A man says "need time" ... question for the men

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  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    It's only been 7 months. If he 'needs space' in the first year my feeling is that it's not right. That's the bit where you're totally into each other and want to spend all your time in bed together.
    That's just from my experience not an actual representation of what might be going on in the relationship of two people I don't know.
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,723 Member
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    “abandon your girlfriend”

    Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.

    You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?

    Wait, Tyler are you leaving me? WHAT DID I DO!? COME BACK!

    WTH?? Tyler, you said i was the only one! Lair!!
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    “abandon your girlfriend”

    Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.

    well said... just give him a bit of time... maybe you guys got too close too quick!
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    Seems like a test to me....give him the space, as hard as it feels. Go on with your life, and when he contacts you again, YOU get to decide if you want to pursue something with him or you're done. Maybe he is a game player and this is a way to make YOU want him more...Idk...I've seen it all. My gut tells me that he is pushing you away for a reason...that reason undoubtable is he wants to see someone else, but I don't know that.

    Best advice I can give is to do your own thing, love yourself and keep your eyes and heart open to something new. Excellent advice, hard to take...I know, I wish I would take it myself.

    :flowerforyou:
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    He's probably breaking up with you.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
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    “abandon your girlfriend”

    Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.

    You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?
    I just need some time...
    ...to spend with my other man.
  • kmorales_4
    kmorales_4 Posts: 208 Member
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    Take time to work on you too. Discover who you are and how you feel when he's not around. We all loose a little of ourselves when we're with someone to become an US, so much that we forget who we are as an individual. Work on that individual. Sign up for pilates, yoga, cooking class, whatever, just do something for you. When you reunite to discuss the matter you may discover that you too may have needed that time as well.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
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    Well he is just a boyfriend, he's not your husband so...give him a little time, sure. But he doesn't get to decide YOUR life, you do! You decide how much time you want to give him and stick to it. 2 weeks? a month? 3? It's up to you! Me personally I would say Ok, you don't want to break up, well I do because in a relationship we work through things together! I will give you all the space you need, see ya later! But that's just me. As a young woman I wasted time allowing others to trifle with me and affect my life plans; waiting on them to decide what they wanted to do. Luckily I got my head on straight while I was still young so didn't waste too much time.

    After you decide how much time you're willing to give him, tell him and stick to it. You have the right not to have your love life put on hold.

    Well said.
  • piinchi
    piinchi Posts: 172 Member
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    Every time I've had a guy say this in the past, or I've said it to a guy myself, it usually precludes breaking up. Usually its because the person saying it isn't sure how they feel about the commitment; 7 months is a pretty make it or break it time period, long enough to know if you stick around it will become long-term, but short enough that if you break it off usually both people have a good chance of recovering emotionally. I know when I've said it its because the guy was moving way faster than I was ready to, and I found myself pulling away further. The more he pushed the further away I got, until I just ended it. So it may be true he just has a lot going on, and needs his space, but the more you push for it the further away he may go. It sucks, but in general when the going gets tough, we want to be closer to those who we feel love for, not further away.
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
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    Normally, guys don't do the whole double meaning thing. They say what they mean and us women tend to over analyze what they say.

    This... Guys are pretty straight up with stuff. Give him some time, but be there for him if he needs.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    i've heard this before. i totally get it. it makes sense to me coming from someone who is not happy with themselves and doesn't want anyone else to suffer for it.

    i've even sort of been there myself: i'm not living up to my own expectations/standards, i'm not happy with myself and with the choices i've been making lately, i'm disctracted and scattered, i don't know how to feel about this or that, i need to focus and get my *kitten* together, etc et al and A) i need time and space to do that and B) i don't want to bring you down with my disorganization until i stabilize. and the whole "I still care about you and don't want to break up" deal--either it's legit or its not.

    myofibril hit the nail on the head vis a vis this point.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
    Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."

    You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,
    :laugh: :laugh:
    LOL because ^^this^^ can help if he does care.

    Seriously tho, give him the space and concentrate on yourself.

    You people give me grief on my suggestion. But really dating is a game. The most deadliest of games.
    Also whats wrong with going out with friends and having a good time. He gets his alone time. Its also strategically set up to let him know that you are not a stage 5 clinger. When he asks WHO was that for? Just tell him the name of another girl and say you were sooo drunk you don't even remember. This lets him know you are a fun time. That you have fun friends, and he can be part of that life too. Its just a good thing I have a ring on my finger now because I am just like a stealthy ninja.
    Its war, do you want him back or feel good with your inner child.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I had a guy I kinda liked that I went on a few dates with .....he seemed nice but we didn't really get serious....so it's a different situation than yours.

    however he said he needed time and I gave him time, however it didn't hurt me to do so. I shrugged it off pretty quickly. I also went out with other men and as a result found my current SO and am very deeply in love.

    he has recently come back saying he made a mistake asking for time and would like another chance.

    He lost. That simple.

    Give him time. it may be really what he needs. Don't contact him. Live your life and have fun.

    What will be, will be. no matter how it turns out.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    “abandon your girlfriend”

    Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.

    You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?
    I just need some time...
    ...to spend with my other man.

    Finally....I've been waiting long enough
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    As many have said, this is hard to say without knowing either of you. I can say that if I man wants to stray, he usually will either end things or do it behind your back, not take a "time out" without breaking up. It seems like he may really just need to figure out a direction for his life with the new job, kids, relationship and anything else. Maybe he wants to figure if he is ready for marriage, could be job related - wanting a new field. Anything. Just give him the space with maybe an occasional message to let you know he is in your thoughts and you support him. Do this as long as you can (no more than a month - most guys should be able to figure things out by then and you don't want your life on infinite hold either). You want to give him the space but also look out for yourself. You seem like a nice and attractive girl so if he can't determine that he needs to see and be with you soon, it might not be for the best. Either way, I hope things work out for you. Best of luck. :wink:
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    It's a code that says he wants to see other women.


    Don't chase him!!!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    It's a code that says he wants to see other women.


    Don't chase him!!!

    Yea, because then you do become the Stage 5 Clinger and NO ONE wants THAT girl. No one.
  • ice1200s
    ice1200s Posts: 237 Member
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    Things that come to mind.
    1.) He's shopping around, or has found somebody, and wants you to still be available as a plan B.
    2.) He's trying to break up in steps.
    3.) He really just needs some time.
    I agree with most, but not all, of what supplemama posted; particularly that a limit needs to be set.
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
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    Think about this logically.

    If he really wants time, he'll get it. Either you give to him, or he'll break up with you eventually for not respecting his space. I get that feels weird if he said it out of the blue when nothing was going on. Just let him know how you're feeling, give him some space, and perhaps re-evaluate your expectations of the relationship. Depending how much space he needs it may not be fair to you and you should move on, but you won't know that until it happens, if it happens.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
    Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."

    You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,
    :laugh: :laugh:
    LOL because ^^this^^ can help if he does care.

    Seriously tho, give him the space and concentrate on yourself.

    You people give me grief on my suggestion. But really dating is a game. The most deadliest of games.
    Also whats wrong with going out with friends and having a good time. He gets his alone time. Its also strategically set up to let him know that you are not a stage 5 clinger. When he asks WHO was that for? Just tell him the name of another girl and say you were sooo drunk you don't even remember. This lets him know you are a fun time. That you have fun friends, and he can be part of that life too. Its just a good thing I have a ring on my finger now because I am just like a stealthy ninja.
    Its war, do you want him back or feel good with your inner child.

    Honestly, this isn't a bad idea... but for the most part, I think you should just let him be.

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