Eloping, incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish?

My boyfriend and I have wanted to get married for a while but because we are broke we have postponed an engagement and wedding until after we graduate and get real jobs. I woke up today thinking why don't we just take off for the upper peninsula this summer and elope? It's our favorite place on the planet and incredibly beautiful and I know we'd feel right about being married. He thinks its a great idea but has the same worries about the family as I do.
After experiencing weddings as a bridesmaid/maid of honor I have zero desire to shell out tons of money and deal with all the obnoxiousness that comes with decorating and planning a big wedding and reception. The idea of marrying the man of my dreams in the wilderness is so enticing but I just worry about offending our family and friends by not including them. We could invite them because having them there would be amazing and if we chose a tiny church it would be accessible. It would be very low key with a ceremony and just a dinner after but a hassle to most because of the distance. Is it acceptable to invite guests to a wedding roughly a 6/8 hour drive away and not pay for their lodging? Would it be better to not invite anyone at all and keep it a "traditional" elopement?

if I were you, i'd plan a quiet little wedding in the location of your choice, wilderness or not (it's your day), and even work in the theme of eloping into it, but invite everyone you want to be there. tell them you won't be offended if they don't want to drive all that way.

Maybe you can get some cheap accommodation like tents or something. Maybe for elderly relatives something more substantial like a BnB (or the USA equivalent of a BnB if you have them?? it's like someone's house but turned into a mini hotel, where you can get a room and breakfast the next morning (but none of the fancy things you get in hotels), and it's a lot cheaper than staying in an actual hotel)

if there was a ton of family drama and issues with family, then eloping would be understandable but if you generally get on with your family, i think it would cause upset. Many of them probably would be prepared to make the journey. I travelled 3000 miles by plane to go to my brother's wedding (I live abroad and travelled back home for it) and my daughters were flower girls at the wedding. I think your family would be fine with travelling if they really want to be there for you, just make sure it's easy for elderly family members.

It's your wedding, so the location, kind of ceremony and how much you want to spend is absolutely entirely up to you.

Eloping is not selfish! Eloping takes several forms - one is just the two of you. Another form may include your immediate family and a friend or two. Both work. The marriage is between the two of you - nobody else. The wedding is not the marriage. It appears to be more sketchy to show off how big a wedding you can throw and how many people you can invite. I went to one where the bride had two dresses and the party cost a fortune. I think they invited almost 1000 people. The couple divorced three years later.

I did it. I was 34, was estranged from a parent, and didn't need anyone's permission or approval to live my life. Some people may consider that to be lonely, but I did not choose my parents, and most of my friends haven't gotten married at all, so it isn't like I'm the only one who hasn't had a wedding. We went to France for three weeks and I saw places and art that I've always wanted to see. I bonded with my husband instead of stressing over a big party.

This wedding sounds fabulous. A wedding sandwiched in an amazing trip ...

You're 22 - why rush to get married?

because they want to. that's not really your business.

Then why ask people's opinions on a public forum?

Well, to be fair, she didn't ask "I'm 22 years old, do you think I should get married?" now did she?

Everyone matures at a different rate. I met my husband when I was 23 and we've been together for 22 years. Sometimes you just know that you've found the right one.

Frankly I don't think I asked anything all that rude or invasive. People live to be almost a hundred these days - I'm just questioning the decision to commit to something like that at 22.

That's great that it worked out for you, but statistically, it doesn't really tend to work out like that.

You're still missing the point -- OP was not asking for approval for her marriage. She was asking on opinions on how to get married. The initial comment about "rushing to get married" was off-topic, plain and simple.

I didn't really give my approval, I simply asked what the rush was because "giant wedding" and "elope" aren't the only two options here. Don't get me wrong - whether OP stays happily married or gets divorced within a few weeks, my life carries on business as usual. She can do whatever she likes.

But, if she and her boyfriend are still in school, don't really have jobs or careers, could use to save some money, are very young, marriage may not be the most mature, thought-out option right now.

That doesn't mean she has to take my stance into account - she can go right ahead and get married. I just don't see what's wrong with simply being in a relationship while you're still figuring yourself out.

I didn't read all the posts...but how about a compromise between the two extremes? Go elope and have your ceremony in the U.P. YOUR way, (without all the drama) and then have a big, fun party later (closer to home) to celebrate a short time after! You don't have to make it a big fancy hall reception...it can be a barbeque in the summer or something like that...just a good time that doesn't have to cost you a fortune. That way, your family can still celebrate the marriage with you, and you can

Not to sound greedy, but being older and more experienced (and being among the last of my FIFTEEN female cousins to get married), I can tell you that this will be the one shot at registering for wedding gifts and all that stuff (from all the family and friends whose weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, etc, that you have or will be giving gifts to).....so you might want to consider having some kind of reception (but again, it doesn't have to cost a boatload of money).

I don't think eloping is selfish. Having a ridiculously expensive, huge wedding you can't afford because it's your special day is selfish.

^^^This!! It's your wedding, you guys do what you want.

If they don't want to drive the distance, they can say no. And, does everybody you know live in the same town as you? Most people I know would have people coming from all parts of the US.

I would steer away from eloping. I did that and it would have been more meaningful for my husband and I to have celebrated our marriage with our community.

We eloped due to an upcoming deployment/timing/pregnancy...and that's the only thing I regret.

I was 6 months pregnant, no dress, no cake, no family, no dad to walk me down the aisle, no pictures. I look back and just...nope. I wouldn't have done it that way. We were going to have a renewal later but then I got pregnant with twins and the family in general was like..."Why bother? You're already married?" So...ya.

We have lasted though. Been together 10 years, married for 4-1/2. That's my own story though...I just don't like that fact that I have no wedding pictures to show my kids.

You seem to have the reverse problem. If you really want a big beautiful wedding, you can still renew your vows. Again, it's between you and your husband, not the rest of your family.

Similar to my parents... they were 18 & 20, and eloped and THEN told their parents. Did a renewal 2 years later and did a small wedding still.

They said if they could do it over, they would have WAITED until they were older, then still elope because of costs.

My boyfriend and I are doing the same things now - wanting to save for a wedding, but he wants a real job first. I have my real job (as I'm older and was more ready for what I wanted to do). I say screw it and elope, but REALIZE THIS... 22 is VERY YOUNG. I thought I wanted to get married young (20) and do the whole family thing and stay home home mom... I am now 27 and scared to do it all. It's not the picnic it's cracked up to be, I've learned as I get older and things fall more into place (for me) and I hear from friends that have done it.

Some people are ready at 22, others, like me, thought I knew what I wanted and then I grew up and wanted something different.

You do what you want. It's your big day. It's your life. It's your decision. Can you afford the dream wedding? then do it! You can't afford it? don't go broke by trying. My dear friend had her dream wedding because she wanted to be married so bad, she was $80k in debt and divorced in a year, all because she wanted to "live up to her family's standards and be someone's wife before she was 30".

If it's really supposed to be about the two people getting married in the first place, I don't think it's selfish to elope.