It's extremely hard to eat healthy when your hubby doesn't.



  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
    Look, this is not meant to come off as mean or rude, but I'm going to be blunt.

    You cannot blame your hubby (or anyone else around you for that matter), for the choices that YOU make. If you continue to do that, you'll probably never succeed. The actions you make, the food you choose to eat....that's all in your control. You have to decide what you want to do, you can't let other people's choices have control over yours.

    I live with my boyfriend and for the most part he eats/drinks pretty horribly, and hates working out. If I let his actions have control over my fitness/nutrition decisions....I would never succeed. It's my choice what I eat and when I workout, no one else's.
  • victoriousO
    victoriousO Posts: 63 Member
    Yes, I am in awe of what my husband can eat but he works a physical job and is normally thin so I can't eat what he eats. Over the years he is eating healthier because of me but it hasn't made a big difference in our lives. I would really encourage you to get foods that both of you can eat and he will just eat more. Just a thought.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    My husband does not eat healthy at all and has been less than supportive of what I am doing, however... The bottom line is this YOU and only YOU are accountable for what you put in your body. I make breakfast usually 3 times every day. (My kids get up at different times for school) I am almost always making pancakes or waffles or toast and frying eggs and bacon. If i feel like eating it... I do. If I feel like its not worth it that day... I don't. But I certainly never blame my kids for wanting those things for breakfast. The first thing I had to learn was accountability. I always had an excuse... I had 2 babies in 1 year(not twins 11 months apart both c-sections and mind you this was 5/6 years ago) How can I be expected to exercise?? I am too busy, its too hard, I don't have the stamina or willpower.... blah blah blah. Well guess what? It is way harder to be fat! I hate every day of it!! I want to go up in the play place at mcdonalds and get my kids if they get hurt.... I want to run around at the park with them, I want to play soccer with them, I want to ride bikes with them! I want to buy clothes that don't look like I am trying to hide something (because I am) I want to buy a Medium shirt... So since I want want want... I work work work my *kitten* off. I have lost 27 lbs and am no where near done, but it is MY RESPONSIBILITY and no one elses what I do with this body ive been given... It is a gift and I have started treating it as such.

    I agree totally with this extremley smart and awesome woman! :flowerforyou:

    I agree, too. Well said.
  • gaylynn35
    gaylynn35 Posts: 854 Member
    I have the same problem at my house!

    My SO and my son are always getting junk food, eating hot dogs, brownies, cakes, chips and so many more items that I don't want to eat. He went to the store a few days ago and got absolutely nothing that I wanted to eat.

    Last night I went to the store with him and I picked out a lot of good food, turkey bacon, eggs, grapes, bananas, salad, spinach, avocado's, onions, tomatoes, just to name a few. He said that all of that stuff cost way too much money. I looked at him and said "Do you want me to stay fat for the rest of my life?" He said no, but that the healthy foods cost too much.

    I eat breakfast after he leaves for work so that and lunch are easy ones as long as I have the food I need in the house. Dinner is a chore for me too, as he always wants potatoes, rice, rolls, bread, butter and full on flour tortilla's. Sometimes I eat about a 1/4 of a cup of something if I really want it, if not I just skip it and eat something healthier.

    Good Luck to you, it does get easier.
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
    It gets easier! Most nights I am cooking 2 different meals... for my partner and kids and then something healthier for me. I have gotten used to it. And he brings in bad foods into the house all the time. Sure tests my will power daily!

    Not understanding why you don't want your kids to eat "something healthier" too?

    I don't cook 2 different meals. As example I'll roast a chicken and choose not to have (or have a small portion) of the mashed potatoes and gravy and instead eat more of the veggies & salad.

    Can you give an example of the 2 different meals you make?
  • chuckd43
    chuckd43 Posts: 7 Member
    I just want to say if you are drinking green smoothie & eating a hard boiled egg for lunch then it's no wonder you want what hubby is having. I prefer to eat real food just less of it. If you eat a pancake - Enjoy it - log it & move on. You could also make extra & freeze them so hubby can have it when you don't feel like cooking.

    I think of this as a way of life & if I am depriving myself & not enjoying what I'm eating then I'm not living. So I will have what everyone else is having but less of it :) Good Luck
  • apcartwright
    apcartwright Posts: 27 Member
    I have the same problem, my husband cooked supper last night and asked me what I wanted, I said salmon, he wanted breaded cod so I said we'll do both, then he wanted fries I said fine, I will cook mine in the oven you can have them in the deep fryer and then he bought peas in the box smothered in butter, I picked a few from the edge before he mixed it all together, now he is cooking ribs for supper tonight, I have been doing mine without barbeque sauce but he has plastered them all in sauce, thank goodness he does not do all the cooking I would never have a chance.
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
    Have you tried sipping your smoothie while cooking the pancake?

    Or moving him over to buckwheat pancakes with fruit rather than a standard box mix or white flour homemade version (if that is what you are using?)

    I slowly started cooking with cleaner ingredients to get my husband used to them and now he can't even eat the other stuff.
    Buckwheat pancakes are so delicious! Now you have me craving them! MMMMM....
  • I know it sounds harsh, but this is bull. No matter what my husband eats (which is mostly things I don't eat on the regular) I have control of what I put in my mouth. Whether your husband wanted pancakes of not, you didn't have to eat it if you felt you really didn't want to.
  • All of you people saying negative things like "take responsibility for your own intake" and "sounds like an excuse, just blame the husband" really need to get a life. I'm not even married, and sometimes it's hard for me not to cheat when my boyfriend always wants to. The forums aren't made for all this negativity--aren't they for SUPPORT?

    I just wanted to say solidarity sister--good job on only having one pancake, and all you can do is keep making healthy decisions for you as much as possible and hope that the trickle down affects him or that he decides himself to follow suit.

    BOO YOU HATERS. People are human! lol. :)

    Everything I have so far is not people being "haters" or being "negative. It is the truth even if it's hard.
  • KimberlyAndrews1
    KimberlyAndrews1 Posts: 87 Member
    Sorry to have started such a controversial topic. I take all your comments seriously. I don't mind cooking for hubby, as I only work occasional part time and he works full time and he cooks me breakfast every Sunday and occasionally (not very often though) takes me out to dinner. I do wish he'd be a little more understanding about my trying to eat healthy, but he's not willing to compromise at all, I've tried. And in addition, I have to be smart and careful with what I buy because we don't have the extra money to spend. As far as fixing dinner, I don't feel it is a woman's duty, but rather a choice and agreement within the family. And it is true, I do have to take accountability for my own actions, that being said, I had a pancake. My calorie intake will still be under my limit if I follow my plan the rest of the day. Don't want to feel deprived. Baby steps. The smoothie and egg will be fine for lunch b/c the pancake made me feel full. Plus trying to drink more water. I don't eat like that all the time. I just like to have what I want some of the time. I'm not looking to be a fitness buff or anything like that. My will power is better than it was, so it's just a slow process of getting there 100%. Again, thanks for all your comments!
  • bbbrittingham
    bbbrittingham Posts: 7 Member
    ugh. people on here are so grossly judgmental. We don't know the dynamics of her family. I love everyone preaching that she is "not a short order cook"... but what if that is the family dynamic ("traditional" gender roles) that works for them? My husband and I have adopted traditional gender roles because it's what suits our particular set of values, and I get a great deal of satisfaction out of cooking meals for him that he enjoys. (FWIW, I'm also a successful professional who averages 11 hour work days, so a prime example that there are modern women out there who still enjoy traditional roles at home)


    I do agree that OP has to be accountable for her own actions, but she acknowledges that. I know how hard willpower can be when my husband has a pig out session, or even just generally scoops up larger portions than I can have (but that I seriously want!). I would suggest working towards healthier recipes of the things he loves. I make these pancakes and use SF syrup, and we love them: (add cinnamon & vanilla). Or, would your husband be agreeable to making pancakes a weekend only treat? Also, make silver dollar size instead of average size pancake. He can still eat as much as he wants, but you can still have 1 without feeling as guilty.

    My guy likes eggs and meat for breakfast, so we've switched to egg whites and turkey sausage. Sometimes with a whole wheat english muffin.

    I know it can be hard to shift the eating mentality of others, but if your husband is willing to work with you it will benefit you both in the long run.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    It's not a big deal to have a pancake, you CAN eat the same foods as he does, just not the same portion. Take it upon yourself to cook better options, and better yet for the both of you. As long as you do your workouts and eat better meals for the rest of the day, it's ok, food is not your enemy. Don't expect eating better to be easy, especially when you have a spouse that may not care as much for the better route.
  • karendee4
    karendee4 Posts: 558 Member
    First of all, thank you so much for all your replies. If I follow my plan for today, I should still be calorie deficient. I don't want to say I can't have something and deprive myself, that's just setting myself up for failure realistically. And yes, somethings can be fixed healthier, but I have yet to ever taste anything healthier that tasted as good as the original. I know I should have more will power and probably in a little more time I will, but right now I am still new to this and it's not like I'm eating pancakes every day. I do have some will power, but it's a work in progress. Plus, I deal with other personal issues in my life that make all this harder for me than the average person. I'm not looking to drop 100 pounds, probably 40 at the most, but at least 25-30. I am going to try to do the best that I can do, but I'm not going to make myself miserable either. Small changes as I go. And yes, I don't think one small pancake one day is gonna kill me. Again, thank you for all your comments, I really appreciate them!

    My tastes started to change and the healthy versions actually do taste better to me. You may feel that way too some day!

    Good luck!
  • livclvrt
    livclvrt Posts: 33 Member
    Can't agree with this more! My boyfriend is trying to gain weight, I'm sat munching a salad and he's got a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, how is that fair!? Then he tells me to stop being boring, and that 'one won't hurt'.

  • chaosbutterfly
    chaosbutterfly Posts: 71 Member
    This is one of the big reasons why I had to move out of my parents' home and into my own apartment.

    No one at home eats healthily and there's junk food all over the place. My siblings are also very big on buying takeout and sodas and stuff like that.
    They don't care about healthy stuff or have any real respect for my weight loss. When I'm peacefully trying to eat my salad and drink my water, they're waving cookies and candies in my face, talking about "just have one just have one, no one ever got fat from one cookie or one candy or one hamburger."
    But for me, one turns into two because it tastes so good, and then I have one more because it couldn't hurt and I hate odd numbers so let me just have one more and before I know it, I've overdone it.
    I know that I can't control myself so I really can't be surrounded by things that don't fit into my plan day in and day out. Once in a while is okay, but I can't keep them in the house. I just don't have that kind of willpower, and I don't think I will ever form it. To me, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you figure out how to work around it.

    Moving is obviously not an option for OP, but I guess I'm just saying that I understand and feel for her.
    I guess my advice would be to make yourself a small pancake. Whole grain if you can.
    Then eat it nice and slowly, and savor every bite as much as possible. Then move on with your day. It won't derail you, you can have your pancake, he can have his, and everyone will be happy.
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,094 Member
    Eat 1 pancake without syrup...A little spray butter and sugar free jam makes the pancake around 90 cals....what's wrong with that? Screw the shake, have 2 of those and you are good til lunch for 200 cals!

    You meant 5 right?
  • scookiemonster
    scookiemonster Posts: 175 Member
    And yes, somethings can be fixed healthier, but I have yet to ever taste anything healthier that tasted as good as the original.

    Then you need to get better recipes.

    I've tasted plenty of things that were just as good as (sometimes better than) the originals. It sounds like you're still at the beginning of this journey, and that's fine - we all have to start at step 1 and work our way up. However, if you're ready to commit to this for good, then learn to experiment with healthier options, try new things, and seek out new ways of eating. Be proactive in what you want. It won't all work out, but that's the point in trying new things - you'll find what works for you. However, walking in with the assumption that you'll never have something as good as the junky version you're used to is just setting yourself up for failure. Keep trying. You may be surprised what you'll find. The longer I cook for myself and try other options, the less the old ones appeal to me. After all, plain old pancakes get awfully boring once you've tried coconut flour lemon poppy pancakes or almond meal pancakes or, even better, almond meal WAFFLES. With fresh strawberry sauce. Holy crap. Why would I ever go back to boring old white flour pancakes with crappy fake pancake syrup?

    (By the way, a pancake or two isn't that high in calories anyway, if you keep the syrup in check. For me, the problem is more that I can eat a thousand calories worth of pancakes and be hungry again an hour later because there's nothing in them but sugar, and it does nothing to actually fill me up in any sort of long term sense. Therefore, even though the pancakes themselves might be fine, I eat more calories that day because I end up ravenously hungry way too soon. They're basically just wasted calories for me. The recipes I've found to replace them don't necessarily have less calories per pancake, they just have more staying power so I don't need to eat again so soon. And probably a little bit more nutritional value.)

    You can do this. Ask your husband for support. Tell him you need to cut back on the pancakes for a while, and maybe try a few alternative options. My husband was skeptical at first of my "experiments," but we've had enough of them be successful that now he gets excited when I'm trying something new. I think we eat way better now than we ever did before when I was just cooking the same old conventional crap.

    And, yeah, if he doesn't like what you're cooking, he can make himself a bowl of cereal. There is a point where you have to draw the line. In my experience, when offered that alternative, the husbands tend to jump on board anyway.
  • laele75
    laele75 Posts: 283 Member
    If a pancake will blow your macros, then you need to use less syrup or butter. Or make healthier pancakes.

    I can sympathize with you to an extent. My son is a picky eater who desperately needs to gain weight (if I could give him some of what I need to lose, the world would be a great place. Unfortunately, doesn't work that way.). He wanted hamburgers for dinner. The hamburger he eats is 72% lean. Which is way too many calories and sodium for me. Instead of selfishly insisting he eats something he doesn't like (which won't work anyway), I simply cooked one patty of his hamburger and made myself a low cal, low sodium patty melt with my 91% lean hamburger patties. Everybody's happy, got fed and got what they needed. And it was five more damned minutes of my time.

    I don't want his crap, especially after a few months of cleaning it. When I am tempted by it, I take one half portion or third portion, which is usually more than enough to remind me of why I had no problem giving it up in the first place. You can have a pancake every once in awhile without hurting yourself. This is only as hard as you make it.
  • maggs155
    maggs155 Posts: 258
    Offer to make your husband whatever you are making for yourself, a green smoothie....if he doesn't want that, he's on his own. You aren't a make-to-order cook!
    I guess im old fashion i think u should make the breakfast ur husband wants. You just have to learn that temptation will always be around. And if u do want one pancake just have it. Better than gorging on them later.