Eloping, incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish?

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  • Mimoki
    Mimoki Posts: 115 Member
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    We eloped because we were living overseas in Ireland. We threw a massive party at a club and it was a monday so it was free. We all got so sloshed and piss that both my husband and I ended up at 9 a.m. The following day doing the walk of shame wedding edition lol. It was brilliant! We spent less than a grand for the entire affair. I even photographed and videoed everyone myself lol.

    If you can though you should have your folks there but otherwise its your day, do what ya'll want and enjoy it!
  • LibertyBelle89
    LibertyBelle89 Posts: 275
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    I don't think eloping is selfish. Having a ridiculously expensive, huge wedding you can't afford because it's your special day is selfish.

    ^^^This!! It's your wedding, you guys do what you want.
  • Roll_Tide_Meg
    Roll_Tide_Meg Posts: 255 Member
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    I wanted to elope and my family wanted a wedding so I went half/half and rented a beach house and had a small wedding on the beach. It cost me about 1,000 but nowhere near the 25,000 it was going to cost. It was still beautiful and I have gorgeous pictures because of it. I'm so glad I changed my mind.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    If they don't want to drive the distance, they can say no. And, does everybody you know live in the same town as you? Most people I know would have people coming from all parts of the US.

    I would steer away from eloping. I did that and it would have been more meaningful for my husband and I to have celebrated our marriage with our community.
  • jramirez72
    jramirez72 Posts: 3
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    Same here. My husband and I eloped. Neither of us wanted the big, expensive wedding and figuring out transportation/lodging for out of state relatives. We've been married 32 years and still happy together. That decision will be the least of your worries..want til some of the REAL life changing stuff comes along...
  • jrose1982
    jrose1982 Posts: 366 Member
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    We eloped due to an upcoming deployment/timing/pregnancy...and that's the only thing I regret.

    I was 6 months pregnant, no dress, no cake, no family, no dad to walk me down the aisle, no pictures. I look back and just...nope. I wouldn't have done it that way. We were going to have a renewal later but then I got pregnant with twins and the family in general was like..."Why bother? You're already married?" So...ya.

    We have lasted though. Been together 10 years, married for 4-1/2. That's my own story though...I just don't like that fact that I have no wedding pictures to show my kids.

    You seem to have the reverse problem. If you really want a big beautiful wedding, you can still renew your vows. Again, it's between you and your husband, not the rest of your family.
  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
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    You could still get eloped, then when you're ready to have the big ceremony have it when you want if you want to have a big ceremony

    ^ This is what we did. Married in December '08, wedding was in July '09.

    Eloping is not selfish. ESPECIALLY if you are paying for it. It is your marriage and no one else's.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
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    Similar to my parents... they were 18 & 20, and eloped and THEN told their parents. Did a renewal 2 years later and did a small wedding still.

    They said if they could do it over, they would have WAITED until they were older, then still elope because of costs.

    My boyfriend and I are doing the same things now - wanting to save for a wedding, but he wants a real job first. I have my real job (as I'm older and was more ready for what I wanted to do). I say screw it and elope, but REALIZE THIS... 22 is VERY YOUNG. I thought I wanted to get married young (20) and do the whole family thing and stay home home mom... I am now 27 and scared to do it all. It's not the picnic it's cracked up to be, I've learned as I get older and things fall more into place (for me) and I hear from friends that have done it.

    Some people are ready at 22, others, like me, thought I knew what I wanted and then I grew up and wanted something different.

    You do what you want. It's your big day. It's your life. It's your decision. Can you afford the dream wedding? then do it! You can't afford it? don't go broke by trying. My dear friend had her dream wedding because she wanted to be married so bad, she was $80k in debt and divorced in a year, all because she wanted to "live up to her family's standards and be someone's wife before she was 30".
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    My first love was organization and categorizing, so I love being able to plan a wedding. That being said, I don't want to send out expensive invites that everyone is just going to throw away, nor do I want some designer dress that costs me my first born. I don't want some huge thing, just family that I actually speak to and none of this third cousin, twice removed that I have to invite because she's "family". We actually did toss the idea around about having a little courthouse wedding, but if we do that, knowing both of us want a bit more than that, I think we'll both regret that we never did what we wanted. I don't think it's either incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish. Is it really eloping if you invite people and tell them what you're doing, anyway? :wink:

    I say do what you want. Try to respect others' feelings, but don't let them get in the way of your decisions.
  • xstarxdustx
    xstarxdustx Posts: 591 Member
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    If it's really supposed to be about the two people getting married in the first place, I don't think it's selfish to elope.
  • atrebor18
    atrebor18 Posts: 235 Member
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    I read every single post =) Great advice overall! Thank you!

    I have spent the last few days thinking and praying about having a wedding or not and we have decided to go with the VERY small wedding idea this summer. I found an adorable little church for the ceremony and a B&B we could stay at near by. I want to wear his grandmother's wedding dress (I'm going to try it on tonight, hopefully it works!) and we'll invite our parents, siblings, and very close friends only. I realized how important family is and I couldn't get married without my dad walking me down the aisle and I know they wouldn't want to miss my wedding! Neither of us have credit cards so we'd be paying it all in cash so no after wedding debt! I also want to do the reception/party back home a few weeks later so we can invite everyone else and celebrate with them.

    I know I'm "only 22" but considering our life values and goals together we take marriage very seriously and I know in my heart he is the one for me and we would both love to make that real commitment together. Our pastor has family in the U.P so we are hoping he can come up and marry us or at least recommend someone in the area. I want to do a couple pre-marital counseling sessions as well. We want to finalize the wedding plan soon and then tell our parents. So excited!!

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