naked wings, or the baked mild wings, veggie lover personal pan pizza? Couldn't you order that for yourself and still have a quality meal with your family?
  • peachstategal
    peachstategal Posts: 398 Member
    I haven't read this whole thread, but, maybe you could eat at home before you go out and leave room for a slice of pizza.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Eat a piece of pizza and move on. He's trying to treat you, accept the fact that men like to women happy.
  • HKSJS
    HKSJS Posts: 23 Member
    Um, get your *kitten* together, eat a piece of pizza, and be hungry for the night. You're being a drama queen and your husband is being reasonable. I don't see the dilemma here.

    It's reasonable to threaten to cancel the meal just because she wants to eat a salad instead of pizza is it? I do hope you're joking.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Um, get your *kitten* together, eat a piece of pizza, and be hungry for the night. You're being a drama queen and your husband is being reasonable. I don't see the dilemma here.

    Ummm no he's not being reasonable. What in the hell will it hurt to stop and get a salad on the way? The dilemma is she doesn't want to eat the damn pizza and I say good for her. She has a goal and she wants to meet it. He should support that and her. When that goal is so close you can touch it and to have it pulled out from under you because hubby is being unreasonable on what she wants. I for would say fine I'll eat before I go and you can sit there and enjoy your food and I'll eat nothing. Or I'd cook my own food and take it, problem solved. But I would NOT give in and eat the pizza
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Um, get your *kitten* together, eat a piece of pizza, and be hungry for the night. You're being a drama queen and your husband is being reasonable. I don't see the dilemma here.

    It's reasonable to threaten to cancel the meal just because she wants to eat a salad instead of pizza is it? I do hope you're joking.

    Yep.

    Strangers on the internetz fighting it out over a disagreement between a married couple over the Choice. Of. Restaurant. FFS

    Here's some vocabulary words to throw at each other: Sabotage, Just, Break, Up, Abuse, Controlling, Bullying, Supportive, and Rage Quit.

    You see it here folks. On MFP.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    It is pretty tacky to bring in food from another restaurant from another. They can kick you out for doing that. Pizza Hut has some salad options. One meal off your plan won't hurt you. It could even help if you have been really strict for a long time. One meal isn't the end of the world. Is it really worth it to alienate your family over a piece of pizza?

    THIS! On occasion we go out to burger king, Mcds ect it has not stopped me one bit in keeping weight off or losing it I just generally order a healthier meal. This is either you and your hubby making a mountain out of a mole hill or there are deeper issues going on. Eating healthy is a life time commitment not a diet full of restrictions, you can have all foods in moderation you just need to be in control. I have never said to my hubby that we cannot eat something or somewhere because I might not be able to stop at just one thing, it is not his job to control how much I eat that is my job so if I know the pizza has 400 cal in it then I will eat just one slice and make myself stop.
  • MIM49
    MIM49 Posts: 255 Member
    I can't get past the part about wanting to meet your daughter and her significant other<3. What a nice event!

    Actually she lives with us (and my granddaughter)> He stays at our place 3 nights a week. She stays at his house Fri & Sat. It is not like we don't see them. When at our house he does the cooking (he likes to cook and is a good cook. However, very high fat/high calorie.) I eat my own meals (usually a piece of meat or fish and veggies or a Lean Cuisine-type dinner with extra chicken.)
    I don't do "cheat meals" per se. We do eat out 1-2 times per week but usually at a place that I can figure a healthy option. I only eat bread once a day--breakfast: light 100 cal Eng. muffin with an eggwhite/mushroom omelette. Other wise pasta/rice in the Lean Cuisine-type meals. Of course I haven't loss 100+ pounds NOT thinking about calories. Basically I had to post this because I was so stunned by his reaction that I needed to say something somehow. Any further attempts to discuss this with him would have ended up in one of those arguments that get entirely off track and nasty things end up being said. I have not "inflicted" my food choices on him or refused to go where he wants to eat. I encourage him to pick where we eat because I usually can find an option for me.
    What is really weird is that if they brought the pizza home and I took a bite or two from a piece he would give me a really dirty look (you would have to see it to understand. When the boyfriend cooks a meal that smells so good that I am salivating I will sometimes take a bite or two and get one of these "looks". I then feel I need to justify myself for taking the bite.)
    Opinions seem to be pretty evenly divided between eating what I prefer or making hubby happy and eating the pizza. Hopefully the salad there has some nice options and I will go for that. Most likely once there and he starts drinking beer with my daughter and her boyfriend (the 3 drink a LOT of beer every night) he won't notice or care what I eat.

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