It's extremely hard to eat healthy when your hubby doesn't.

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  • plzlbsbegone
    plzlbsbegone Posts: 233
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    My husband hears, "if you want it, make it yourself" a lot!


    This! Tell him if he's not on board, he can do it himself!
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    Being "that husband" at one time, I'll offer my unwanted $.02. At no point did I ever "make" my wife make breakfast, lunch or dinner. When she was cooking and asked me what I wanted, I would tell her. If she was on some sort of restrictive diet, then she would end up making two different things. My take on it is this, if you don't want to cook me something different, don't ask me what I want. If I don't want what she's cooking, I know where the kitchen is. I was not about to jump on the bandwagon of restrictive diets and selective foods.

    Having said all that, I'll say this, I told my wife when she started eating regular food in moderation and exercising, I would be happy to join her and support her. Well...that's how I ended up here...and I have no regrets.

    I don't want a black bean brownie, I don't want fake replacement food, I want real food. But...I'm also responsible for my calorie intake, not my wife, not my MFP friends, not my mom, not my son...nobody but me.

    If you "have" to cook for your husband, then either figure out a way to add the pancakes into your goals, or have him cook for himself. If cooking for himself is not an option and the pancakes don't fit your goals, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him about your goals and what he can do to help you reach them. But, be able to discuss them without the "you're just trying to sabotage me" attitude. You may not have the same goals as your husband, and he may not have the same goals as you, but until you have a discussion with him and not people on the internet, you can't resolve what you feel is an issue. We can't help you.
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
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    My soon to be ex wife was an active participant in sabotaging my push to be healthier. Not only was she not interested in doing the same but I was always catching crap for having some ulterior motive.


    Won't happen again.
  • paday
    paday Posts: 24 Member
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    I agree with the poster about making healthier versions of pancakes. I'm an "in moderation" person. I don't think you're ever going to get anywhere if you can't eat the things you love in moderation. One of the bonds my husband and I share is food. We cook new recipes together and drool over Food Network shows together, etc. We used to eat fast food all the time but now we try to make healthier versions of the same foods at home. But if I want a pancake, I'm eating one. I'm going to enjoy every single morsel and not feel guilty afterwards. You shouldn't either.

    One other thing, when I devote myself hardcore to exercising and eating healthily, my husband generally comes around. It may take a month or so but then I notice he starts coming on runs with me sometimes or eating an apple instead of chips for a snack or doing push-ups/pull-ups at random times. I don't know how long you've been on your journey to health and fitness but it may be that in time your husband will join you on your quest.
  • shellyb17
    shellyb17 Posts: 144 Member
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    My family loves their pancakes too...the compromise we have is if I am making them pancakes, then they are going to be whole grain pancakes! They actually love them, especially with blueberries mixed in. We have them every Sunday.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I see both sides of this.

    I am lucky that my husband is perfectly content to eat a PB sandwich if he doesn't like what I make. I try and compromise and make something I do think he will like but is also healthy and works for my wants and needs.

    BUT, if willpower were THAT easy, few of us would be here, right? So there are things that I just have to avoid making or having in the house, else I would lose my mind and go face first into a bag of chips and dips. So I get the "can't eat a pancake" argument if it's one of those things you can't have self control with.

    Work on finding things that he likes that also fits into your plan. A meat, a veggie, then maybe a starch for him that you can skip. Find a way to work those things into your diary that you like, like those pancakes.

    it's NOT easy. If it were then questions like this would never be asked. Start with small changes and just keep at it. Good luck.
  • 78brownie_wechanged
    78brownie_wechanged Posts: 291
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    My little rant. Take this morning for instance. I usually have a green smoothie for breakfast, but hubby wants buttermilk pancakes, so I'm cooking pancakes. I can't fix pancakes and not eat one, it's just too hard. I don't have that kind of will power, at least not yet. So oh well, all I know is I'll just have to try to eat good the rest of the day. I'll have my smoothie & hard boiled egg for lunch and fix chicken breast for dinner. Food is the toughest thing for me to deal with, especially when hubby is always eating bad stuff in front of me or having me fix it.

    I know its harder but you have to want it more. Don't blame the rest of the world. You control you.

    This ➚
    I personally don't see anything wrong with pancakes but if you feel uncomfortable or its a trigger food I wouldn't prepare it. You have to want this bad enough to have that willpower and he has to want those pancakes bad enough to cook them his self. If he prepares them himself would you be tempted by the scent or just knowing they're there?
    You would talk to him. Maybe agree on a certain day you make pancakes. I'm not in your shoes so I'm not sure if anything posted would help your situation. Here we eat the same thing. Or you fend for yourself.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    All of you people saying negative things like "take responsibility for your own intake" and "sounds like an excuse, just blame the husband" really need to get a life. I'm not even married, and sometimes it's hard for me not to cheat when my boyfriend always wants to. The forums aren't made for all this negativity--aren't they for SUPPORT?

    I just wanted to say solidarity sister--good job on only having one pancake, and all you can do is keep making healthy decisions for you as much as possible and hope that the trickle down affects him or that he decides himself to follow suit.

    BOO YOU HATERS. People are human! lol. :)

    It's not negativity. It's tough love. Some people need to be told that they are looking at things wrong. Blaming the husband is the wrong outlook. She needs to look inward and find her will power and motivation, especially since she feels she has to cook her husband a separate meal for breakfast.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I can't fix pancakes and not eat one, it's just too hard.

    Okay, this is going to be a tough love moment because I completely respect the fact that you have at very least signed up for this website. But until you get rid of the mindset that just because something is there, you have to eat it, you cannot and will not be successful at this. Find the willpower. Seriously, they're just pancakes. Stop giving inanimate objects so much control over you.

    And don't blame your husband. That's defeatist, and that ain't gonna make the scale move.
  • Jimaudit
    Jimaudit Posts: 275
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    Eat 1 pancake without syrup...A little spray butter and sugar free jam makes the pancake around 90 cals....what's wrong with that? Screw the shake, have 2 of those and you are good til lunch for 200 cals!
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    Don't cook him breakfast? Hand him a protein bar instead. Maybe he'll get the hint.

    How on earth is a protein bar any better than a pancake?

    One, it is pre-made so she doesn't have to cook anything for him, and two, I eat a protein bar for breakfast because I need that protein for my nutrition goals. It's 200 calories and easy to eat at work. I don't wake up in time to cook breakfast. I don't see it as a bad thing.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking protein bars. I eat them all the time when I get hungry and don't have time to cook. I'm just hoping that you're not suggesting that they're any healthier than pancakes.

    Also. This is the nutrition info for your average blue berry pancake (my personal favourite) which is weighed at 38 grams.

    http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/baked-products/5062/2

    With a scoop of whey protein in there I'm willing to bet it doesn't differ greatly from your protein bar other than that it probably tastes better.
  • 78brownie_wechanged
    78brownie_wechanged Posts: 291
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    All of you people saying negative things like "take responsibility for your own intake" and "sounds like an excuse, just blame the husband" really need to get a life. I'm not even married, and sometimes it's hard for me not to cheat when my boyfriend always wants to. The forums aren't made for all this negativity--aren't they for SUPPORT?

    I just wanted to say solidarity sister--good job on only having one pancake, and all you can do is keep making healthy decisions for you as much as possible and hope that the trickle down affects him or that he decides himself to follow suit.

    BOO YOU HATERS. People are human! lol. :)

    You mad?
  • iecreamheadaches
    iecreamheadaches Posts: 441 Member
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    I used to have a similar problem, but then I realized that things in moderation are okay. I've also gotten past the struggle to resist eating crap even if my boyfriend does. Like this morning for example, he was hungry and wanted mcdonalds breakfast menu, so over to good ole mickey d's we went, we got him something to eat but I decided on eating something from home instead.
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
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    Being "that husband" at one time, I'll offer my unwanted $.02. At no point did I ever "make" my wife make breakfast, lunch or dinner. When she was cooking and asked me what I wanted, I would tell her. If she was on some sort of restrictive diet, then she would end up making two different things. My take on it is this, if you don't want to cook me something different, don't ask me what I want. If I don't want what she's cooking, I know where the kitchen is. I was not about to jump on the bandwagon of restrictive diets and selective foods.

    Having said all that, I'll say this, I told my wife when she started eating regular food in moderation and exercising, I would be happy to join her and support her. Well...that's how I ended up here...and I have no regrets.

    I don't want a black bean brownie, I don't want fake replacement food, I want real food. But...I'm also responsible for my calorie intake, not my wife, not my MFP friends, not my mom, not my son...nobody but me.

    If you "have" to cook for your husband, then either figure out a way to add the pancakes into your goals, or have him cook for himself. If cooking for himself is not an option and the pancakes don't fit your goals, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him about your goals and what he can do to help you reach them. But, be able to discuss them without the "you're just trying to sabotage me" attitude. You may not have the same goals as your husband, and he may not have the same goals as you, but until you have a discussion with him and not people on the internet, you can't resolve what you feel is an issue. We can't help you.

    This exactly!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    All of you people saying negative things like "take responsibility for your own intake" and "sounds like an excuse, just blame the husband" really need to get a life. I'm not even married, and sometimes it's hard for me not to cheat when my boyfriend always wants to. The forums aren't made for all this negativity--aren't they for SUPPORT?

    I just wanted to say solidarity sister--good job on only having one pancake, and all you can do is keep making healthy decisions for you as much as possible and hope that the trickle down affects him or that he decides himself to follow suit.

    BOO YOU HATERS. People are human! lol. :)

    That isn't 'hating', it's called tough love. If more people would tell it like it is then maybe people (in general) wouldn't get so wrapped up in how difficult they think their lives are. They'd realize life is tough for everyone and we just have to learn to work through it and ask for advice when we run into trouble. Coddling doesn't help.

    To the OP. Good for you for limiting yourself to one pancake. One pancake isn't bad at all, should be easy to work in to your daily calories. Now you just need to figure out how to deal with temptation. One thing that works, depending on your spouse's temperament, is to simply cook healthy food that you think your husband will like as well and just serve it. You're happy, he's probably happy if you take his likes/dislikes into account and it's less temptation for you. But, you'll never get him to stop eating tempting food around you - that's not realistic - so you'd better learn to cope.
  • MeanSophieCat
    MeanSophieCat Posts: 200 Member
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    I struggled when my husband and I started living together. While not overweight, because of his height, muscle mass, and activtity level, he could eat incredible quantities of food. His TDEE was over 4000. He pretty much ate all day long. It was hard for me to start saying no to meals with him. I still struggle with it. I frequently watch him eat and "enjoy" my water.

    I don't have an easy solution. Just a change in mindset. You won't always eat what or when he eats. If it helps, put him in charge of his own food. Save pancakes (or the like) for a weekend breakfast followed by some exercise you can do together - even just a long walk. Give him some incentive by telling him that thinner, fitter people "get busy" more often.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
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    Nothing wrong with a pancake. I made my hubby and myself one for breakfast this morning. It was an oat bran pancake with a few blueberries topped with a few strawberries and sugar free fat free syrup. Fit right into my plan for the day. Don't make excuses.....I've lost 60 lbs and I have ate pancakes doing it. It is a matter of how you fix it and what you have with it and what you eat the rest of the day. It is all about planning.

    Just my 2 cents worth.
  • beckystahnke
    beckystahnke Posts: 41 Member
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    Is he incapable of making his own breakfast? Just saying...

    This isn't meant to be rude, but when I found out I had several food allergies, I wasn't going to just make my husband a grilled cheese sandwich while I make myself a bowl of quinoa, beans, and veggies. Now we've gotten to the point where he either loves what I make or I just make myself dinner and I don't worry about what he's doing. That's his responsibility. We both like it this way a lot more. He's responsible for his needs and I'm responsible for mine, and once in a while we both eat the same dinner. It's really less complicated than people think it is.
  • sleepingtodream
    sleepingtodream Posts: 304 Member
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    Do you want the keep the weight off for good?

    This is one of the toughest, but it's the very first problem you'll have to deal with.

    Yes, we do control our environment at home, but at some point, we're going to have go out and eat with relatives, coworkers, and lots of other people who don't really know or care if you are trying to lose weight. You might walk around a city block with lots of people eating lots of horrible stuff, and so on. You might walk into a bakery or grocery store. Will you fall apart then?

    Might I suggest a bit of a perspective change? Consider this the very first "head game" you need to overcome. Consider your husband's own eating habits as a friendly opponent, sort of like a soccer scrimmage game, rather than someone trying to sabotage you. Because it's only going to get harder.

    These are the mental habits that will decide if you have long-term success or not. Sometimes the folks here can be a bit blunt when pointing it out, but mostly because they've been there themselves and realize that this is what people usually need to hear.

    Like some of the others, I lost the weight totally independent of how others eat, including those in my family. Yes, it stinks turning down that 1,500-calorie Blizzard that everyone else is having, but with a bit of a mental shift, I learned to allow myself that small 300-cal ice-cream dish, enjoy it, and fit it all in.

    I like this! There are always going to be temptations but it's figuring out how to get through them long term that is important. Make an active decision to not give in to the pancakes (at least sometimes) and you might just suprise yourself finding willpower you said you didn't have!
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    All of you people saying negative things like "take responsibility for your own intake" and "sounds like an excuse, just blame the husband" really need to get a life. I'm not even married, and sometimes it's hard for me not to cheat when my boyfriend always wants to. The forums aren't made for all this negativity--aren't they for SUPPORT?

    I just wanted to say solidarity sister--good job on only having one pancake, and all you can do is keep making healthy decisions for you as much as possible and hope that the trickle down affects him or that he decides himself to follow suit.

    BOO YOU HATERS. People are human! lol. :)

    You're right.

    The forums are here for support. Especially when you and your boyfriend are looking to cheat.

    Next time that happens please drop me a line.

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